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NJCouple

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About NJCouple

  • Rank
    Active Contributor

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    NJ
  • Interests
    sailing, skiing, camping, diving, Harleys
  • Swinging Experience
    15 years

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    voraciousdesires

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  1. My husband never asked me for a 3-some and many years ago, I would not have considered it. What he did do is share his fantasies without any pressure. We would read each other stories from Penthouse Variations or Forum that made us hot to fantasize about. His often included threesomes. We watched x-rated movies again often containing threesomes and as he got hot during these things, he would make me hot as well. Eventually, I would choose the stories or movies with 3-somes. LOL. For our tenth anniversary, I set up a MFM on our vacation. That was before the computer age and finding swingers became easy. We didn't swing again for 15 years. He started looking for swinger sites and introduced me to this board. I read the posts voraciously. Then, he found some of the sites like SLS. We signed up just to look. We went to a hotel party on vacation and were hooked. LOL. I doubt I would have been ready earlier. Our relationship is so strong after 26 years and I have the utmost confidence and trust in my husband. When I was younger, I was very possessive and jealous. It took some maturity on my part and confidence to not only accept, but to enjoy the lifestyle. Your partner and her comfort should be your priority. My husband would have been content for us to share the fantasies, but is thrilled that we can now live them. Mrs. NJcouple
  2. He is definately pickier when it comes to looks. He has to be physicaly attracted, then he looks for personality. He hates women with no personality and that lay unresponsive in bed etc. I have found that the best looking men are not always the best in bed, so I look more for personality and what they say. Are they anxious to just slam it in or do they like to give a woman pleasure etc. Men that talk about licking or sucking my nipples, in being anxious to see me squirm beneath their fingers etc definately get my vote. I like to be asked to dance at a party or complimented on my dress. I'm not interested in the no preliminaries "let's go to the room and fuck" kind of guy. For me, it is as mental as physical.
  3. The Mrs. could have sex 24 hours a day(and this is not a joke). The only thing that would slow her down is the occasional need to get something to eat and drink. Once she gets started she can keep going, and she can get started by simply thinking about sex. I can keep up but she is the one who needs it all the time.
  4. When I was young, naive, inexperienced etc, I linked sex with love and could only have sex if I felt I was in love. I have, however, learned to seperate sex with someone other than my spouse as just sex. First, it took a strong relationship with my husband and then strong self-confidence. It is impossible to swing without complete trust in your spouse and yourself. An analogy that works for me is that I can get pleasure from a vibrator. I'm certainly not in-love with my vibrator. Another person is just a much better sex toy, one that you don't keep in the nightstand. LOL. Sex with my husband will always be special because of the bond of love, but we both enjoy giving each other pleasure and one way to do so is to share with others. Everyone has different philosophies on sex with others and the most important thing is to keep an open, non-judgemental mind. She should not change her philosophy because of pressure from others, but she should be open to others having differing ideas that are not wrong. When you look at things with an open mind, you may or may not change your opinion, but you will be wiser for having examined the issue. Regards, Sharon
  5. My husband has always shared his fantasies with me and I was willing to be adventurous to a point. I finally arranged a 3 some for our tenth anniversary as a surprise for my husband. Thats a lot of years of using it as a fantasy, but not acting upon it. We enjoyed fantasizing about our threesome afterward as well, but life got busy (I had a small business) and I gained some weight and was uncomfortable with the idea. It's been 15 more years. I've lost the weight. Hubby showed me a few sites like this to tease my interest again. We particularly like reading hot stories. Well, I set up some threesomes and signed us on to a few sites, etc. We've jumped in now and are having a great time. No-one should ever be pressured into swinging, but that does not mean that people do not grow and change as do relationships. We were married at 19 and were hardly mature enough to handle swinging. After twenty-five years of marraige, our trust and confidence in each other and our relationship is such that we can truly enjoy the lifestyle. I don't think you can place a time limit on this, but maybe instead of pushing to swing encourage her to share it as a fantasy by watching videos, reading stories, role playing etc. Sharon
  6. I like MFM, and that is how we began swinging. I was the person most concerned with jealousy when we started out. My husband was much more comfortable with the idea of swinging, and he coaxed me to try the threesome, especially as it was a favorite fantasy of ours. I have had 2 good and 2 negative experiences. The negatives: 1 guy never got an erection, the other guy came twice in half an hour and was done. Both of these guys were nervous and yet afterward clingy and looking to get back together. My husband had to get rid of them as they haunted me on the computer etc. The two good experiences were great starts into swinging. The guys both spent lots of time pleasuring me. We did find, however, that although they claimed the same likes etc., that they were really looking for more 1 on 1 with me than what we consider a 3some. I wanted more of giving oral to both men, giving oral while being penetrated, dp, or dv. None of the guys that we met were into any of this when we actually were in bed. We are not in any hurry to try another 3 some as we feel that we are less likely to realize some of our fantasies this way. We have had much more luck exploring different groupings with great couples that also would like to fulfill some fantasies. As for which sites we met these men from, one positive was from AFF, the other 3 were from SLS. Hope this helps. Sharon
  7. I've always had a high sex drive and was not about to let surgery slow me much. LOL. Hubby and I had sex without penetration within a week of surgery. I waited several weeks for more. My ovaries worked fine for years after. It has been 14 years now and only within the past 2 years have I started taking hormones. I did not do this because of libido, but because of mood swings. I did not really want to murder my husband. LOL. I am currently on activella, a very low level hormone replacement. My ovaries still kick in every few months, but this helps to regulate things for me. I have had no problems with lubrication, desire, feeling etc. If anything our sex life is so much better. There is no concern about pregnancy and not getting my period is wonderful! I actually feel kind of smug when other couples' play time is cramped by "that time of month." It makes me feel more of a woman as I can please my husband without having these concerns. I think a lot of the lack of desire is in the mental attitude and so I chose my unusual outlook to compensate. It works for me. If you have a positive outlook on getting a hysterectomy, it can work in your favor. Remember there are many solutions to the side affects and most women do not have major problems after menopause, particularly if they pursue trying to solve problems as they arise. I would look at this as something positive, that will enhance rather than detract from your sex life. Regards, Sharon
  8. I had a partial hysterectomy years ago due to severe bleeding fibroids. They left my ovaries and cervix and just removed the uterus. I had to decide on the cervix. It was recommended that it be removed. The cervix, however, plays a role in holding the bladder in place. Many woman suffer from a dropped bladder which must be attached to the abdominal wall etc and can cause other problems. I felt it would be better to continue my pap test regimen for the rest of my life rather than risk incontinence problems etc. I would definitely research this and discuss it with the doctor more. If you are at a higher risk for cervical cancer, your decision may be different than mine. Good luck, Sharon
  9. We never lie, but we do avoid giving out certain information until we are comfortable. For instance, my husbands occupation requires some discretion. When we become friends with people, we are completely open and honest. Lies no, but keeping some parts of our life confidential, yes. Sharon
  10. We've discovered in our first 6 months of swinging that experience is not what counts, but the ability to communicate and to have patience etc. For instance, we had several soft experiences with a newbie couple and he was having difficulties with an erection. It didn't faze us. We enjoyed their company and had fun. We've run into the same situation where an experienced person was freaked out on our first full swap when hubbies erection disappeared with the donning of a condom for the first time. The mood was ruined because of their lack of acceptance. (I look at it as my win, as hubbies erection returned without a problem and I got to enjoy it!) My take on it is that it takes good people that are willing to go with the flow and enjoy themselves. I would think that would be easier for experienced swingers, but personality plays a big role as well. We haven't had a problem since and I think it is a matter of finding the right match. We've only played a few times really, but we've made some great friends in and out of the bedroom. Even if you don't become fast friends, that mesh of personalities, I think, is the key to great sex. Sharon
  11. Being fairly new to swinging, I was looking forward to trying a larger size. LOL. What I discovered is that although the sensations were great and different, that I had more difficulty orgasming. I like to squeeze hard which will usually start a series of orgasms. Stuffed too full, I couldn't contract enough for it to work. I think I like anything that falls into the average range myself. It also is much more fun giving oral; more technoques can be used when you can fit it all in. I still think some of the fun is in the variety and in trying new things so as of right now, I am not excluding anyone by size. Sharon
  12. We're very skeptical about people unwilling to share a few G pics and that send pics that do not really show what they look like. It usually means they are hiding something. I'm not particularly put off by someone overweight. It really depends on personality. I am, however, disgusted by liars. You did the right thing. There are plenty of great couples that get together with single males on occasion. No need to get into the theatrics. I put on our profile that G pics are required for any continued conversation or meet. Why waste everyone's time if there really is no interest. Regards, Sharon
  13. I think the best way is to not plan on it. I think he should start touching your ass more outside of and in bed. I love it if hubby presses himself against me from behind when he is horny. Make it a very pleasurable experience and something that gets you hot. Another step is teasing your rectum whether with his tongue or a finger. He can just make it feel good. If you include these types of things in your play, you may find yourself pressing against his finger and looking for penetration. Then maybe, you'll want to start with finger play or a small toy. You can build up to it so that when you get to it there is only the thought of the pleasure instead of anticipating pain. Good luck, Sharon
  14. I think if it is a one time thing and you initiate it then you should pay for the room. I think its nice if the guy brings a bottle of wine etc or picks up the drinks at the bar beforehand. If its more than once by everyones desire than alternating would be nice. We have to get rooms whenever we play right now because hubby has our house under construction. He keeps starting another room without finishing the last one. LOL. We would still do first meetings at a hotel, but it would definately be more relaxing and less expensive to entertain after that at home. Sharon
  15. My husband is a great conversationalist, but has yet to learn how to flirt. We went to a house party the other night and I had to force him to give the hostess flowers. I'd swear that he was blushing. He never had to learn to flirt with me. We were good friends for years before dating and marrying and have been married 25 years. I know when he is interested in the other woman, but I'm not sure if they always know. LOL. We only started swinging in July and have had a few experiences so I expect he'll learn and get more comfortable with it. I can usually hold a conversation as well, but if the man makes me very hot, I become incoherent. LOL. In general though, we really enjoy meeting people even if we decide not to play. We have had some really great conversations and made some great friends. Mrs. njcouple
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