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EternallySingle

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About EternallySingle

  • Rank
    Lifestyle Mentor
  • Birthday 07/27/1965

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Single Male
  • Location
    Michigan
  • Interests
    Reading, bicycling, swimming, canoeing, camping
  • Occupation
    electronics maintenance
  • Swinging Experience
    off and on (mostly off) since I was 19

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    ABSingleMan

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  1. Hey, reading your post on the Newbie Mistakes thread, and wanted to let you know that I feel compassionate for your plight. How frigging RUDE was THAT couple? Sigh. D & I would not pull that kind of stunt, but D does not drink at all... that was obviously a factor.

     

    Best,

     

    M.

  2. I'm not being negative. I liked swinging...when I was part of a couple. Not so much as a single man. Thats life. For some, the single life is full of opportunities and freedom. Swinging isn't one of those freedoms for me. For some single men it is. I guess I'm just one of those wifeless husbands (thats what a lady at church called me. I liked it LOL)
  3. The moral of the story is that if you are a smart single man that has written an intelligently sexy profile, once in a blue moon a couple looking for a single man for whatever reason might come across your profile, agree to meet with you at a time where you don't have any plans (difficult for a single person with a life of any kind), and when you meet, things click and everybody wins. But for me, that is too much like bingo. A lot of time waiting for someone to call the right series of numbers, and someone calls BINGO just when your number shows up in the video monitor. I haven't played bingo in ten years. Its been two since I've even checked my Swing Lifestyle profile. Tired of waiting, and there aren't that many places where I can be even a little proactive so... Online swing sites works, and it is probably the way many single men get involved in swinging. The trick with dating web sites (not just swing sites)is getting someone to take you seriously before they meet you in person. That is hard to do, especially if you are a single person who volunteers with a youth group, works one and a half jobs six days a week, volunteers at the senior center, goes on dates because he likes meeting new people, hangs out with friends, does freelance work writing for local newspapers covering high school sporting events, and goes on a lot of first dates just because he likes meeting new people. How does someone verify you are real if you are only on late at night, and sometimes not online for a week or two at a time because you are too tired, then on every day for the next two weeks because things slowed up? I don't doubt the people who say they have met quality people on the internet. I have, but in ten years I can count them on both hands and my left foot. If you have an active life and is single, you really don't have time to commit to building a relationship online. I can't talk for all single men, but if I'm going to invest time to building a relationship online, single women are going to be way higher on my list than couples, no matter how much I would like to get back into swinging. If I decide to invest that kind of energy into a couple, that couple HAS TO IMPRESS ME AS MUCH AS I MUST HAVE IMPRESSED THEM. Most couples that have said they wanted to meet me only mentioned that the wife thought I was hot and the husband thought I was cool. Not a one gave me a single reason not to hang out with my buddies, let alone not look for a single woman to hook up with for the weekend. Sex won't get it. I can get sex from a single woman with a lot less effort. Now if I could meet a single woman online that is into swinging and wasn't afraid of starting a relationship with a single man that is into swinging where she wasn't looking for another guy to escort her to couples only events and occasionally one on one sex...but they are the rarest kind of single female swinger. There are a few, but none that I've seen that live NEAR me. Too many opportunities for single women to pay attention to single men that are online. Its not that it doesn't work, but the odds are not in a single man's favor. The effort to meet someone online is better spent looking for a single woman than a couple. In the back of their minds, I think most couples are thinking the same thing and the effort some single men put into making a good "I'm a swinger" impression probably thows up those "This guy is just out to get laid and won't care a thing about me" flags that the married/attached women used to use to determine which men they should avoid when they were single. As for the original poster, right sentiment, but the wrong attitude, in my opinion. Its not that there aren't quality couples and single women, but I've been contacted by too many that didn't offer me enough incentive to choose them over a single woman I met at the supermarket or on an online dating site. Numbers count, and the numbers against single men on swing sites just doesn't make it worth the effort.
  4. Its more about using your time wisely than giving up. Single men can, if they choose, travel two or three states every other weekend to a swing club that will allow them to attend if they want to. Again, its then much easier, if they get in, to make a face to face impression than try with just words on a computer screen.
  5. I have to agree with the OP. I'm sorry, but in the last five years, there have only been six couples and one single woman I would have considered meeting off of a swing site, and all seven were after I decided I wasn't going to actively pursue swinging until certain areas of my personal life were more under control. Almost all of my past contacts came from women I was dating or guys I met out and about. I used to have a knack for spotting and hooking up with bisexual women, and through them I got invited to house parties or was asked to join them at a club or as a fourth. With couples, for some reason I let it slip...before I meet or even see their wives...that I had a pretty unconventional sex life that usually involved multiple women or parties. From there the conversation turned to swinging and they managed to pull me back in just as I thought I was out. Real life is much easier than the internet for single guys. There are a few lucky ones, but it is much easier to show someone you are real when they are looking you in the eye instead of reading something on a computer screen. just my experience. yours may vary
  6. ...and that makes me a squirrel.
  7. That wasn't an inaccurate use of the word fetish. Its not a popular use, but a fetish literally means: 1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency. 2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades. 3. Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation Therefore, fetish was appropriate in that context. It was the thought that created the sexual desire. In the really old days, a fetish used to be attributed to charms and amulets that people believed would give them magical power or protection. Since the most 'potent' fetishes were the ones couples used to conceive children, the word took on a decided sexual connotation in the early 20th century. Especially since sexual fetishes seemed to work. As for the OP, your wife doesn't want you to know she enjoys the idea of swinging more than you do because, as you said, she is not as sexually open in public as you are. As you have stated several times, she gets very risque flirting with your friend and has even met with couples to swing with, but something made her decide this person or that person wasn't the right one. Probably something about them made her feel they couldn't be trusted with her secret desires. hmm...maybe you could use the fetish idea and create alternate identities for you both to use. Then you can go to another city and she could be the sexy swinger on the weekends and the normal housewife during the week at home. Just a thought.
  8. Location, Location, Location. Back when I was in Washingtong (the Fort Lewis/McChord AFB area), many swingers went LOOKING for single men, especially single black men. I thought that there was a change in the lifestyle that I had missed while in Europe. For three years I didn't have time for the internet or even hanging out with the guys because my 'dance card' was usually full every weekend. When I moved back to Michigan, it was a year before I went to my first swing event, and that was only because I met a guy, quite by accident, who was a swinger and his wife thought I was attractive. While they lived here, I had no problem getting into clubs or parties. Then I learned a woman I dated off and on also was into swinging and we got more serious. When she moved for a new job and I stayed behind (the couple had moved a year after I met them) I was suddenly on the outs with both the people I knew as part of a couple with her AND the people I met as a single guy through the couple. I went to Tacoma to visit and was approached by one of the couples I used to swing with when I saw them at my favorite bar&grill. The moral of the story: Every region has its own swinging society with its own levels of comfort and acceptance. If you are in an area where you are mainly excluded, you have to look a little harder to find those who are looking for you.
  9. Glowing Armbands? I wish that the clubs I attended issued glowing armbands to single men and the people interested in meeting them. Then I wouldn't have stayed there three hours trying to chat to people and would have went to the hotel bar earlier. For the OP and any other single men, get real. In the regular world, how hard do you have to work to find a single woman interested in TALKING to you if you have no one running interference for you and telling her before hand that you have something in common? How much time does it take to convince a woman that gives you that (often phony) drunken 'Lets go NOW' look at the bar before you have that amazing one night stand? (I say often phony because most women learn that men are suspicious of sober women that want to just get laid and walk away). How hard is if for you, as a single man, to become friends with the wife of one of your married friends if you have only known him for a few weeks at work or the gym? And you think paying a few extra dollars entitles you to better treatment at a club where sex is the primary reason for going there? I don't go to clubs anymore because: I don't have the time to drive three hours to MAYBE meet someone that MIGHT CONSIDER talking to me, let alone someone that wants to actually have sex or even just let me watch For every couple I approach at a swing club or party I can approach five or six women at a bar or regular party and at least say a couple of things before they turn their backs on me Its much easier to learn who are swingers at the coffee shop by listening for lines like "doing something different again this weekend" or "entertaining some friends we met online". Much easier to meet single women by saying something funny to her in the grocery store then seeing if she says something funny back when you see her in the next aisle. then you ask if she wants YOUR phone number so she can nag you when she gets bored tomorrow. I'd rather spend $100 dollars taking a woman out and getting shot down than spending $50 getting into a club and not even being around women that are looking primarily for other women and couples What Tom and Bonnie, Chicup, and Vegas Lee are all true. We get used, excluded, and ignored because we are SINGLE MEN! Accept that you are on the outside and either spend more time looking for single women outside of swinging or change your attitude and expectations and look for couples that are looking for you. No other choices. I'm sorry, but thats how it is. I've said it many times before. Before the internet, it was much easier to swing as a single man because there weren't that many single men that knew swinging existed outside of Penthouse Forum letters, and most thought those stories were made up. With the internet, many single men thought they had uncovered a whole new group of women that didn't require anything from men other than a hard penis. It doesn't work that way. And until that is understood, the ones who are really suffering are the couples and single women actually looking for quality single men to join them in the lifestyle. Not because those men don't exist, but because it is easier to ignore all single men than to take a chance that the one they want to meet is really worth the time. (how do you do that beating a dead horse thing?)
  10. As far as finding a single guy in this area, all I can say is slow down a little and work on the platonic friendship angle between him and your husband. If he's willing to do that, he's less likely to be married and cheating, less likely to stand you up, and more likely to treat you like a friend who just happens to like to have sex with him and nothing emotional beyond that. I personally had very few problems meeting other swingers when I lived in Washington state and Georgia, so much of it is how people in the region look at swinging in general. In someplaces, it seems to be mainly about wife swapping or clubbing. In others it seems to be more about having friendships where sex isn't out of bounds but emotional monogamy isn't an issue or goal. Here, It seems more of a forbidden fantasy angle, and sometimes its taken almost beyond my comfort level. I've been contacted by way more couples interested in me just because I'm black and less about who I am than I've written. I find that a turnoff most of the time. But thats what I've seen and what I've experienced. Its probably a unique perspective compared to other single men on this site.
  11. Hey, guys like Jojo are one of the reasons single guys period have such a hard time getting other people who swing to trust them. I used to talk about guys like jojo and how everyone gets blinded by them and stops looking at single men as individuals. I see that's pointless now, because most people that used to be open to single men get so overwhelmed by guys like jojo, they give up on trying to meet them. The rest have already met their two or three SMFB so they too aren't looking to meet anyone else. Again, because they don't feel they have a reason to look for anyone new when most of the men they meet are immature, insensitive jerks. Thats also his problem. He doesn't know how to see people as individuals. Everyone's a category, and that screws him up and makes him angry at something he thinks he should have jus by virtue of being there. It all comes back to respect. If you don't treat people like people first, men or women second (and you have to treat them as the appropriate gender...treating a woman like a man doesn't work even if she dresses, talks, and says she is just one of the guys...and vice versa), and ask for clarification when someone seems to send a mixed message, you are going to be wrong 99% of the time. Me, I'm not swinging at this time. Different priortities right now. Too me, its not worth the time and energy I could put to better use meeting single women that may or may not be interested in the lifestyle, and its not worth the time or money to takes travel across three states to the clubs where I believe I would still be welcome. Yes, that means I'm not serious about swinging. I'm only serious about relationships, and not necessarily the kind that leads to marriage or even long term dating. If I can't find that with the people I swing with (and for some reason the one couple I did have that with here in michigan moved first to Ohio, then to South Carolina for his job), its not worth the effort for the investment I have to make. Casual sex is casual sex. I can find that ANYWHERE! I find it everywhere. But swinging has a different dynamic that simply picking someone up in a bar doesn't have. Some guys never understand this. They are the ones that think going to a swingl club is the same as going to a brothel. Then again, I've seen some well dressed, well groomed, wealthy men get thrown out of brothels in Nevada and Germany because of how they acted either when they showed up that day or when they were there before.
  12. So, you were the only exception to the rule, exemplified by the fact that you got married, I suppose. No offense, but the original poster is single because of his attitude, just like I am and just like you and every other married person in this world was. They were single because something about the way they saw life kept them from making a life with someone else...until they found that person that either saw life the way they did or found someone that changed their attitude on life. For me, and most of the other regular single males that frequent this board, swinging has nothing to do lonliness. It has to do with doing something out of the ordinary, adventurous. Its about having FUN. PERIOD. I'm sorry, but your comment is one of the few that really pisses me off, especially when it comes from a MAN that used to swing when he was single. FOR THE ORIGINAL POSTER AND OTHER TROLLS Fact: The lonely guys looking to score rarely return to swing clubs and rarely take the time to hang around and learn what more they have to do to swing other than tap people on the shoulder and ask them if they want to fuck. They never realize that there are bars and sometimes coffee shops they can go to in the inner city where they can walk up to women and get laid doing just that FOR FREE, either. Why? Those guys have no sense of adventure. They wouldn't last in a swing situation, so when they find out what it is about, they run when they find out women who swing have class and standards. They are ignorant. They are also the minority, believe it or not. Its just that the majority of single men who want to swing and GET IT (as the ladies like to say) don't have the TIME to pine away looking for swing partners. They are too busy LIVING A LIFE with responsibilities and friends and hobbies and women they are trying to convince to try swinging because her sense of adventure seems to be as great or greater than his. The average single man who swings falls into two categories: He either was part of a couple, is now single for various reasons usually not under his control, and he still has a small group (maybe even only one couple and two single women) he swings with, or he is a single man that just happened to fall into the lifestyle and has enough friends that a monogamous relationship is not neccessary to have intimate personal friendships and steady sex life. Swinging tends to take care of both needs. Good friends and great sex partners. you, JoJo, don't seem to fall into either group. You seem to be one of those guys that still hasn't learned how to pick up women. I'll give you a start. One, be brutally honest. Two, be funny. Three, don't say things to hurt people, say things to help them, even if their feelings might get hurt when they try to deny what you say. Four, KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT! You don't have to know everything, just enough that most of the people can't say you are wrong. Five. STOP THINKING YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO HAVE SEX!!!!! You don't. You earn it, or you pay for it. Either way, you have to put out to get someone to put out Six. Make FRIENDS with women and don't try to have sex with them. They will teach you more about what to do and what not to do in order to get laid than any man ever could if you ONLY LISTEN TO THEM AND DO WHAT YOU SEE THAT WORKS WITH THE GUYS THAT ARE HAVING SEX WITH THEM. Got it? Good.
  13. Ok. I do not like any of the three swing clubs in the midwest I've been able to attend. At two the guy checking ID's an invitations was a jerk to me before I even had a chance to open my mouth. At the other, I got hit on by a woman too drunk to know she was acting like the single men everyone is afraid of meeting and I got banned from there when I said no and she made a fuss. That said, all my club experiences on the west coast were great. All my club experiences in Texas and New Mexico were great. My club experiences in Georgia and Florida were great. It will simply take an act of God to get me to go to another club in Michigan, Indiana, or Illinois again. As for the money...I spend more going to wrestling matches with my nephews than I would going to a swing club. And I know I'm not going to get laid at a wrestling match (although, I did meet my last real swing partner because I jokingly asked her to a wrestling match and she said yes). You have to LIGHTEN UP! If you are single and you take swinging so seriously that you have to warn other single men not swing, then you are definetly taking things way out of context. Then again, I've heard trolls don't know how to take things easy. Julie, was this an April fools trick on us? C'mon, you can tell me. NOBODY can be that silly.
  14. I understand your point, openmindedcpl, but based on how the story read, my answer was "wouldn't leave my woman without her consent." After you explained it, it is still "wouldn't leave my woman without prior consent." As for the rest, no, I wouldn't simply because he didn't ask first. I don't care who I'm with, kissing and a quick pinch here or there is as far as I go without her either encouraging me to go further or me asking her and she agreeing to go further. Someone has got to keep the hormones under some semblance of control, and I've been brought up to believe that someone should be the man. Nothing homophobic about that, just good manners.
  15. That was an interesting story, but the original poster must have been a woman because something happened in that story that no self respecting man would ever do...he left the woman he brought to a nude beach alone. Sorry lady, that might have been a good fantasy, but no man leaves his wife or girlfriend (or even the woman he just met for sex) alone in a sexually charged situation UNLESS SHE TELLS HIM TO LEAVE!!!! We just aren't wired that way. Therefore, the rest of the scenario would never have happened.
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