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Evil_Bastard

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19 Good

About Evil_Bastard

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    Contributor
  • Birthday 06/04/1952

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  • Relationship Status
    M.Male
  • Location
    USA
  1. Cummunication is that thing that one attempts just before his gets his ass kicked. Cummunication is what gives others the where-with-all to persecute you. It is that cruel joke that GAWD played on the human race. It is that burning desire to let someone know who you are only to be mocked, ridiculed, outed, and punished for having done so. More seriously! It is that one quantity (quality?) that only the deviant 1% of couples possess, and the other 99% have no idea exists. It is talking TO the other person not AT them, but... talking with the intention that they HEAR what you have to say. It is also listening to the other person not waiting them out, but... LISTENING with the intention of hearing what THEY have to say. Cummunication IS NOT evaluation or judgement, not blame or making the other person wrong. Communication is creation and/or re-creation. Communication is re-creating for the other person your thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc., AND! it is creating for yourself the thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc. that the other person is sharing with you. But then what the fuck do I know?
  2. Hello Intuition, Thank you for your response, AND! This thread was simply to find an answer to a question about how (actual swinging couples) would handle a certain situation. I know I took my own thread someplace where it shouldn't have gone and for that I appologize to you and everyone else here. Again I will say that I have the answer that I asked for and I discovered that as in the real world, different swinging couples handle it situation differently...though the ratios may be inverted...OR! maybe not. This is simply a question of course, and you don't even have to answer it....consider it rhetorical if you like. Is this to imply that I am a dolt...or am I merely drawing an un-need inference? Again Thanks
  3. Tybee Swing, Thanks for coming back to read my WAAAAYYY too late update. I get that every couple differs in how they handle things in their relationship and that's as it should be...as long as both parties have some semblance of equality. In that conversation with my wife (that I referred to in my post) I was only trying to get her to see that various couples can have discussions about other people they meet and not have it be total destruction of the relationship. I don't think that it is a NATURAL LAW that if one partner finds another person attractive that they can't love their partner, or at the same time think their partner is even more attractive. So I was merely trying to get her to see that "Yes I see ladies that I find attractive" and I still love her very much, AND! that it would be much easier if I could simply acknowledge the fact and then we could move on to whatever is next...Whatever that might be. She thinks that if I truely loved her (as much as I SHOULD) then I wouldn't even notice others...and if I did (somehow notice) I surely shouldn't want to say anything about it to her. I think (AND! I could of course be waayyyy! wrong here) that if she would have just relaxed a bit she would have seen a long time ago that I'm not going to leave for every or any little hottie I see! I do have to admit that my wife won. I don't tell her if I find someone hot. Of course I don't say anything at all about swinging, or sex in general for that matter. I don't say anything about strip clubs, or swing clubs, or watching porn, and I (especially) don't talk about any fantasy I might have. I don't feel that any of that would be acceptable in our relationship...and I do still love my wife. The problem that I have now is that I spend soo much time and energy making sure that I don't fuckup and let something slip (so that she doesn't feel bad) that it seems that all I do any more is think about everything I'm not supposed to think about. I think I said far too much so I think I'll quit. Again thanks Tybee, and everyone else for your responses.
  4. Hi Tybee Swing, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you on this sooner, the problem is that in my experience this site that it is not that friendly toward people who don't fit the mold, and I had gotten the answers that I had wanted, so I just didn't feel like responding to your post. Well I came across it again today and I thought I would clearify it for you. First! I will acknowledge that you are right you don't know my story, and most likely no one on this site ever will know my story. I don't mean that in any disrespectful way just that I am acknowledging that I haven't told my story here. My story is (after all) not neccessary in order to answer my question. My question was if one of you (either you or your husband) noticed some one that they thought was hot would you be able to say something to them (in your case your husband). Then I gave three different alternitives as to how you would (or wouldn't approach this senario.) I did not mean to imply that pointing out people that you (or your husband) thought was hot was the bottom line in communicating about swinging, only that (it seemed to me) it would be being honest, it would be being open, it would be putting your cards on the table (so to speak), about that facet of your life. I read much here about having honest, open, complete communication. To me (and I must admit that I could have been wrong) it seemed that honest communication meant telling the truth about seeing someone that you thought was hot, that open communication meant not being required to hide those little secret things away from your spouse/SO, that complete communication meant being able to say it all, whatever it was...even about THAT area of your life. I did not ask if you and your husband (or anyone else) talk ALL the time about who you would like to do, only if it was possible for that conversation to be had AT ALL...ever...even occasionally. No I am not equating this with whether swinging would work. I am already crystal clear that swinging will not work for US, and have already acknowledged that I am aware that it will not. I was simply equating this with complete, total, open, honest communication. If my wife suddenly became willing for complete total communication to happen I would still not be willing to swing with her. Yes I was the one who many years ago brought up the subject of swinging...my wife was the one who killed any desire to. Finally! What I was getting at was do swinger couples (some couples, any couples) respect each other enough to have these kinds of conversations...or do they respect each other soo much that they hide those sorts of things away? I got differing responses from different couples, and the answer I was looking for. Most said that they accept that subject within their relationship and others said they don't. Again I'm sorry for not responding sooner, but I hope this answers your question.
  5. Twenty four years (+/-) and we are not swinging. Problem was, she was NEVER willing to talk about it. The first time I brought it up was about a year after we were married, the second was about ten years after that, and I last brought it up about five or six years ago. Now after five or six years of abuse (emotional, spiritual, mental) I'm not willing to talk about it either.
  6. For the most part I don't say anything to my wife at all any more (about swinging). From time to time she brings up the topic of swinging and I get away from those discussions as quickly as possible. This conversation was her idea and it was about how we might have been able to swing if I hadn't screwed everything up from the beginning. I had said that all I wanted (when I brought up the topic of swinging) was to be ALLOWED to be totally honest with her....to not have to hide myself in a box any more. I then added that I thought swinging couples had enough love and respect for their spouse to accept total honesty in communication. She added that she thought that they had enough love and respect to not say such things to their spouse. We are not swinging, we are not planning on swinging, and I absolutely will never, ever, EVER swing. Thank you all for your responses. It was just a nagging question that I had and you have all helped me to let it go now. THANKS!!!
  7. My wife I were talking a few weeks ago and that conversation brought up a question about the sort of conversations that swinging couples might have. I mean if one of you (you or your spouse) discovered that there was a new person at work, or a new waitress/waiter in the cafe where you have coffee in the morning, or a new cashier at the gas station etc. that you thought was attractive, would you tell your spouse about it and (if so) how might that conversation go? Would you say something like "Gawd there is this new guy/gal at work (or where ever) and I would love to do a little somethin' somethin' with them" or would you say simply "there is a new person at work (cafe, gas station, etc.)" and leave it go at that? OR! would you just let it go altogether and wait 'til you are doing swinger stuff (reading ads on SLS, or at a club, or house party, etc.) to find someone else, but not talk about the someone at work etc. that you find hot?
  8. I apologize everyone, I didn't realize that I was logged in (actually, he was on earlier), under my husband's name. I will log off and sign in properly. Tarnished.
  9. I lost the original message that I was typing, sorry I messed it up. Flassh how dare you question that I love him? Who are you to determine if I do or do not love my husband, using YOUR set of criteria?????? I am already real clear about how his ideas of swapping has affected our lives, just as I was real clear about some of the previous decisions that were made, and it's taken me 20 frigging years to get to this point. I am NOT asking kudos from anyone, but I have stuck in there, and you question ME? And Alura, to answer your question, if I loved it and he didn't, he is important enough to me to not ask him to engage in something that he doesn't like. He doesn't like to dance. I do. We don't dance (except at weddings with the bride & groom and an OCCASIONAL one. I don't bitch and complain about it, I just accept it, although truth be told, I do tap my toe now and then. As far as the ride home, I'd be letting him know how very important that he is to me, and that I am on his side (and still am FLASSH), even though we may think differently HHMMPPH.
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