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WeMayTryIt

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WeMayTryIt last won the day on March 29 2010

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About WeMayTryIt

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    100 Posts Club

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    NorthWest
  1. This is exactly what happened to us. If you had asked 8 months ago if we could do it, the answer would have been "not on your life". Yet, we did. At the risk of sounding like a cop-out, it just happened, and none of us were willing to just walk away.
  2. We were drug into poly, against our desires. That sounds much worse than it is. After swinging on and off for about four years, always fastidiously avoiding any semblance of emotional attachment, we met a couple who was relatively new to swinging (a few months). Immediately, from the first night of dancing and chatting at the vanilla club, there was explosive chemistry on all parts. As we got to know each other sexually and personally, it became evident, quite quickly, that the chemistry was far beyond sexual. It was intellectual, emotional, biological. None of us had ever wanted anything like that with someone other than our spouses. But we were all at the mercy of what actually was. And it was extraordinary while it lasted. Life-changing in many ways. Simply put, what brought us to poly was falling madly in love with another couple and they with us, seemingly beyond the control of any of us.
  3. What do you think your wife's reaction would be if you said you weren't comfortable with the idea and would just prefer to keep it a fantasy? Do you think she would accept that and let that be the answer--I mean, do you think she'd really be able to let it go and still have a completely fulfilled relationship just with you? Being unsure of the answer, or being sure that she wouldn't really be able to let it go, would rightly cause you some angst. What are you most hesitant about? Is it mostly being nervous about having sex in front of someone? Is it fear that she might find someone more sexually appealing than you (someone who is bigger/longer lasting/better at something)? We did some swinging for a while, and we both were pretty much on the same page. We ended up taking a break for over a year because of some unresolved issues we still had to work on. During that time, I sincerely thought we would never be swinging again. While I was a little disappointed--believe it or not, I was more disappointed about what it said about the relationship than about not being able to have sex with other people--I was able to let it go and still have a loving, fulfilling relationship. If I had not been able to fully let it go, I don't know that our relationship would have survived. Through time and communication, we've come to a point where we've started swinging again--at her request; I knew *if* it was ever going to happen, she would have to be the one to make the first move. I'm telling you all of this just to give you some perspective on what circumstances will make it work. If your wife isn't able to let it go as I was, I'm sure you're picking up on that vibe, which is rightly giving you hesitation. Not saying this is the case, just a possibility. For most people, the idea of their spouse having sex with other people is a scary proposition--what if s/he likes the other person better. I wasn't extremely scared of this, but the thought definitely used to cross my mind. For me, the thing that completely removed any hesitation about that was seeing my wife with a guy who was very well hung (I'm about average). Not only did he have a set of equipment, he knew how to use it perfectly. She definitely enjoyed herself. But the moans that came out of her mouth and the movements she made, her eyes rolling back in her head--it wasn't anything I don't see when we're having sex. At that point, I realized I had absolutely nothing to worry about. And I know that no matter how much someone rocks her world, she will always prefer to be with me because our sex has the added emotional connection. If you aren't reasonably comfortable with the fact that your wife would always prefer you over someone else because of your emotional connection, that may be a reason for your hesitation. As someone else said, you can't be 100% sure how you're going to feel about it until it happens, but you need to be as close to 100% as you can be, otherwise I would say you need more discussion before moving on. As you'll hear time and again, communication, communication, communication--be completely transparent with one another and discuss every facet of your desires, expectations and fears.
  4. +1 on the Kimono Microthins (if you're with someone without a latex allergy). After being monogamous (read "bareback") for 20+ years, they're the only ones I don't have a problem with.
  5. For what it's worth, personally I think the most erotic porn is when people just have sex and there happens to be a camera there, rather when they try to "make porn". Real people having real sex stomps scripted/scened/posed porn every day of the week.
  6. Chicup, you're spot on. Zactly what I was going to say. Isn't there a Chicp, er, Churchill quote in there somewhere? "Madam, I believe we have already established [what kind of woman you are]. Now we are just haggling over the price."
  7. Does anyone have a suggestion for a good anal plug that will stay in place during intercourse, as well as being worn outside the bedroom? Nothing too big, just big enough to keep in place, something that one can comfortably walk around and sit with it in for extended periods of time. Thanks.
  8. Although we have changed, we're nowhere close to being "orgy guy", and we never will be. BTW, I saw that episode of Seinfeld years ago and thought that monologue was hilarious then, I still think it is. The changes we've seen have been positive. We communicate better, we are completely transparent with one another. We do look at each other differently. We now realize that we are each others' ultimate fantasy, not so before. When I look at my wife, I see a woman who is more confident in every area of her life, a woman who knows she is sexy, desirable and full of pleasure. I see that she knows, without any hint of doubt, that I will always be her number one, and she sees the same thing in me. None of that was present before we started this journey. We're now more open-minded in general, more accepting of people just the way they are. We tend to go out more than we used to, whether it's with swinging or vanilla friends. Mostly, our day-to-day life has remained the same--same jobs, same vanilla friends, same kids in the same schools with the same friends--everything in our life is as normal as it was before with the exception of our incredibly close relationship. That, and we now have an added hobby You can choose to make it a "lifestyle" or just something extra you add when you have the time and the urge. We've chosen the latter and it fits very well with our life. Basically, it isn't our life, just a small part of it.
  9. This is why we're never specific, we just say sorry, we don't think we're compatible. If we give them more, they're likely to tweak their profile to get rid of the red flags, even though the reality of the situation hasn't changed.
  10. Completely agree. It's a personal thing for each person, but for us, the potential for awkwardness rises exponentially if another play date is asked for until everyone knows that everyone's good. A simple "thanks, great time" message makes a graceful exit much easier. It's easy to say, hard to do, but don't worry too much if they don't respond. Some things work for people, some things don't, and yes, swinging can be nuts. Aside from the point that sweet_tna brought up, for all you know, she loved it and he got freaked out afterward. That, or a million other possibilities, who knows. You'll drive yourself batty if you try to figure it out.
  11. A short "I had a great time" email wouldn't inherently seem clingy to us. In fact, we would appreciate it, as we do the same thing when we've had a great time. The content and the tone of the message is what would or would not trip the "clingy" wire. Multiple messages without us sending a similar reply would be weird too. Sounds like you have your head on straight, and based on what I can tell from your posts, we'd love to get such a message from a someone like you, single or otherwise.
  12. It would make things much simpler, and more complex at the same time. My brother knows, as does a friend of Mrs. TryIt. If our parents found out, it would be complete pandelerium, and would definitely strain those relationships. Add to that young kids and the need to uphold a security clearance, and we're fine with being diligent to keep things under wraps, though we're not as neurotic about it as when we first started.
  13. It's great to see you two really talking things through and being honest. We are at the point in our relationship where we are willing to deal with the hurt that honesty sometimes brings. Sometimes it's been very difficult, but it's served us well, and it should you as well. I (the male half) understand all too well about regrets, almost exclusively from things NOT done in my life. Swinging has been a great adventure in our lives that has enriched both of us, and we only regret that it took us so long to get to this point. We can only speak from our perspective, so here it is: if one of us felt that we HAD to have sex with others in order to be happy, that would indicate fundamental problems in our relationship that MUST be dealt with, especially before partaking in swinging. We both have had long-time fantasies of sex with others, and we probably always will, regardless of whether we were swingers or not. If one of us wasn't into swinging, being monogamous wouldn't be denying who we are--it would merely be making the choice that the relationship itself is more important than sex with other people. If the male half of you doesn't know, without any doubt, that the relationship is more important than sex with other people, I see no good eventual outcome. If the female half doesn't come to a point of *truly* being able to be happy with monogamy, I think one of two outcomes is likely: she will suppress her feelings and live a life of internal misery (quiet or otherwise), or the relationship will eventually end in disaster, neither of which are agreeable. I could be wrong, but again, that's the perspective we have from our own experience. I hope you both stay in counseling and continue to be honest with each other until you can work this out. Good luck, keep talking, and keep hanging around here asking questions. Let us know how things are working out for you.
  14. Has anyone ever used one of these? On the videos they have on their site, the couples never seem to be quite lined up for actual sex, which makes me think they may not actually be as useful/comfortable as they make it seem. If you've used one, how did you like it? Likewise, how about the Liberator Esse? Thanks.
  15. HisnHersnYours, It sounds like everything will work out just fine. As long as everyone keeps communicating and is on the same page, with no surprises, I'm sure you'll have a smashing good time . SnowwwWhite, I can't really disagree with anything in your last post--it sounds like I, and probably a lot of people on the board, agree with most of the principles you put forth. The only difference may be in the application. Take your last post and switch the words "couple" and "single" (e.g. "On the other hand, a couple could easily play locally without much effort, so if a single girl from let's say over an hour away initiates contact, I cannot imagine that she would not offer to pay for at least part of the travel or overnight expenses", etc.)--do the principles apply equally when read that way? If not, that's where you're getting the sense of hostility (though I doubt that's an accurate word). A one-sided application of such principles is regarded as sexist, and sexism will generally draw the ire of sexually open-minded people like the ones you'll find on the board.
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