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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default The condom broke...

    Okay, I'm totally freaking out and need to talk.

    Some of you may remember me. I've been on here off and on a few times. Well, since my last post, hubby and I have had quite a few experiences with a couple we both are very much into. Up until Saturday night, we had all only played with each other as in oral, hands, fingers, etc. Saturday night we decided to take it all the way. Me and the other guy were going at it when I heard the words that changed everything...the condom broke. My husband had just finished with his wife and they got up and left the room. The husband and I got a new condom and finished. When we walked into the living room, his wife is freaking out, crying, totally upset. Not to mention that I am freaking out because condoms are the only form of birth control I use. Nothing to back it up. Except the fact that the condoms contain spermicide.

    So now I am totally worried, the wife is totally worried, and I'm sure the guys have to be too. He didn't cum inside me or anything but we all know how dangerous precum can be. I feel lost. I don't know what to do. What I do know is that my hubby and I won't be going that far with swinging again. Playing is one thing but I can't deal with the possible ramifications of things like this happening.

    Does anyone have any positive words or stories to share? Anything that may set my mind at ease somewhat?

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Sorry to hear about your dilemma. This happened to an acquaintance of ours several years back, and she did in fact get pregnant from her swing partner. She was freaking out at first sort of like you are now, but she eventually grew to accept the fact that she was going to have an illegitimate child. Her husband wanted her to have an abortion but it was against her religious beliefs so she refused, and they ended up getting a divorce. Unfortunately a month after she ended up having a miscarriage. It was a traumatic experience all the way around.

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Without getting into all the B.S. surrounding the topic something I may suggest for your consideration is emergency contraception (ie. "Morning after pill")

    --just something for you to think about. Not sure of the availability, where
    to go or any of that, I just know it exists

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    My wife and I used condoms for our birth control, but there were many many times we used the old Catholic withdrawl and she never got pregnant. Of course we did worry a little. Then when we wanted a child she got pregnant the first month, so it wasn't like she had trouble getting pregnant.

    Worry but don't let it devour you. In our talks we have decided that we will assume it is my sperm that won the race to the egg. Don't ask don't tell kind of. Of course now neither of us have to worry about getting pregnant, me the vas, she the hyst.

    What if there are medical complications down the road we would address them at that time if necessary.

    Good luck and give each other a hug.

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Quote Originally Posted by Estaque
    Sorry to hear about your dilemma. This happened to an acquaintance of ours several years back, and she did in fact get pregnant from her swing partner. She was freaking out at first sort of like you are now, but she eventually grew to accept the fact that she was going to have an illegitimate child. Her husband wanted her to have an abortion but it was against her religious beliefs so she refused, and they ended up getting a divorce. Unfortunately a month after she ended up having a miscarriage. It was a traumatic experience all the way around.

    I don't think this is what she was needed to hear Estaque!

    I will send you a private message, Dviousangel.
    I aim to misbehave.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    If the guy didn't finish, the odds of you getting pregnant are just about nill.

    As a biologist I think the whole 'you can get pregnant from pre-cum' is not as possible as often stated. Its put there to discourage pulling out as a method of birth control since you can screw up the pull out very easily. So if the condom broke almost all of the pre-cum would have been inside the condom anyways, and again the odds of getting pregnant from pre-cum are just about nothing.

    Pre-cum itself doesn't contain sperm, so first the guy would have had to have ejaculated prior to playing with you recently. If that didn't happen you are 100% in the clear. Even if he did, if he peed, the odds of viable sperm are much reduced, again, lowering chances. Finally even if he did and he didn't its still not very high.

    So while its possible , relax a bit. Oh and Estaque has been trolling a lot lately, and is pretty much proven himself to be just a jagoff, so I wouldn't take his story at face value, odds are he just posted that to freak you out.

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    First, don't freak out. Think. Are you ovulating? If you are ovulating, there WAS spermicide, so between the fact that he hadn't actually come and the spermicide, I'd say chances were fairly slim of a pregnancy. Because of the failure rate with condoms, among other things, we use another form of birth control along with condoms.

    If your worry was more about STD's, do you think that they're high risk? If you're unsure, go for a STD screen. Be proactive.

    I'm curious to know whether the wife's freakout prompted yours, since you said that you and play-hubby got another condom and finished. And, are you sure that she freaked out over the condom? If they're newbies like you, she may have just been freaking out over full-swap, not the condom.

    In swinging, there are risks involved. Minimizing the risks is the best way to prevent freakouts. If you don't think swinging is worth the risks, I don't blame you. I wouldn't swing either.

    Pepper
    "Swinging is a lot like riding a Harley, ...for those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, no explanation is possible." --Mr. Alura

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    You should try to relax girl, because whats been done is done. Hopefully you know when aunt flo should get here, so if you are late then you can go ahead and take a pregnancy test. BUT please learn from this experience. You live and you learn, mistakes are made. If you and your husband are active you need to be on something like the pill or depo injections. Best of luck to you. Don't freak though.
    Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho
    Shelly

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    I have had the very same experience as you. We were going at it when he says "oh shit", condom was ripped. I also am not on birth control.

    It freaked me out, but I am glad to say that things worked out. I know what you are going through. The best thing to do is figure out when you ovulate, and if you are afraid of any STD's then you can get tested at some point.

    It did make me think twice about swinging but we did decide to continue. Perhaps you should back up a condom wtih other birth control methods as well.

    Good luck
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Hey guys. I appreciate all the replies. I need all the positive reinforcement I can get.

    About the getting pregnant from precum thing. This couple have a 16 month old child that she got pregnant with before they even had sex. It was from them messing around only and the fact that his penis touched her vagina with no actual penetration. This is why her and I are freaking out so much.

    I do believe her freakout was from both the full swap and the condom breaking. Her and I feel the same way, we just don't want to deal with the what ifs of full swap. Playing is still very much okay. This was everyone's first time for full swap except her hubby, who was in the lifestyle previously.

    It's not STD's I'm worried about, it's pregnancy. That night, after they fell asleep, hubby and I had a long talk about everything. I was crying, upset, feeling horrible, and my wonderful hubby is sitting there telling me that he loves me more than anything in this world and if I were to end up pregnant, he wouldn't care, it would still be our baby. This man definitely has his head on straight and is the most wonderful individual I have ever met. I just don't want another baby period (we have 2 kids), with or without him. Before we went to sleep that night, we had sex without a condom. He pulled out but I just needed to feel him after that. Do you guys know what I mean?

    So with all that said, I have no idea if I was ovulating. My last period started on July 4th and this happened on Saturday night/sunday morning around 3 am.

    I just want to be able to stop thinking about it.

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Quote Originally Posted by EvilMJ
    I have had the very same experience as you. We were going at it when he says "oh shit", condom was ripped. I also am not on birth control.

    It freaked me out, but I am glad to say that things worked out. I know what you are going through. The best thing to do is figure out when you ovulate, and if you are afraid of any STD's then you can get tested at some point.

    It did make me think twice about swinging but we did decide to continue. Perhaps you should back up a condom wtih other birth control methods as well.

    Good luck
    As I was reading your post, and I am very glad things worked out for you, I wondered...does anyone know of the highest quality condoms out there now? Of course, I know latex. But this is definately a hazard I didn't think about until today, and it has me a little concerned to be honest.
    Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho
    Shelly

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Quote Originally Posted by dviousangel
    my wonderful hubby is sitting there telling me that he loves me more than anything in this world and if I were to end up pregnant, he wouldn't care, it would still be our baby. This man definitely has his head on straight and is the most wonderful individual I have ever met. I just don't want another baby period (we have 2 kids), with or without him. Before we went to sleep that night, we had sex without a condom. He pulled out but I just needed to feel him after that. Do you guys know what I mean?
    It sounds like you are a lucky woman indeed to have such a good man. Relax, and see if aunt flo is late. I have always been told to wait 2 weeks past when you were due before testing, but I think with today's tests you don't have to do that. Talk to your ob about the morning after pill if you are really worried. These things happen sometimes unfortunately. Just try to relax and stay calm.
    Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho
    Shelly

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Quote Originally Posted by ShellyM
    As I was reading your post, and I am very glad things worked out for you, I wondered...does anyone know of the highest quality condoms out there now? Of course, I know latex. But this is definately a hazard I didn't think about until today, and it has me a little concerned to be honest.
    Sadly I thought they were good quality condoms. I think the problem was that ew had been giong at it for quite a long time we were at it and the damned thing got worn out. I don't think they are made for marathon sex. .

    I am happy to report that is the one and only time that has ever happened to me.
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Quote Originally Posted by dviousangel
    Hey guys. I appreciate all the replies. I need all the positive reinforcement I can get.

    About the getting pregnant from precum thing. This couple have a 16 month old child that she got pregnant with before they even had sex. It was from them messing around only and the fact that his penis touched her vagina with no actual penetration. This is why her and I are freaking out so much.

    I do believe her freakout was from both the full swap and the condom breaking. Her and I feel the same way, we just don't want to deal with the what ifs of full swap. Playing is still very much okay. This was everyone's first time for full swap except her hubby, who was in the lifestyle previously.

    It's not STD's I'm worried about, it's pregnancy. That night, after they fell asleep, hubby and I had a long talk about everything. I was crying, upset, feeling horrible, and my wonderful hubby is sitting there telling me that he loves me more than anything in this world and if I were to end up pregnant, he wouldn't care, it would still be our baby. This man definitely has his head on straight and is the most wonderful individual I have ever met. I just don't want another baby period (we have 2 kids), with or without him. Before we went to sleep that night, we had sex without a condom. He pulled out but I just needed to feel him after that. Do you guys know what I mean?

    So with all that said, I have no idea if I was ovulating. My last period started on July 4th and this happened on Saturday night/sunday morning around 3 am.

    I just want to be able to stop thinking about it.
    I'm with the biologist on this one. Your friend who got pregnant without penetration--possible, but still in her case, I bet her partner had an orgasm and thus sperm found itself inside of her vagina. It was not pre-cum, I bet. Even with an orgasm (which didn't happen in your case), there's a general 3% chance of pregnancy. Higher, if you are ovulating and much lower, if you are not. I reaaaly think that you are taking it far too seriously, but again I am a man so I guess I can be viewed as insensitive on this matter. But, again, your odds of pregnancy--where he did not cum inside of you--are nil.

    Lawguy

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Quote Originally Posted by Estaque
    Sorry to hear about your dilemma. This happened to an acquaintance of ours several years back, and she did in fact get pregnant from her swing partner. She was freaking out at first sort of like you are now, but she eventually grew to accept the fact that she was going to have an illegitimate child. Her husband wanted her to have an abortion but it was against her religious beliefs so she refused, and they ended up getting a divorce. Unfortunately a month after she ended up having a miscarriage. It was a traumatic experience all the way around.
    It just seems odd to me that she was against abortion because of religious beliefs but yet she was swinging. Just odd to me.

    But this whole issue with the condom breaking. Yep I'm living through it all right now. I can totally relate.

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Quote Originally Posted by dviousangel
    About the getting pregnant from precum thing. This couple have a 16 month old child that she got pregnant with before they even had sex. It was from them messing around only and the fact that his penis touched her vagina with no actual penetration. This is why her and I are freaking out so much.
    Please, take a few deep breaths. I know that there is sperm in precum, but the chances of getting pregnant that way is very rare. Plus, the couple would have to be HIGHLY fertile. Just because it happens once doesn't mean it will happen again.

    Quote Originally Posted by dviousangel
    It's not STD's I'm worried about, it's pregnancy.
    I hear ya. Mr. LFM and I have discussed this, and even though we will being do full swap, we will won't play without condoms. Since I am also older, I am doing the depo shots as pills are just not an option.

    Quote Originally Posted by dviousangel
    So with all that said, I have no idea if I was ovulating. My last period started on July 4th and this happened on Saturday night/sunday morning around 3 am.
    Well, it mostly depending on your cycle. Are your periods regular? Irregular? I'm counting this is 19 days past when your period started. If you are on a 28 day cycle, the fertile time would have been five or six days prior.

    A woman will ovulate about 14 days before her period is to begin. In terms of conception, fertility depends on three factors: a healthy egg, healthy sperm, and favorable cervical mucus. A woman ovulates once a cycle. The egg lives twelve to twenty-four hours and then disintegrates if not fertilized. A woman can become pregnant from unprotected intercourse up to five days before ovulation.

    The way I'm counting, if you were on a 28 day cycle, it doesn't seem like much of a possibility. The window for getting pregnant is very narrow and your situation doesn't really "red light" me. He didn't cum in you for one, and the time of the month wasn't quite right.

    I don't want this to alarm you, but only give some facts. I really do hope the best for you. Please use a pregnancy test if you're still unsure and also, let us know how you're doing.

    ((HUGS))
    Dave & Holly

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Quote Originally Posted by dviousangel
    Before we went to sleep that night, we had sex without a condom. He pulled out but I just needed to feel him after that. Do you guys know what I mean?
    Is it me or unless hubby is sniped, does this sould like a bad idea? Now you may be PG from hubby even if your swap partner didn't do it. :rollseyes

    We look at it this way, If the wife got PG, we would just raise the child. My step dad was the greatest man I have known and he never had a child of his own. Blood does not make you a parent. If something comes of it, love the child and each other. It would be an oppertunity to do the right thing.


    BTW, this thread started in April, where do things stand now?
    Life is only as good as you make it!

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Everything I've always read about pre-cum has said that it contains little to no sperm unless the male has had an orgasm very recenlty and hasn't urinated to flush-out the urethra. So I would say the chances are very small that you would get pregnant.

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    djjwp, I joined the boards in April, this thread was started yesterday. And yes, me having sex with hubby without a condom was not the best choice. But after feeling another man inside me condomless when it broke, who wasn't my husband, even though it was for only a second, made me NEED to feel my own husband skin against skin. Dumb idea yes, but something I really needed all the same. Some of you out there can understand this I'm sure.

    curious24, you said you are going through this right now too. What's going on with you?

    LFM2, My cycle is pretty much a regular 28 day cycle. Since I'm not on birth control it varies a few days here and there but for the most part it's regular.

    I'm trying not to dwell on this and let it consume me but it's very hard. According to my calculations, I should be starting around the 1st of August.

    And just to clarify why I'm not on birth control. I have tried almost every pill known to man and can't take them because of the hormones they contain. When I take BC that contains any kind of hormones, ALL my sex drive goes away. That only leaves me with a few choices. Condoms, diaphram, IUD. There is only one IUD that doesn't contain hormones but there are many other side effects from it. I think I do need to get a diaphram though. My gyno and I have been through all these options and have tried so many things. I wish I could just be on the pill and not worry about it.

  20. Back To Top | #20

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Quote Originally Posted by dviousangel
    djjwp, I joined the boards in April, this thread was started yesterday.
    Ok, I'm a guy and can't read... :rollseyes .

    I hope things go OK. We have had conversations about this as my wife is not on BC and I'm fixed. Explaining that to family would be a tough one. I have just decided that I would deal with it and take what comes our way. I was raised by my step dad and he was the greatest man I have known. I call him my dad and my real father who died when I was 12 "my father" He was never in my life. Relationships make parents, not a blood test is the way I look at it.

    Good luck
    Life is only as good as you make it!

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Angel~

    If you run a 28 day cycle and you started on the 4th, it looks to me like your most fertile days were the 18th-20th. Close call, but if I had to bet money on it, I'd bet against your being pregnant.

    Thank you for starting this thread though...Mr. Vixen & I have been so worried about catching an STD that I don't even think we thought about birth control. My factory is closed if you know what I mean so we havn't had to think about it in over a decade...

    So after I read this thread....I said to hubby...wow...what would we do if your condom broke?

    He said....."Ummmm thanks, I WAS excited...."

    Don't mean to make light of the conversation. It was just a funny moment between us.

    Seriously, if his condom broke, we'd face it like we have any other challenge in our marriage...with honesty and integrity.

    I can see why one would feel ok with swinging but not with abortion. Personally I'm a choice girl myself, but one could argue that pregnancy involves a life that isn't your own.

    In any event...Good Luck to you both ( I think I saw two posters who are now in this situation). Whatever happens, keeping open and honest about how you are feeling and considering all involved will be the best key.

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Understand that folks seem to want to make you feel good, but the fact is that we know a gal who got pregnant during an MFM with her hubby and another guy, and neither of their condoms broke. The guys fingered her a long time while they were playing with her and getting her hot. But, they both put condoms on before they penetrated her or even got their dicks near her pussy. In fact, both guys came afterwards by her hand, not while they were in her. They think that the other guy must have cum while he was fingering her and the sperm got in her vagina from his finger.

    Oh, precum does have sperm in it. A number of years ago I looked at mine under a microscope and there they were, swiming along. Of course, they were not numerous like in my cum, but it only takes one....

    Our recommendation is that you should have visited your OB and gotten a prescription to the morning after pill (Plan BŪ). You need to take it within 72 hours for it to be effective. It prevents pregnancy mainly by stopping the release of an egg from the ovary, and may also prevent the fertilization of an egg (the uniting of sperm with the egg). Plan BŪ may also work by preventing it from attaching to the uterus (womb).

    It is not RU-486 (the abortion pill) and should not be taken after 72 hours or if you think you are pregnant.

    In the future we would recommend that you use contraceptive sponge, film, or foam as a backup to having the guy wear a condom. Just put it in before you get started playing. That way you are still protected from getting pregnant if the condoms breaks, or if somehow sperm finds its way into your vagina, like our friend.

  23. Back To Top | #23

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    I've had an IUD since 99 when our last child was born. I have the one with no hormone and the only side effect is more cramping and a heavier flow. *I* think it's the best birth control out there - kind of a 'set it and forget it' type of thing

    Recently I started on the Pill so I could regulate the damn thing. Ironically years ago when I took it I was the meanest bitch in the world who had NO sex drive. Now, it's actually made me incredibly horny! Hubby sure likes this pill lol

    Now that it's August 2nd, did Aunt Flo arrive?
    Mrs. LiCouple4u
    Just your average married couple seeking friends with benefits :fun:

  24. Back To Top | #24

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    As other posters have said...the morning after pill is available for those broken condom situations. I am on the pill and we always use condoms with playmates, but perhaps I will get a prescription...just in case . I also would like an updte on this story...how did things turn out?

  25. Back To Top | #25

    Default Re: The condom broke...

    Well, today it has been 30 days since the first day of my last period. I still have not started. I took a test 2 days ago and it was negative but I'm wondering if it wasn't too early. I'm very depressed about it and can't stop thinking about it. I'm crampy and have had a headache for a week now, just none of the normal discharge or aunt flo. Yes, still freaking out.

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