Results 1 to 23 of 23
  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default Do you ever help newbies

    I have a question for the Experienced swingers.

    Do you or have you ever taken a newbie under your wing and show them the ropes (do's and don'ts??)

    I know this site helps a lot with questions, but some people need or would like some one on one help getting past there concerns?

    being kinda new to the lifestyle but with the male half having some experience would it be better to connect with someone newer or someone with experience?
    Here to day, gone tomorrow

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    I wouldn't say "under our wing", but we have certainly talked to newbies about how we got started, things we learned along the way, etc. We've also answered questions people have asked us. We try to have a light touch when talking to newbies, because coming off like an advisor or teacher is not sexy.

    As far as whether it's better for newbies to first connect with other newbies or with more experienced people, that's a matter of personal taste. Some newbies are afraid of the more experienced, thinking they will go too fast, apply too much pressure, or generally be callous. Some newbies end up connecting with other newbies, and if there are "newbie issues" on both sides, then the effect is compounded.

    Some newbies actually seek out a more experienced couple for their first encounter. Personally this is the way we went, though it wasn't really done on purpose, and we were happy about it. Our first partners were completely stable, had been around, and dealt with our nervousness and hesitancy. In short, they were considerate.
    Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Yes we have talked with many people new to the lifestyle, about how we feel.

    Not with the intentions of being their first experience, If thats what you mean by under our wing.....

    We understand we don't have all the answers, for all people interested. But we do understand what we have been through and how collectively, we found our own comfort.

    We have recommended the Swingers Board to many new and experienced people

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    We have talked a lot with folks that where new to the lifestyle. As The Fuse indicated, we haven't really "taken them under our wings", but we have talked at length of what our experiences have been over the past few years.

    For us we just happened to find a very experienced couple as our first couple and they where super people. Mrs Van and I still look back at our experiences with this couple and talk about how they really helped us find our comfort zones and helped us deal with a lot of my issues at the start. There is no doubt that our first couple have shaped our "process" if you will in how we deal with new couples.

    -Van

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    we have talked to many newbies as well. entering the lifestyle we found most couples were happy to help/talk/ease our minds when we started.

    Although the phrase "take beneath our wing" does trouble me. there is at least one couple (that by my judgement) in our "Scene" here, actively seeks out newbs, and ends up exploiting them (first time, not sure what to expect, run the play to suit them etc), and turning them off of meeting alot of other good couples (by spreading rumours). we actually had them try it on us... they obviously weren't paying attention when we were saying that we weren't inexperienced.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Although from time to time we encounter with such newbies who asks to help them to enter swinging I don't think newbies need somebody's help indeed. I mean the help from one or two certain persons. The more better to learn the opinions of many reading this board or other resources like this board, to try swinging and get own mind from one's experience.
    So it doesn't matter with whom to begin swinging. To our mind good swinging doesn't depend on experience of participants but depend on how much they suit each other.
    'I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.' W Allen

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    I get the impression that what you are asking is if experienced couples ever play "mentor" to newbie couples, not necessarily looking to swing with them but being willing to be there for them, answer questions, show them the ropes, be their guide so to speak to help them avoid the pitfalls. Kind of a personal "swinger coach"? Is that the idea you are going for?

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Maybe the Swingers Board should start an organization of couples who would be willing to "tutor" new couples locally? We certainly have both the wisdom and the experience among the fabulous people who post here.

    Personally, I think it could be very helpful for newly interested couples whether sex be part of the friendship or not.

    Mr. Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    óWill Rogers

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Now taking applications for all new couples.

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    I get the impression that what you are asking is if experienced couples ever play "mentor" to newbie couples, not necessarily looking to swing with them but being willing to be there for them, answer questions, show them the ropes, be their guide so to speak to help them avoid the pitfalls. Kind of a personal "swinger coach"? Is that the idea you are going for?
    Yes. thank you julie,, you got it.

    sorry... im just an ole redneck
    Here to day, gone tomorrow

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Quote Originally Posted by fun4Ds View Post
    Yes we have talked with many people new to the lifestyle, about how we feel.

    Not with the intentions of being their first experience, If thats what you mean by under our wing.....

    We understand we don't have all the answers, for all people interested. But we do understand what we have been through and how collectively, we found our own comfort.

    We have recommended the Swingers Board to many new and experienced people
    This is pretty much us, as well.
    Dave & Holly

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Per, this thread, it seems like it something a lot of people think about, but no one really wants to be put in the position of it one on one. There are lots of reason why not. The reasons that come off the top of my head - not wanting to end up being a couple's babysitter at parties, not wanting to give them the wrong advice, or feel like they are expecting YOU to have all the answers, and just frustration at the times when you do try to help and people don't listen - leaving you wondering why you bothered.

    Hang out around here and you get dozens of coaches more than willing to help you, and you don't have to worry about interrupting their schedule, or waiting for them to return a phone call. It allows those of us who want to/ can help to do so in our own time, and allows you to get the answers you need in your own time as well... plus you get the advantage of lots of opinions instead of just one.

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    When the blind lead the blind they both fall in the hole.

    In our club there we always made sure there was someone as Alura described who mentored a newbie. It made a big difference to have someone to answer questions, make introductions, encourage them and generally run interference. It was fun for the mentors too, a win win situation.

    We figured that mentoring guidance, optimizing initial experiences, more than doubled the probability of a newby continuing in the club. "A newbie is a terrible thing to waste."
    once were
    nostalgic for the good old days
    E Wash

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    yes we have done something close to mentoring.... and in the two cases we can think it has worked out very well... If someone asks we will answer.... We figure the more people who play, is gonna make it better for us in the long run... And in those two cases it was very good for us....

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    Per, this thread,Hang out around here and you get dozens of coaches more than willing to help you, and you don't have to worry about interrupting their schedule, or waiting for them to return a phone call. It allows those of us who want to/ can help to do so in our own time, and allows you to get the answers you need in your own time as well... plus you get the advantage of lots of opinions instead of just one.
    That's exactly why the Swingers Board would be a fine place to start such a group of volunteers. The people here generally know what they're doing and are caring folks who would endeavor to give newbys a good introduction, whether it be restricted to answering questions, introducing them at the local club, actually helping with the couple's first experience, or all of the above.

    As oncewere suggested, such an introduction would, I believe, make a couple's entry into the lifestyle more pleasant.

    Mrs. Alura would have loved being a coach, which is probably why i think it's such a good idea.

    Mr. Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    óWill Rogers

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    It's an interesting idea... but I think that when Mr. Fuse and I were newbies, if someone had suggested the idea of a volunteer mentor, we would not have been receptive. We would have thought it was a little creepy...like something was implied, no matter how subtly. However, if there had been a particular person or couple we felt like we wanted as a mentor, we might have asked them questions in that vein. We did talk to people about how they got started.

    Our "mentor" was a group -- the people of the Swingersboard. Lots of wisdom at once, with the freedom of anonymity on both sides, and the best people around. We also learned from what we saw, and what we felt.
    Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

  17. Back To Top | #17
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
    Blog Entries
    73
    Status
    Happily married to a wild woman
    SLS Handle
    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Hmmm. It would be just our luck to nurture a couple beginning in the lifestyle and subsequently see them turn into sex-addled monsters. We would then have to change our screen names from SW_PA_Couple to Doctors_Frankenstein. The other side is to unintentionally lead a couple wrongly and subsequently have to take the blame. I think that contributing to the collective advice of this bulletin board would be as far as we would want to go.

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    I had no idea we had so many cynics on this website.

    No matter... my swinging days are past. Without Laura I wouldn't have the interest nor the wherewithal to be a mentor.

    I still think it'd be helpful to newbies, especially when combined with what this board already offers.

    Mr. Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    óWill Rogers

  19. Back To Top | #19
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
    Blog Entries
    73
    Status
    Happily married to a wild woman
    SLS Handle
    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Quote Originally Posted by Alura View Post
    I had no idea we had so many cynics on this website.
    Sarcasm, my dear Mr. Alura, is what I used to express my feeling. My wife and I would never cynically disregard prospective swingers. But maybe sarcasm is the word you meant to use. It could happen, I'm sure, that if during the process of becoming acquainted with a couple we sensed that they could use mentors, we would become their mentors. But I'm sure we would not go out to seek newcomers to simply become their mentors.

    But if there were anybody of this on-line community who had the conviction and wisdom-gained-from-experience to provide guidance to newcomers, it would most certainly, Al, be you.

    ~M

  20. Back To Top | #20

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    WOW ... i didn't think that this would go this far... as for myself.. i have a little exp.. but my girl is new.. I know at times when I go to a new bar.. even for me .. it can be extra lonely if you don't know anyone, even boring.. My thought was .. if there was a cpl that was new in your area would you / have you taken them with you to a party?? not as far as having sex with them.. just to help them get out of the corner, as for a mentor? just someone there that they know mite help a lot. in getting them to introduce them self and get them talking to author cpls..
    Here to day, gone tomorrow

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    But if there were anybody of this on-line community who had the conviction and wisdom-gained-from-experience to provide guidance to newcomers, it would most certainly, Al, be you.

    ~M
    Thank you, M. Without Laura, however, I'd be woefully inadequate as a mentor.

    Mr. Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    óWill Rogers

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    Quote Originally Posted by truckerbuddy View Post
    My thought was .. if there was a cpl that was new in your area would you / have you taken them with you to a party?? not as far as having sex with them.. just to help them get out of the corner, as for a mentor? just someone there that they know mite help a lot. in getting them to introduce them self and get them talking to author cpls..
    Jules and I were lucky enough to have something similar to this when we first went to Trapeze in Atlanta. Before going to visit, I joined the club's online forum to ask some questions and get a feel for what it would be like to go. One of the regulars was nice enough to not only answer all my questions, she and her husband offered to meet us early in the night and introduce us to a bunch of the other regulars they had gotten to know over their time at the club. The whole group welcomed us in with no expectations or pressure to engage in anything we weren't ready for and made us feel very comfortable and secure in what could be a very strange place for newbies.

    If we hadn't had such a warm welcome, I'm sure the experience wouldn't have been anything close to as fun and exciting as it was.

  23. Back To Top | #23

    Default Re: Do you ever help newbies

    We wouldn't be swinging should we didn't found an experienced swinger couple that provided advice and lots of patience, moreover, without even wanting to have sex with us (even when the attitude eventually worth the effort and we finally did it... being ourselves the ones starting it).

    The fact is, by then MOST of the swingers we meet were kind and caring, which not only evaporated our fears, but made us aware of the high moral standards they follow... so alike to ours. They had the same fears when they started, they've been there, and even more important for THEM, they were aware of how drama prone is to jump into the bed with a couple that may be engaging in swinging like kamikazes or as a way to solve their problems, and swingers hate drama.

    So we follow their lead... not only to the bed, also in being careful (in the broader sense of the word) with ANYONE we meet, disregarding how experienced they were, but moreover if they lack experience.

    And the fact that so many experienced swingers devote some of their valuable time to provide advice in here is a proof of those standards.

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
About us
The Swingers Board is an online swinging community with something for everyone. Experienced swingers and those just curious about the swinging lifestyle are all welcome. We invite you to participate in the discussion forums, member blogs, swinger chat room, swinger stories, member photo galleries, swinger club listings and reviews, and all other areas of the site.


This site is run by a real swinger couple with the assistance of a great team of forum moderators who are also swingers. This site is free, and membership is open to all legal adults. While guests are able to view much of the site, registering will allow you access to all areas and full privileges.


Safe, sane, funny, smart, sexy - become a member and experience the Swingers Board!

Links
SwingLifeStyle Where REAL Swingers Meet

SwingTowns - It's Different @swingTowns

Swinger Zone Central The Zone - Get Into It

SDC SwingersDateClub for couples

Kasidie Sexually social

Adult FriendFinder Find Adult Sex and Friends

Alt.com BDSM and Fetish Dating Site

Wicked Temptations Wickedly Sexy Clothing

Sex Toy Fun Huge Selection, Great Prices!

Swingers Board
Subscribe to our newsletter!
E-mail Address

subscribe
unsubscribe