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Vantabulous

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About Vantabulous

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  1. WS has given you wonderful advice. Please, heed it. Military service is an intense experience. You never get "past" it; you simply learn to live with it. For some, it identifies them for the remainder of their lives. The rest of us accept it as a chapter in our lives... Your husband is in the "active" stage. He's surrounded by guys with "hormones" which are, all but completely, out of control when he's on duty. (You've got to have this or the government would never be able to get young men, and women, to do the work of "war". We "older" fellows would likely say, "Let's crack a beer and talk about this for a while..." ) When he comes home to you, the intensity is still there. The "brain" is not completely engaged...something else is talking to him, if you see my meaning. Kind of a "live for the moment" sort of attitude. (He will, hopefully, grow out of this stage when he rejoins the rest of us. He will regret his behavior and become "normal", whatever that may be.) This isn't about "swinging"...yet. It merely sounds like it...sort of. Talk to him. Share your feelings. Frankly, get him thinking about you rather than about anything else. Once his priority is his wife, I'm thinking everything else will fall into place. Best of luck to you both... Van
  2. Rough play would absolutely be out of the question. God and Satan will partner-up in a golf Scramble before I could ever bring myself to lay a hand to my wife or, any other woman for that matter. Just not possible. "Name-calling"? See above. D/s doesn't hold much interest for either of us, so I don't know if it counts here. Probably not much more for us than fantasy material...and meager, at best. I can only imagine...and it hurts me to even think about it. Don't lose that guy... Van
  3. Good Lord, I've heard the "I'm too fat" thing, too. (Didn't have to be the "fly". It's darned-near a given that a man's going to hear it from his woman. )
  4. intuition, Not you, too?!? If I ever hear the word "Liposuction" around the house again, I do believe I'll scream. "You look really 'hot' in that outfit, Hon." "I need liposuction." "Need anything from the store, Honey?" "A winning lottery ticket so I can get liposuction." "The pedicure looks great!" "It'd look even better if I had liposuction." "You don't need liposuction!!!" "You're my husband. You have to say that." AAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!! (I feel better, thank you. )
  5. Hypothesizing, of course, I wouldn't give "Little Van" a chance in Hell of even starting to "sprout" if there weren't some connection. More than that, if Mrs. Van were to be nothing more than a "depository", sorry, but I'd be pissed off. That actually strikes me as more "vanilla" than swinging. ("Knock off a piece of ass with the "chippie" at the bar and get out of here.") Doesn't work for me one bit. Absolutely, there's a "fine line". Maybe too fine for some of us...guess who? My apologies to the "die-hards" among you, but I would never simply "screw" another man's wife/SO. My orgasm, while important to me, ain't that important.
  6. Mrs. Hawk, At the risk of getting flamed, shot, drawn-and-quartered and spanked, right now, swinging is hurting your relationship with your husband, not helping it. Both of you need to get back to...well, the both of you. Swinging, in your specific context, is frustrating you and allowing Mr. to evade the most important person in his life...his wife. A lousy combination... Swinging should be an enhancement to a great relationship, not a safety net for the "dissatisfied".
  7. You go, Girl! Gotta go, Girl! (With Mrs. Van, I always thought that my wearing 17 condoms was merely a concern about birth control. Now, I wonder... ) Van
  8. You can tell me. You've been talking to Mrs. Van, haven't you? You don't have to "sugarcoat" it... I'll say this. The "beginner" sizes are a lot bigger than what you all think they are. Nuff said... (Mrs. Van was positively aghast, though I did note a distinct twinkle in her eye. Perhaps it was just me... ) Van
  9. frenchie, From your experiences with the other couple it may be clear to you that you don't feel that you derive any pleasure from seeing your husband with another woman. There's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way, though I may catch a few dissenting votes before this is over. There are types of men that I could enjoyably envision Mrs. Van being with in bed, and there are other types who would be auditioning for an "Extreme Makeover" if they slithered around her for more than 30 seconds. Neither of us feels a need to share one another with other partners. If we did, it would be with partners that we both agreed upon. No argument involved. My point is that you have every right to be as selective about who your husband swings with as you do about your own partner, and vice versa. That may not change your point of view and it's certainly not my intention to do so. As in so many cases, perhaps it's better left as a fantasy. Only you know for sure. Van
  10. frenchie, It sounds like everyone's expectations weren't made as clear to one another as they might have been in this instance. In direct conjunction with intuition's suggestion that your play partner should be expected to take an interest in his wife's experience with your husband, it just might be that his real interest was/is in a MFM encounter. If so, he did you a grave disservice by not being clear about it. That said, he also did himself a disservice because, while he was being inattentive to you, he was also losing out on what he might very well have wanted to begin with. Two strikes here. One against you and one against himself. I don't see where your husband should be unhappy with your "change of heart" if he clearly understands that you're not getting anything out of your playtime. Your partner had his "second chance" and it yielded the same results, or lack thereof. As a number of people have suggested, it's time to move on and find someone who's as interested in meeting your needs as he is in satisfying his own. One last thought? Use this as a learning experience when you meet another potential play couple and clarify everyone's expectations beforehand. Best of luck... Van
  11. ISTJ. Oh, I just knew you were all dying to know. Introverted: 56 Sensing: 1 Thinking: 38 Judging: 33 You are: moderately expressed introvert slightly expressed sensing personality moderately expressed thinking personality moderately expressed judging personality Am I interpreting the results incorrectly or did this test suggest that I'm pretty much "senseless"? (A non-swinger on the Swingers Board? Might be something to it after all. )
  12. BiD, Mr. D is great looking, distinguished, has Southern manners and he's easy spoken. When you consider that young women find those qualities attractive, it actually begins to restore my faith in young people. I sometimes find myself despairing that the qualities that Mr. D has, especially in regards to being well-mannered and easy spoken, have become out-dated and archaic. Such a shame that attributes that they find attractive in a man don't "spill over" and affect how they behave as "ladies". It's almost a dynamic oxymoron that a gentleman with class would be drawn to a woman who exhibits very little of it, your threat of a completely justifiable, well-placed foot, notwithstanding. fun_pair, If the same thing happened to me, I'm extremely confident that Mrs. Van would find it hilarious, too. Um, wait a minute... Devil, "Some" vanilla women... I trust mine with my life. Van P.S. Starlinn, how true! Although, Mrs. Van looks darned good to me lying in bed when I kiss her good-bye in the morning.
  13. Mrs. Indy, This strikes me as a lack-of-respect issue more than a jealousy issue and, by that, I mean a lack of respect for you and for Mr. Indy. Since Mr. Indy isn't leading these ladies on other than by being his naturally charming, good-looking self, I don't think "jealousy" really comes into play here, do you? Now, you've seen this advice with others so you're no stranger to it. Relax and trust your husband because, as you know very well, he's your best defense against these little tarts. They'll get the message soon enough that he's not available for anything that they might have in mind. Actually, if you "distance yourself" a wee bit, you might see this as being - almost - amusing given your involvement in the lifestyle. Imagine the chagrin if they were to find out that Mr. Indy isn't being "offered" anything that he can't have anyway...given the proper circumstances, obviously. I'm sorry you're going through this right now, but everything will be fine, I'm sure. Van P.S. Mrs. Van is a "vanilla girl" so I must speak with her about what you said at the end of your post. Perhaps I'll get lucky! P.P.S. intuition used the term "tart" while I was still typing. I thought I was the only one who'd come up with that one!
  14. nujax, I'm very tempted to suggest that the three of you meet before anything takes place. You may get a different point of view from someone else but my reasoning is that Mr. should be made very well aware that you're okay with any activities that take place and that you're going to hear about them. This is as much about your wife's safety and well-being as it is about keeping the air "clear". Any ground rules that the two of you establish should be well-defined to this gentleman, as well, with no questions asked. If I can say this without seeming callous, you aren't sharing your wife with this man for his benefit. It's about your wife and you. Not trying to throw an ice pack in your lap, if you get my meaning, but there's nothing in this worth taking any unnecessary risks. Frankly, I wish you both the best of luck with your adventure especially since Mrs. Van and I have an ongoing fantasy very much like yours. Van
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