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lovedoctor

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    548
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15 Good

About lovedoctor

  • Rank
    Super Contributor
  • Birthday 02/26/1959

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    M Female
  • Location
    Florida - but right now, I'm on tour!
  • Interests
    sailing, music, gardening, photography
  • Occupation
    love doctor!
  • Swinging Experience
    since spring, 2005

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    Fllovedoctor
  • Favorite Club(s)
    pleasure palace

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  1. 3 monophasic birthcontrol pills are essentially what the morning after pill is. Probably a good idea to keep "a" pack of pills on hand for just such occurences. In the meantime, worry will do no one any good. Go get a blood pregnancy test if you are really in a hurry to find out - a quantatative HCG would be positive sooner than a urine pregnancy test. Talk to your doctor.
  2. ...Great But now the work starts. I would recommend you two get into counseling as soon as possible. It sounds like it's a ripe time to identify the underlying problems and work through them. Your relationship can be stronger in the end. But if you don't figure it out, it will happen again. JMHO. Good luck!
  3. I think he is just confused - doesn't know where his feelings are. He needs to work on his marriage first. If that survives then it could be possible to work out a relationship with the other woman and her spouse. That's against the odds at this point since the whole thing seems to have started as a covert operation. Trust is breached and relationships are rocky. They need to start with their relationship, which they are doing. That's a good thing. So I think he did listen to us, even if it wasn't what he wanted to hear. I hope I can get my head together about what is going on with our little tetrad. I will post in it's own thread if people on here are interested at all in hearing about someone trying to make the transition from swinging to poly. I have hesitated to do so since this is not a poly site and I will respect the wishes of the board if it's a subject not appropriate for this site. I have learned so much from the good folks here, I can't help but think there would be some useful advice out there for me, too....
  4. Polyamory is a journey, and not one for the weak or confused. The female of this couple is both weak and confused. She only mouths what others want to hear, but she never actually processed the concept. I believe she cannot love anyone because she dislikes herself so much. Right now, I am realizing that she is NOT on the path the rest of us are on. She's mentally unstable and blaming everyone but herself for her problems. She is not looking at herself, just looking at others. Getting well serves her no purpose. If she's sick she can stay the focus of attention and continue to manipulate. I know I need to back out of the situation, but it's F'ing hard when you love someone to leave the (him), especially when they are begging you not to go. I lose either way, so right now - I'm just in hover mode and trying not to make any decisions that are emotional in nature and lead to nowhere. What I saw ahead was a rich and fulfilling life. This woman just blindsided me, even tho I should have seen the signs a zillion times over. I just wanted to believe, like Peter Pan. I am a dreamer at heart, and that sucks. OK, back to tortured soul. Sorry to digress...
  5. Tourtured Soul, I must admit that Rob Thomas is my fantasy man. His words are so pointedly real and I apply so many of them to my life. He is an old, old soul. I could go on forever about Rob. I've spent a lot of time following the band for the last 5-6 years and this "hobby" has been my respite. OK, back to the question you asked me: I haven't been on here in a couple of months because I don't feel like I'm a swinger anymore. Like I said, the road we were on was leading to a poly lifestyle, and the core of poly IS a loving, caring relationship with other than your spouse. Not just casual sex. So, I just backed away from the board. Now that I find I am struggling with my issues, I came back here to see if I could find any answers. I love this board and the people on it, even if I'm not a classic swinger anymore. Your current situation just hit me right between the eyes.
  6. Wow, I haven't been on here in forever and then I stumble onto this post. Tortured Soul, I made the mistake of loving the male half of our swing partners and it has been pure hell. Not that I think loving someone is ever wrong, not at all. It's just difficult. The four of us were headed on that road to polyamory. We talked about sailing around the world, buying a house together when we retire - the whole thing. Love is a natural occurance in polyamory, that's the end result of what we were all dealing with conceptually. What none of us counted on was the that one of us (the female of the other couple) was actively cheating on her husband for the last 8-10 years. She is the kind of person that seemed so "real" when we first met and the longer I knew her, the more I learned, the less I like her. And when I found out about (and witnessed ) the other men (my God, we are swingers - how much more frickin' liberal of a life does she need???) So, it turns out that she doesn't know a lie from the truth, justifies her actions from something that occured when she was a child, and clings to her spouse as a form of refuge and support rather than as a partner. So, while she was busy with her extracurricular activites (shopping and cheating), her husband and I developed a deep, mutually respectful friendship. We share so many interests in common and really are best friends. My husband is fine with the fact that we love each other. We've never gone outside the boundries of anything we've discussed with our spouses. Now, all of a sudden, she is so HURT by the fact that we love each other. She feels betrayed (after 10 years of cheating) and she blames me for "alienating" her husband. What started out as a little seeming jealousy on her part has blossomed to full-fledged psycho woman. She thinks I am a villian at this point. All because her husband and I love each other, which was the goal of being "exclusive" in our relationship with each other. Those of you who know me on here have seen some of my posts about this couple before, and there certainly were warning signs that she was unstable. I just simply didn't listen. And those of you who have any experience in psychology can recognize personality disorders a mile away. My problem was that I was too close to the situation and did not see it coming. So while the other 3 of us were all on the same page, she was only acting the part. So she and hubby are in counseling. I want to just step away from the relationship. He wants to work on saving his marriage but doesn't want to lose me. She doesn't trust me at all since I am trying to "steal her man", my husband is unpleasantly confused and at this point I am so disgusted with her manipulating and self induced victimization that I can hardly look at her (ok, I still love her, but I don't even like her) So, advice you poor tourtured soul: Back away from the train wreck before it happens, otherwise you will be trying to sort out the dead from the injured
  7. I'd give it a couple more times and see how the situation plays out. If he continues to make everyone uncomfortable, then you know what you have to do. If it's just a momentary glitch, he will get through it. We all have more drama in our minds than what is actually happening. If you enjoy them, give it a little time. Good luck!
  8. Sounds to me like, as good as your communication is, your wife is just not "getting" you. Go back to the basics and communicate. Also, you should probably stick with 1 couple at a time rather than the orgy thing - LOL, I know how South Beach is, but resist the temptation to get farther in the water than you are ready for. Swim close to shore for awhile. The more confidence you get under your belt, the better off you will be. Give it time...
  9. ...It's wonderful, but not perfect. Like any relationship, it takes work. But it's richly rewarding and it can be done. Some day we would LOVE to have a house together in the islands where we can just get away from it all and be together for the whole winter! That's down the road a bit, but that's the plan!
  10. JnCC - you hit the nail right on the head with your post. The thought above is really really true. The single guys are almost enough to make me not want to go to clubs. I am glad not to see them (or at least in any number) at the parties we've attended. They are kind of a cross between lathering puppies and leering idiots, do everything they can to see in closed rooms and even try to come in when the door is shut... I'm glad you are not like this JnCC! There is hope for the single male because of guys like you!!! But your comment does lead me to want to mention this to the owner of our club. It's been bothering me, and I guess I just accepted it as something that happens. But I know it's not right for grown men to act this way just because they are single...
  11. I would expect this kind of flirty behavior from a couple we were thinking about having sex with! But I would also expect honesty from my partner, if I were your wife. You need to sit her down, gently ~after profuse apologies ~ and see why she was so concerned about your flirting and touching. If it was just your response to her question that made her upset, then agree to tell her the truth and be really open and honest; rebuild that trust. But if she was upset about the flirting, is she really ready to swing???
  12. You are welcome - please let us know how it's going. I think the hardest part of any kind of emotional attachment with swing partners will be dealing with the friendship end of things when, inevitably, one of the couples wants to see another couple. We spend so much time with our playcouple exclusively that I just don't know how to avoid jealousy issues, and I have done a lot of thinking about this. Both of us females in our little square seem to be pretty confident, and have talked about this happening but I just don't know how it will be to deal with the reality of it. If the approach is all out in the open, it might be fairly easy, but if one of the couples think they will "hurt" the other, and they were to hide it like they were doing something wrong, then it might get uncomfortable. We thought about trying to swing with another couple, but it just didn't seem right to do it if we weren't all that into it...do you get what I mean? So emotional ties imply a sense of vulnerability and williness to put yourself out there and possibly get hurt. Just like any relationship. At times, I can see why it would be easier to have a no strings attached approach. It's just not me, that's all. So, keeping that communication going is really important if everyone wants to keep the foursome relationship on a successful track. It always comes back to communication. First, be honest with yourself, second, be honest with your spouse and third, be honest with your playcouple.
  13. Now, I know this is bad karma but: YAY That sucker deserved it...
  14. Lesson learned: Don't shit where you eat. Move on! It's terrible that happened to you, be glad you can work elsewhere. And don't list that man as a reference!
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