Shinjovial

Wow! I'm amazed at the response my question received. I posted before on another site and never received a response. Thank you all very much for providing your time and insight. I really appreciate it. Apart from the scolding that RICNDI provided, everyone has great advice and I will take it all to heart. RICNDI has a point to, but I think it belongs is an AOL chat room and not here. Well, I wouldn't have posted if we weren't experiencing some sort of discord over this. It has long bothered me and we got into an argument (before I posted) when I asked her if she would ever consider going to a swing club, just to check it out (for the sake of discussion, it was her that brought up the topic by saying how her friend from work had a blind date and he took her to a swing club). When she said "no" to the club I asked why, curious to understand what bothers her. That's when the argument started. We talked last night for the first time in two days and she still can't talk without being rotten. She now says that that part of me disgusts her and she's embarrassed of me wanting to talk about it and explore our feelings. So, it seems as if our problem is primarily communication and not swinging. I know she has fantasies(black men, women) and I've made it clear that it doesn't threaten me and I'm willing to explore things with her. However, she seems content to keep that part of her secret, at least for now. I would never leave her over something like not wanting to swing, but I will leave her when she can't talk about things with me. I believe in my right to explore who I am sexually, with or without her. Those of you who are happy with swinging, thank your mates for their love and understanding.

I feel like I've tried every conceivable way to start the dialogue about swinging. It's gotten to the point that anytime I start to broach the subject or bring up a topic related to it or make a casual joke, etc, she puts up this protective field and turns her mind off to the idea. I'm just having trouble coming to terms with this. I don't understand how anyone couldn't at least talk about it in an open manner. What's so bad about swinging? even if it's light swinging? she's gotten to the point where she's said I should just experience it without her and forget the idea that she'll ever be convinced to swing. I would really rather swing with her present and not with strangers. Being a single male, especially when it's discovered that you have a partner, is almost impossible to find a willing couple.

We've been together for 8 years and I'd really like to add a little spice to our sex life. The idea of swinging or checking out swing clubs is a major turn-on for me. Unlike most guys, my reasons aren't so I can screw another lady. While that would be pleasurable, the idea of watching her with someone else sets my loins on fire. I've tried to get her to talk about it, checking out a club, placing an online ad, etc. I've made it clear that there is no commitment to any particular action or contact with anyone else. If that happens-great. If it doesn't, then at least we've opened our eyes to the possibility somewhere down the road. If nothing else, the excitement would ignite the flames between us. I truly love and respect her - I tell her often. However, she does not want to discuss or even play with the idea of swinging. When I express that the desire to swing is part of who I am, she states that she doesn't like that part of me and the discussion ends. Any advice? Assuming that I don't drop the topic and deny my desires, how can I open her to the idea of swinging?