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Elusive BiFem

How much time elapsed between when you began discussing swinging and did it?

How much time elapsed from when you started discussing swapping till the first event.  

894 members have voted

  1. 1. How much time elapsed from when you started discussing swapping till the first event.

    • Has not happened yet!!!
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    • Less than 1 month
      111
    • Less than 3 months
      114
    • Less than 6 months
      82
    • Less than 1 year
      101
    • Less than 2 years
      68
    • Less than 3 years
      34
    • Less than 4 years
      14
    • Less than 5 years
      8
    • Five years plus (persistent people)
      50


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Once you and your spouse/SO (or a single person too) actually made the decision to swing, about how long was it, time-wise, from that point of decision to actually doing it? Days, weeks, months? (Example: you decided you wanted to in January, but didn't attend your first swingers party until September.)

 

Was there any particular reason for the delay? Couldn't find another compatible couple or single? No clubs near by? Didn't know how to go about finding others interested in the lifestyle? Not really certain? One person seemed hesitant? Other reasons?

 

I'm just curious...we all move at our own pace. - EBF :)

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Humm....good question since a lot of move at our own pace. Ours is like this:

 

May/June 02: Lots of talk via e-mail since one of us was overseas.

Jun/Jul: More talk, but in person

Aug: Join Swing Club

Sep: Have first soft swing

Oct 02 to Apr 03: Just attend swing clubs and meet cpls, but no swinging with them

May 03: Have second Soft Swing

June/present: Still looking for that right cpl to turn both of us on for a full swap

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Ummm, two weeks, I think, could have been more like a week.

 

We found a web site (actually one of Ted's buddies told him about the site, he came home we pulled it up and started reading) that was for a local social that was held once a month.

 

We attended the next one they were having and well, the rest as they say is history.

 

Teresa

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When we decided for sure that we wanted to swing it took us about five months. Just a matter of finding a compatible couple that we both liked.

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Hmmph...no option for years? :lol:

 

Once the decision was 'firmly' and finally made between the both of us, I'd say it was roughly about 3-4 months for our actual first meeting of another couple.

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Like Mrs O, it was more a question of years (rather than days/weeks/months) from originally considering the idea to the first actual meeting.

 

Goes to show though: patience is it's own reward.

 

;)

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I agree, we need an option for years. Hubby and I have been attending a swingers club ( well, at least while we were in the area) for a couple of years and haven't started swinging yet. I still have a few insecurities that have held me back. We may never actually swing. Don't know. But whether we do or don't, our relationship is better since the idea of it.

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The man I was involved with had suggested a FMF and I countered with being willing to do it if he’d accommodate a MFM. We were deadlocked on doing anything until I broke the ice as a bisexual. He suggested meeting up with a couple, I agreed. It turned more into a swap, followed by his hiding in a corner while the couple and I went FMF FFM MFF. We went our own ways after that, and the couple invited me to return. By way of them, I got involved with swinging. All told, we were talking about it for a year before things got moving.

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I can't remember what years...

 

... we tried MFM when we were about 19... and thought about FMF... but couldn't manage to find the other female...

 

tried to make it a 2 couple thing with friends and that cost us a couple good friendships... disastrous actually.

 

retired the idea.

 

maybe 7-8 yrs later... we found a swingers newspaper ads and stuff in a sex shop? WOW what an idea!

 

BUT they also advertised a swingers club that was having an off premise party. (sept)

 

we went... it was kind of fun... a month later we went again(halloween)... it was okay...not great...

 

went Valentine's day horror! SWORE I would NEVER EVER go back.

 

then... read a review for another club... late summer. Went in September... met a GREAT crowd. ... swung with the male half of that couple 2 weeks later (at a house party) and both he and his wife about 2 weeks after that, my first bi-fem!

 

 

so does that count as almost 10 yrs... or only 1 ?

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oh... and we are still swinging... for uh... 7 or 8 years now?

 

even though it's been pretty quiet of late... :confused:

 

I'm beginning to think my membership card might get revoked...:lol:

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Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

Once you and your spouse/SO (or a single person to) actually made the decision to swing, about how long was it, time-wise, from that point of decision to actually doing it? Days, weeks, months, years? (Example: you decided you wanted to in January, but didn't attend your first swingers party until September.)

 

Was there any particular reason for the delay? Couldn't find another compatible couple or single? No clubs near by? Didn't know how to go about finding others interested in the lifestyle? Not really certain? One person seemed hesitant? Other reasons?

 

I'm just curious...we all move at our own pace. - EBF :)

 

I was going to edit this to include "years" that most of ya'll have spoken of...but I think I would delete the entire thread or something. So...please consider this my edit of the original thread. Thanks!! And thanks for the replies, too! - EBF :)

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It was about 2 years from the time we really began to seriously discuss it until we had our first full-swap with a couple.

 

The reason? I think at first it was because we had so much to learn and to discuss, then it became a matter of finding a compatible couple. There was also some 'body shyness' on both our parts, as we were pretty overweight when we started(between the two of us, we've lost about 100 lbs. since then) and lacked the self-confidence one needs to be successful.

 

One of the things that really helped us was going to a club and meeting other swingers face to face. We saw that swingers are just 'regular folks' like us. Oh, and this board and its members didn't hurt any either... ;)

 

-B

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It's been sixteen months so far.

 

Maybe I'm a slow learner.

 

I dunno.

 

:slam:

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We didn't sit down and decide that "we are going to swing". We started going to a couples club about a year and half ago. Orginally for titillation and curiosity. We liked, became regulars and one thing led to another and now we have had a few experiences. Any discussions we had prior were along the the lines of "I don't know, do you want to?-I don't know", "We'll just go to their house and check it out", etc. Even now we don't say "Lets swing", we go out to the club and whatever happens, happens.

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About a week for the first. Then played for a month or 2. Then a 2 year break after Mrs. hmr had a bad experience. Since last september its been pretty regular. At least twice a month.

 

Mr. hmr

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Originally posted by BradAndJanet

(between the two of us, we've lost about 100 lbs. since then)

-B

 

That is really awesome!

 

Congratulations!!!

 

 

 

:claps:

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I think it was a month between making the decision to "give it a whirl" until we swapped with another couple. We didn't go in a little at a time, we just plunged. It hasn't hurt us and we have had a great almost three years of swinging.

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NO not really, but we started talking about it and decided to slowly enter this lifestyle beginning with watching, and now softswing. We have now decided to look for a couple to swap with.

 

Don't know how long it will take, but everything has to be "right" or it probably won't happen.

 

After all we waited this long..................:lol:

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It took us about a year after we decided we wanted to start swinging. One of the reasons it took so long is because we wanted to find the right couple and I guess we did because we have been swinging now for almost 8 years and still counting.

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We were sitting in our hot tub when she said something like, "we need to spice up our marriage." I wasted no time finding a 20-page swinger manual online, which we read together, and this Swingers Board forum, which is still the best source for swinger information we have found.

 

Once we made up our minds to try it, which took only a week or two, we decided not to just put our toes in the water, but to dive right in. We joined an on premise club and played the first night. That was over two years ago and we have never looked back. We are having a blast!! Our only regret is not having started much earlier, but we are trying to make up for lost time as best as we can.

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Hmmm.....we had talked about other women on and off for a few years.....then we had a spontaneous encounter. A year later we were having swinger converations from time to time....commenting on other couples...women...etc. We researched a few clubs ...called...NERVOUSLY... and made a reservation. ... We had a great time talking, observing, and eventually having sex together while a few people watched. ... The next few weeks at home were INSANE. Sex every night! .. At the party (it was a house party) we chatted alot with one couple..they invited us to a club for new years 2003.... Another Great time....but we did not connect with them, and we enjoyed watching and having sex together.....next few weeks were really sexually charged.... We just hit our second club a month ago...did the same thing as at the other two...but came closer to actually being with another couple. .........and we plan another visit in a week... So.......we're almost one year from our first visit and very happy with the pace!! .......We're having fun and when it feels right....we'll DO IT!!..hehe

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I was 19, she was 23 and divorced. She told me the couple she used to live with invited us to their place for the wife's birthday weekend. Then they came over to my apartment to congratulate me on winning a poety contest and got me drunk. I ended up watching my girlfriend have sex with the husband while the wife just smiled and ...

 

Well, it was a week after that that my girlfriend took me to an on-premises club in Ann Arbor and I was ruined for life. :lol:

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Hello all,

 

Fem D and I were talking and she was curious as to how much time went by before the first encounter you had as a couple with swingers and when the subject of swinging first came up.

 

I assume that the one who brought it up was ready to go and probably a bit anxious to get started and the "slower" one was amazed by that.

 

My feeling is that if you want to do it, why the wait.

 

Her feeling was that she just wasn't "ready" yet.

 

She also wondered what it was that allowed the "slower" one to make the decision to move forward and meet folks.

 

I've been looking at the former threads and haven't really seen one that addresses this question so sorry if this seems like a rehash.

 

Does this make sense to anyone out there?

 

You help is much appreciated.

 

Male D

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I had read this somewhere at one time, and I fully believe this...

 

"While the person who is most interested in swinging will get a couple in the lifestyle, it's the person who is less interested that will KEEP them in it"....

 

I believe this wholeheartedly!

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Thanks for the responses. We do also want to know what it was that kept you from starting sooner. Fears that may have been unfounded or lack of opportunity. That kind of thing. Send us an IM if you would rather not have the GP see what you say.

 

Thanks again.

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Male D

 

We moved very slow. Our first sexual encounter was five months after we started. I (the typical male) was very eager and probably annoying as hell. But we were very fortunate to find patient friends who were willing to work with our "newness".

 

We simply agreed that the person with the most limits set the limit. If that makes sense. That was Mrs Spoo, in our case. Things slowly progressed through an agonizing sequence of strip games and racy discussions until we finally did "cross that bridge" - and even then - five months later - it was probably way too quick for us. It took us another three months to play again with anyone.

 

Since then, we have been quite the active couple, to say the least. Mrs Spoo grins when she refers to herself as a slut and I just wonder where all of her "limits" have gone. I think that really being patient and understanding that everyone has their own pace is the best way to go. Pushing - by our expeience with other couples - is disasterous. Mrs. Spoo was able to take her time, now she kinda drags me along (not exactly kicking and screaming though ; )

 

Whoever said that the least interested ends up keeping you in the lifestyle was absolutely right!

 

Spoo

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Well over a year.

 

Now we had had a few other people join us in the past, mainly friends that just kinda happened, but to actually be considered in the lifestyle and play with other couples was well over a year.

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We had talked about it for years, and ever had an experience or two of it happening spontaneously before we actively sought it out. So I consider the beginning to be this past spring when we decided to actively find people. We had made the decision we were ready to pursue it mid April and our first experience was wonderful and at the end of May.

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We talked about it for about 5 years, even met a couple for dinner, going no further than that. Then this past year, we made the jump, put out some ads, met a couple that broke us in, went to a club, met some more couples, etc. So it obviously took "a while". I am glad it did. We didn't do it until we were fully ready.

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We talked about it for about six months before we started looking for other couples.

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Probably about a year from the time we first talked about it. But from the moment we decided to go for it to when it happened was only about three weeks. :D

 

Mr. WS

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We began searching for couples within a week after we first brought up the idea of swinging.

 

We found our first couple nine months later and swapped on the second date.

 

LM

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From the time we actually started talking about swinging until we actively started searching was about 2 days. lol We had been talking about finding a single female to join us for quite a while before that, but then we had a chance meeting with another couple and they brought it up and we liked it, so we decided to go for it.

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It just happened before we ever discussed it. And we didn't really talk about it afterwards either. Four more times then she ended it. Should've talked more for sure!

 

It's taken me almost thirty years to finally get 'us' talking about it. But, now she says she's just not really interested. Too bad. Talk it out folks and make it more fun and lasting.

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We really don't remember exactly when we started talking about it - my guess is about a year before we were sure it was something we both wanted to try. It was a very slow, gradual thing and probably dozens of conversations. The greatest part about the process was discovering the things that we each wanted to try!

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We recently started swinging again after more than a decade lay off. Our first experience was about two or three months after we first started talking about swinging again. We were approached by a couple from our ad that seemed very promising and we decided to meet them for dinner. We did not party on the first date since we were more intrested in seeing what they were like and if we felt compatible with them. We found them to be a great couple and the second time we met we had a great experience. We truly are enjoying the lifestyle again! :)

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So far it has been about 2.5 months and counting. Hopefully it will not take a year or more :sad: . But on the lighter side we have made some great friends. :D

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The first time we swapped with another couple we did it on a whim and don't think we were ready yet at that time. But when we started swinging and got into it and looked for couples to get together with, we talked for about 3 months from the time we started discussing swinging, after starting a conversation with a couple till we met and swapped.

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Well, I answered "less than one month", but that wasn't for "lifestyle" swinging, that was for our first MFMs with friends before we were married. They often didn't come off all that well, but we were tryin'. :lol:

 

It was some years later when we did our first lifestyle swinging. I think it took us a couple of months, maybe, that time.

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We've started talking about it seriously since December last year and had a mild encounter in May with a single guy and then we've been with another single male twice and once with a couple. The last encounter was in August.We are still newbies and still talking and yet to meet up with other couples or singles. But boy are we having fun looking. Mrs

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