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lurkergirl

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lurkergirl last won the day on January 28 2009

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About lurkergirl

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 05/28/1968

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    in my head, mostly
  • Occupation
    self-employed
  • Swinging Experience
    years and years, by some definitions, and not at all by others

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  1. Happy Birthday

  2. I think one of the biggest mistakes I ever made in swinging was agreeing to play with a couple that were borderline "vanilla". The wife asked me, and I was flattered by the request, so I didn't take into consideration the fact that everytime I was around her, she was constantly name-dropping. *Duh!* Of course, after I played with them, she continued to name-drop, but with my name ammended to the list....stupid, stupid, stupid. Best lesson I ever learned from the lifestyle, if they talk about others, they'll talk about you. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go on doing what you want to do with your life. If their life is so dull that they have to liven it up by gossipping, so be it, but it doesn't have to affect your decisions.
  3. My no-play occupation is law enforcement officers. Not because I don't abide by the laws, I'm such a straight-edger when it comes to doing the right thing that I'm positively boring. I signal before changing lanes, I don't talk on the phone and drive, I pay my taxes like a good girl, and I let clerks know when they give me too much change or don't charge enough. But, I come from a small town where Joe Officer is on the local force because he's somebodys inbred cousin who wasn't smart enough to work at Wal-mart, and I've seen and been involved with enough petty power plays by our polyester-clad mini-tyrants that I can't knowingly be in the same room with one without my upper lip curling. It's colored my perceptions enough that even thinking of having one as a playmate makes me want to sew my pretty pink parts shut and don a habit. I make it a rule to never play with mean or stupid people, so, while I know it's unfair and bigoted(?) of me, I just stay away from them as a whole. In terms of occupations that really f**k a person up, I'd rank them well above strippers. Again, it's an occupation that really seems to exacerbate the worst weaknesses in a persons makeup. I know they're not all that way, I've met a few that were great, upstanding guys, "Last Boy Scout" types, the kind that you know will always play fair and that you can trust. But here in the south, they seem to be the exception rather than the norm.
  4. Playful1, you go, girl! As a former stripper who paid her way through college with crinkled ones and fives, I applaud you and wish you the best! My bachelors is in Criminal Justice, and I hope you get more mileage out of your degree than I got out of mine. It's nice to meet another normal gal doing what has to be done. Just to take a minute to touch on the "drama amongst strippers" conversation going on here, as much as I hate to admit it, yes, stereotypes exist for a reason. I would say that about 50% of the girls I worked with were either trailer-park style drama queens or spoiled little plastic Barbies that "just couldn't live off of $400 a night". That's probably just enough of a percentage to justify the stereotype. The other 50% were college girls and and women who either were single moms, or were providing the "luxury" part of their household's income. Unfortunately, the drama 50% are much louder and more noticeable that the drama-free 50%, so, they get noticed more. It's a shame that we wind up stereotyping people. I've probably had more black friends than white in my life, and none of them were "thuggalicious". I've had gay roommates and friends, and none of them were child molesters. I've known lots of swingers, and I never met one who was a sexual predator. I've known and dated, and occasionally been an escort, and none of us were drug users, much less abusers. And in all the adult establishments I worked at, I never worked for an owner who partied and used drugs (some of ya'll are definitely going to some really bad clubs), they always wore nice business clothes, never talked down to us, and advised us not to piss our money away (which is a lot more than I can say for some of my former day-walker employers). I'm still very good friends with the last club owner I worked for, we occasionally go for a meal or to a game together. Heck, for that matter, during my summers off from school, I "day-lighted" as a librarian while stripping at night, so I guess that puts me into the uber-cliche category. But since we're going to tenatively agree for the moment that there is a high percentage of drama and issues with some strippers and escorts, let me point out that the only ones that I ever saw problems with were the girls who came from a background of poverty and...what's the politically correct way to say it?...hmmm...maybe a family history of social assistance programs. So, it's my theory (based on five years of observation in the field) that the drama isn't really a by-product of being a stripper, but instead is learned from earlier experiences. And I'm not denying that being a stripper will exacerbate any body/relationship issues that a girl/guy might have had before going into it. It genuinely is the one venue in our society where a a girl who wouldn't give x guy the time of day can be summarily rejected by him (but I'm digressing into the issues of the stereotypical topless bar customer). It's like any other job in life, stripping will either kill you or make you stronger, though I know stockbrokers who say the same thing about what they do. Anyway, long and short of it, no, it wouldn't affect my decision. I'd still go on whether I was attracted to them or not. There's only one occupation on my no play list, and it's not strippers and escorts.
  5. Mohawks....I know, it's weird, but they're just so freaking hot!!! Also, the smell of shops. Mechanic's shops, sheet metal shops, HVAC shops, pretty much anything that has that ground in, completely permeated by oil, grease, and sawdust smell.
  6. two42lovers, You made some beautiful points (and used existential in a sentence, always impressive). I do tend to be a little reactionary about being defined by others, so I'll put some serious thought into the points you brought up, and I appreciate you putting the "practicing physician" spin on it. I think that the overall point to what I was trying to get across is that, regardless of what we (the people posting in this particular thread) define as swingers, the essence of whether the OP is a "swinger" or not is basically going to be defined by the OP's perception of what he is, perhaps in concurrence with a matching perception of the couple he is engaged with at the time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think I can sit back and point at the OP and say "yes, he's a swinger" or "no, he's not" without enteracting with him on a sexual level, with the foreknowledge and consent of my honey. I tend to percieve whether someone is a swinger or not by how they handle dealing with both partners, whether it's simply being considerate enough to bring the absent partner a nice cigar as a way of saying thank you for the quality time with your spouse, or whether it's by taking an active part in playtime with both partners. Text is such a difficult medium to convey meaning in, and I seriously doubt my ability to really get across what I mean, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that since I can't define the OP's "label", I'm not really sure how anyone else could, being as that there are so many different perceptions of what the label "swinger" means. So, basically what I'm trying to convey to the OP is... Congrats on all your self-searching, and self-education. Your attempts to find answers are commendable, and asking others in the lifestyle is definitely the best source for information that you'll find. However, take the wisdom that you find here and elsewhere, and use it to decide for yourself. It is what it is, and you are what you are. Hope that helps clear it up, and thanks ya'll for not throwing soap at the hippy, I promise I'll be back to my old (non-existential, lol) "corporate whore" personna by the next post.
  7. I kinda take exception to this statement. The honey and I have never played with another couple (it's just never worked out this way), we've never had a MFM, and I tend to think that the FMF's that we've done only qualify us as "open and a little freaky", not as swingers. He doesn't attend the local swingers club with me, I go alone (yes, with his permission) and I play with whomever I feel like, some nights it's single guys, some nights it's couples. So, I've never participated in the couples realm of swinging with someone I love (i.e. the honey). But, I don't feel that it makes us any less "swingers", as we're not adverse to couple play, just not versed in it. I can get a medical degree, and call myself a doctor whether I ever see the first patient or not. I'm still licensed to perform CPR, even if I never see the first person lying on the sidewalk in need of my help. What people are isn't something that anyone other than themselves can define. I am what I say I am, regardless of what anyone else thinks about how well I fit into their definitions. I'm not saying that our definitions have to agree...you may think you're a cowboy, and I may suspect that the closest you've ever come to a cow was when you stopped at Dairy Queen to take a piss. But, in your mind, you've learned to ride a horse, rope a steer, and make coffee in a can. You qualify. If I don't agree with your definition, I'm free to not invite you to my roundup. I think people put entirely too much emphasis on what others definitions of swinging/swingers are. And until we come up with a concrete Webster's style definition, we'll just continue pointing fingers and saying "he is, they aren't, she was, etc." Then we'll need sub-categories for all the different styles of play, and sub-sub-categories defined by rules for play, and isn't it a lot easier to just say "Plays well with others, they must be a swinger"?
  8. Ditto to what Aster said! I was feeling a little sad over finally hitting the age where I'm automatically screened out of search preferences, but that story gives me hope and a reason to keep fighting the dreaded middle age bulge! Thank you for sharing it, and what an amazing woman she must have been! Back to the subject, oldest for me was 20 years older (his oldest son was my age), youngest was 16 years younger (very recently, no, I've never robbed the cradle). The honey's was 19 years younger, and I'm not sure about older ones, but I'll be sure to ask immediately.
  9. Guys who blow on my nipples.....how annoying! Granted, I don't have the most sensitive nipples in the world, and I'd much rather have them pinched or tugged than licked or caressed, but does the blowing thing really work for anyone? I don't know why, but thats the one thing that will instantaneously put me into the "gee, I'd rather be learning to knit right now" mode.
  10. I love that line, do you mind if I steal it from you I always just give a truthful answer to the "how many sexual partners in the last year" question, and let it go at that. I figure it doesn't really matter what they think of me as long as they're doing what I'm paying them to do.
  11. I'm not sure if I can add anything to this or not, but I'll be happy to give you my explanation of the "both of us or neither of us" sort of statements. My honey is a quiet sort of guy and doesn't go out of his way to woo people. I tend to be very outgoing and talkative, and apparently people feel very comfortable with me. As a result I've been approached by several couples over the past 10 years that want to experience a fmf. While it's flattering for them to ask, and I'm glad that they feel that comfortable with me, I always turn them down when they say that they don't want a "couples" scenario. My take on it is that I'm not their playtoy, I am my honey's playtoy, and if my honey isn't going to be there getting off (whether it's with me, or the female half of the couple), ain't none of us getting off together. We do play seperately, one on one. We don't keep score, I don't care if his little flavor of the month comes over once or one hundred times, and he doesn't care about how often mine comes over. But if it's another couple, then we're going to do it as a couple, or not at all. To me, it is selfish of the other couple to expect me to just leave my honey at home while I go off for a night of "wild monkey love", and it would be selfish of me to even consider it. No matter what the couple could do for me sexually, it would pale beside simply knowing that my honey was there having a great time, and being made to feel like a sex god for a few hours. Maybe it's me being selfish about it, but if the couple is not willing to include my honey in our playtime, then I'm not interested in playing, I'll take my ball and go home.
  12. Tybee, yep, my thoughts on it exactly.... Bill&Sabrina...yeah, those subtle eye movements sometimes escape me
  13. Sure, there's a big difference between swinging and prostitution, let me go ahead and acknowledge that up front so that no one flames me for the rest of my response. I've "dated" male prostitutes in the past, and was fortunate enough that they either really did want me, or were amazing actors. Sure, they always cost me something, but at that time in my life, it was much easier to pay up front and get what I wanted out of the transactions with no negotiations or manipulations, than to go with the extended cost of maintaining a relationship with a non-professional. I was dancing for a living at the time, so there was always a "cost" to me when there was a man in my life, whether it was supporting some schmuck, or just the emotional cost of having to deal with a man dealing with my job. My honey currently has a little gf who is terribly fun and entertaining, but always costs us 50-100 bucks everytime we see her. Not as an outright fee, but just because she's always short of rent, or needs gas money, or whatever. She's just one of those people. It's worth it to me to give her what she needs, because I know she's going to make my honey feel attractive and wanted when she's around. Same thing? I don't know, I don't waste time worrying about it. It is what it is. So obviously, no, I have no moral quandry with prostitution. To me, a good escort is just another toy. I can buy a mondo fucking machine, or I can rent a walking, talking toy that will rub my feet and leave when I'm done with him. I know that some people (obviously not the open-minded, live and let live people found here) would take offense at my viewpoint on it. But, it's their life, let them have at it. Yes, it's nice when the planets align correctly and the elusive unicorn or amazing couple wanders into your life, but I'm not going to let someone elses ideas of what's "right" or "wrong" affect what I do with my sex life. As long as we're all consenting adults, who cares what we're doing behind our closed doors?
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