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mixtupcpl

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mixtupcpl last won the day on April 30 2010

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About mixtupcpl

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  • Birthday 08/27/1970

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  1. This is a really good point. I dont see why it is so hard to grasp. I really like the example given by "erotichugs" of the BIG BIG girl. Maybe big big folks will just be the "final frontier" where "prejudice" is just hunky dory, but I dont see anyone questioning folks who say "my preference is HWP" Instead, you get rationalizations like "well they can control their weight! you cant control race" Well ok, lets say that big gal in that pic has a thyroid condition and eats only enough calories per day to provide the carbohydrate levels required for proper brain function, yet is STILL huge. So in that case, would it be wrong to say "even if I get to know her and really like her a lot, I just cant find her attractive enough to want to have sex with her" ? Or how about an underendowed guy? Or an overendowed guy (shockingly, some women do shy away from guys that are "too big") or how about a girl that is an A cup or one that is like a triple F cup or something? Of course "preference" *can* be code for racism, but I think folks are making some really compelling and reasonable arguments for why one should *not* assume that and, more to the point, I think it is clear that in the case of the OP they arent "racists". I also think that it is really not right to draw a link between the brutal history of civil rights in the US and sexual preference. "It is my preference to not hire XXXX" is NOWHERE in the same ballpark as "it is my preference to not *fuck* XXXX". It's really specious to try to make that connection. Just flip it and see if it still bugs you... A black person says "it is my preference to never hire a white person in my business". I think for most people, that would trigger some sort of alarm. Not as badly as the reverse, but as a blanket policy, it would be alarming. But if a black person said "I only date/fuck/marry other black people" can anyone say that this statement would be contraversial to *anyone*? So I just cannot see why the reverse seems to be such a problem.
  2. This is true, but I think it cuts both ways and only one direction generally gets discussed or is considered an issue. It seems it is always white couples or, women in particular (can't say I've seen lots of heated debate over a white guy saying "not into black chicks") justifying their choices, but no one else is expected to. Quite the opposite really. I mean how often do you see anyone accusing single black guys who exclusively want to swing with white couples of racism? I dont think I've ever seen that, yet I have definitely seen first hand where there was a really ugly element of racism involved.
  3. It's admirable that you apply your standard universally (most dont), but I still think its wrong. Could be the baggage is too hard to get past here in the US, but I stand firm on the idea that sexual preference is a personal thing that no one has a right to question or pressure someone on. I mean what's the point anyway? Would anyone really want to, what, *guilt* some couple into being with them? That seems like a really lousy attitude to have.
  4. Your mileage will vary, but for us, every encounter my wife has had in the course of us having an open marriage actually was *exactly* dating. This situation is a bit different, I suppose. But keep in mind that a true predator lures you in anyway. A true predator will lurk in the vanilla world, meet you in an open place, seem awesome, be the life of the party, then slip something in your drink, take you somewhere, and kill you. I'm not trying to make you *more* paranoid, just saying that anytime we put ourselves in a spot where we are alone with strangers, we are rolling the dice. Luckily, most people are not serial killers, psychopaths, or even thieves/rapists/etc. Most people are normal. Some may be jerks, or disappointing, etc, but they arent malevolent. That said of course you need to do whatever makes you feel comfortable and take whatever precautions you feel you need to. Either you think these people are safe or you don't, thats up to you. I just cant agree with the notion that there is any measurable difference in relative safety between "swinging" and "dating" (if anything, my gut is telling me that vanilla dating may be more dangerous)
  5. Yes, this is true. Especially the latter... Now that I've seen a lot (luckily hasnt happened in our case). Maybe the OP will chime in...
  6. OK fair enough, I can accept that... We can part as friends I think, yeah? Lovers? Maybe not? Maybe though? LOL... just playing... Anyway... good chat man... It's a tough topic.
  7. Well sure this can be the case, but I have to weigh in and say that I don't think women can be generalized like this... Plus, many of the relationships here have a kind of similar background and foundation... Where there is already a *lot* of water under the bridge and a huge amount of trust before these topics are brought up. I dont know the OP, but from what he wrote, if it is fully accurate, I would bet that if there had been a history of fucking around behind one anothers back, it already came up and was resolved before this scenario was raised. I mean they already reached the point where they did FMF (lucky fucker... LOL) and a full swap. Why hide this?
  8. If someone has been dead for over 100 years and is posting, thats a pretty seriously powerful undead... Might be better to just ignore them rather than risk pissing them off Couldnt resist! On topic... I've been told "I don't date white guys..." by a black chick waaaay back in my youth and I was told "I only date XXXX guys" by a chick who actually thought I was XXXX until we had our first date. In neither case was I offended in any way and I remained friends with both gals. There are a lot of reasons why people choose who they choose to either date, fuck, marry, cohabitate with, what have you. Could be pure physical attraction... Could be fear of cultural incompatibility... Could be fear of judgement... Could just be lack of interest. I don't feel its something anyone should have to defend... I also tend to agree with the general sentiment that it seems there are a lot of white girls going out of their way to find black guys. It seems easily as many as there are white girls who are looking to avoid black guys, so not sure why it should be an issue for a black guy that any *individual* girl says "not my thing". Take black and white out of it... Mrs Mix is Asian... She's had a TON of guys proposition her *purely* because she's Asian. If she is interested in the guy, she doesn't really read much into their motivation. On the other hand... once or twice in her life she's run across guys for whom Asian girls "weren't their thing" and it didn't bother her in the slightest. Everyone is different and is going to react differently of course, but I think its healthier for someone to try to adopt this kind of attitude when it comes to love, dating and sex.
  9. I really don't think I am misinterpreting you. I also completely agree that I am speaking anecdotally also. I mentioned that a few posts ago when I said that all of this is sort of discussion based on conjecture. You're laser focusing on semantics and I'm not sure why. I use "ton" as a colloquialism. I'm not sitting here analyzing every word I'm writing as if it were a senate sub-committee meeting. This is just a casual discussion. My definition of "significant" was to explain why I used it. I'm not trying to "beat" you in some sort of contest nor am I trying to discredit what you're saying. I'm simply saying that each of us have our own perspective. I fail to see how exposure to bisexual people (which you assume I don't have, which you are completely wrong about), would somehow qualify you to understand the statistical significance of bisexuality among men. I'll try to make my argument VERY simple since my participation in the thread was really only triggered by a pattern I see where folks I know to be pretty level headed end up on the ropes, defending their character... Are there women who have this fantasy? sure! Are there women who don't? of course! Is there necessarily any correlation between male and female bisexuality? not necessarily Are there men who are bi or bi-curious? sure! Are there men who are not? sure! Does this make them homophobic, in denial, or close minded? no! Should everyone live and let live? of course! The only thing I would be willing to say statistically is that I do not believe that a majority of men (meaning >50% of males) are bisexual or bi-curious. I haven't done surveys. I haven't committed to research. I simply, from personal experience, don't believe that a majority of men enjoy having sex (either regularly or occasionally) with other men. I can't get any more clear than the above. Feel free to pick it apart more and dive deeper into semantics, but it really doesn't make sense to do so. I'm not trying to make some gigantic, sweeping, complex point here.
  10. Hmmm... Somehow lost track of this thread... I do understand the definition of significant in the scientific sense, but I just don't feel we're having any kind of scientific discussion... To me, in this context, "significant" means high enough that it is widely known and acknowledged. I don't place a lot of stock in ones personal experience when it's about something anecdotal. Your personal experience is that a ton of closet bi guys have, for some reason, approached you. That's great, but I don't accept that you can then draw broad conclusions based on that. There are simply way too many variables involved. What is interesting is that so often discussion about male bisexuality on the forum evolves into straight guys defending their heterosexuality. I think if you look at the comments historically, from an objective viewpoint, you'll see that the rhetoric is very often aggressive. Ranging from accusations of denial and close mindedness to homophobia.
  11. Hot button topic, but what it comes down to ultimately is that people shouldn't have to apologize for what they find sexually attractive and this is such a deeply personal thing (the most personal thing), I feel it trumps someone elses comfort level by a wide margin. As for the OP, I would say that you definitely were baited, but we're all human; it happens. Better bet is to just be final in your "no thank you, but thanks for your interest" and not reply again.
  12. Again, steer clear of assumptions about me. You really don't know what my experience is in this area; we're talking in broadly general terms here. I don't think personal feelings and experience are all that relevant, to be honest. I'm not basing my opinion on what I think ought to be the case *at all*. I'm basing my opinion on what I believe *is* the case. And, as I have a scientific background and am in a scientific field, I tend to take an analytical approach. View my comments as coldly clinical. I try to take an evolutionary approach to understanding behavior - putting it in the context of biology. *disclaimer - folks who don't believe in evolution feel free to tune out * From really simple biological terms, asexual and same sex reproduction in humans aren't possible. Our behaviors have been shaped over tens of thousands of years and *most* of those years were spent *without* the benefit of much higher order thinking. Nature programmed us a certain way and the goal of the programming is pretty simply to keep surviving. Now as modern humans we are starting to short circuit natures plan. Which is fine. But it's hard to beat nature. Anyhow, this is all conjecture. Until one of us is able to pull up genuine data, peer reviewed and broadly accepted, the discussion is anecdotal. Of course we could also just agree on this note... You say you don't mention percentages. Well then we are in agreement. OF COURSE I accept that there *are* men who, as adults, want to experiment. I also accept that some of these guys then realize they are bi, and conversely some realize they are VERY MUCH not bi or gay. I just don't accept that it's a really significant percentage of the male population. Your tone seems to imply that you do. If you don't, I apologize. If you are in fact saying that this happens SOMETIMES, and is a minority case, then we agree But in case I didn't make it clear enough, don't assume you know where I'm coming from when it comes to *personal* experience.
  13. Well... Don't assume too much about me personally. I'm not speaking personally here. Also, a lot of these studies are controversial and questionable. I think drawing conclusions requires studying a broad aggregate. End of the day, you're basically saying a big percentage of men are bi. I don't buy it. I know it's very popular in gay and bi circles to assume that a majority of men are just repressing their true selves, but I believe this is just a defense mechanism against very real, and often dangerous, prejudice. The notion that hetero male society, having always held disproportionate power, has always worked to suppress some natural, and near universal, instinct within hetero male society, just doesn't make sense. What makes a lot more sense is that most guys are straight and most straight guys are straight. What always gets me is that the possibility of this seems to *really* bother a lot of gay and bi folks to the point where they must reject it. Given the species would die out in one generation without hetero sex or massive and unnatural scientific intervention, it's pretty hard to imagine same sex attraction as more than an anomaly.
  14. Well... Of course I do not dispute your personal experience and can only counter with anecdotal evidence (you know you're lazy when you're too lazy to even Google something... LOL), but I'd be *shocked* to find out that any statistically significant percentage of the adult male population has had a homosexual experience as an adult and doesn't identify as gay or bi. On the other hand, I think a very large percentage of the male population experimented in their prepubescent years (I'm almost certain this one has some real scientific data floating around somewhere).
  15. *points at the poly section*... this may be true in general, but it certainly isnt true here. there are some folks here living in some incredibly complex situations. I think when you first posted it sounded like you were looking for validation that this was a toxic situation and that you weren't at fault for it. It also seemed like you were desperate to get out of it. So I think you did get the affirmation you seemed to be seeking from everyone here. Another common conversational fallacy is that expecting people to read minds never works. Lots of people come and open up very strong when asking for advice, and then, in turn, get strong reactions. What requently happens next is they take exception to the strong reactions and end up almost defending the original situation they complained about. Its good that its working for you guys... I'm just pointing out that this does tend to happen a lot on threads like this. Possibly it's a form of therapy for some people to hash out a tough issue like this in a discussion group, if so, then hopefully this was at least useful for you.
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