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robel12550

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31 Excellent

About robel12550

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 07/15/1964

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Newburgh, NY
  • Interests
    Outside the bedroom are interested in various outdoors activities (especially watersports), fine dining, casinos, reading, theater/shows, tennis, and roller coasters, to name a few.

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    Robel12550
  1. Hi folks, We've met quite a few couples through "the lifestyle" in the past several years and have some we continue to carry on friendly relations with. But the last couple we met handled things a little weird we thought. We met them at a nightclub for a "one-to-one" and our conversation progressed quite well and easily. After a couple hours, the club started getting noisy and we suggested another place to continue our conversations. They readily agreed and we had a lovely time talking at a nearby restaurant/lounge until the place closed. It was, we thought, the best first meetings we've ever had. There was much we had in common. We left it that we'd be in touch and all went home. The next day we got on SLS and sent them a follow up message along with their first cert identifying to others that they're "legit". We were expecting to get together with them, as non-family time became available, for various activities in the future. They wrote back (basically), the following to us: "Last night was great. We are happy we met last night and picked your brain about the lifestyle. Your insight will definitely help us. As you realized from last night our family keep our weekends packed. I'm sure we will see each other again. We could always catch up at an event." To us, it sounded like at worse we could socialize with them. So we kept them updated on our "free time" when we'd have liked to see them again. We were hoping to invite them over to our house for dinner sometime. Three other times they responded with replies that stated they had family activities that conflicted, so we thought we'd just keep them informed of our free time. Then we get the following to a subsequent message we sent about possibly attending a local club's event we saw they were signed up for on SLS: "We are sorry but we didn't think there was any chemistry between us. If you guys do go we will be happy to say hi." We followed that somewhat back handed message with: "Your message is kind of confusing considering after we met you wrote that you had a good time with us. In any event, we'll not bother you again." Since they had obtained other certs on SLS, we removed ours since they don't really "need" it (and, quite frankly, somewhat feel they've "traded up" using our initial cert). We also didn't want to possibly dissuade other couples from contacting them if they didn't like they were somehow connected to us. So the big question we have is why they didn't just write initially (like others) that they had a nice "social" time, but we're not folks they'd like to screw and therefore, since they have unlimited other people they associate with outside of the bedroom, they have no use for us and are only looking for FBs? We'd have felt a lot better and less of fools wasting time trying to find time in our schedules to connect with them again. Do they really think they were trying to be "nice" about letting us down with such convoluted messages? What are your thoughts?
  2. If one sex of the profile has weight and age information and the other is "99" and "0", that means it's really a single person that hasn't contacted admin to change the gender of the profile. If they're both "99" and "0", then you really have to guess what they're concerned about. If they make info in their profile fairly specific and they list a small community as a location, they might not want someone they know to notice them on a swinger site. Only the "gays" are truly "out of the closet" nowadays.
  3. We're one of those that don't share pictures (but our place doesn't stink to high heavens and no one ran away screaming). After releasing some photos for awhile and no one replying after that, we became concerned that our photos might be utilized for nefarious reasons. (You don't have to "download" photos from SLS to use them. Wind7 has a lovely utility called "Snipping Tool" which does a very nice job. We're thinking of using it to cut out photos of Johnny Wadd and Seka from the old days to submit as ourselves! LOL) Get real, there's so many ways to con a mark and anyone who accepts photos across the Internet is a big mark. Group meetings or brief meetings for drinks where you can escape quickly if necessary is the way to go. If you're going to jump into the sack immediately upon meeting new people, you better be wearing those galoshes in that storm!
  4. If you have a burning desire to explore various activities, be it swinging or zip lines or sky diving, and your SO doesn't have the same desires, then you're not really going to have a "happy" long term relationship. The biggest problem is that practically any other activity outside of those that involve sex will probably be "acceptable" to the majority of SO's out there. Sex always seems to be the ultimate problem (besides money). You might want to find a woman from a culture (if it exists) that doesn't have such a hang up on sex if your current SO isn't conducive to the idea. But NOW is the time to bring it up and find out the feelings involved in it. And if it is truly germane to your future desires, it might be a good idea to engage in it NOW instead of waiting 10, 20, 30 years and finding a closed mind at the end of the dinner table. Best of luck!
  5. Have a Happy Birthday

  6. What about the situation where the woman doesn't want a separation/divorce so he can't leave? Guess most people are on the side of castration in those cases. Will the government pay for that?
  7. These posts get too involved at times. In all honesty, I haven't read everyone's replies. But I've read much of the original poster's messages. I don't know what I am seeing, but I think I would say there's TOO MUCH I! The tell is right in this sentence: "We were both in the swing lifestyle together and I wasn't ready for her to be with 2 men at the same time." In particular, "I wasn't ready for HER". Your girlfriend's friend was indeed being a friend. She was willing to take a chance so that your girlfriend could experience something she wanted/desired. Your girlfriend couldn't get that support from you, so she turned to where she knew she could. (Granted, there might have been some ulterior motives on the part of the friend that would have also benefitted her.) This kind of calls into question where you stand with your girlfriend? Are you going to be supportive of HER, or are you going to be the one who "isn't going to be ready"? And I'm NOT talking about sex! You mentioned "Marriage" (that I'll add with a capital "M"). You'll need to get a better idea of how the two of you are going to go through the rest of your lives before you start talking the "M" word. Right now, I'm not reading this. There's still too much, for lack of a better word, immaturity in your messages. Your girlfriend's friend should never have been the target for your dislike just because she was being supportive of her friend. That won't help in the long run. Best of luck to you.
  8. In all honesty, I haven't read the whole thread, but I did scan well all of Intuition's messages. Just don't have the time right now to catch everyone's messages. But a topic of being "outted" and when it's originated by "Intuition", it HAS TO BE READ. For starters, sorry to hear this unfortunate situation occurred to you. Your comments over time have been very helpful and informative in many areas. Please keep in mind that 2 minutes and 47 seconds is pretty much less time than one modern song. If your friend can't repeat a new song she hears word for word after hearing it ONCE, then you're clear. The bigger problem is that your conscience, for lack of a better word right now, is bothering you more. This will trip you up more than a 2 minute 47 second sound bite. If your friend acts like it's business as usual, you should be doing the same and move on. By the way, (belated) holiday wishes to you and yours in whatever meanner you celebrate them.
  9. Here we go again! "Welcome to the wonderful world of Internet swinging!" This is part and parcel. After a while, you'll become immune and it won't bother you that much. Best of luck and Happy Holidays to you!
  10. Well, we only look at photos to determine whether folks are HWP. We will more disqualify potential people on their photos than consider meeting them because of their pictures. There's too many ways you can make good looking people look bad or bad looking people look good photographically. And thanks Xzxxy (or whatever those letters were) for the bit about screen capture and cropping. If you don't think ANY graphic image on a computer can be manipulated, we don't want to meet you. (Your intelligence level would be way too low for us.) Come on! People are much more than their physical image. We've run into shallow people who would probably end up on the front cover of fashion magazines, but we wouldn't want to know them. One really hot looking lady came on to Rob recently, but he was just bored by her after she opened her mouth and got too familiar too soon. (Don't know what she really wanted since he didn't have his money clip out at the time. lol) It's much more fun to meet people blindly with no preconceived opinions. Everyone gets a fair shake. If they're "sexy", you'll know soon enough. If not, then hopefully you can at least have a civil conversation. We've yet to meet ANYONE that we were shocked by after five years of doing this (off and on).
  11. All we can say is "Welcome to the wonderful world of Internet swinging!". Most likely, they have a "pre-arranged" rejection notice that when you didn't jump to their beat they initiated. No biggie. If you're in any type of relatively populated area you should be able to find much better partners on SLS in a very short time that will fit with YOUR schedule. Best of luck!
  12. Wow! Kudos to Ms. Swing! I'm not certain that the response you received from your wife would be considered "typical". My opinion (and I'll emphasize "MY".) is there is a reason why skeletons are kept in the closet. They're DEAD and no longer of importance. I just wrote this to someone in a private message, but I'm sure there were many things my father and uncles didn't talk to me about explicitly regarding WWII because there wasn't any need to dig up that past. I'm positive they did or had to do things they never did before. They're no longer in that type of situation, they've learned what they needed to learn from it, they passed onto me their thoughts "generally" about what happened (i.e.-"killing is bad", "it's an experience I'm glad I was in because of the circumstances, but I wouldn't want to go through it or have someone go through it again", or whatever), and they moved on. So what's the point. Regarding other posters, I can't agree with Intuition this time (surprisingly) or Truelove. For starters, people MAKE their own "reality" since there's always three sides to it. You can never truly know which is correct. And who wants or needs to know that HONESTLY you just weren't thinking when you picked your nose and flung it at the girl across the aisle. The older I get, the concept of absolute becomes more and more just a concept. So there is no absolute to honesty. In "reality", everyone does "lie". You make judgments based on either your own self interest or the common good, depending upon your ethical makeup. Alberta, you took a risk (a very dangerous risk to a perceived strong relationship) and it seems you're a very lucky man. But read again Edison's response. Consider this, you might now be walking on very thin egg shells. As a conflict arises in the future, this MIGHT come back as one of the ghosts to that skeleton in the closet. Of course, since both of you are so honest with each other now, there might never be another conflict in your relationship again. (I think that's called an alternate universe.) Long term, only YOU can determine whether that risk was worth it. Be careful and good luck.
  13. I think I've scanned most of the thread here, but one thing is confusing to me. As I read the above section from the original posting, I'm left with wondering if the guy they thought the world of knows anything? Even if why they might have been banned from the club? As far as fault, that ultimately lies with the person who drugged you. So keep telling yourself that it was highly unlikely in the situation you were in that you could have prevented this. Just as the Internet is a highly suspect environment, the real world is even more so. Odds are that even a normally diligent person who was "watching the drinks" would not have been able to detect someone drugging it. (From personal experience in what can be done "undetected".) So hopefully you'll stop giving yourself a guilt trip on this. I empathize with you on the decision whether to bring in authorities or not. Despite what some people have written here and despite the fact that their personal opinions of things shouldn't get in the way of dealing with a crime, it has been know to happen that law officers will let their opinions interfere. How many "rape" victims have been victimized because they wore provocative clothing? So at least I understand the conflict you're going through. Our sympathies and best wishes on dealing with this unfortunate incident.
  14. Double OUCH!! My apologies. I had thought I had read to the bottom of the thread before my recent message. So sorry. Please accept my deepest apologies especially in this trying time. Also sorry to hear of your split. It's also disquieting to hear that another family with a child will be affected IF the other man actually leaves his wife for your partner. Though it is still possible to recoup a relationship after an event like this, it will be quite difficult. It will also take a long period of time primarily because of the deceitfulness of the situation. Though you may care for the children, you also have yourself to think of and your questionable partner. (Why didn't she tell you when she returned or let on that something happened? Is she doubting whether going away in the first place really was what she wanted?) Whatever happens now, you're in the area of professional assistance to truly understand what is going on in your "ex" partner's head as well as your own. Again, best of luck to you all!
  15. Maybe I've not read this clearly, but at least right now I'm NOT on the same page as the poster. John, are you entertaining the idea of entrapment of your "partner"? If you care for her as much as you say you do, I'm puzzled by this attitude of "Sure Honey, go have a good time with Harry! (Time passes.) Did you have a nice time? Good. Now get the hell out of the house!" ??? Major ouch in my book, don't know about anyone else. And I don't know how any future relationship you might have with another woman yourself would turn out once they find out about you doing something like that. (Given the remote possibility that you and your current partner might split up because of the current situation.) In general, what you've written sounds like, given a couple years extra for child rearing duties, the "Seven Year Itch". This has been successfully navigated in the past by many people and you shouldn't be any different. For starters, this is NOT "Swinging". On top of that, at the age of 30, it doesn't sound like "The Change" either. It is the aspect of "Gee, did I get the best option I could have?" It is how you will handle yourself in the process that most likely will determine how you'll get past it. If you feel that your partner has an emotional feeling toward this other man and she hasn't come forward with it, then you have every right to get that information since you've invested ten years of your life in this relationship. Just make sure she understands that whatever she tells you, you will accept with an open mind. This "could" be the case and you need to prepare yourself for that. If the different things are on opposite sides of the scale, then this relationship may very well be coming to a close. Since (unless the term in England for a married person is "partner") you are NOT married, there isn't any "cheating" in the usual sense. But she could be "cheating" emotionally on the relationship and maybe has been for some time. She's also "cheating" YOU out of the OPTION to experience the same freedom that she is looking for. That doesn't sound too fair, though Life many times isn't fair. This could be another part of the problem you are running into. Is she a control freak who needs to have everything on her terms? Are you just being used as a doormat for stability, money, taking care of the kids, etc.? Such one sidedness in a relationship requires the willingness of the submissive participant. Was it this way at the beginning when you decided to live with her or developed over time? When did you realize you didn't want to be submissive anymore (if that is the case)? The biggest problem is that you have three children together. Whatever you do is ultimately going to affect them. They need to be brought into the equation during your discussions. When another Englishman, John Lennon of the Beatles fame, decided he wanted a break from his wife Yoko Ono, she granted the request. John went off with his mistress for awhile. Then Yoko said, "Enough's enough. Time to come home." Which he did until his untimely death! Most likely the psychological makeup of those two people are different than you and your partner, but the point is that don't necessarily think this is going to be the end. Be cautious. Re-read Intuition's first response and really get the answer to those questions. At the least, you deserve honest answers to them. Do a good self evaluation and recognize what YOU really want also. Force the aspect of both of you being honest about your feelings on this matter. It would NOT be advisable to let her go off with this other man until ALL of your questions are answered. Then you'll need to rely upon your faith in the relationship you've built up for the last ten years. Best of luck to you! And keep us posted.
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