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corkwan

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About corkwan

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  1. Oh I totally agree that personal counseling is useful. It was far more useful to me than couples counseling. once each person is feeling more secure about themselves, it is far easier to work out problems. But you're right, the quality of counseling does depend a lot on the person. We found this book was useful: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
  2. I wonder how many people that suggest marriage counselors have actually been to them? I would guess, NONE!... Have you seen the statistics on marriage counseling, it is horrible. Yes, work on your marriage. be more honest, be patient, be kind, but be very careful if you enlist a marriage counselor in it. We did, and it nearly destroyed our somewhat fragile marriage. (btw, we are doing great again in case anyone remembers me) This is what I learned: - Taking time to be together, without anything planned. For us, this is going for 30-60 minute walks in the evening. - Making sex a problem makes her lose her confidence. sex is confidence. - Masturbation threatened her. Pull it if you need to, but don't rub that in her face. - Encouragement, gentle encouragement. Too much pressure, and you lose confidence. - Be honest. she has needs, you have needs. Tell it like it is. and tell it from YOUR point of view, not saying that SHE doesn't want sex. Say it like it is, you want more sex. Speak what you know, and that is *only* yourself! - Be patient. - Be gentle. - Be kind.
  3. team sobe is bang on. the biggest risk is fucking up the relationship with the one you love.
  4. heh, ya. films that try to be too high-brow often miss the mark. It is one of those things, if you try and be 'classy' you often end up tacky. You don't try, you just are. My dad is a film maker, he jokes about doing pornos in his old age, but he's just done documentaries. What I do understand is that making a film, like writing a book, is not a trivial task. It takes a great degree of talent and skill to realize your artistic vision. Some films suck because that talent and skill is not there. other films suck because the artistic vision clashes with your own personal taste... Anyway, I'll report back here as/when I find anything else which I think doesn't suck... no guarantees it won't suck for you tho.
  5. counseling is a good idea... being able to understand yourself is very important if you want to try and make positive changes in your life. i have one other comment. keeping the passion alive in your own marriage is something which takes effort on both sides. it is rather unrealistic to expect every evening to be as hot and sizzling as the first time you kissed. in my own marriage, we have the same issues, that after working all day, you are both tired, and after a while, you fall into a routine. worse than that, you may start to feel like you are entitled to more. entitlement leads to resentment, resentment leads to bad feelings, and you end up fighting more than making love. worse yet, you start putting people into places, the inconsiderate bastard and the unloved woman - then you expect the worst, and treat each other that way. i don't know if this is stating the obvious, and you've already tried this, but how about going on dates together? married couples can suffer because they fall into the rut of, "why bother, we're together now anyway"... and indeed, this can be why swinging is so exciting, because you DO put the effort in, and DO make it sizzle. why not take the time to dress up sexy for each other, go out to dinner or a concert, etc, and even in the bedroom, why not set up a sexy scenario that you both enjoy? instead of shooting him down because he is more sensual with other women, why not encourage this behavior towards yourself. try and be positive, and lead him to the place you want to be, instead of shooting him down. in general this attitude works well for most people. that said, don't put up with too much crap! good luck.
  6. hah... welcome to the land of forum surfing. watch out, it is more addictive than crack. As for pay sites and swinging, it seems lots of people want to cash in on swinging.... but like a lot of things in life, paying more doesn't mean you get anything better. we would put our email address in our profile (if they don't allow it, you can just say, 'my at email dot com' or something people can translate) and people get in touch with us that way. we found a lot of the really big, national sites weren't very useful, there are plenty of free sites which are local and had better listings.
  7. just a thought, but have you considered the performance anxiety aspect? i know that my cock will range in size depending on how excited i am. i would say there is at least a 2-3" range in length, and probably the same in girth. these small penises you encounted, how stiff were they? part of the problem could be the guy is nervous, and worse than that, sees how big your partner is and feels inadequate. all of this makes the penis do a turtle. as much as women go on about making sure they have enough foreplay, the same goes for men. they need to be stoked up, reassured that a woman wants them, and that they feel comfortable in the situation. any looks, of, 'oh my god, is that it' are sure to induce turtle like behaviour. anyway, if size really is the most important thing to you, then i'd say the other people are right in that you should be very explict about that in your profile.
  8. I'm married, have swung with my wife, and suffered a rather unpleasant backlash from it, and am no longer swinging. As Julie pointed out the first day I posted here, I am cheating by reading this board. I'm living vicariously through others, or am I? I still have a desire to play with other people, but I have a stronger desire to repair my relationship with my wife. I went through a rather tough time trying to reconcile these conflicting desires. I've come to terms with it based on the fact that I think it is ok to read these boards, and think about both the good and bad aspects of swinging, while not engaging in it. I have told my wife about my reading and posting, and she says she is ok with that, although I did pick up some level of discomfort. A few weeks ago, I was away from home. I stayed with a couple who were definitely interested in playing. I discussed group sex with them, and their own issues in the past, and how they were coping. I discussed our past, and where I was at. That I appreciated the good/bad aspects of swinging, but that at this time, it was not ok for me to play. I have never cheated on my wife, I would rather leave her than betray her, and I don't want to leave her. Our relationship is still suffering, however. Sex is a problem. It is really hard for me, to think that we used to have such great communication, and now we have trouble relaxing and when we do have troubles, it is really hard to talk about it, as hurt feelings and insecurities well up. I'm sorry if this post is depressing. It is a depressing situation. Why do I continue to read here? Because O am fascinated by human sexuality, and swinging is very interesting in how it brings out all sorts of issues relating to our sexuality. I really believe that a strong swinging relationship is healthy as it makes a couple come to terms with trust and security in their relationship. I envy those that have found this. All said and done, I'm open-minded about our future. I don't think swinging is the only way forward. I don't subconsciously resent my wife for stopping. I feel bad for the hurt. I'm ok with living a happy boring life... but it is very hard (for both of us) to go from a supercharged sex life to one of guilt and bad feelings. We are trying, perhaps too hard, perhaps too much pressure, to make things better. It is a painful process, but I hope that it will make us stronger in the future. I hope you swinging couples don't mind my hanging out here. I feel it is more representative to have people contribute who have had bad experiences as much as those who have 'rose tinted lenses'.... I wish for the rest of you that you avoid the rocks.
  9. I'm glad you liked my review... I really think the first and the last film are the best ones. Most of these can be ordered online if you search using google. If it is a European site, make sure you can play PAL dvds if they are in that format. now, i need to go outside for a play!
  10. My wife doesn't like to use the pill either. For some women artificial hormones screw too much with their moods. You can look at the natural methods of birth control (periodic abstinence — fertility awareness-based methods) I posted, but of course, the woman is usually most sexually excited when she is ovulating. Another option is to find men who have had a vasectomy and are not longer fertile. Or that your wife gets her tubes tied, etc. I can understand the fantasy. For some women, sperm is like a reward, and feeling it inside them really turns them on. My wife gets very hot when we have sex and there is a risk of pregnancy. But i don't think I'd do that with a stranger. Anyway, is it the risk of pregnancy which turns her on, or the feeling of men cumming inside her. If it is the latter, then there are options you can explore (see the link). You've got to deal with the consequences, so, if that is the fantasy you should have a good think about your options and the consequences before hand.
  11. You're going to need some birth control, somehow. taking chances like that would be not only risky to yourselves, but also to your partners. If you didn't tell them she had no birth control, then it would be rather deceptive. There are plenty of other birth control options, e.g, diaphram, sponge, etc, which are relatively effective. of course, none are going to prevent the spread of disease, so you'd need to choose your partners carefully. Here is a pretty comprehensive list : https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control Sometimes, a fantasy is best left a fantasy. If you're making it a reality, make sure you check the consequences REALLY CAREFULLY before you leap over the edge. If she got pregnant, would you both(!) be comfortable with an abortion, or alternatively, fathering a child who is not your own?
  12. It must be said, most porn is male dominated... where the main point is the guy unloading on a woman's face, the woman's pleasure secondary. I've been on a long and hard (har har) search for porn which has a bit more depth to it. It is said that men are more visual and women are more imaginative (that is, guys like pictures, women like words), but I wonder how much of this is truly due to the quality (or focus) of the films. There seems such a big selection, but most of it is like a bollywood movie (there are 5 original films, remade to death, or so I'm told) with the same flaws as other films. Here I'd like to post some of the films we've really enjoyed together. I'm hoping that either this will help someone else find something sexy, or you've seen these and would like to recommend some of your own favorites. The crucial points are: 1) the woman is enjoying herself - seriously, how can people get off with actors who look like they're bored. 2) the actors are good looking, not plastic. sexy people, but not surgically altered. 3) the sex is hot, and both people look like they're into it... ideally, the woman comes at least once during the sex. 4) a good fantasy/plot, sure we don't want lots of bad-acting character building, but a bit more than a film crew, actors and a matress. 5) film making. bad editing, bad lighting, and bad music make a bad film. lots of the porno industry seems to think that a camera and fucking make a film. perhaps they do, but not a good film. i know that goodvibrations have a femme friendly porno section, and indeed, their choices are good. likewise, so does blowfish. Here are the links, including an article by violet blue, editor for goodvibes and allround right on sex editor/writer: Pornography for Couples by Violet Blue - Violet Blue ® | Open Source Sex .... So, in my search, I've found that the french tend to have much better quality films than north america. So, all listings are french. perhaps it helps that you can't understand most of the dialogue, but the sex is hot, and it seems to fulfill most of the above criteria. le plaisir à 20 ans (blue one) - a couple imagine numerous fantasies. the film has enough plot to tie it together, but the sex scenes are imaginative and very hot. I think my favourite is the sex by the fridge scene, first the couple get covered in food, then you get really intense sex. the guy stops midsex, and rubs the woman until she squirts, before continuing. The rest of the scenes are also done well, great camera work, imaginative sets. les cles du plaisir (michel ricaud) - a woman has a chastity belt, so she calls a locksmith who has les cles du plaisir (the keys of pleasure). This film is a classic, but very well shot, hot sex, and nice looking actors. la femme objet (alpha) - another classic. a man treats women like objects, and then designs a robot woman to have sex with. Great sex, but ultimately it is about the man's pleasure. that is, until the robot gets revenge. very well shot, and nice to look at bar the hideous furniture of the early 80s. salvatore giuliano le dernier sicilien (joe d'amato) - two outlaws on the run, find comfort with a selection of beautiful women. The sex is really hot, well shot, and the actors are beautiful. There are several MMF scenes which are very well done. les jambes en l'air (new sensations) - 'legs in the air' is a film about sex on an airplane. it has great models, and hot sex. Not much plot to it although it sticks to the theme, but it is very well shot and the actors are good looking and look like they are having fun. L'Indécente aux enfers (french) - a woman is oversexed, so she goes to see a psychiatrist. There she tells the psychiatrist about her fantasies (cuts to very nicely done scenes) which range through out history. there is picnic sex, napoleon-era soldiers (MMF), 1940s wartime in a taxi (voyeur), 1950s gangsters. As well, the oversexed woman has some great scenes in between her visits to the psychiatrist, including meeting a stranger in a park, doing the mechanic, and the scene which sets the film up, her wedding night (where she goes from 'oh no', to 'oui oui!' and begins her sex obsession). .... DISCLAIMER: I know porn is a matter of personal taste. maybe this won't rock your boat. However,Ii feel like I am not alone in that 99% of the films I have seen are not that great, but every now and then, one really shines. I'd be grateful if you can post which films did it for you. in particular, films that women found exciting.
  13. i've sucked cock for the sake of womens voyeristic pleasure. i think it is a desparate hypocricy in swingland that women are presumed to be bi and men are straight as ever. i was stunned at the expression on the ladies' faces, it was one of drooling fascination, they loved it. to be honest, i was a little curious about what it must be like to suck a cock. it was not really in my fantasies(arent guys great with all their disclaimers ), in fact, the situation was sprung on me. had i ever thought about the possibility before, yes. had i thought that i would probably be ok with it, yes. would i do it again, probably. as far as i see it, 100% hedonist. if it causes pleasure, then certainly i'll try it. i think there have been polls before about women being turned on by male-male action, and i believe it is more popular than men are willing to make happen. i really realized how talented my wife was though. licking a pussy is certainly easier. both of us really prefer straight sex. the bi thing is fun, but more like a side dish for us. it bugs us when we get together with a couple and they are basically looking for same sex encounters ONLY. i find it a bit weird and wonder if it isnt some way of compensating for jealous feelings. or, perhaps they are just homesexual mascurading as a straight couple?!?...
  14. flirting is a bit different than fucking. you might be used to attention from other people, but you are not used to getting it past the flirty stages, and into initating more than flirting. i would suggest, find a couple, talk to them a lot, email and phone, and then have a meeting. maybe have a first date, just to see how you get on, then make further plans, and set the night up for some fun. be very explicit about what each of you want from the situation, flirting and insinuation isnt very clear and can lead to pretty big disappointment, or shock in some cases. breaking the ice is never easy. remember, the other couple has equally as much nerves as you do. at some point, someone is going to have to say, lets get naked, and then things will progress. from reading your first posts, it sounds like (at 4:30am) no one got their nerves up. as for the flaming, you came on here with your own flame thrower set on high, so what do you expect? you walk in blazing and it keeps blazing. make the peace, give some people the benefit of the doubt and maybe they'll reciprocate.
  15. smoking cannabis when you're already drunk is a surefire way to throw up. it is a shame that is most peoples introduction, at parties, after too much to drink. it is also a shame that people tend to think of cannabis as 'one thing' when there are many different varieties, some wake you up, some make you sleepy, some make your body tingle... anyway, to each their own.
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