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unusualsuspects

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About unusualsuspects

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 09/23/1977

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    San Jose, CA

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    unusualsuspects

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  1. EXACTLY ! Well, I don't get to engage in hot and heavy sex with Mrs. CXXC () but you know what I mean. Thank you for your list, I will try some of those instead of the usual building of a mashed-potato sculpture of the alien-landing site.
  2. My wife is going on a date later with a new fella; this happens maybe every couple months or so. I usually get some combination of giddy/nervous/horny whenever this happens, so I feel I need to program things to keep my mind occupied or else I'll probably snap and call or text her or otherwise be bouncing off the walls. Any suggestions? I know when she gets back she'll want to play with me, so I'll do some date-prep (shaving, fresh sheets, mood music), but I'm wondering what others do to keep occupied minds. Maybe I'll try the chat room this evening after 7 Pacific. :-)
  3. the big thing for my wife in this regard was her feeling comfortable admitting to me that she was attracted to others. It's not just the cock, remember, it's the looks, the flirtation, the eye contact, the kissing, etc. I made the assumption that I think you are making that it's primarily about the sex. Don't jump all the way into the deep end. One thing to do, and this might be hard for you at first, is play the "rating game" while out with your spouse and just point at guys to find her "type" and maybe vice versa. Now, I will admit this isn't representative since it's just physical, but it will get her (and you) more tuned to what each other wants plus open a line of communication that's sexy, and involving sexy thoughts into communication should help things along. Good luck, and welcome to the board!
  4. We're on baycouples (SF bay area focused, though there are some outliers) lifestylelounge (seems ok, though low hit rate so far) swinglifestyle (just joined) Other than these and this site definitely get ahold of the podcasts swingercast and the savage lovecast. Swingercast is a couple (John and Allie) who do trip reports and interviews with other swingers and is great for hearing a very human side of the swinging. Savage Lovecast is the podcast version of Dan Savage's excellent sex/relationship advice column Savage Love.
  5. While I think fear of physical violence is an actual problem in any repressed community, I think that the reason bisexual men hide their identity is because of the double standard that m/m sex vs. f/f sex, and I think that's just a cultural discomfort with guys doin' it. I once heard Dan Savage say that girl/girl is more acceptable because there's "not sex" happening since there's no penis involved. guy/guy, however is too much for people to handle because there are two penises! It was said more of a joke, but it does point out what I think is an unreasonable squeamishness. My wife and I went to an on-premise party (used to be called Pink, held by the folks that do kinky salon) that didn't have a gender rule for admission; you just had to bring a partner and be respectful. Jerks (of all sexes) were shown the door in short order, so it was a very nice environment, and people uncomfortable with the situations would just leave. The folks that stayed played with whom they wanted to and were respectful of people they didn't want to play with. While I prefer this style to the women-and-couples-only party they also hold at the same location (club kiss) I know I'm in the minority. Now, the moral of this story, is that there are different styles of swinging, and in some places and boards and forums there are people that don't need to hide their identity, but I think the majority case is one that does want their sex primarily heterosexual, and bi men don't want to limit their pool by saying they are bi. Is this really any different than female partners who say they are bi-"curious" so as not to limit their pool as a couple? Or as the couples that really just want a female but will cruise couples? Is it all just weighing being true to yourself vs. marketing?
  6. creamylips, we totally agree with your reply. We do think that physical details are best shared in an open environment where the discussion leads to more heat rather than using it to make notches in a bedpost or otherwise keep score. We, use the details like a personal porno and always end up in bed :-) I am at the point where I don't need to know every detail. I do need to know it was a safe and rewarding experience and worthwhile. At the same time, she knows what details work best for me, and I support her keeping some to herself. This works out for all the physical details, but the emotional details we have to share all of those. We're both keenly aware that separating lust and emotional attachment is not easy when you're having great sex, so we keep tabs on that, but having open communication about it is the major prerequisite. Open communication doesn't mean telling everything, but it means providing a non-judgemental environment to talk about anything. The other point, though, is the relationship where playing separately reinforces the love of playing together. It doesn't (and won't) make sense until you've experienced it... it's true love baby!
  7. My wife and I have the same arrangement. Some days we just get the urge to play separately and pursue it for a while, and some days we want to play together. I will say, and I'm sure you've noticed, that she has a lot more opportunity and options to play on her own. The lifestyle doesn't have as much leeway for single guys or married guys playing solo. That being said, it's not truly a "cuckold" relationship nor whatever the opposite would be, but we do get a charge out of each other's experiences. I think that's what makes it work, honestly. When we get back home and together alone, we just *have* to catch each other up both story-wise and orgasm-wise. Making that 4-way connection is still a goal for us that's stronger than the others, but we don't let it limit our options as we move towards it.
  8. Well for us nothing's off the table with each other; we own black towels. The real question is do the rest of you still go to parties and clubs?
  9. We love to say bi-comfortable mainly because true curiosity is honestly figured out pretty quickly. In our case, while we don't feel specifically attracted towards anything same-sex, we are attracted towards what is hot. And what is hot can be very situationally and personally dependent. When we hear about someone being curious we get curious and ask what they mean. Once we tell them our stance it they usually want to borrow it, and that makes for good conversational foreplay.
  10. Truth or Dare Jenga: If you pull a block north/south then it's Truth If you pull a block west/east then it's Dare If you make it fall you give a lapdance to the person of your choice. That way even when you lose, you win!
  11. We have been pretty actively thinking and discussing for two years now, and I feel we're on the cusp of actively acting on it some more. Maybe.
  12. We're not new in theory... We have both had "permission slip" swinging as well as some nice double dates and even a same-room playdate, but we still consider ourselves new. We've talked a lot for the last two years about opening our relationship and our boundaries and fantasies. Our first experience was going to a play party in San Francisco (gone now, but called Pink, held in the Club Kiss / Kinky Salon space) where we were wallflowerish most of the time, but we had some good conversations with a few couples. We went to the group play room and heavily made out for a long time with people around us in various stages of, well, everything :-) It was a great introduction, totally low pressure and fun to be around. It was great to see as a confirmation that swinging is for normal people and not for skeezy or beautiful-people only.
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