DoubleL

I'd just like to take a second and post a reply to everyone who has posted the great advice throughout the threads LittleL has posted up. We're both curious about the lifestyle and understand there's a lot of "rules" that we aren't aware of. Thanks for being so helpful, everyone! BigL

This kinda begs the question... what *is* typical? What should we expect? One dinner and night out, then home to naked time, or 3 "dates", or what? I mean what is the protocol here? I know everyone does it differently, and everyone does it differently depending on the situation, but how do you prefer to do it? LittleL

Well, I sorta already said that. I said: Me: I'm not really sure I understand. You were watching me do homework, nothing more. I can understand that she is upset that you violated one of your rules, but I'm not sure that what "happened"--a conversation that included watching me sit at my desk--really warrants moving on. That said, I respect your decision, and we won't bother you again. Him: thank you and I am deeply sorry.....but I will keep you on buddy list cause as soon as we get this straight I would like to talk with both of you again ...tell BigL im sorry too Me: Well, write us if you'd like. Bye. Me: bye Now, as you guys have already said, it's a little weird for her to have kinda flipped out like that, and I had already thought of the, "geez, if she was upset about that, what if we did something wrong while we were all naked" argument. If he contacts us again, ok, but if he doesn't it's no big loss. I just want to get the most learning out of the learning experience as I can . Which is why we were considering them, because they are very experienced. Not newbies at all. I have not actually chatted with her, but it was pretty clear to me that she was aware we had been talking and that she swings with him, he doesn't do it alone. She had seen (and admired ) photos of BigL, and the photos they had on swappernet implied that she was into it. He's also on there ALL THE TIME, it would be impossible to be on that much and her not know... LittleL

If you could pick one important piece of advice that you wish YOU had known when you were a beginner, what would it be? also What is one rule that nobody ever really talks about but everyone figures out eventually (for example, men don't advertise bisexuality in swinger's clubs because they will get shunned)? LittleL

So my sweetie and I were talking with this couple that we were interested in maybe getting together with. Since neither he or I have any experience swinging, we wanted to go slowly and talk a lot online first about expectations, preferences, and just general things. Well, the other night after a few days of sending swappernet messages the male of this couple and I were online at the same time. We IMed for several hours, just talking. We barely even touched on the subject of sex, we were just getting to know each other. It's finals time for me and the entire time this was happening I was studying. I invited him to view my webcam, which he did. Now even if I weren't studying I wouldn't have "done" anything on it, just because that's really not my style. He was simply watching me study and talk to him. Well, I wrote them a mail through swappernet last night and did not get a response. I saw that they had read it and knew that they had always responded promptly before, and I was confused. Tonight I saw him online, and apparently his wife doesn't want him to talk to us anymore because I let him look at my webcam "thinking he was alone". Well, yeah. I knew his wife was asleep. I didn't know they had a rule that they would only look at cams when they were both there (I learned that tonight). So he made a little mistake, but nothing "happened" so I'm not sure why it matters enough to not talk to us anymore. : Is it bad form to invite 1/2 of a couple to view your cam if you know the other isn't there? IM in general? Did I violate some rule because I 'm a total beginner that I should have known about? LittleL

I think the issue is that MANY STDs can have NO symptoms AT ALL at ANY TIME. This includes herpes, genital warts, so on. Men can carry almost anything and not know it, and women are less likely to do this but also can. Also, lots of people think that if when they go to the doctor they ask for a full STD workup they get tested for everything that's out there--they do not. Many times you have to ask for the SPECIFIC tests you want done, and that involves peeing in a cup, having siginifcant amounts of blood drawn, and having a special liquid poured over your genitals to look for warts you may not see. And guess what? How many people who said "I don't have an STD" get cold sores? You can get a herpes virus a lot of different ways, but even if you got it in a non-sexual way it's still an STD and you can still pass it on from mouth to genitals or back again. A lot of people do carry STDs and don't realize it, they're just not a big deal enough to notice or have it be an issue. In other words, the poll should have read "contracted an STD that you know of".

Oh, me me! It happens maybe.... 1/5 times or so? It used to be just when I was on top and not because it rubbed my clit--I actually don't like having my clit rubbed during intercourse because when it's both at once for some reason it makes me feel like I have to pee (I have no idea why). Anyway, if I'm really excited and we're both really into it, it can happen. It feels very different, too, deeper and more intense. It did happen once when BigL was on top and we were experimenting with some new movements, too, so apparently I have more to learn about myself.

That seems to be 90% of the responses BigL and I get, is older people attracted to us because we're young and nubile . Or, um, something like that . It's actually hard because we want our first experiences to be with people around our age and since I am only 23, that rules out a lot of people for a while until we're more comfortable. LittleL

We're 28 and 23. We run into some of the same things, as far as there being a lot more folks in their 30s than in their 20s. Nice to know they are there, though. BigL

Yeah, we have photos in our swappernet ad (DOUBLEL124570)... for the first couple days we didn't and there weren't many replies, but now that people can see us... . Anyway, yes, I was wondering about the "straight" men who write to us. I was confused, I admit. Maybe there is something else other than "he likes guys" that we wrote in our profile that might be violating some invisible rule we haven't learned yet?

That is really depressing. Why is it such a big deal/gossip-worthy? I mean, personally, if people are willing to write us off without even knowing us because we both swing both ways then those people clearly aren't the kinds of people we want to spend time with anyway, but I am curious to know why it's such a big deal. Is it just the homophobia aspect of it?

Admittedly we have only been looking seriously for people for a few days, but it's already become pretty clear that if you are a bi couple as we are it is hard to find other ones. Most of the listings we find on swappernet and SWS feature a bi woman and a straight man--I know there are lots of things at play here including a healthy dose of homophobia, but this is very frustrating since we are searching for couples who are like us not only physically and in mindset, but also in sexual orientation. Has anyone else noticed this? Is there someplace specific we should be looking or just watch carefully for the few and far between fully bi couples? Is this different in different parts of the country (we're searching GA and FL, but soon we'll be going to Seattle/Tacoma, so....)?