My boyfriend has hidden cameras going while I have sex with men...

Hi all,

I am a 29 yr old Caucasian female & my 30ish b/f really enjoys watching me have sex with other men. At first I didn't mind but now it's feeling creepy. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying the sex but the 'partners' he is choosing (and I am agreeing to) are getting older and older.

A lot of the men agree to the sex but afterwards mentioned that they felt uncomfortable having my b/f watching us. They were not sure that my b/f wouldn't flip out after he or they ejaculated.

This is the creepy part; Chuck recently purchased three high quality video cameras that he installed 'hidden' in our bedroom. On the weekends Chuck parks his truck around the corner (like he is not home). Prior to the weekend, I am to invite one of the five men (that we both agreed to having sex with) over our house and act like Chuck is not home. I am to act like I am sexually interested in this man and cheating on Chuck as Chuck is in the back bedroom recording.

Chuck is so obsessed with this that last week all he did after work was come up with sexual scenarios of what he wants to see.

To reiterate, I am enjoying the sex but am becoming concerned of how obsessed Chuck is becoming with this.

Any advice on how to voice my concerns without ruining everything?

Thx

First of all, I would say that deceiving the men is not a good idea. If something tips them off to Chuck's presence (a sneeze, thud from slipping and falling, etc.), THEY may freak out, thinking that your husband has just come home, is going to catch you two, and exact revenge. I don't think that scenario would play out happily for anyone.

As far as obsession goes, I don't think it's a bad thing, IF it's tempered with reason and wisdom. It's important to know what you're doing and why, how far you intend to go (if you've thought it through, which you should have), and what the possible repercussions--if any--are.

The best way to bring it up is to just talk openly and honestly about what you're thinking. I certainly wouldn't worry about "ruining" anything--anything that can only safely exist in an untempered environment without open, honest discussion is already in a state of ruin, so to speak.

Kinky sex is fun but this sounds like something that will get both of you in trouble. Being upfront with all parties involved is a better policy.

No sure about your state but in many states now video recording someone without their knowledge can land you in jail.

Fun is fun and as long as EVERYONE that is involved is agreeing then there is nothing wrong with what your doing but everyone is not agreeing here.

You are even stating that this is becoming creepy. Once it makes you feel creepy it is time to bring this all to a halt.

Take care of you first, if his fantasies are becoming more of an actor's nightmare with you caught on the film.... I'd ask for better looking co-stars. As far as the secrets - BCinIN covered that perfectly! And the voyeurism could bring out fear of black male on the part of the unknowing once they discover this has happened.

Hawk

First of all, I would say that deceiving the men is not a good idea. If something tips them off to Chuck's presence (a sneeze, thud from slipping and falling, etc.), THEY may freak out, thinking that your husband has just come home, is going to catch you two, and exact revenge. I don't think that scenario would play out happily for anyone.

Kinky sex is fun but this sounds like something that will get both of you in trouble. Being upfront with all parties involved is a better policy.

No sure about your state but in many states now video recording someone without their knowledge can land you in jail.

 

Fun is fun and as long as EVERYONE that is involved is agreeing then there is nothing wrong with what your doing but everyone is not agreeing here.

We haven't used Chucks method so there has been no deception nor has anyone been mislead.

I will however advise the gentlemen that they are being video recorded. Three of the men have already asked us (As Chuck was in the same room watching) if it would be okay to video record so I serously do not think they would mind. To them, they mentioned that it feels just a wee-bit awkward having sex with a woman as her boyfriend is watching and masterbating.

You are even stating that this is becoming creepy. Once it makes you feel creepy it is time to bring this all to a halt.

The creepy part is / was the amount of time Chuck spends thinking of sexual senerios he prefers to see. I mentioned that he can not 'pre-script' as to how the sexual events will unfold like a hollywood producer.

Take care of you first, if his fantasies are becoming more of an actor's nightmare with you caught on the film.... I'd ask for better looking co-stars.

I find the guys that Chuck and I agreed upon as partners are attractive older men. It's one of my biggest turn-on's watching a man twice my age ejaculating himself all over me.

Sabrina

From your first post here:

At first I didn't mind but now it's feeling creepy. Dont get me wrong, I am enjoying the sex but the 'partners' he is chosing (and I am agreeing to) are getting older and older.

From your most recent post:

I find the guys that Chuck and I agreed upon as partners are attractive older men. It's one of my biggest turn-on's watching a man twice my age ejaculating himself all over me.

These statements are polar opposites. Because of this, your situation either sounds contrived and fake, or else you are completely confused and waffling back and forth - and defending Chuck's behavior after you started out saying that this stuff is getting creepy.

From your first post here:

 

 

From your most recent post:

 

 

These statements are polar opposites. Because of this, your situation either sounds contrived and fake, or else you are completely confused and waffling back and forth - and defending Chuck's behavior after you started out saying that this stuff is getting creepy.

Yes! ... Chuck prefers seeing me with older men. The first man we decided and agreed to was / is in his mid 40's. The next gentleman was in his late 40's and they gradually were older and older each time.

There is nothing wrong with older men.. The problem / creepyness was Chucks constant obsessiveness with planning the details like a movie producer.

I've discussed these issues with Chuck and he agrees. I feel it really bothered Chuck after he was told that being in the same room made the men feel uncomfortable. The whole object is to have Chuck watch as I was am having sex with another man... How would that be possible if the other men chose not to have Chuck in the same room?

I do not understand how or what I typed is so confusing for you ... Plz stop trying to be a detective due to your lack of comprehension and or if my typing does not read like a professional story line.

For being a new participate here, your response has made me feel quite uncomfortable.

Sabrina

Your situation sounds very unusual, not the kind of "hobby" or practice that most swingers tend to engage in. It doesn't sound like swinging.

I feel it really bothered Chuck after he was told that being in the same room made the men feel uncomfortable. The whole object is to have Chuck watch as I was am having sex with another man... How would that be possible if the other men chose not to have Chuck in the same room?

These other men who participate with you don't sound like the kind of single men who understand swingers or who have ever participated with couples, if they don't want your boyfriend in the room. Singles in the Lifestyle have a whole different comprehension and understanding of what it means to be with a couple. Because these men are uncomfortable and don't want him around, is an indication that they're not savvy about the lifestyle. How are you meeting/choosing these guys?

I do not understand how or what I typed is so confusing for you ...

Because your situation is so odd (for swingers). It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't participate at all, aside from being a voyeur and filming you. From what you're telling us, it sounds like you're just bringing in guys (not men familiar with the Lifestyle), doing MF, and wanting it filmed.

Do you ever meet with couples for both of you to be involved with (MFMF), or singles for threesomes (MFM, FMF)? Ever go to swinger clubs or lifestyle events to meet other people who are swinging? These are the things that most people here are into. There's mutual participation, a social aspect, lots of communication and openness. There is none of this "pretending to be cheating" stuff, like the scenario Chuck's into. Not that the differences are right or wrong necessarily, just that what you're into is quite different. However, I do feel it's wrong to decieve partners, such as pretending to be cheating when you're not. I'm not the only person on this board who feels that way.

Is this Hotwife/Voyeur fantasy what you really want, or is this mainly Chuck's fantasy?

Back to your original post - you said, "At first I didn't mind but now it's feeling creepy." and, "I am enjoying the sex but am becoming concerned of how obsessed Chuck is becoming with this." These are real concerns. Swinging is about a couple choosing fantasies that they're both comfortable with, and both equally want to pursue. Also, swinging is about very open communication, and talking freely about anything of concern. Your question was, "Any advice on how to voice my concerns without ruining everything?" If he really loves you and you're #1, voicing concerns wouldn't ruin anything at all, because your relationship would come first. If you can't talk to him freely and have your feelings be respected, that would be the real heart of the problem.

You said: "This is the creepy part; Chuck reciently purchased three high quality video camaras that he installed 'hidden' in our bedroom. On the weekends Chuck parks his truck around the corner (like he is not home). Prior to the weekend, I am to invite one of the five men (that we both agreed to having sex with) over our house and act like Chuck is not home. I am to act like I am sexually interested in this man and cheating on Chuck as Chuck is in the back bedroom recording.

Chuck is so obsessed with this that last week all he did after work was come up with sexual senerios of what he wants to see."

I agree, this is freaking creepy. And three hidden cameras? What is your boyfriend wanting to do with all this material? It sounds like a porn studio. I can't help wonder if he plans to put this stuff out on the 'net without telling you. Are you sure that he's not? Even if he's not planning on distributing this stuff, he does sound obsessed. Just talking woman-to-woman here -- If I were in your shoes, I'd be concerned about this.

Again, this doesn't have anything to do with what swinging is all about.

Does this fit?

Cuckolding as a Dominant Voyeuristic Act

While word origin and most historic accounts define the "cuckold husband" or party as being submissive, powerless and/or in need of humiliation to receive stimulation, contemporary practice suggests the possibility of something altogether different. Rather than passively acceeding to the infidelity and desires of an errant wife, this "cuckold" is more in keeping with the male partners defined in polyamorous, open, or swinging relationships.

In this manifestation, the cuckold is a consummate voyeur... who derives great pleasure from seeing his "hot wife" or partner being pleasured and serviced by another male (or males...or a female). Although he assumes a submissive role and will often assist during the course of the sex act, the "cuckhold husband" may actually be the controlling, dominant party in the relationship. He may invite, encourage, and initiate consideration of the practice with his partner, and may be the one to make arrangements and approve how, when and with whom his wife may have the intended encounter. In street parlance, he may "pimp" his wife for the encounters he wishes.

Well,I think you should definitely have say on who you are with-- older or not. I like the voyeur aspects, but all parties should be in agreement & knowledgeable about it.

& taping without consent is very creepy indeed.

I like the part about having sex with older men. Old guys need love too. Your boyfriend/husband?, has a big imagination and apparently is running a bit overboard. We had a situation in our area where a couple started swinging and doing the usual swinger things. The husband seemed to be intent on doing everything that he had seen in movies and magazines. Their year long activities continued until he invited a couple of friends over with their dogs. The wife actually went along with the beast thing but later filed for divorce. It ended up in divorce court and was the talk of the town. Every old lady in the city was at the trial soaking up every detail. Maybe you can put the video on the internet and get rich. Swinging is a 50/50 deal. If you don't like what is going on, say so.

Wow, Sweet_Candy that’s certainly a far cry from the dictionary definition of “cuckold.” Can I ask where you got it because it sounds worth looking into. Though strictly speaking for myself, rather than sitting on the sidelines as a spectator or cheerleader, I’m more for actively being involved and playing the sport

Oh and We-R-2-Naughty it looks like you’re solving your own problem quite nicely by keeping the communication with ”Chuck” open and going so I’ve a feeling everything will work fine out for you in the end. Just remember because of the many reasons brought up in this thread it’s also wise to be upfront with the other men you and “Chuck” invite into your lives.

FYI, I'm not yet a swinger, just testing the waters myself...

It sounds to me that your hubby basicly "has his rod on!" with this fantasy your two are actually playing out together. You are "in" to it, but he is "IN" to it. It's a classic example of the two of you finding your comfy space here, and communication will help facilitate that. Telling him he's "creepy" won't lead to anything positive, but telling him that you are feeling that he's taking this in a direction that you are not comfortable with is. This is a negotiation, and it sounds like you are negotiating a degree of something, not a will or won't. The only complication here is that you have to consider the feelings of your "3rd party"

Me, I'd love to see my wife getting it on with another guy. Personally, I'd like to participate too. The concept of "bookends" just makes me smile. I wouldn't mind sitting back a little and just watching her as well.

Maybe instead of him working to sequester himself, you two might want to try and incorporate him into a threesome of some sort. Maybe even a tag team type of deal, where each man gets to watch and participate. I'm sure those other guys would rather do that than feel like they are on stage - something few people actually enjoy. Find out what he likes and what turns him on about you being with another older man, and maybe you can find a new way of making him a more active participant.

This scenario appeals to so many of my own fantasies, to watch someone fuck my wife, three-way/mfm, to be with the wife of another, etc.... However, I'm not comfortable with the idea of someone thinking he is something over on my by "cheating" with my wife. I mean, if we both like the guy and the chemistry is right, I would be happy to share her and watch, or participate at any level. I also cherish the opportuniites to be the third with another guy and his wife. . But I can't agree with the "secret" stuff. I'm a little uncomfortable with the filming as well. (not necessarily the ones where the people can't be identified) If I want to relive the event, we just schedule a subsequent meeting. You never know who might stumble across photos or videos.

We've participated in traditional mf "swinger" activities which after awhile didn't appeal to Chuck. I have mentioned to Chuck that many middle aged older men proposition me during the day. We've established a relationship with four of those older men who do not mind Chucks visual participation. I would rather have a older man over a youger guy any day!

Sabrina