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Tybee Swing

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Tybee Swing last won the day on August 30 2009

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About Tybee Swing

  • Rank
    Lifestyle Mentor
  • Birthday 06/24/1959

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    single female
  • Location
    Georgia
  • Swinging Experience
    since 2004

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  1. This is interesting to me, since I have two different perspectives. When I was half of a swinging couple, on the rare occasion that we did manage to meet a geniune unicorn and take her out, we (the couple) treated her like a real date and took her out to a nice restaurant, then to the club as our date, then to a very nice hotel suite, prepared ahead of time with candlelight, bubblebath in oversized tub, all of the ambiance that a woman appreciates - all on our nickel. It was all appreciated and rewarded. Seriously, is it wise to do it any other way, especially if you want to make a good impression and hope to see her again? I think not! I think that only a pair of idiots would ask a unicorn to pay for half the room. Now, from my new and opposite point of view (divorced), that makes me the potential unicorn, since I'm now single and not even dating yet, at this point. Do I still feel the same way about unicorns? Yes, I would expect to be treated as I've treated unicorns in the past.
  2. Hi Mrs. UC, nice to see you come out! Just know this...people make impressions about others very quickly. If you seem very shy and let your husband do all of the talking, people may get the impression very quickly that you are passive. They may think that if you're passive initially (socially), that you'll be passive later, too. See what I mean? It's not unreasonable for people to draw that conclusion. It may not be the reality for you, but it might be what comes across to them. People form opinions in a few seconds or in the first few minutes. Come out right from the get-go with a warm welcome, warm smiles, and something friendly to say. It's not that hard. Just practice it in different kinds of situations and it becomes easier. Your husband started this thread, asking questions on your behalf. It took all this time for you to join with your own post. On the 'net, it looked like you were "quietly standing behind him" and letting him do all of the talking. That gave the impression of passivity. When the two of you are making contacts on websites to meet up with people, is it also like that, with your husband doing most of the "talking"? In my experience, that always made me leary that the woman was passive and possibly even being dragged into this by her husband. Sometimes that was precisely the reality. Don't take this personally or feel defensive. Just consider all of this from the perspective of people who don't know you yet, and only know a little of you through a profile, or a conversation that's being carried mostly by your husband. Again, it's all about impressions, and you've got to do what you can to create the best first impression you can. If you're not really passive at all, show that to people in speaking for yourself, responding to them (written or verbal), etc. These are all just friendly tips to help you find what you want. I hope you keep us posted on what happens!
  3. Hi UC's, Has Mrs. UC decided to practice coming out of her shell more and making first contact? If both the man and woman are friendly and social, that's a lot more comfortable and feels balanced...and it's attractive. In my case, I'm uncomfortable with couples in which one person is clearly taking a back seat and letting the other do all the "driving". If the woman seems to be very much taking a back seat, she seems passive to me. I get the impression about her that she'll be passive in the bedroom, too. In other words, I'll sense that if she and I were to play, she'd want to just lay on her back and let me be "the man"...not fun. (That's happened often in swinging when I was half of a couple). Passive women turn me off. It's got to be a 2-way street of equal flirting and interaction to turn me on. If she can be forward and flirt with me before we're in a private situation, she'll probably be pretty interesting and interactive in a private setting. Another tip: It appears that you (Mr.) are doing all of the writing here, while Mrs. reads this and filters everything through you, as her spokesperson. That's VERY passive. I suggest that Mrs. comes out and talks directly to people here...come on in, get her feet wet. We don't bite.
  4. It's good to know that you couples (iapr & cubnamy) are actually there as a team, aware of the situation, and actually, you are checking out couples and approaching together. If you're wandering/socializing separately, at least introductions are made within minutes. That's great! I don't know what's up with the Wallflower and Huntress type of couples. Before that experience I shared we were clueless about this, and now we're very aware and watchful of it since then. We avoid it. It really is funny when you go into these settings, and how long it takes to figure out who's with who, with so many of these couples. If couples only play together, and yet they wander the areas separately for much of the time (or one sits alone and the other wanders), it seems counterproductive to their goal.
  5. Non-verbal cues are good, as long as I'm actually engaged with the other person: eye contact, flirting, dancing, etc etc. We're talking about random groping and coming up on somebody who is wearing something revealing and/or easy access, and interpreting the outfit as the invitation. Just the outfit. It sounds like this happens a lot, which is why I ask. Teresa says people are putting their hands on her all night long if she's wearing that, but if she's wearing jeans, she doesn't get that. If the outfit alone is the invitation (in many people's minds), I need to know because I don't want random groping from people I don't want to get groped by, and I'd avoid those outfits.
  6. Like probably most couples, Mr. Tybee and I aren't always attracted to the same people, either. We've been in situations where a very friendly, outgoing woman is working the room, targets us, we like her too, but we can't even identify who she's there with, because he's off in a corner somewhere. We've learned to hold back until we can at least spot where he is. Often, she's not saying anything about the husband and we have to ask who she's with. She'll say something like, "Oh, he's over there", and won't initiate introducing us. If we think that it might be a connection and if we feel like pursuing it, we'll say, "Why don't we all go over and talk, and the four of us get to know each other better." It's like, we have to lead her to even get the four of us in the same part of the place to even talk. Hard lesson learned, backing up: Once we were at a house party. A very friendly, fun woman was flirting with us both, and she and I had the kind of chemistry that during a mingling game, we went around as a team and played off of each other during this game..kwim? Fun chemistry. We thought she was single; we certainly didn't see her with anybody at all! Time went by, the flirting got more serious, the three of us really getting into it (talking, kissing, etc), and we all three decided we were going to go to a room together. Suddenly, she said something like, "Oh, let me go tell my husband". Who??? So, Mr. Tybee and I waited, while she went off into the dark corners to a man who had been holding up the wall all night. I thought we were just being introduced and getting permission. But no...he was coming along, too. I hadn't seen or spoken to this man all night, had zero interest, and he was coming along.....Oh well, I figured he was just coming to watch, since he obviously was completely uninvolved with the whole process that the three of us were in (seducing each other and now horny). But, as soon as we got into the room, he was on me. WTF? Obviously, I had to stop things, which was very disappointing, because Mr. Tybee didn't get to finish what he was starting, and the whole thing we were so looking forward to with her just wasn't going to materialize, because of this uninvolved guy imposing himself. It took me a few days of re-running the whole thing in my mind, but I realized that he was one of these guys, just very passive, let her roam until she "caught" someone for him, and then he just came along for a free ride in the 11th hour. Oh HELL, no! Lesson learned. Mr. Tybee and I work the room as a couple. He's not aggressive, but he's certainly friendly. Anyone in the room can tell who we're both there with (easy for them to make an initial decision about us). We each spot people we may be interested in, and point them out to each other. If we both like one, we'll scan the scene until we can figure out who they're with. Once we can see the pair of them, we now can decide if we want to approach, and we approach together. If we don't like them so much after we talk a bit, we just move on. See...hunting as a team. I don't have to do it alone, don't have to make the choice for him, bringing back "whatever" for him. I took us some time to figure all this out (and learning experiences), but it's what works for us. We love to meet couples who are also checking out the scene and participating equally in the flirting process, too! I need to have some indication that the other man is interested. Hey, I'm not going to do all the leading and "throw myself" at a guy I can't even read! 2-way street, guys.
  7. Of course not...we all swing to please ourselves and for our own relationships, not others. Sorry, but I don't understand the meaning of this statement, or how it fits into the other things you wrote. I'm not questioning anyone's personal preferences (if that was how it was taken), I was just asking questions and trying to genuinely understand what this was all about. I'm not trying to disagree, I'm trying to understand. As a former single woman, men who strutted around and acted macho would have had no impact on me. To the best of my knowledge and experience, most women, whether single/vanilla or married/swinging, prefer men who know how engage in conversation, who have some charm (attractive personality), warmth, maturity, and confidence without being cocky. To us, this isn't feminine behavior at all, it's just very appealing and what we really want in a man. I'm not sure who general society is, those people who tell men to be what you described, but I just don't think the women are in on that request. If they find it difficult to talk, interact, flirt with and charm women, rather than passing it off to their wives to do the "work" for them, why not cultivate the skill for themselves? Isn't it in their best interest? Why don't they "hunt" together equally as a pair, instead of the woman out front doing most of it? Don't most couples find another couple much more attractive and interesting to them if the other male is successfully seducing his wife, and the other woman is seducing you, too? In other words...they're both putting their best foot forward and both making an impression on you? Perhaps I was a very weird single woman, but I never settled for a guy that I thought was a pig, or even a bit of a pig. I'd have gone home and tried again on some other night, hoping that I'd eventually meet a man that I really liked. I guess I've always expected men to engage in intriguing conversation with me (where seduction is concerned), in any setting, vanilla/dating or swinging. It's just what I like, it's what turns me on. Again, when a man knows how to pursue a woman in a classy way, show interest, make great eye contact, and engage in conversation that intrigues, I don't equate that as anywhere near feminine. In fact, it's very masculine and makes me tingle all over. Is it other MEN who think that men are feminine if they don't engage in locker room behavior? It's clear now. I'm sure that the reason this whole thing confused me is simply the very different way that I see it. From my perspective, I don't see why men would need a different strategy in swinging than they would have needed in the single world, because I (as a woman) prefer and enjoy the exact same strategy & style in men that I always have, in any setting.
  8. This is a pet peeve of mine. If a guy sends his wife around the room to do all the socializing for both of them while he sits back on his ass and puts forth no effort at all, expecting the wife to bring in the "kill" for him, he's an ass. If a man is too damned lazy to come talk to me, flirt, etc., he's out of luck. Apparently this does work for a lot of couples, though, or it wouldn't be happening. If all swinging women took a stand, not having sex with lazy men who won't do any of the socializing and seducing, we could fix this whole situation in a week. Likewise, the women who work the room for the two of them should stop holding up his end, tell him to be a MAN and go get his own pussy. What are "woman's terms"? Sorry, I don't understand. More discriminating about who they have sex with? No, I would think that vanilla women are more discriminating about who they have sex with - much more. Maybe I'm missing your point?
  9. I was confused by this thread, and didn't understand what you meant by "feminizing", or why swinging would have a "feminizing effect" on men (the title of the thread). But here at the end, it looks like what you really meant by that was social skills. Did you think of social skills as being "feminine" in some way? Do you still feel that social skills are feminine, after this conversation? I think of social skills as simply people-skills....knowing how to talk to, and even charm and win over people of both sexes (along the lines of the old "How to Win Friends & Influence People"). Of course swinging is about sex, and to get sex, you generally need to be charming and friendly (have an appealing personality). But again, that's not "feminine" to me. It's just people skills. You talked about men being "pigs", but I couldn't figure out what you were referring to; it seemed you were talking about guys discussing Sportcenter and 69 Camaros, and then the "pig" reference. Guys talking about guy-stuff doesn't make them pigs. Sorry, but I just didn't get this.
  10. Hi Teresa, I gather that you're far more likely to have people putting their hands on you all night in a skimpy dress/slutwear type outfit? See, this is what I don't like - people putting their hands on me, uninvited. They think that the outfit itself is the invitation, and dressing for the club means it's open season for grabbing and feeling up. For me, it's not. No matter what I'm wearing, I want to be involved in the decision of who's touching me (sexually), and when. Does anybody here (both male and female) feel like the sluttier/more revealing outfits are an invitation to touch and fondle? Even if the person wearing it hasn't invited you in some other way? I'd like to know. If it's a pretty popular consensus that slutwear = random fondling, I'll know to keep away from wearing that stuff in the open areas of clubs or parties.
  11. To me, these terms sound derogatory. The person saying these things may look down on swingers who may have sex on the first "date", and who are fairly casual about moving forward with sex. I also feel that they're warning the reader ahead of time that they plan to proceed slowly, and need to consider all sorts of factors carefully before they decide to move forward. They may want to email for a length of time before even meeting for a drink. They may want to go out a few times before anything sexual happens. They probably are looking for "meaningful" sex (I remember a thread about that here), and friendship. I would expect to see these terms on profiles where people meet couples one date at a time, rather than those who frequent on-premise clubs.
  12. Prettylady, it wouldn't hurt to talk to her about the creeps out there, and even if she rolls her eyes and says, "I know that stuff", it's still good to have somebody like you talk to her about ignoring those creepy emails and not responding to them. Actually, tell your 16-year-old nephew, too. Hugs!!
  13. Another possibility is that the teens on that person's "friends" list weren't personal friends/relatives (like the niece & nephew you mentioned), but rather young people on MySpace/Facebook who ended up on their friends list some other way. Maybe the kid wandered into their page, or the person linked to this board wandered into theirs, and applied to be their "friend". Your niece is of legal age (even though a teen), and a lot of older men, and even some couples, would think nothing of targeting a girl her age. My daughter has a page on Facebook and tells me about all of the "old men" who are constantly writing her. (My daughter is of legal age, and still it's very creepy for her, and for me as her mom.) Like Lee said, there are many thousands of people here and we really don't know most of them. I'm with you - I would never link anything to family. We have entirely separate accounts for swinging only (email, IM, everything).
  14. Julie, I wonder if this is the type of person who needs to "become friends" before she can move forward with meeting/possibly having sex with others?? Maybe she needs to feel bonded like bff's before she can be comfortable swinging? Just a guess.
  15. Very true! It does look like the poll is favorable for you. Is this poll & thread going to help you decide whether or not you are going to come out in your collar in the club?
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