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Sleepless In NY

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    6
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About Sleepless In NY

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Married Male
  • Location
    New England
  1. hi all... I want to thank you very much for some of the nice words in this thread and those who have PM'd me.... & you know who you are I read the thread a lot today & been thinking about what to post. I'd like to thank lovinher for reminding me why i am a lurker and not a poster. I am certain his intention was sincere... and I hope to aspire to have a marriage and sex life like him one day. Every ounce of science I read agreed on what is going on in my noggin. Maybe some brains are designed different than the people in the research and mine too. For the majority of you who are concerned: I am feeling b.e.t.t.e.r. because time heals and the doom is passing. I am grateful for everything i learned these weeks. Thank you for the compassion and advice for dealing with my horrible emotions after a strange swinger-experience gone bad.Tthank you for the help. Too bad some of the posts here left a terrible taste in my mouth and it is back to lurking-only for me. fyi- the wife was out of town when this broke & we talked on the cell for 5 hours 1 day and 4 hours the next day. My conversations are not relevant here. It was the wife that led me to a lot of the science background and learning that all helped a lot. lovinher...as a favor to me the o.p.- please let the thread die. I know you want to help but your posts all made me.... and a lot of our swingersboard.com friends...feel worse.
  2. Thanks everyone. I am really glad for you that you have this kinda sex with your spouse. I think many of us here have a lot to learn from you, cause according to all the science journals and books and articles I printed, there's a huge difference between brand new lust sex and sex after 20 years of marriage and children. After parenthood & being very comfortable and in TRUE LOVE with each other we of course enjoy sex, but there is just #NoThING# that can describe what went on during these sessions. I don't think it's possible for two humans to have this kinda sex for 20 years....or even for more than six sessions. by all the PMs I got, I know many people understand this. I will throw this out... if everyone had sex with their spouse year after year like we had... I don't think anyone would bother with swinging or going to swinging clubs.... please, someone who remembers a new forbidden relationship or someone who has had a crazy romantic affair...back me up If you were going through this right now with your spouse, you would not be surfing and reading this. I just wanna say that anyone who expects this kinda sex for more than two months would need to check into the nearest hospital. Anyone who can capture the feeling of rapture yearning surrender and passion with the same person for more than a year must write a book... I will fly them to JFK to teach me. This was the sort of marathon where you would never go to work on Monday & would never dream of sharing the person with another human. Anyone who expects this from a warm and loving marriage should be prepared to be disappointed. This was the encounter we had and to expect this from a loving & devoted spouse of 20 years is not fair. Even with a great sex life.
  3. thank you for the advice. Roman I agree with what you are saying because for 14yrs and 200odd swing partners everyone was sex toys too.......i did not expect this. i have learned on the Internet that sometimes the right combination of chemicals and smells and visuals do this. we put on the brakes right away, so we did the right thing, like chicup said (thank you). i do feel guilt and shame but pls understand this wasnt a conscience choice. for the first time in 20 years, i kind of understand why all my vanilla friends at work at my hospital have affairs. i am verrry opposed to lying and cheats but now my eyes are open and even tho i'd never do it, i see the power of sex+feelings. i know it is not love and i know it is not a soul mate but ohmygod facelick this is the stare and gaze and the passion that is in romance books is stronnng. Surrender if u r curious ---- each day is easier now ----- the thoughts are less. thank God. its hard. i know i am an idiot but it is passing.
  4. Thanks for the words of encouragement. It does sound silly of me. Time heals all, but of course. I only want it to go faster! Each day is easier but its scary how I'm a slave to the emotions. I have too many NGFS in my blood. Despite all the love for my family, I will just sorely miss our experiences together. Let's hope we all look at thread and laugh one day. I doubt it, tho...
  5. excellent question. I think this would be too much to handle. We have always been a unit and besides swinging, we are quite conservative in our views. During the episode, My mind moved to the new woman too much. I understand the poly philosophy about being capable to love many people, like the love for my second son did not detract my first one, and I have two sisters and two parents that share my love. But the kinda 'love' I felt in this episode was the romantic--lustful--stare--in--our--eyes--gone--crazy love, which is not love at all, right? It is very dangerous, and this could sound dumb, but the only thing worse than no contact would be to have continued it. i need a reality check and an eraser for my memory and life will go on. and I hope time will help.
  6. I need help, my friends. I am an imbecile ‘cause After 14plus years in the swinging lifestyle, it happened, and i’m not happy. My wife and i swap with others in different rooms and we sometimes go out separately. We do this at key parties etc. We come back and share our wild stories and never had any problem with any of this until this experience. head bang We swapped partners with a couple we met in a club from upstate, and without seeing it coming, me and the woman developed a romantic love connection. i understand this is not real and a big fantasy. She was gorgeous in my eyes facelick. Love at first sight---ha. I am not gonna post “I met my soulmate and am thinking about divorce”. i have a level-head and understand what true love is (my wife & sons), so pls don’t think i am an idiot in a romance novel. But the lustful connection was something I haven’t felt in 18 years & I am very ashamed at myself. Sex and swinging is allways recreational so this is so strange. We agreed NO MORE CONTACT and its hard on me . We were all good friends until the feelings. The four of us also traveled together once. Stupid me for letting a swinging partner mess with my heart. I did not realize I was even capable of such strong romantic thoughts. So many things in our condo remind me of her and its so hard for me. My heart is sad because I keep replaying the excitement and the anticipation of our encounters. it sounds stupid but i know in my life i will never experience such a level of excitement as my encounters with this woman. my wife and I are best friends and are close and we are tight. That is why stopping this was essential. The woman is in my thoughts constantly and I feel guilty and mad at myself. Even after two decades with my wife, our sexlife is fun and our swinging adventures are even more fun. What happened during this event was beyond all that . romantic sex like this is too much to handle. I am most sad because I will never feel such hot and romantic passion ever again in my life. There was no swinging encounter that ever compared to this. I kind of now understand why people have affairs. Swinging is a ton of fun and sex with the wife is beautiful, but the sleepless nights in anticipation of these encounters was beyond anything. I am glad we cut it off and I am glad my wife knows. But I still hurt and I am sad that unless I turn into a cheater ----which is OUT OF THE QUESTION, ---- that same level of romantic desire and passionate thrill will be gone forever and ever. But maybe with some time and support I will look back and laugh at this silly sadness. Please don’t judge me soapbox because this was not intentional and it stopped early enough. Maybe someone here can relate or offer words and maybe we can all learn. Please PM if you have any private words. I think about the feeling and the rush all day and I want it to STOP. HELP HELLLP
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