Jump to content
eurotrash

My girlfriend is lonely, poly relationship the solution?

Recommended Posts

Due to my profession, I am away from home for a month to 4 months at a time. I'd like to just stay with her, but there's no work for a U.S. filmmaker in Paris. She can't travel with me due to health issues, money issues and her citizenship.

 

My girlfriend and I are very in love with each other. The separation is difficult, but she suffers the most.

 

Last week, after a heart-wrenching telephone discussion about how lonely she felt, and how hard it was for her to sleep in an empty bed, among other things, I asked her to find herself a lover.

 

The decision was a tough one. We aren't swingers. However, I don't want to lose her because she is lonely and feels trapped by our relationship, and I want someone to take care of her and her needs, whatever they may be, while I'm away.

 

I've never been with a girl that swings, but it is a fantasy of mine. In my mind, I accepted the fact that my GF would be with someone else. Instead of being jealous, I liked the idea that my GF would have someone to give her the some of what I can't while I'm away.

 

She was shocked. Then she accused me of proposing this so I could do the same. I assured her that I had no intention of being with anyone else. I want this to be like a gift of my love to her.

 

She's bi... In fact, she was thinking she was a lesbian before we met. While I was away a previous time, she'd had a sexual encounter with a female friend of mine. The two of them had gotten very close. They were drunk after a party and voila!

 

However, now she was against the idea. She wanted me, not someone else.

 

Since then, she's had our friend sleep over several times. Nothing's happened, but I know they kiss each other a lot. I feel so relieved that my GF is not alone in bed.

 

Then, she proposed that I find her someone. She didn't want to find her lover. So, I asked asked another girl I know, and guess what? She didn't even blink!

 

Of course, my GF was shocked again! She didn't think I would seriously do something like that! LOL! So far, nothing has happened. They've started writing emails to each other.

 

Now, the idea of my GF with other people totally turns me on, and I feel good inside knowing that she's not alone during those cold Parisian nights.

 

She's worried about where this will lead, and even thinks that maybe I'm just trying to get rid of her... to pass her off to someone else. (I can assure you that's not the case. I wouldn't propose this if I didn't trust and love her completely. I just want her to be happy until I can be there with her.)

 

Am I going about this the right way?

Share this post


Link to post

Am I going about this the right way?

 

Sure if you want to be single.

 

Lonely is far different than just being horny. If she finds someone to make her not lonely and have sex with, guess what, she doesn't need you anymore.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Annaiis
Then she accused me of proposing this so I could do the same.

I'm not surprised, since you've had a single male profile on SLS for almost two years (I just followed your "Home page" link on your profile here on SB) and were last on-line on SLS four days ago looking for "a couple or that elusive single woman" for a "menage `trois".

 

Edit: In the spirit of giving you the benefit of the doubt, I should say that if you're SERIOUS about loving her and wanting the best for her, I think you should change your SLS profile to reflect your loving relationship with your GF and use it to help find someone for HER. The first step would be to change your location to Paris.

Share this post


Link to post

Hello there, I think your issue it's not exactly swinging related, but still it's a good way to talk about it and receive some advice.

 

Long distance relationships are always difficult to handle, and you have seen why, it's something you have to talk about given the chance to be together both of you in the future.

 

If you won't find any way to be together soon, it's probably best to set the relationship in stand by and be on your own for both of you. It would be quite selfish to keep her in a long distance relationship like that and if you love her like you say, probably would be for the best.

 

Stay in touch, don't close yourself to the chance of being with her in the future, but it's better to be on your own, with any other people around. If you're meant to be with her, you'll get together again.

 

Take care.

Share this post


Link to post
Sure if you want to be single.

 

Lonely is far different than just being horny. If she finds someone to make her not lonely and have sex with, guess what, she doesn't need you anymore.

Isn't that what polyamory is about? Being able to love and be loved by more than one person?

 

I don't want her to need only me if it makes her suffer, or even feel like she is restricted to getting her needs, whatever they are, from me.

Share this post


Link to post
I'm not surprised, since you've had a single male profile on SLS for almost two years (I just followed your "Home page" link on your profile here on SB) and were last on-line on SLS four days ago looking for "a couple or that elusive single woman" for a "menage ` trois".

 

Edit: In the spirit of giving you the benefit of the doubt, I should say that if you're SERIOUS about loving her and wanting the best for her, I think you should change your SLS profile to reflect your loving relationship with your GF and use it to help find someone for HER. The first step would be to change your location to Paris.

Well, I'm in not in Paris right now, so my profile is correct.

 

However, it's true that I need to update my profile. I don't take SLS seriously enough to update it. I've never met anyone even when I was single. I was actually online to see if there were any girls in Paris that might interest my GF.

Share this post


Link to post
Hello there, I think your issue it's not exactly swinging related, but still it's a good way to talk about it and receive some advice.

 

Long distance relationships are always difficult to handle, and you have seen why, it's something you have to talk about given the chance to be together both of you in the future.

 

If you won't find any way to be together soon, it's probably best to set the relationship in stand by and be on your own for both of you. It would be quite selfish to keep her in a long distance relationship like that and if you love her like you say, probably would be for the best.

 

Stay in touch, don't close yourself to the chance of being with her in the future, but it's better to be on your own, with any other people around. If you're meant to be with her, you'll get together again.

Take care

Thanks for your reply.

 

I will actually be in Paris, where I still have my apartment, within a matter of days. We already talk everyday on the phone. Of course, we'll talk more once we're together.

 

I think, normally, I would agree with you and set our relationship in stand-by, but we both don't want that. In fact, our relationship blossomed after I'd left Paris. She was a friend with benefits who was seeing other people at the same time as I was seeing other people. However, after I left, for what I thought was going to be 1, 2 months max, she kept in constant contact with me... email, phone calls, IM, video chat, photos, videos. The distance actually brought us closer, and for me, helped filter out the distractions that prevented me from seeing what we had together.

 

I'm seriously OK with being apart from her. I'm on a mission. Part of my mission, now, is to bring us back together.

 

I'm also OK with her finding another partner. I think it's what she needs, and now that she's spending the night (w/o sexual contact) with our friend, I can feel that she's happier and healthier... although she still misses me and would rather I were in the bed.

 

It's simply a question of money that I'm not with her, as I am more flexible than she is when it comes to travel. As a filmmaker, I could (and did) live in Paris while leaving for short time periods. That time will come again. It's not like started working for the U.S. Postal Service with only 1 week of vacation per year.

Share this post


Link to post
I'm not surprised, since you've had a single male profile on SLS for almost two years (I just followed your "Home page" link on your profile here on SB) and were last on-line on SLS four days ago looking for "a couple or that elusive single woman" for a "menage ` trois".

 

Edit: In the spirit of giving you the benefit of the doubt, I should say that if you're SERIOUS about loving her and wanting the best for her, I think you should change your SLS profile to reflect your loving relationship with your GF and use it to help find someone for HER. The first step would be to change your location to Paris.

Ummm...

 

Just went to SLS. Do I have to register an new profile if I want to be a couple?

Share this post


Link to post

Euro,

 

To answer your latest question you can email tech support on SLS and tell them you want to change your profile from a single to a couple. I have done this and know it can be done. But they will not change the name.

 

As for the rest of your story here...being in a poly relationship ourselves we fully understand that when you love someone you want their happiness, whatever that may be. But one question I have is why you only seem to be searching for is a female friend for her. Why not a male companion?

 

The Menage's

:three:

Share this post


Link to post
Euro,

 

To answer your latest question you can email tech support on SLS and tell them you want to change your profile from a single to a couple. I have done this and know it can be done. But they will not change the name.

 

As for the rest of your story here...being in a poly relationship ourselves we fully understand that when you love someone you want their happiness, whatever that may be. But one question I have is why you only seem to be searching for is a female friend for her. Why not a male companion?

 

The Menage's

:three:

Thanks for your suggestion and good question.

 

I told her it could be a guy or a girl. She flat out told me she didn't want a guy. After all, she thought she was turning into a lesbian before she met me.

 

Once I was able to wrap my mind around the idea of not being jealous, and wanting her to simply be happy, and having her believe and understand me, I think our relationship has reached new levels even if she never finds another partner.

Share this post


Link to post

Well, she went and did it... with a guy.

 

BUT, she said she didn't enjoy it, and then didn't want to talk to me about it, and even lied about some things that happened.

 

I'm not happy that she's saying she didn't enjoy it, and that she didn't want to talk with me about it, and lied.

 

This is not what I wanted. She found let herself get picked up in a club. That's not what I wanted, and I was clear about this.

Share this post


Link to post

Thinking about this one for a while.

 

The title "My GF Is Lonely" is tough in a long distance relationship.

 

You can talk about the you can do this and you can do that or not do this or not that. I just think when it came down to it, you aren't there and she did what she felt like. She may have "lied" because she didn't want to talk about it to you at the time. She may have enjoyed it at the moment, but to tell you she didn't enjoy is a way of not upsetting you.

 

You have a hard road to run.

Share this post


Link to post

We just had a long, long discussion about this.

 

Everything is fine.

 

She can't believe that I'm okay with this, and that I'd even get turned on by it.

 

She was also afraid that by having sex with someone else, I'd use that as a reason to do the same... NOT the case.

 

Once she was reassured of those two things, I think our relationship just grew to another level.

Share this post


Link to post

The last time my girlfriend and I saw each other, we began to explore the fantasy of bringing another man into bed with us and her being with another man. It turns us both on. We even tried to go to a sauna, but it it turned out to be a dud.

 

I'm away again, but I've found a sauna that I think will be to our liking for when I return. So far, it's just been fantasy and play.

 

She wants this to happen as much as I do. She also wants to bring a girl into bed with us... mostly for her, but she said she'd like to see me pleasing the other girl without penetration.

 

A swinger couple from the U.S. visiting Paris wants to stay with us. That will be exciting.

 

All of this has brought us closer, made us more devoted to one another, and created an ambiance where we can tell each other anything.

Share this post


Link to post

Eurotrash,

 

I just get the feeling that your girlfriend is more comfortable with women and may be simply depending on you to provide for her financially etc. I could be wrong but this is the impression I'm getting.

Share this post


Link to post
Eurotrash,

 

I just get the feeling that your girlfriend is more comfortable with women and may be simply depending on you to provide for her financially etc. I could be wrong but this is the impression I'm getting.

Interesting.

 

Why do you think this?

Share this post


Link to post

I'm glad to hear it worked out for you, but it sounds to me like you may have broached the subject without enough grace. Then again, I only know how it was brought up to me so I don't know how most people can have the discussion (I don't know if I could ever bring it up myself).

 

Again, congrats on the success.

Share this post


Link to post

Pick:

 

Your job or your girlfriend

 

You don't seem to be in a position to have both. What's more important to you at this stage of your life?

Share this post


Link to post

My husband works in the oil field so I have lots of long lonely nights. What I do is find an adult chatroom, and get on the webcam. I still have to go to bed alone but I don't feel ignored and I'm sexually satisfied by the end of the night. Of course, I'm into exhibitionism so it works for me.

 

I think being away from hubby for so long makes us even closer when he gets back. The missing him is almost worth the wonderful feeling I get when he comes home.

Share this post


Link to post
Due to my profession, I am away from home for a month to 4 months at a time. I'd like to just stay with her, but there's no work for a U.S. filmmaker in Paris. She can't travel with me due to health issues, money issues and her citizenship.

 

My girlfriend and I are very in love with each other. The separation is difficult, but she suffers the most.

 

Last week, after a heart-wrenching telephone discussion about how lonely she felt, and how hard it was for her to sleep in an empty bed, among other things, I asked her to find herself a lover.

 

The decision was a tough one. We aren't swingers. However, I don't want to lose her because she is lonely and feels trapped by our relationship, and I want someone to take care of her and her needs, whatever they may be, while I'm away.

 

I've never been with a girl that swings, but it is a fantasy of mine. In my mind, I accepted the fact that my GF would be with someone else. Instead of being jealous, I liked the idea that my GF would have someone to give her the some of what I can't while I'm away.

 

She was shocked. Then she accused me of proposing this so I could do the same. I assured her that I had no intention of being with anyone else. I want this to be like a gift of my love to her.

 

She's bi... In fact, she was thinking she was a lesbian before we met. While I was away a previous time, she'd had a sexual encounter with a female friend of mine. The two of them had gotten very close. They were drunk after a party and voila!

 

However, now she was against the idea. She wanted me, not someone else.

 

Since then, she's had our friend sleep over several times. Nothing's happened, but I know they kiss each other a lot. I feel so relieved that my GF is not alone in bed.

 

Then, she proposed that I find her someone. She didn't want to find her lover. So, I asked asked another girl I know, and guess what? She didn't even blink!

 

Of course, my GF was shocked again! She didn't think I would seriously do something like that! LOL! So far, nothing has happened. They've started writing emails to each other.

 

Now, the idea of my GF with other people totally turns me on, and I feel good inside knowing that she's not alone during those cold Parisian nights.

 

She's worried about where this will lead, and even thinks that maybe I'm just trying to get rid of her... to pass her off to someone else. (I can assure you that's not the case. I wouldn't propose this if I didn't trust and love her completely. I just want her to be happy until I can be there with her.)

 

Am I going about this the right way?

 

Nope. Better step up to the plate and give some attention. Otherwise, you will find out that the idea that - "in absence the heart will grow fonder" is a bunch of BS. Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By David Lovell
      Claire and Amy arrived home together on Wednesday evening. Amy said, “Claire got her first hall pass”. Then Claire said, “Amy told me all about her hall passes, I’m super excited.”
       
      We had a few snacks and a drink or two, then Amy took Claire to the bedroom to let her choose a night dress. She chose a sexy negligée, it maybe was a bit big for her however...
       
      Amy said she would be watching a movie on TV, so if Clare and I wanted to go upstairs that’s perfect timing. We went upstairs and laid side-by-side on the bed talking. I asked Claire how old she was when she first made love? She said 15 years ago when she was  17. I told her that I was about 19 and that it was with Amy before we were married.
       
      We discussed how many different partners we had had. Claire said about six or seven for her. She said that she was quite promiscuous, and had sex with every boyfriend.  
       
      I told her about our one experience many years ago when we were camping with friends and how Amy had guided us rewards swinging. Apparently she knew the story about how Amy and Ken had begun having sex with his wife’s blessing.
       
      Claire told me about the parties they went to before moving here. They were soft swapping parties with college friends. Then they would have sex with their partner. When she and Pete moved here in April and Lesley suggested swinging they quickly liked the idea. Claire said she had fun with me in July and our threesome with Melissa was sort of  OK. She now wanted to catch up where we left off.
       
      She put on her negligée. She said look no patch, I take the pill now.   I stripped down to  my T-shirt and shorts.
       
      We began slow foreplay, her nipples were already quite hard as was my cock. "Let’s see how long we can holdout before you fuck me," she said. We played for almost one hour. We did some 69, lots of nipple kissing and body massaging.
       
      After two hours we finally said let’s go for it. Claire’s pussy  was extra moist. My cock slipped in all the way without any effort. "Hold to it there and don’t move while I count to one hundred," said Claire.
       
      At 99 she started making small movements that felt like a sensation of small electric shocks going across the end of my cock. We then changed to Claire riding on top. Perfectly  gauged strokes that hit her where she got the best sensation.
       
      After a while we moved to laying on our sides with me entering her pussy from behind and squeezing her  breasts. This is how we had our first orgasm, with Claire screaming as I filled her with warm cum.
       
      We laid for about half an hour before we had our second orgasm with Claire’s vagina oozing warm cum. Claire said that Amy would want all  the details in the  morning.  She said that she would tell the same story to  Amy and Pete. 

         

       
          

       

       
        
              
       
         
    • By spicylife42
      The hubs and I were very active in the lifestyle for several years.  We had a great time, we had lax rules where we were ok with each other playing solo.  I traveled with him on business and had a particular lover I was completely head over heals for.  The sex was like no other, he felt it too.  Fast forward many years, we’re out of the lifestyle. He became an alcoholic and our marriage imploded.  During all of this, we had split briefly. He came back but I let him know that I didn’t have feelings for him anymore.  We could try to coexist, for the family.  We have lived this way for 6/7 years.  Last fall T, reached out to me and I went to see him.  It was electric, as it always is.

      Well I was planning to see him again, and I was going to tell the hubs b4 I left, that I was going to see T.  Explosion!  He had suspected since last fall, how can he ever believe me again, oh yeah sure I was going to tell him... yada yada.  Hubs says well if this is the way we are going to spend the rest of our marriage we might as well get a divorce.

      He’s the one that drug me kicking and screaming into the lifestyle, we allowed each other freedoms.  I’m heartbroken and mad! 
    • By Maturecouple1122
      When my wife and I first started in the lifestyle, we had some hard rules.  One of which was no solo playing.  Six months and three BBC adventures later, she decided that the “no solo” play rule was nonsense and asked, more like begged, to be able to play alone five miles away. She was off for summer break.  Since I was working 30 miles away and she was home alone all day, I relented.
       
      About a week later, I came home from work and she was waiting for me in stilettos and a flowing summer dress sans underwear.  The dress was a halter type with a slit all the way past her thigh.  She also had the tell-tale twinkle in her eye that she usually gets after she climaxes.  Since she usually wears jeans and t-shirts during the day, I knew something was up.  She had a cocktail already made for me and an appetizer tray.  I was impressed.
       
      She led me to the living room sofa and when she sat down, her dress fell open and I could clearly see her bare pussy and one of her nipples.  Now I knew something great was about to happen.  I asked her how her day went and what was the reason for the seduction.  She then said, “I had a great day!”  Then she proceeded to tell me in detail what happened.
       
      Her BBC friend DJ came by on his tri-wheeled motorcycle to take her for a ride.  She was wearing a very short maroon skirt with a yellow sheer top.  She had a g-string but no bra.  She was not expecting a motorcycle ride.  He handed her a helmet and off they went.  Since she was in a short skirt, her pussy rubbed directly on the seat as they cruised.  The g-string enhanced he friction from the motorcycle vibration on the seat.  She nearly came from the ride itself.   After they returned to the house, she invited DJ in for some refreshments.
       
      Refreshments were quickly consumed and she led him to the bedroom where he helped her remove blouse and skirt.   As she dropped her g-string, her pussy stains were quite evident.  
      My wife is usually not very submissive. But for some reason, she enjoys when DJ dominates her and she tries things with him she never lets me or anybody else do.
       
      DJ is a former football player with a very muscular physique.  His cock is rather short for a black man, only about 5.5 inches long.  The girth of his cock however is unbelievable.  When he is flaccid, the circumference of his cock is close to the size of a Red Bull drink can.  When he is erect, he is almost as round as a beer can.  Since he is so wide, he easily hits her g-spot on every thrust which makes her cum in great quantities.  After he finished cumming in her pussy, they took a short rest to recover and replenish fluids.  As they were laying in each other’s arms, he made my wife get into a kneeling position and open her mouth.  He then grabbed her head and started to push his cock into her mouth which was no easy feat given his size. Unbelievable to her, she actually took most of his cock in her mouth and sucked him until he came down her throat.  Something she refuse to let me do.
       
      Next, he made her lay on her stomach with a pillow under her waist.  He then proceeded to flog her ass, thighs, and cunt lips with a leather flog.  She always said she didn’t care for BDSM activities but here she was, laying on her stomach with a cum load in her pussy, one in her belly, getting her genitals flogged by a stranger.  The more he flogged her cunt, the more she squirmed and moaned until she actually orgasmed.   
       
      She then felt cool coconut oil being rubbed on and in her sphincter.  She told me him was too big but he didn’t listen.  He then grabbed her by the hips and pushed his beer can cock into her ass.   After an initial painful gasp, she finally became accustomed to his cock in her ass and actually started fucking him.  When she grants me the rare opportunity to fuck her ass, she begs me to go fast so I cum quickly and finish.  Given DJ had already cum twice, there was no rushing him.  He pounded her ass for at 10 or more minutes until he came the third time.
       
      As she lay exhausted, DJ dressed and kissed her goodbye.  I came home about an hour later.
       
      As she related her experiences that day she noticed I was visibly aroused and decided it was my turn to have fun.  We went into the bedroom and I started to licking her all over.  While the shower she took after DJ left cleaned out her pussy, it didn't quite get all of his cum out of her ass.  I tasted another man’s cum for the first time in my life.  For some reason, she now enjoys an occasional flogging and ass fucking from me.                         
    • By The Fuse
      This morning, someone started a thread poll entitled "Is your spouse the best lover ever?"
       
      It made me think. Would I really want to ask Mr. Fuse that question? Of course there's only one right answer, but even the way that answer is given can be deadly. "Does he really mean it"? "That sounded defensive". "You're just being nice". "You have to say that; I'm your wife".
       
      More generally, I think that question is a little like "Do these jeans make me look fat?", only more serious.
       
      "Am I the best lover you've ever had"? has to be one of a definite set of dangerous questions in the swinging world. (It could be even worse if you ask "Is your playmate better than me"?) There are more things we all dread being asked. We know this class of questions by our reactions to them. Eyes get a little bit wide, sudden intake of breath, half a step backwards... adrenaline kicks in... we only think about survival.
       
      It's like asking swingers "Do you really always use condoms"? or "Have you ever had an STD"?, or "Are we your favorite playmates"? or "Have you ever loved a playmate"? There are just some things it doesn't pay to ask.
       
      Anyone have additions to this list, comments, or stories? I'm sure there are some doozies out there.
    • By KittKatt
      This is the Mrs.
      I recently had an extreme boost in my libido which since led us to swinging and wonderful times!
       
      PROBLEM.....it's gone!!!! I really can't explain it nor do I understand it myself, other than house wife syndrome LOL
       
      Hubby is furious with me, he says he can live without the swinging, but wants his wife...ok I understand that, but I am just not in the mood for sex at all right now!!! and haven't been for many weeks
       
      So he writes me a letter this morning, ending it with "the balls in your court for our relationship"....Great..is this going to end up as divorce number 3?
      God I pray not!!!! I love him truly, but have issues I guess, you can read about a few in my previous posts
       
      Now I don't know what to do, give in...pretend to feel attractive and horny, or just keep trying to explain myself, as I have done many times.
      He just don't understand and really I'm not sure I do either
       
      I become very resentful about this topic when I feel pressured, and hope he can be more understanding and patient with me.
       
      SOOOOOOOO CONFUSED!!
       
      ANY ADVICE PLEASE?
       
      xoxoxoxo C
×
×
  • Create New...