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tryit2?

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About tryit2?

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  • Relationship Status
    couple/ learning more each day
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    n w missouri
  1. Sorry, grew up in a different time/different generation. Not applicable. Besides some mismatches just accumulate with time/age. Think this would be better as a new thread, anyone think so??
  2. OK, very interesting thread. Have not been on board for a while, so just getting caught up. While I think this guys cheating is indefensible, he DOES have a few valid points that need discussing rationally. What DOESa person do when one spouse is more sex driven than the other by a large margin? What if cheating is out of the question by your choice? What if swinging or open marriage out by the spouses choice? And your partner is your life mate, friend and love, and just dumping them and starting over with not even on the distant radar? Maybe this should be a starter for another thread, instead of adding to this one, but really, what does a person do?
  3. Ditto all of the above! Also I would recomend reading the may "guilt" threads on this site. There are many, (ours included), and they all are worthy of the time to look over. There are MANY very insightful and nice people that hang out here.
  4. Interesting question. With summertime heat, less clothing is better. Mrs. likes less than me, but is self concious about a scar around other people. Just the 2 of us and she sheds pretty fast. Now myself on the other hand, I like minimal covering around the house, but regular jeans and such outside, just because of the work I do. (Try welding nekkid sometime, LOL) (hoo boy, even with clothes those little sparks can make you move!) Another reason for the clothes for me, not self consious about size/weight, but I am Hairy! I am semi self-concious about that. All the ads we see are for the smooth bodies. That is not me! I have more hair on my butt than most people our age have on their heads! I tryed shaving one time only, and the wife would have none of it again. Wouldn't touch me for about 2 weeks until it grew out more, No sex with a cactus for her! LOL And trying to explain to DR. with a straight face about all those ingrown hairs!!! (and yes,it really is that bad) I just had to throw in my odd humor, thanks.
  5. OK, my 2 cents worth (and change) LOL Does he pay for the meal any of the time? If he were to take you out to a resturant, (not the golden arches!!) would that take the burden off you paying for the room? It seems he has given a couple other options, that you seem not to wish to do. Maybe a compromise PART OF THE TIME, might be something to consider. Best of luck to you
  6. It looks like we are pretty much in agreement, any deceit = cheating, anything discussed (well..almost anything)out in the open is not. The analogies are great. It all seems to boil down to intent. Whether it is deceiving yourself, or your SO, intending to deceive is the problem. Is it easier for swingers to cheat? Possibly, because they are more "open" to the idea of extramarital sex. BUT, as Spoo so capably says, WHY? If you are doing so great as to be swinging, and are open to such new experiences, why jeopardize your marriage or yourself by cheating? Cheating by accident? Well, I suppose if you were deceived into a situation where you thought it was OK, but found out it was someone cheating, yeah, I suppose that could happen. Again, someone was deceived. OK, let me throw another verbal bomb. LOL This may be a topic for another discussion, but bear with me for a moment. Swinging is supposed to be between couples. Where do threesomes come into the equation? Three meaning NOT 2 couples. Whether MFM or FMF, (FFF/MMM, etc.) Someone introduced into the couple that is not of that couple. Is this considered to be part of swinging? How would this fit into the cheating scenario? I guess if this generates enough interest, I will post it as another thread. This was just tossed in to generate some more discussion. Sorry if it is too far off topic. And thank you for your responses.
  7. This is going to be a long post, please bear with me and my apologies. I am going to say some very controversial things, so some ground information to begin with, so save the flames! My wife and I have been married 28 years, mostly good. We have been through many things that MOST marriages would not survive. Just a few things include: The near loss of our son 2 times in his first five years, (less than 5% chance of survival, then a vegitable or worse.) (not the case anyway); the medical bills from that,(well over $100,000) a bankruptcy, all of the humdrum daily problems from 2 working adults with vastly different work schedules, with no chance of sex or intimantcy, or even seeing each other for days at a time, but sharing the same house/bed, and lately, her near total loss of interest in sex. (But since talking on this site, some has returned.) And there is much more! Note that we are not poster parents, and definately not the "polite society" ideal of a good marriage! BUT......we are and always have been happily married. While we may fight and fuss, we love each other and are comitted to each other. We have done what many others would not have survived, and stay happy with each other. So what does all of this have to do with the other posts you say?? Well, we are on this site for one example. We have discussed swinging for some time now, but we/she are not quite ready to take the next step. (See my other post on "guilt") Everything is OK in theory, but she is not ready to put it into practice. And I am not going to push! So where is the cheating you say. Well, when we talk, she is not ready, but says I can "go ahead" if I wish, she has no problem with that. This is in open discussion, and I am not here behind her back. BUT NEARLY EVERYONE would call this cheating it seems. I have no plans to participate without her, even if it means never getting started. I respect her. BUT why would this be cheating, everything is out in the open ? Please, this is a serious question. She does not wish to particiapte, she says I can, with her blessing, but she does not want to talk to others about it, at least not at this time. Cheating is when someone is being decieved. We are discussing this in the open. Just another opinion to toss in the fray. I just hope it brings honest thought into this thread. And yes, I AM a bomb tosser, at least in the verbal sense (lol) tryit2?
  8. Interesting thread, especially because it mirrors our situation, and the similar responses. While I respect the various people posting, it seems clear that swinging is a COUPLES only situation. And I wish my better half had more interest in swinging. But she does not, and I will respect that. I will not push her into this, and you should not push your wife either. And the various responders DO have valid points. Unless you are looking for a threesome, it really is not fair to the others, as someone has to sit it out, and the situation is not balanced. BUT, to the responding swingers, This guy ( and myself, and others) also have a point. We DO have permission, we do have wishes and desires, and we do have interest. Yes, we do have to contend with the "lying husband syndrome" and should have thick enough skins to take the sometimes abuse that goes along with it. We also need a sense of humor, as this is going to take a while. In my case, I am going slow, and communicating, as should you. I am here "doing my research' and this is a good site to do so. Give everyone a little more time. There are a lot of liers out there, it takes time to sort out the "badies". Maybe this situation should be in an open couples forum, or maybe we should create our own "class" or subgroup. (LOL) But I do believe it is a growing subgroup, so everyone give this a lot of honest thought. It is NOT going to go away, and I wish I knew of a way to explain it better. best wishes
  9. WOW people!! Thank you for the super responses! Thanks for the info sites, I will probably go there tonight, after reading here a while. Your answers and helpfulness are somewhat overwhelming to me. I can tell we are not alone. That by itself was worth the start of this thread. She should enjoy the information, whenever she gets to read it. (has to work next few nights) Keep up the info, even if it does not help us, it's got to help others like us. Thanks.
  10. Thanks to all for the sage advice. We pretty much do everything said above, but wanted input from others. Sort of...yeah, we are in the right ballpark. One post above sort of says "deal with it" . Sounds nice, we are working on it, but 40 plus years of indoctrination does not go away overnight. Bear with us. One question was where are we, and what religion. We are almost dead center US, North of Kansas City, south of Omaha. Yep, right in Bible beating country. Religion....Baptist, ........ not only Baptist, but Southern Baptist. If you might guess, we are sorta lapsed a bit. (maybe a lot, given being here) LOL To likeminds, emails like yours will probably go a lot further for reassurance and peace of mind than anything I could say to her. In theory, she is all for this, but in practice, Ahh that is the problem. If you every find that elusive "guilt be gone", we will be your first customer! To anyone else concerned, this is good therapy for both of us, discussing these ideas here. It opens new horizons and lets us know we are not alone in these thoughts or feelings. It is just we are getting started a lot later than most of you. Some may note a lot of LOL notes from me. Yes, I do laugh a lot at myself. In general, we have a lot of humor. Some contrived, some good, a lot bad (WE both like puns.... forgive us), and some just a bit skewed, at least according to friends. BUT.....it has taken us through a lot most marriages would not survive!! 27 years worth. As a note, discussing swinging is a very minor problem between us, concerning other things we have already made it through. Thanks to all, please post more thoughts.
  11. OK sports fans... another lengthy post. LOL I have been reading other posts for about 3 hours, and have several questions. One lengthy thread about guilt danced all around my question, but did not help. We have been taught that premarital sex is bad, sex between singles is bad, between ANYONE but your marriage partner is bad. Heck, sex itself is bad. Sex with yourself???? OOOHHHH, really bad. So what am I doing on a swingers site? Trying to find out if if is for us. Since youth, (a long time ago, LOL) we have been taught sex is a bad thing outside marriage, and DO NOT ENJOY it when you do it. So, how do we get over this indoctrination? Jealousy can be a part of this, but not in this question. Please, no sermons on jealousy here. I just want to know how others overcame this indoctrination. IN my case, (husband), I can overcome it better, but my wife has a REAL problem overcoming the "anticipated???"guilt. We have not started anything yet, we are waiting for "the right moment", so your advice is anticipated. I have several other posts on other topics, so please do not confuse them with this question. There are also several other "guilt trip" problems my wife has, and they will be addressed later in other posts. Thank you.
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