RenoFantasy

Well, I (Matt) am a Virgo and Sarah is on the cusp of Scorpio on the cusp of Libra (Oct 23rd). We personnally don't buy into the whole astrology mumbo-jumbo, and are more intrigued by the chinese astrology. By the chinese calendars, I would be a Tiger from the element of Wood (heh heh, my tiger's got wood ), while Sarah is born under the sign of the Fire Dragon. We've read quite a bit on both subjects, and find that a lot of western astrology is very ambiguous. To quote Weird Al's astrology song: "Tomorrow you'll wake up and do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep. That's your horoscope for today!" Statements like "there's travel in your future" and "You'll meet a strange man" are way too general. Now, if my horoscope said "A blue 1984 Buick will hit the drivers door of your red mustang in the Albertson's parking lot the next time you shop there", and then it HAPPENED... I might start to believe it. I've found that, as far as signs go, the chinese signs have been much more accurate at describing the personalities of my friends and I. That's just me. Matt

Very nice. Very "to the point". You may want to give a little more detail about things you'd like to do and/or things that are off limits. For example, are you looking for long-term friends with whom you "play" occasionally (the impression I got), or are you more interested in just getting comfortable enough to have sex but not really interested in non-lifestyle related activities? Regarding sex, are you interested in soft swap, full swap, no swap but same room, swap in separate rooms? With another couple, would you be interested in doing another MFM? How bout FFM or FMF? (I'm guessing PROBABLY on those last three) Does she like anal? (some people will want to know) Are you into any fetish-related activities, such as BDSM, water sports, etc.? Or are you opposed to them (which is pretty standard, from my experience)? Some of that is unnecessary, however it's helpful to give folks an idea of what you're into/interested in. For example, I've overlooked some couples that I would otherwise be interested in because of fetishes that don't jive with us. As you are new to this (according to your prof) I'm gonna tell you that it's okay to turn away people who's sexual desires (and other interests) differ from your own. It's okay to be choosey. You want to make sure that the people you get together with are on the same page as you, and that you're basically compatible on a personality level. Anyway, there's my 2 coppers. Good luck! Matt

Hmmm... the OP's lack of participation on their own thread would lead me to believe that there is a good chance they were a troll. I was initially skeptical about it as the OP, for some odd reason, Felt The Need To Capitalize Each Word In Their Query. I don't believe, however, that this should in any way excuse peoples volatile (and somewhat offensive) responses to the OP's QUESTION. How does anyone know that this is disrespect? The OP gave absolutely no indication of their spouses knowledge of the query. Perhaps they had discussed the matter and she STATED that she would probably only be comfortable enough to go through with it if she had a couple of drinks or was drunk. If THIS is the case, the OP was being responsible by asking those "in the know" what they thought. Telling someone they are disgusting simply for making an inquiry is not befitting a community of people who claim to be "open minded and friendly." Nor are the statements that abrasively assimilate his query to rape-like scenarios (although that poster apologized for their harshness, thank you ). Some people are new to this and are asking for help. It shouldn't matter if they're 18, 30, 45, 60 or 1000 years old, they're treading in scary waters and don't need a hostile reaction. I'd like to SUGGEST trying a different approach. Look at these questions as if they were coming from your son, daughter, grandson or granddaughter. Would you jump down THEIR throat for asking you such questions, or would you try to help them? And for the record, when I suggested that alcohol can help to "loosen you up", I didn't mean drunkenness in any form. A drink or two on a well fed stomach should MORE than suffice to help ease tension without compromising ones ability to reason.

Whoa! Sereneiders! Don't you think that was more than just a LITTLE harsh!? Someone asked a question. No need to attack them. Ease up. twildbill5, you were right to ask. Some people find it easier to relax when they've had a few drinks in em. They may be interested, but apprehensive. A little alcohol can loosen up one's inhibitions. That can be okay... to a degree. Talk with your wife. Explain to her your thoughts on the issue. Ask her if this is something she is interested in. If not, drop it. Let her know that it's been dropped, but also that should she change her mind you would like her to feel comfortable enough to bring the subject up at a later time. If she IS interested, she may REQUEST alcohol to help her loosen up. That's okay, but tell her you don't want her to get drunk... then don't LET her get drunk. People do things they might regret when their drunk, but a *little* alcohol can be okay. Whatever you do, don't just set up the stage and get her intoxicated and then think it'll all work out. This could seriously damage your marriage and your wife's psyche. I apologize for the over-the-top post above. Please feel free to ask any questions you have. Hope we hear more from you!

Vegas nailed it. I'm not saying you shouldn't consider swinging. For a lot of us it works great! For many, however, it does not. First thing you need to do is trust your husband to not cheat. Until then, proceed no further. Once you trust him, here are my recommendations: a) Do a LOT of research on this. There are numerous web sites devoted to the lifestyle. Do your homework. You've taken the right step in having the courage to ask questions. Ask as many questions as you want, we are a very friendly community. b) Ask yourself if this is something YOU are interested in. You REALLY gotta think hard on this, and don't go trying to convince yourself "for his sake" that you want to. In the end you'll only hurt yourself and possibly your marriage. The best rule of thumb is that if ONE of you is swinging, you BOTH should be swinging together. c) Discuss it with your husband. Communication is the key to all successful relationships. ESPECIALLY those who swing or are considering swinging. Find out if HE is comfortable with the idea of being with another woman, AND if he thinks he can handle the idea of YOU being with another MAN! Research together and have calm discussions. Ask questions together, of each other and of people in the lifestyle. d) If, after all the above, you are still curious, see if you can meet someone IN PERSON. Find a couple who will understand that you are new and not sure if this is for you. People who don't mind explaining things and, should it go to THAT level, will take things at a pace YOU are comfortable with. e) IF you decide to give swinging a try, take it slow. Decide IN ADVANCE where you would like to EVENTUALLY be (such as full swap, soft swap, no swap, same room, different rooms, etc, etc.), but don't just jump into that! Especially if you eventually want to be on a more hardcore level, like full swap in seperate rooms. Get to know a swinging couple as friends. Do non-swinger related activities. f) When and if you DO decide to start swinging, remember that it's okay to say no if you're getting uncomfortable. Your playmates will understand and will not hold it against you. NEVER do anything because you feel obligated. That will only hurt you, possibly your spouse, and potentially your playmates. The biggest key here is communication. Always discuss with your spouse ANYTHING that is on your mind about the lifestyle. I hope this helps. Sorry if I ramble. :P Matt

Ooo, a ! Let us jump on for a ride renofantasy on swinglifestyle.com Matt & Sarah

Well, I'm not horribly secretive about my lifestyle, at work or otherwise. I don't go around announcing it to everyone, but if asked I'm very straight forward and honest. I could really give a rats petooty what people think . For my wife and I, our very FIRST experience was with one of my coworkers. She was a bi-sexual female, and we had a fabulous threesome. An no, this didn't cause any work-related complications. Since then there have been several times where I've been interested in a coworker (and spouse, where applicable). I've even expressed this interest on occassion. Nothing ever came of it, but I never experienced any reprocussions for making my interest known, either (I guess I just have one of those non-threatening personalities ). So yes, I would (and have) swing with a coworker. However, if I were the business OWNER... I would only do it if it were someone whom I had known for quite sometime BEFORE they became an employee, and even then I would also prefer to have had a (good) SWINGING history with them.

I don't think there's really a "right age" to start. My wife and I (now 29 and 31, respectively) have been married for nearly 10 years. We had our first threesome (FMF) after about 4 months of marriage, and that is what we consider to be the beginning of our involvement in the swinging lifestyle. That would put us at ages 20 and 22 (respectively). The problem with "How young is TOO young?" or "What is a good age?" is that there is very little that can actually prepare you for what you will experience when you actually make the leap. If I were going to advise someone who were considering joining the lifestyle, age would not be a factor (though I think 18 or older is best if they intend on getting folks to hook up with em.) I would simply state that they need to be VERY strong in their relationship, need to have a forgiving heart, and having a HIGHLY stubborn nature in regards to NOT giving up on their relationship. Because the fact of the matter is that mistakes WILL be made. Feelings WILL occasionally get hurt on both sides. We are raised to look at love and sex a certain way, and breaking out of that mold can be ugly and painful. Stick with it. Learn from your mistakes. Communicate. Don't be afraid to say no. Take breaks occasionally. This can be a beautiful and wonderfully rewarding lifestyle to live, but it takes a lot of work most of the time.

I had forgotten one important thing... if a woman is GOOD enought to work me (Matt) up to an orgasm ORALLY, I prefer if she swallows. At the very least, I prefer if she doesn't gag, choke, or get nauseated. There's something about the way the muscles in the mouth and throat contract that just make a guys eyes pop out of his head when she swallows. Similar to how the vaginal muscles spasm when she's having a genuine orgasm. Matt

Interesting seeing the different responses here. We are a couple WITH children. Our daughter is almost 7 and our son is 2. We entertain at our house often, and 90% of the time this involves a sleepover. Thus far we haven't had to answer any questions about it, but I'm sure it won't be long. Generally we have the couple over for dinner and movies (or whatever), and after the kids have been in bed a couple hours we migrate to the bedroom. If the other couple has a child/children around the same age as either of ours, they can opt to have them over for a sleepover with our kids. We've hit a point in our swinging lives where we've come to prefer quality over quantity. While we like to "fool around" a little bit when we hit the clubs, we actually prefer to NOT have sex with someone we've barely met. We like to take our time and get to know couples, trying to make life-long friends (with benefits). Our profile on SLS is VERY detailed about who we are and what we like to do just for this reason. We plan on being friends, so if you're only interested in our looks, but don't like the us... move on to someone else, please. Because of this approach we've begun to find the "fuck and flee" method to be a bit too cold for our liking. We've become pretty used to having sleepovers and prefer them whenever possible. This gives us PLENTY of time to chat, chuckle, foreplay, have sex (we don't like the term "fuck"), cuddle, and repeat (if desired). Go to sleep, wake up and get a little in before the kids wake. Of course, we also don't require same room relations at all times. So if the kids wake first and folks are still feelin frisky, half of the play group can "run interferance" while the other half play, then switch out and let the other half play while the first keep the kids occupied. There I go AGAIN, not knowing when to shut up! Anyway, we have kids. We do sleepovers. We'll explain it to the kids as best we can when the time comes. We have no intention of deceiving our youngsters. Anyone up for a sleep over!? Welcome Matt (& Sarah)

To quote a couple others... "Larger than myself" Statistically I'm in the average, somewhere ranging between 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 depending on the level of excitement, as well as other factors (mostly what's going on in my gray matter). For a time I was seriously considering surgery. Heck, at one point I had tried pills that were purported to increase size. I wanted something non-invasive, no man wants their jimmy under the knife (or laser). Speaking from experience... they don't work. I had seen sooo many profiles/ads requesting ONLY 8"+ or 9"+, and in MOST swinging scenarios have found that I'm the smaller equipped guy in the room, that it was becoming a serious blow to my ego. This was made worse at one point when I heard (through the swinger grapevine) that a regular playmate of ours considered her man (at around 8") to be AVERAGE! This, of course, translated to my already fragile ego as "she thinks he's average, so that means she thinks I'm SMALL!" After some time spent focusing inward and wrestling with some personal demons I have come to the conclusion that it's BETTER for girls who want a gargantuan love snake to simply state it in their profiles/ads. This saves guys who aren't of John Holmes proportions the indignity of being rejected or humiliated for NOT measuring up. Now, if I see "well hung" or "8 inches or more" anywhere in the "Looking for" portion of a profile/ad, I simply move on. If size is a deciding factor for you ladies, PLEASE state it in your ads/profiles, or bring it up quickly (but gently) in a face-to-face conversation. Last thing a guy needs is be laughed at or see you roll your eyes when he drops trow. Hey, I'm KNOW size matters, to one degree or another. It's a sad truth for those who don't measure up. Sometimes I'm one of them, as "average" isn't good enough for some. But it ain't everything. And to those who feel size IS everything... I weep for you. ... oops, almost forgot. I consider "well hung" to GENERALLY equate to 8" or more, though considerable girth can make a shorter wang still be considered "well hung".

My wife is comfortable nude, in front of the kids or otherwise. Myself... as our daughter gets older I have become less and less apt to be naked in front of her. This is really something I should probably work on. Especially being involved in this lifestyle, I really don't want my children feelining they should be ashamed of their nakeness. Conversely, I don't want them flaunting it either. (I am their daddy, after all) I usually do my best to not let my children see me naked, but I don't jump and hollar if they walk in on me nude. This subject has brought to mind another topic that maybe should be discussed. How do you intend to handle your childrens inevitable questions about your lifestyle choice? Maybe someone should start a poll, but I'm too tired to do so at the moment. Matt & Sarah

Where's the "even the thought of tasting semen makes me gag" option? Hey, Sarah is all about giving falacio (sp?) as a precursor to intercourse, but she has never even had MY semen in her mouth. The only time she has ever had it in her mouth was the one guy she was with before me, and it made her nausiated. She is vehement that she will NEVER spit OR swallow, cuz the first guy that tries to force her to stay on his rod while he comes will draw back a bloody stump (and I don't mean his hand, folks)! Matt & Sarah

This thread is jacked! Sorry, but the options available all imply that size matters to all women. To a degree that may be so, but unless he's hung like a baby (sorry for any guys that may have insulted) there are women who really don't care how big or small it is. In my wife's case she has had MORE issues with guys being too BIG. This doesn't stop her, just forces her to take things a bit slower and more carefully. I'll be honest. In all our years of swinging I think I can safely say that I (her husband) am probably the smallest guy she's been with. I'm one of those statistically average guys, between 5 1/2" and 6 1/2". Most of the guys she's been with have been 8" to 10". Only one that I can think of was slightly shorter than mine, but it was also slightly thicker. As my wife has never had any problems achieving orgasm, she has never really cared about size. I disagree with the approach to this thread. It is the sort of approach that can give a guy who may be feeling a bit under par an even greater feeling of inadequacy. And yes, I've been there in the past.

Broken. There should be female AND male responses, and the option of multiple selections. We're swingers, and for most of us that means couples. Since men don't usually orgasm in different ways in the same sense as women, it the men's options should have been along the lines of what works best for achieving an orgasm. Such as different positions: missionary, doggie style, woman astride, 69, other; oriface/method: oral, vaginal, anal (her), anal (him), handjob from her, finish himself off, other; situational: when being watched, when NOT being watched, when watching another couple, when with 2 women, when with a woman and another guy, when being photographed/recorded, bondage/fetish, other. Come to think of it, maybe that's too many options. Matt & Sarah