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SableOnBlond

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  1. Hello again, sorry it took me so long to get back to this thread. I've been busy pouring through a lot of the older threads, very interesting. Well, my feeling is that what my SO does when I'm not around isn't any of my business. I don't worry or care about what he is doing out there. I go about my day, doing my thing. Then when we get together that is the only time that matters to me. Maybe that sounds strange? I don't know. I don't look at my relationship as two people getting together and becoming one. I need my freedom and free time too much. I look at it more as two separate people doing their separate things, and coming together when it's mutually beneficial for them. We do share a deeper bond and friendship than I've ever had with anybody else. But I don't like to be tied down in any way, or necessarily tied to anyone. I love knowing that we are always going to meet up at the end of the day. He's my rock. But I don't want to know everything there is to know about him. I guess I prefer some mystery Life is really funny. No longer am I feeling at all guilty about our MFM's. Last night the three of us were together and I was kind of blown away when I realized my boyfriend wanted something to happen! I was being kind of playful with his friend, but then I stopped because I thought that might upset my boyfriend. Little did I know! It was driving him crazy, and for the first time he was the one who came right out and said he wanted to play. I guess he was hanging back and waiting to see if *I* was interested. It ended up being the greatest night ever, for everyone. Then later he told me how much he loved sharing me with someone else. So now I don't have to feel bad anymore Communication is definetly key, as you all preach. But I realized you can also communicate through body language just as much as with words...I prefer to do it that way, anyway. Well, I don't know if the FMF thing is resolved or not. But at least now I can stop feeling like I'm being selfish. Thanks folks
  2. Tybee Swing, thank you for taking the time to make such a long response! You know, I think the truth is that I am afraid to know just what is going on in my SO's head, and what his desires are. I suspect that what we want are two different things. I think ideally I'd like to have an open relationship. And not so I can get out there and be shagging a different guy every night, either. But he isn't very receptive to this idea, as he seems to think that if given the opprotunity, then I would be out there prowling around every night I guess he is just afraid of losing me, and wants our swinging to be something that he can keep an eye on, and have some control over. Which I can understand. 2jersey - Well actually, it wouldn't be cheating. He asked me straight out a couple of months ago if it was okay for him to have sex with his friend, and I told him I didn't mind. Because truthfully, I don't. Like I said above, the idea of an open relationship is cool with me. I told him several times that I don't care what he does when I'm not around. Although, I really find it hard to believe that he actually DID do anything. He's so reserved, I can't imagine him actually coming onto his friend by himself, without me there to intiate things. And I'm really not about to ask him anyway, since if he wanted to talk about it with me than he would. Don't get me wrong though, if he had sex with a stranger then I would want to know about it. But with his friend, it is dramatically different. They share their own type of bond, and have been friends for much longer than I've been around, so to me whatever goes on between them is their business. I guess as Tybee Swing said I'm not technically a swinger, so I apologize for clogging up the place with my posts. But I really appreciate everyone's words and it certainly DID help. I'll refrain from posting anymore, but I'll definetly still hang around to read and comment
  3. Hey, thanks guys. Yes, but my old post was from nearly a year ago. The issues I had then aren't relevant now, and I am not the same person at all. I did a lot of partying back then, but ever since January have stopped, so I've got my head screwed on a little tighter, and have taken more control over my life. Well, here is the trouble with that. Both my boyfriend and I are the type of people who take a looong time to open up and let others in. We aren't social or flirty, nor do we particulary enjoy meeting new people. I suspect that going out to clubs/parties or attempting to meet a couple online would result in a lot of uncomfortableness. That is why I prefer to swing with people we know. (I know that is usually strongly discouraged). I don't really like the idea of going out and looking expressly for people to swing with. I'd rather it be something that just "happens" with those I am already close to. When did I do this? Was this in my post from last year? I admit that I initially tried to wave off my boyfriend's ideas about a FMF by saying "Yeah, okay, sure." Mostly because I knew it wasn't going to happen. He is even worse than I am when it comes to meeting new people. And then it was recently, when he brought it up again, that I realized it just wasn't my cup of tea. So I did tell him, straight out, that I wasn't interested. What I feel guilty about is that I got to have the experience of two men, but I sometimes feel like I'm cheating him by not being bi and not being excited about sharing him with another woman. He wants me to be just like those girls on the Girls Gone Wild infomercials and I'm not. I really think that when he got me to do a MFM he was excited and thought I would be open to absolutely anything. And now I'm not panning out to be quite the wild child he imagined. And I feel a little guilty as well because he is so good to me, does everything in the world for me, and sometimes I wonder if I should be able to find it within myself to just DO this for him, since it the idea makes him so excited. It is true that I am probably not as in to swinging as most of you here, but my problems fall a little in that area, and it is definetly easier to ask for advice here rather than a vanilla relationship board! And if I had to classify myself, I'd probably lean more toward being a poly than a swinger. But I always appreciate everyone for taking the time to help out and share wisdom.
  4. Hi Bill&Sabrina, I don't know what you're getting at but I'm not being dishonest...? Yes, my boyfriend first brought up the idea of a FMF sometime last year, which was an insane, spaced-out year, and I was pretty much like, "Yeah, okay, sure." He dropped the idea, and for the longest time I thought it was just a lark. It has only been fairly recently that he's brought up the topic again - but this time is more persistent about it. And originally, I did make the mistake of being non-commital. I've always wanted to think of myself as this crazysexy kind of girl who'd be up for anything. But it wasn't until after I started giving it a lot of thought that I realized I am just not into other women, nor really into the idea of having another girl in bed. And I've tried explaining this to him, and apologizing for getting his hopes up. But the thing is, he didn't make any mention of wanting to have a FMF until after we'd had several MFM's, and I had assumed that was all he was interested in... The funniest part of all of this is that I spent the past several months almost convinced that my boyfriend is gay. But now his interest in women seems to have resurged from out of nowhere, so he always keeps me guessing. I mean, we haven't had a threesome in nearly a year, right? But ever since our last one he still would talk all the time about having another MFM. Mostly what he talked about was wanting to have sex with his male friend, really it was all he could seem to talk about for the longest time, he was totally obsessed. No talk at all about any other women, hell I practically wasn't even in the picture. Not only that, but he wasn't even able to have sex with me for a spell there. I was really getting worried It wasn't until after he had set up and then apparently forgot (?) about a threesome in June that he all of a sudden switched gears. He isn't talking about having sex with his friend anymore, only mentioned another MFM once in the past couple of months, and now seems to be preoccupied with only women now, the more the merrier. Which has really thrown me off. He goes from talking non-stop about wanting to sleep with his guy friend to wanting two women. I guess it is possible that he is just turned on by EVERYthing. I've never seen anyone like this before I'm wondering if maybe he did do something with his friend, and satisfied that urge, so now he's swung back to the other sex as far as interest goes. Who knows? But I want to stay true to myself and find a way to make him happy at the same time.
  5. Wow - thanks everyone for your advice, I didn't expect so much! Yes, I wouldn't say I am repulsed at the thought of sex with another woman, it just doesn't "do" it for me. I have kissed and done a tiny bit of fooling around with one of my good female friends a few years ago, but there's just nothing there. And yeah, I don't want to lead on any truly bi-sexual gals and disappoint anyone. I liked the idea that it is possible to have a FMF without the two women necessarily interacting. But is it really easy to find a girl who is interested in that? My SO wants me to be responsible for finding one, which I'm not exactly motivated to do anyway. Well, I guess it would be more accurate to say that seeing my boyfriend turned on would make me happy for him...although I'm not sure about turned on myself. I don't think it would make me want to jump in there and join the action. Argghh. I hate this because I feel like I owe him another woman now, almost like it's on my to-do list of chores. And that makes me feel SO selfish. It sounds incredibly naive, but when we started doing MFM's, I thought that was going to be the extent of it. He never said anything at first about eventually wanting to play with another woman. Arrrgggh. Maybe he figured from the start that if he let me play with other men, then I'd turn around and let him do the same with women. I don't know. I don't want to stop him, but I'm just not jumping up and down.
  6. Hi there :-) Well, my boyfriend really wants to have a FMF. We've had several MFM's, so this seems like the next logical step. But I feel a little bad, because when it came to the MFM's, everyone was excited and so into it. My SO said he loved seeing me with another man, and he was a little bi-curious himself. So it was a great experience for everybody. When it comes to a FMF however...I just can't seem to drum up any kind of excitement. My boyfriend wants to see me and another girl mess around, but that has about as much appeal to me as washing dishes. I tried to explain this to him, that I'm not bi and have not the slightest desire to be intimate with a woman. I tried, for my boyfriend's sake, to have a girl/girl fantasy, but there is just zero appeal. Another thing is that, while so many on here talk about the thrill of seeing their partner with another person, the idea of that just...does nothing for me. I'd like him to have the experience of being with another woman because I know he'd love it, but the idea doesn't really send me into orbit. I'd be willing to just sit in a chair or something and watch him and another girl for his sake, but he wants me to be part of the action as well, and the whole idea just seems...boring. Really boring. However, I do love watching him with another man, though. Which doesn't help him too much here. So what should I do? I know that I got to have my cake and eat it too, and now it looks like I'm trying to stop him from having his fun. He wants to see me with another girl so badly, which I understand...but it is starting to piss me off that he won't let go of his wishful thinking and keeps on insisting that I am bi and just don't want to admit it I wouldn't want to get into something with another girl and become totally bored and make the whole thing completely half-ass - not to mention how unfair it would be to the other woman, who'd be expecting a genuinely bi lady. Is it possible that once I get into it, I might like? I can see where it would turn me on to see my boyfriend getting turned on, but isn't the point of a threesome that every participant is equally excited? I feel like I'm robbing him because I'm not into girls or into seeing him with girls. Is this my fault? I don't think it is, but I feel really guilty nonetheless. Any advice?
  7. First off, are you positive that he enjoys these threesomes? Maybe he feels a little reluctant because he has a girlfriend? But if you are sure that he likes participating, then you two will have to be the initiators. When me and my boyfriend had our first threesome with his good friend my boyfriend wanted me to initiate it. So I just kind of sat down right next to him while my boyfriend was out of the room and said, "Hey, we want to have a threesome." Figured I'd be blunt. Then I just kissed him. That was all it took. I'd say just have your girlfriend go up and kiss this guy, that should get the point across.
  8. Hi there. Well, in my case, five months went by between the time my boyfriend and I first talked about a MFM threesome and when it actually happened. We were talking about our fantasies and when he told me sharing me with another man was one of his, I was excited beyond belief - but it took me awhile to get used to the idea of something like that actually happening. It was my fantasy too, but never in a million years would I have thought it was one of my boyfriend's. So it's good that you've talked about it, and you're right, she is just going to have to go at her own pace. If it is something that she really wants to do then she'll definetly do a lot of thinking about it, and let you know when she's ready to get serious. Good luck
  9. That sounds about right to me, actually. I've been trying to get my head screwed on tighter about the whole situation. I've stopped obsessing over it so much. We have not had a threesome in a long time, but it seems like my boyfriend is playing with me. It seems rather unfair. Here is the thing, often times when we are having sex he will talk about having a threesome. Primarily what he talks about is HE and his friend having sex, and he seems to get so turned on by it. Practically the WHOLE time we are having sex he will talk about it, describe exactly what he wants to do with his friend, and say we will have the threesome the next night. So in turn *I* get all worked up about the idea, and the next night comes and I am all excited and ready but my boyfriend says nothing about it. So, somewhat hesitantly I bring it up...and my boyfriend gets mad at me! He says we're having fun just the two of us, why do I have to ruin it? Then he turns on me and asks why I keep expecting a MFM when I won't bring any girls to bed with us. Well maybe because HE keeps talking about it! So it is obvious that he wants to have a one-on-one encounter with his friend. But I think when it comes to the reality of it he is likely too afraid to attempt it because he does not know how his friend will react. While I would like to have a threesome again I am at the point where I can take it or leave it. But when my boyfriend goes on about it, promises "we will have one tomorrow" and then gets mad at me the next day when I bring it up...it's getting really old.
  10. Wow...you guys are really helping me out here. > Oh I know, I was not likening cheating to swinging. Basically what I meant was that I've always wanted to have a stable boyfriend and also have the freedom to sleep with whoever I wanted on the side. So I guess that is right, I have always wanted to be a swinger. When I was younger however, I had no idea such a thing even existed! I guess I was thinking along the lines of having an open relationship, which is what I did have with my last boyfriend, before moving on to my current one. The only thing I need to open up to is the fact that if I am going to have other partners, then I need to grant my boyfriend the same freedom. I do very much fight an internal battle. While I can't help being attracted to many different guys, there is a part of me that thinks sex outside of your relationship is wrong, or unnatural. I know what is unnatural is to expect a person to be attracted to only their SO for the rest of their lives. That's unrealistic. There is a huge gap between what I think and what I feel. I *think* threesomes or swinging in general is wrong. There is a part of me that is very traditional. But at the same time I very much enjoy non-traditional sex, crave variety, and while I can see myself emotionally attached to one person for a long time, I can't see going forever with only one sexual partner. So I guess I have a lot to work out. Does it seem like it would be beneficial for me to continue to pursue a "swinging" lifestyle or not?
  11. Oh, believe me I'll be the first to admit that I'm not emotionally mature enough to handle this, by far. And I am considerably young (22). But honestly...no matter how old I was I don't think I could ever emotionally handle it, or see how anyone could. And yes, I also fully realize that I have a LOT of double standards. The part about being a cheater...well, I am not proud of it, but I have cheated on every boyfriend I've ever had. This time I just had permission. I think my problem really is just being way too hedonistic and chasing after every silly little impulse, instead of stopping to consider what kind of consequences my actions might have. I am trying to work on choosing the higher road. Last night, at my urging, we had another threesome. And this time I felt everything I know I should have felt all along - the disgust, the horror, the sadness of it all. I know it will be the last time. And my relationship with my boyfriend may not last either, as our values truly are so different. Someone said that love and sex are two different things, but in my case I have to respectfully disagree. I've tried for a long time to be a very free-spirited and loose girl, but every guy I have ever slept with I've developed a strong attachment to, even the ones I never dreamed possible. Giving your body to another person just seems like such a private, intimate act that is associated with love. I guess I'm definitely not cut out to be a swinger, huh? But you've all been very truthful, calling a spade a spade, and it's all correct. I'm glad I had this epiphany. I need to do a lot of work on myself. Take care, and thanks again!
  12. Wow, thanks everyone for taking the time to respond! If I am to be honest, the thing about the whole situation is that I don't really *want* any of this. I feel nothing but abject shame that I consummated my feelings for his friend, even if I was given permission. I feel even more shame that I went ahead and had sex with his friend alone, which I knew angered my boyfriend. Why he has not killed me in my sleep yet is really beyond me... I'm sorry that this whole Pandora's Box was opened. As I was reading through the boards, which have been very enlightening, I saw a post saying that one reason a guy might suggest a MMF threesome is to get his girlfriend to open up to a MFF one, which seems to be the case for me. Although he isn't all that persistent, he has said things like I "owe" him a MFF now. That just really makes me angry. It seems like he offered up his best friend to me, like it was a favor, so that I would give him access to another girl. Frankly, I'm appalled. Although he says he "Wouldn't do anything, just watch..." It is plainly obvious that's only lip service. But I do think that he also gets pleasure out of the MMF, especially since admitting he wants to try sex with a man. Basically, I think I'm just going to stop having any kind of threesomes whatsoever. It may cost me my relationship, but there is something that makes me uneasy thinking that his friend may be a part of our lives forever. It's not that I'm against homosexuality, but knowing my boyfriend probably has sexual feelings for his best friend doesn't sit well with me. I think I'd prefer someone who lusts after only me. Thanks again for your insight, and I am always open to hearing more.
  13. Hey everyone, I'm new and glad I was able to find a board like this. I don't know if I would necessarily call myself a Swinger, but that seems to be the most appropriate term. Anyway, I guess I am interested in feedback from those who are familiar with this lifestyle, any thoughts on the whole matter will be greatly appreciated. My whole situation is pretty messy, and I am so lost!! I hope this is not too confusing. I've been with my boyfriend now for almost two years. I love him, he is an amazing man. In the beginning of our relationship I felt myself kind of attracted to his best friend/roommate. Though I swore to myself nothing was going to come of it. But I would have all kinds of fantasies about threesomes with my boyfriend and his friend. When I asked people their thoughts on this "hypothetical" situation, everyone basically laughed and said there was no way something like that would ever become a reality. Long story short, four months into our relationship my boyfriend casually questioned me as to how I felt about threesomes. I admitted a MMF threesome was a fantasy of mine. And then he actually suggested we have one with his friend! I could not believe it! At the time I was too freaked out, and so nothing actually happened. Months passed, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. My attraction to his friend only grew. Then last January, while the three of us were hanging out and partying, my boyfriend brought the idea up to me again, and at that point I was definitely ready. So I initiated it, and his friend was only too happy to go along. We had 3 threesomes in total. The sex really was as great as I thought it would be. A lot of time has gone by since our last threesome. But I think about having another one every single day. It is tough because every night it is the three of us hanging out together. My boyfriend and I plan to someday move into our own place, but right now the three of us kind of live together. I feel really guilty, because whereas this seems to be just mere sexual thrills for my boyfriend, for me it has to do with having feelings for his friend. I am not in love with him, and in fact I could not picture myself actually dating someone like him. Yet I am saddled with this unrelenting sexual obsession. I enjoy sex with my boyfriend, but every night that passes without getting a chance with his friend feels somehow like a letdown. I must confess that even though even though we haven't had a threesome in awhile, I still take every opportunity to make-out with his friend. After my boyfriend and I retire to bed I'll sneak back downstairs for a few minutes to be with his friend. The thing is that I always tell my boyfriend when I do this. And he never forbids me. My boyfriend had admitted to wanting to have sex with a man...namely, his friend. When he brings up having another threesome, the main purpose this time is for he and his friend to fool around. (I think that his friend is also bi-curious...he has in the past talked about being attracted to men). So then I wonder if maybe my boyfriend is using me as a way to get closer to his friend (just like I did?) What would it be like if the two of them had sex? Should I encourage it? My boyfriend talks about wanting to Swing, and having a MFF threesome. I tell him that I like the idea of that too, but the truth is I don't know if I do. The only reason I agreed to a threesome was so I could have sex with his friend. Kind of cheating in plain sight, huh? Why can't my boyfriend see that? Why does he let me get away with making out with his friend every once in awhile? I feel guilty, but then I think that the idea of me being a slut turns my boyfriend on. There have been times during sex when he wanted me to describe to him things I did alone with his friend, and it turned him on. Sometimes when I go downstairs to use the bathroom and he knows his friend is down in the living room he'll say stuff to me like "You should flash him when you walk by" or "You should just go down naked." There have actually been times when we've been hanging out and my boyfriend pulled my skirt up to show his friend my new underwear. Like, who does that? The thing is that even though I make loose promises, I would never in a million years have a MFF threesome. I know it is a HUGE double standard on my part, but I would be way too jealous. So I try to make it up to my boyfriend by watching porn with him. Usually it would bother me knowing a boyfriend of mine was looking at other naked women...but then I know I'm not exactly in a position to be so judgmental! What I would ideally want is for us to just have an exclusive three-way relationship. But I know it is just a matter of time before his friend gets a girlfriend of his own. It's unreasonable, I know, but I feel like my boyfriend's friend is a part of our relationship. I don't want to lose him. What is all this? And then I feel guilty whenever I don't have any contact with his friend, like I'm somehow betraying his friend by not being intimate with him. I just cannot read what my boyfriend wants. His mixed messages drive me nuts. I'm afraid to initiate another threesome on my own, even thought my boyfriend tries pretty frequently. But I just don't like the way he goes about it, wanting me to just bust out and start stripping right in the living room. I guess some of my questions are: 1) Is it okay or totally inexcusable for me to fool around with his friend when my boyfriend isn't around (even though I tell him every time I do it). If he never outright forbids me to do it, does that mean he doesn't mind? Sometimes when I go downstairs to get something he'll say "Hurry back" which I take to mean "No fooling around." And then there are the other times when he'll suggest I flash his friend or go down naked. What should I think? 2) Is it very likely that my boyfriend is bi and has wanted to be intimate with his friend for some time? What exactly does it mean that he gets turned on by me sleeping with/flashing his friend? Does it have to do more with me or his friend? 3) Is this at all normal? Okay, anyone ever been in an even remotely similar situation? Any thoughts or advice? I'm sorry if I sound totally dumb...I never thought I'd find myself in a situation like this!
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