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Why same or separate room play?

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Mrs. GT and I were having a discussion last night about our swing experiences, and how our attitude about different things has changed since we started swinging. When we first started, we were adamant that we would only do same room swap. After a couple of years, we had met a few people that preferred separate rooms and after a while, we decided to try it and see if it would be ok with us. That was about a year and a half ago and now we both agree that we actually prefer separate rooms most of the time. The reason for this is that we couldn't help but notice that we had a much higher percentage of good to excellent swinging encounters with separate room play than we have had with same room.

 

Since we started swinging, we have been involved in the lifestyle more than most people we know. We go to the club or spend time with swinging friends most weekends, about three weekends a month for the last four years on average, usually both Friday and Saturday nights. On average, we hook up with someone for play about once every three or four nights out. And in that time we have had about a half dozen couples we have played with in the same room were the experience was good, about three or four that were bad experiences, and the rest would best be described as mediocre experiences. On the other hand, when we have played in separate rooms the experience was good at least four out of five times.

 

Our goal in last nights discussion was to try to figure out what the common denominator was in all of these mediocre encounters. The conclusion we came to was something we see posted here on the board all the time. People will often say that the main turn on for them is watching their partner with someone else. The problem with that is, sometimes the couple your with is so intent on what their spouse is doing that they just aren't any fun in bed. We had a same room swap last weekend that was typical of this problem. When we were done, we went away feeling like it was all about them, and we were just tools for the other couples enjoyment.

 

My questions for all of you are,

 

1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

 

2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

 

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

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1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

 

Its become something of an issue for me, as I always want to make sure the Mrs. is having a good time and that means I'll not be giving 100% to my partner. Also even seasoned swingers seem more relaxed in seperate rooms so I would say yes, the sex is better, but only if we are doing straight swap. If there is some interplay the sex is still better same room.

 

2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

 

I'm multi-talented.

 

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

 

I think this depends. If it was a new couple, esp if it was a newbie couple, I'd just ignore it. If it was a couple we knew a while I'd suggest (and have suggested in the past) seperate rooms.

 

Still I think seperate rooms should be advanced swinging 304 and that all those still enrolled in swinging 101 should stick to the same room.

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2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

 

We can only answer two questions. As you know - we are a "same room" couple, so I'll have to stick with those...

 

:)

 

To answer the first question, "I am not sure if we do." After all - lets be honest, we don't know if people really enjoy us except by what they tell us. So - it could very well be that a lot of folks have lied to us and didn't dig our groove at all. Unlikely, but possible ;)

 

I enjoy watching Mrs Spoomonkey. She is really incredible and as I have told her can really "put on a show". Sure - she doesn't see it as putting on a show as she is not faking anything, but in my opinion, she is very sexually expressive and watching her enjoy herself - whether it is with me or a playmate - can totally rock my world.

 

However - that said - I am not dumb to the fact that I am playing with someone who, in most cases, is pretty incredible. I am really able to focus on my playmate without being distracted from what I am doing. The added "snippets" of watching Mrs Spoo just makes it that much better.

 

I am really not sure how we balance it - but I think we do.

 

Now - if Mrs Spoo is really struggling in a situation, or gets done quickly (that happens way too much) it can be hard to concentrate. But - at that point - watching her and "quickdraw" talk about their favorite parts of The Breakfast Club no longer is a turn on so I just ignore it...

 

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

 

Show her the pillow :D

 

Honestly, this hasn't really ever happened to me. I have not always been fortunate enough to have great experiences (I'll say that we are batting 1000 this year, but we are having a good year) but I have been fortunate enough to have playmates whose attention I can keep.

 

Spoomonkey

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Having very little experience, and basing my answer on that, one of our reasons for beginning this is that we enjoy watching one another. So, in that context, we would not get to if we engaged in separate room play. In the little experience we have, I realized I felt somewhat bad for the woman I was with, as I was spending some time watching my woman.

 

My point is that you make a useful point. I have been thinking about this lately. Something bothers me about us playing in different rooms, and I can't say just what. It is not that I don't trust her, I just feel cheated somehow that I did not get the erotic thrill of watching, at least a little bit.

 

We feel this is an activity that we share, and proximity is part of the sharing. I am interested in seeing the responses to this thread; thanks for posting.

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Another point is that - frankly - if I want to have sex with a woman - I can do that with Mrs Spoo. While I have played with some incredible women, I have pretty much confirmed to myself that outside of the context of our type of swinging (and by that I mean same room and being involved together) I would be extremely monogamous.

 

The draw for me is not "something different" - if that makes sense.

 

Spoomonkey

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1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

 

MrsVan and I just experienced our first seperate room experience this weekend, so this is based on just one experience. :D We were at a club with some friends of ours that we have been seeing now since we started swinging back in January. We feel very comfortable with them and it was just natural. In addition to this, the husband and MrsVan did not want to be in the very open area of the play room, and the wife and I did, so we went with it. MrsVan and I spoke at length about the situation over the next few days and one thing that we both agreed on, was that seperate room allowed us to be able to give complete attention to our playmate, which made the encounter seem that much more intense. Could it have been the fact that it was our first time? Sure...would we do it again, probably, but same room will almost always be our preferred option. Not to mention that we really would need to have a good comfort level with our friends before trying this again.

 

2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

 

This one is very tricky...for me in particular, I don't just like to watch MrsVan, but I do like to be able to reach out and touch her during play when it is possible. For the most part though, I will try to watch MrsVan in bits and pieces and and only for short periods of time. The rest of the time I try to concentrate on my partner, which can be difficult if MrsVan is getting particularly vocal. :D

 

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

 

For us, since we ourselves are still "newbies" I think the first couple of times we would most likely just ignore it and see if it continued. If it did continue, then we would most likely talk with the couple. We have found in our brief stint so far, that when we have an issue, we just put it out there to the couple. If they can't handle talking about it, then we really don't want to continue a friendship with them anyways. If they can talk about it then we figure out what the problems are together and we all move forward.

 

-Van

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I also thought I should add that their is another reason we like seperate room, and that is when the male is having performance issues. We have found that if a guy was having performance issues changing to seperate rooms has fixed the problem 100% of the time.

 

I would also like to say that I agree with Chicup in that I still don't think seperate rooms is a good idea for newbies. We have only done seperate rooms with newbies once and it was because of performance issues. As soon as we seperated to seperate rooms his performance anxiety went away. We have since played with that same couple in same room without any problem.

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My questions for all of you are,

 

1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

I don't know if it's better for me, but I definitely feel I give better to my partner since I end-up watching Mrs. WS so often when we are in the same room. I become a total voyeur.

 

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?
Being more dominant and taking more control. Being more aggressive has worked well for me. :D

 

Mr. WS

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We do both separate and same play and I have to agree that we seem to have a better time with separate room play.

 

I think it is becuase I my attention gets taken away I am so aware of the other couple that I get distracted and I don't enjoy it as much.

One big problem I find is that everyone has a different 'finsihing' times and if the other couple is done before us then there is that rush to finish, or the pressure for them to drag it out.

 

I guess I can focus more on the partner I am with. So I think I am experiencing the same things you are in that sense.

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One big problem I find is that everyone has a different 'finsihing' times and if the other couple is done before us then there is that rush to finish, or the pressure for them to drag it out.

That is so true, nothing is more of a buzz-kill than two people discussing the weather next to you will you are trying to get it on.

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Personally, I enjoyed both. Same room allows me the pleasure of watching my wife, which I absolutely love to do. Separate room allows me to be more comfortable with my new partner.

 

But I noticed that my wife really preferred separate room for just the opposite reasons. She really gets uneasy seeing me being passionate with someone else and she just doesn't relax and enjoy if I'm watching her.

 

So, for us at least, same general venue but not in sight or hearing range.

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Hi well we are newbie's for sure with only 2yrs or so in the lifestyle. We are same room and have had some poor experience and some good ones. We both want same room,our getting into the lifestyle was for the FMF and we have gone on to have MFM and more to couples. We like best the couple that want to be close to there partner,where can touch or even kiss, it is very exciting for us,but not all couples have that level of desire to enjoy sharing intercourse with each other. We are able to enjoy the sex without taking anything away from our playmate I feel, if one of us finish before the other we would not be rude and talk, for we(playmate & I) would be still in erotic pleasure for our mate, facelick but either touch or hold the males balls or suck on the females breast what felt right at the time to make their finish a mind blowing experience. Couples who like to play together just don't watch,they feel the present of they mate and see sometimes too except when my mind is being blown too with feeling of erotic pleasure.

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Well, this is the Mrs...reply....same room starting out, if performace issues happen, she will talk to the other lady, and suggest they depart the room so he can relax, which she says allows me to relax and not worry about her such a wonderful lady. As I noted in a seperate post, she can cum hard quickly and then is ready for a break and more action, while we the other pair are still working up to it...seperate rooms removes this distraction, so I think both worlds are nice, seperate rooms allows me to look after the task at hand and not have other issues to deal with...now the second time around that evening, having everyone in one big bed is just too much fun :)

 

OK that was the wife view....my view, foreplay together, serious business, seperate rooms. :o

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Interesting topic!

 

If we're in a 4-some, I prefer separate rooms and the Mrs. probably does as well. That allows us to become more involved with the other w/out any distractions. We've done both and been happy both ways. There have also been less than happy episodes as well.

 

If it's a same room 4 some, it seems like at some point, someone may feel left out or ignored. Other than tactful suggestions or guidance, there really isn't much you can do to improve the matter. As always, COMMUNICATION is the key.

 

I think that each episode takes on it's own personality. We've been in same room 4 somes that were great and some that weren't. The key is that everyone is tuned into everyone. Being overly focused on one person can invite another to feel left out.

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We have been discussing this as well...he wants what's most comfortable for me and, well, I am not sure. :rolleyes:

 

On one hand I find the idea of 4 or more in the same room completely erotic, however, I'm not sure that him being so ...ahem...into his partner would go over well...being that it's going to be our first time.

 

What do you more experienced folk think....particularly the women?

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1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

 

Frankly I have had great sex both ways, this is the male talking by the way. However we tend to prefer seperate room for the reasons you mentioned, ie that the opposite male is so into watching his wife that he tends to do a superficial job with my wife. Also the who issue abouty performance is a problem to, and we find where performance is an issue seperate rooms definitly work much better. Also as the male I prefer it because I do not feel any guilt about lavishing attention on my partner of the moment. So by and large both work but seperate works better.

 

2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

 

Knowing I love watching my wife with other guys, who doesn't, she will often do fairly intense foreplay like oral with him in the hottub and so on, prior to going elsewhere. Also when she is in the depths of passion with another, just hearing her moan in the next room is good enough, I have a vivid imagination, and that alone often works to stimulate me to bigger and better thigs lol. For example this one time in band camp, but seriously, I had finished with the lady I was with and was softly massaging and carressing her naughty bits, and I heard the moans and groans in the other room, well that got me up again, and as a result the lady and I went on to do more. They finished and heard us going and that got them going again it was a good night.

 

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?[/QUOTE]

 

Oddly enough, or maybe not so oddly, with us that has only ever happened with the male of the other couple, maybe it is a womanly thing, or maybe women have a better attention span, but I have never had the lady more into what her hubby was doing, it is always the hubby for some reason. As to my wife she simply grinned and bore it, but if they did not want seperate rooms next time then it was goodbye.

 

Now there is something funny we experienced with one couple. They were great in that they can entertain at home, and they are both giving and very compatible with us outside the bed, BUT he has performance issues and has difficulty getting hard enough to penetrate, and yet they insist on doing same room, but of course my wife gets little out of it as aresult, what do you folks think of that?

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We have been discussing this as well...he wants what's most comfortable for me and, well, I am not sure. :rolleyes:

 

On one hand I find the idea of 4 or more in the same room completely erotic, however, I'm not sure that him being so ...ahem...into his partner would go over well...being that it's going to be our first time.

 

What do you more experienced folk think....particularly the women?

 

I will always recommend same room for newbies because their maybe issues that arise that you did not expect and you can handle them right away, like jealousy. Swinging is something that you do for and with each other and I think that we have just evolved into a place where we are more comfortable with seperate room. We didn't start out seperate room and never considered it until another couple suggested it to us because of performance issues. It worked out and we enjoyed reliving it in the telling to each other after the fact.

 

If you explain to the couple you are with that you are new they are most likely going to understand if something doesn't feel right for you and you want to stop. We have since played with newbies and had such issues arise but since we knew up front that it was a possibility we understood and even went so far as to take them out for pizza and discuss the issues they were having with them to try to help them resolve the problem. It turned out good and we made some nice friends.

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we enjoy watching each other, so much so in fact, that we have stopped playing with couples. we only do 3-somes now ... and that sometimes is one on one with the spouse only watching ...

we never could figure out how we could watch with another couple ... and seperate rooms defeates the purpose for us ...

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After reading through the whole thread, I see where there is a distinct difference. It seems that most who prefer separate room are describing the distinct M/F and M/F separate experience preference, even if in the same room, rather than more of a group experience.

 

For us, our preference of same-room, and preferably same-bed, isn't about being newbies or having insecurities. It's about our preference for more interaction and variety in the experience, as well as touching, eye contact and connection between each other while engaging with others. I know that many separate room couples view same-room people as insecure or "not ready" (i.e. immature in swinging), but often this is just not the case. It's a preference thing.

 

For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

 

I don't need my play partner's undivided attention in order to have a great experience. Hubby doesn't need his play partner's undivided attention, either. Our play partners feel the same way.

 

I can alternate between giving attention to the swing partner with watching my partner with the other. Also, because we connect with couples who have the same interests we do, any of us can sit back and watch gladly, while two play, or the other three play. Since we all like to watch and interact, even when it's just straight M/F and M/F, we're positioned to all be able to see the others while swapping. The scenario is constantly changing as the spirit moves us. If my husband is mesmerized with watching and wants to sit back, the other couple and I have a 3some. Then, I might want to sit back and watch him have an MFM with the couple. The wife and I might play while the guys watch. Or, we women are playing and they're stroking us or giving oral. Maybe we're kissing deeply, caressing each other's breasts, and getting intercourse from the men at the same time. But best of all, we all four are engaged at the same time, everybody touching, kissing, giving or receiving oral, intercourse, all at the same time. Very erotic! The possibilities are endless. Often, one of the women is receiving pleasure from all three others at once (WOW). Since the men are straight, he may be receiving pleasure from both women. My husband LOVES to have 2 women give him head at the same time, for example. Also, we switch back to our own partners throughout, which really turns us on, too. We like to watch other couples together, and be watched also.

 

We tend to go for a long time. With likeminded couples, we have sex for 2-3 hours with small breaks and the switching around as described above. In swing situations, my husband usually comes 2-3 times in that time, and he's longlasting in between. If the other couple isn't going as long as we are, they like to lay back and caress each other when they're done, watching us as we keep going with each other. They seem to really enjoy this kind of finish with us.

 

If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

 

I think my answer above already answered this question - for us, it's not a problem that needs to be fixed or improved if somebody wants to watch their spouse. Since we're not just M/F M/F, but "all of the above", there are many ways for the other partner to not be left out while the other watches their spouse. :) It's just not a problem in our case.

 

About men with ED who can't perform in same room, but must be separate to be able to maintain an erection: We don't feel obliged to take care of his problem for him. If he can't enjoy same room, then we're just not the couple for him. Or if a husband or wife is uncomfortable seeing their spouse in action, we're not the couple for them. It comes back to a matter of preference, and separate room will work for them - with somebody else who feels the same way they do.

 

It just occurred to me that in the same way separate-room couples sometimes view themselves as "advanced" while they think of same-room-only couples as newbies or think they have issues, maybe the reverse could be true sometimes. Maybe some of these separate-only couples aren't "ready" for more variety and for being turned-on seeing each other full-on with other people?

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If you explain to the couple you are with that you are new they are most likely going to understand if something doesn't feel right for you and you want to stop. We have since played with newbies and had such issues arise but since we knew up front that it was a possibility we understood and even went so far as to take them out for pizza and discuss the issues they were having with them to try to help them resolve the problem. It turned out good and we made some nice friends.

 

This is why, to me, our first couple is so important, particularly for me. I want someone there who can reassure me if I have those uncomfortable moments. I don't want to have to stop....I want to be able to push through and want to have someone who can help me do so. :) I was able to fantasize about my husband and his potential female partner yesterday and have a very intense O.... Hopefully that's a good sign. :D

 

Side Note~ You vets have no idea how much you are helping me. Information and communication is the key for me and I just want to say Thanks. :kissface:

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We have only experienced same room play, but we are open to the possibility of separate room play.

 

We perceive a few practical disadvantages to separate room play:

 

1) A need to rent more than one hotel room.

2) A reduced ability to accommodate female play.

3) No sure way of knowing that our spouse is being treated properly and is having an enjoyable experience.

 

We agree with those who believe it is distracting/disappointing to play with people who intently focused on watching their spouse. Neither of us goes out of our way to watch the other - preferring to focus on our play partner unless/until one couple finishes before the other.

 

In fact, Mrs 2jersey usually closes her eyes when she reaches a certain state of arousal (trancelike). As long as she is enjoying her partner, you can walk away with her husband, her wallet, the light bulbs, anything. Just return everything an hour later - she'll never even notice. :)

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For us, our preference of same-room, and preferably same-bed, isn't about being newbies or having insecurities. It's about our preference for more interaction and variety in the experience, as well as touching, eye contact and connection between each other while engaging with others. I know that many separate room couples view same-room people as insecure or "not ready" (i.e. immature in swinging), but often this is just not the case. It's a preference thing.

 

Thanks for posting this.

 

Mrs Spoo and I were talking about the same thing recently and this is EXACTLY how we feel.

 

Besides, "advanced" swinging isn't defined as the ability to do seperate rooms, it is defined as being very aware of what you want/enjoy and doing just that. It is when you really don't know what you want or what you are comfortable with that you are still swinging on a "101" level.

 

Spoomonkey

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It just occurred to me that in the same way separate-room couples sometimes view themselves as "advanced" while they think of same-room-only couples as newbies or think they have issues, maybe the reverse could be true sometimes. Maybe some of these separate-only couples aren't "ready" for more variety and for being turned-on seeing each other full-on with other people?

I think this is very perceptive and join in the applause!

 

We have done both, and they both have their charms. When we're in the same room, I love the togetherness, the play in different combinations, all the sounds and tastes, and seeing Mr. Fuse with his playmate. When we're in different rooms, I enjoy focusing on my playmate without anything to distract me. In my opinion the question doesn't have to be complicated -- it's all good.

 

With a new couple we'll always at least start out in the same room, just to make sure everyone has the right attitude and nothing weird goes on.

 

I suppose if a couple insisted on separate rooms, we would have to ask why and be a little skeptical. Likewise, if someone went beyond a preference for same room into saying they'd never under any circumstances go into separate rooms, I'd also wonder about them and ask why.

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My questions for all of you are,

 

1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

 

2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

 

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

Sorry, Good Times... I didn't answer your questions.

 

1. Now that I think about it, yeah... the sex has probably been better in separate rooms for me, on the whole. Hmm... I still like both, but this will make me think.

 

2. I love seeing Mr. Fuse with his playmate. But I only sneak glances every now and then, or watch a little (or join in) when my playmate is doing something else, for example getting a condom, a drink of water, or in the bathroom. If I watch more than a second or two at a time, it detracts from my own experience and makes me feel rude, which is not sexy :o . I'm way more interested in sex with the lady's husband, so it's not an issue.

 

3. Hasn't happened yet. When it does, I hope I will be diplomatic... just ask nicely whether he wants to watch or be with me. If that doesn't work, and I'm not pissed off by then, I'd ask for a separate room... if a few reasonable efforts like this fail, I might cut the encounter short (depending). We'd be unlikely to see the people again.

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When we are with a couple, I would think that the main thought of my partner would be to be with me and would want to get down to seeing what we each like. I don't have a problem with the ladies wanting to interact, but if there isn't anything going on, then I don't see why we shouldn't move to a place where we aren't distracted by what they might be doing?

 

I'm with Fuse, I would be reluctant to be with a couple who couldn't play in separate rooms or at least a few feet away.

 

Hope that made sense.

 

Male D

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As I said above, or at least I think I did, we have done and enjoyed both, and as someone else mentioned the issue of seperate rooms is easier to decide if you are using a hotel/motel. We have done both but Mrs. Harry prefers her partner's undivided attention, and we have had a couple who frankly were much more interested in watchng their partner.

 

One such case was a couple who were from Honduras I believe, I first played with them at an onpremise party where Mrs. Harry was otherwise engaged, and I went to have a threesome with this couple. It started out not bad with him and I undressing this very attractive lady but eventually it became a voyeur experience for him, he kept a running commentary going through the whole thing. I was distracted by him as he lay there stroking himself.

 

Admittedly I had no problem maintaining my erection, and her and I played various games for over an hour and half so she was very happy, but when we met as a foursome a few weeks later, he could not even maintain a decent erection as he was so interested in what his mate and I were doing.

 

Never met them again unfortunatly but that was one thing that really soured Mrs. HArry on same room. We have since done same room and enjoyed it so I guess the real answer is so long as your head is where it should be it is all good.

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1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

 

Actually we prefer same room play, sex is always better when I know he is having a good time and he is so damned sexy to watch. Also if anything goes wrong we are both there to take care of it.

 

2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

 

No problem at all, it is like having your own personal porn movie on and having sex at the same time...It is all good and just enhances the experience.

 

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

 

Easy I would suggest we go over and join them. Another plus to same room play is that we can all play together. ;)

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No problem at all, it is like having your own personal porn movie on and having sex at the same time...It is all good and just enhances the experience.

I know this is probably not how you meant this, but this statement tells how we have felt in these situations almost perfectly. I have actually been having sex and the woman never even looked at me or her partner at my wife, they spent the whole time watching each other. This is exactly how it made us feel, as if we were just the actors in their own private porn movie. If I had some kind of porn star fantasy that might be a turn on, but I do not, so it is a major turn-off for me.

 

Maybe I am different from others, but for me, one of the essential ingredients for me to be turned on and have an enjoyable time having sex with someone is knowing that that person really wants to have sex with me. If it is obvious that all I am is a show for their spouse then that is a major turn off to me. Don't get me wrong, it is a turn on to me to know my wife is having great sex with someone and thoroughly enjoying herself. However, if the guy is not paying attention to her, she is not going to be having fun. To me the turn on is knowing or seeing her having a good time in bed, not watching her getting it on with someone else.

 

It is funny how many people we have met that tell us their main turn on is watching each other and if others aren't into that they just aren't compatible, yet we have met very few of them that can pull that off and still be any fun in bed for the other couple. Their was even one couple we met at the local club that we had experienced this with that later was complaining to us that no one seemed to ever play with them more than once. As you can probably guess, that was no surprise to us.

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Their was even one couple we met at the local club that we had experienced this with that later was complaining to us that no one seemed to ever play with them more than once. As you can probably guess, that was no surprise to us.

I'm curious. Did you say anything to them about how you felt during play with them? If so, how did they react?

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Good times that is why you take the time to find a compatible couple. There are just as many who enjoy watching each other as don't... :kissface:

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I'm curious. Did you say anything to them about how you felt during play with them? If so, how did they react?

No, we didn't say anything to them. Like most people, we don't like to hurt anyones feelings. In fact, while I like to think of myself as a very honest person, and have even been told by more than one person that I am a little too honest sometimes, we have told people we had fun with them when we really didn't. Wasn't an outright lie, as we wouldn't have went to the playroom with them if we hadn't been having fun with them up to that point, but it wasn't totally honest either because the sex was anti-climatic to say the least.

 

This was the main motivation for this thread, we just haven't figured out a way to tactfully tell someone that they suck as play partners. I know, that is putting it bluntly, but like everyone else, we are in this to have fun, and a lot of times it just isn't all that enjoyable. We were hoping others here might have some great ideas of how to steer this type of situation into a more enjoyable scenario for all involved. As indicated here, a lot of people insist on same room play. At our favorite club that means same bed as they only have one bed per room and we normally play same room simply because it is logistically much easier to find one of the busy play rooms empty than two. We have just gotten to the point that when someone says "same room only" it is kind of like a big red flag to us, more often than not the "same room only" people suck as playmates. Not always, but often enough that we are getting frustrated by it. Funny thing is, we have noticed that if the people say that they have no problem doing same or seperate room we have never had this problem with them, even when we play same room.

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Good times that is why you take the time to find a compatible couple. There are just as many who enjoy watching each other as don't... :kissface:

I would agree with you here if every time we had played with someone who was "same room only" it was a bad experience. But the fact is, one of our favorite play couples is "same room only". So, had we just refused to play with anyone that insisted on same room only we would have missed out on a lot of fun play couples. The problem is, you never know until you are in the middle of it. I guess if it isn't working we could just get up and leave, but doing that just isn't something that we would feel comfortable with. I would love to know a way to figure this out before we get to the play room, but I don't know of a reliable way to do it. If somebody told us ahead of time that they were going to just watch their partner the whole time and not pay any attention to us, we would naturally decline. We have only had one couple ever do that though, and we did, in fact, decline.

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What is it that's different/better about having sex with this couple, compared to the other same-room-only couples that you've been with? How do they make it different in the way that's good for you?

Well, probably the reason they are one of our favorites is that we all have similar styles. In other words we all seem to have the same things that turn us on, and we all seem to have a similar progression from start to finnish in what we like to do. None of that has much to do with whether we were doing same room or not though, I am sure they would be just as fun either way. Compared to other couples we have had same room sex with though, the difference from the majority is that even though we might have a little peeking and touching with our spouses during sex their is no doubt that we are all giving 100% to the one we are with. At the opposite end of the spectrum is the couple we were with a couple of weeks ago that prompted this thread who maybe gave us 5 or 10% of their attention, they might have noticed if we fell off the bed or left the room but the majority of their attention was on their spouse, which kicked this one firmly into the poor experience catagory. Most others we have done same room with have fallen somewhere in the middle and they were the ones I was refering to as being mediocre experiences.

 

I would like to add that this is mostly a problem with the male of the other couples as most often he is the one that is doing the watching instead of concentrating on what he is doing with Mrs. GT. I think men are probably more visually oriented than women so I assume that is probably part of the explaination for that. It has happened both ways though.

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