newgentry

$22 for one round of drinks?? Yeah that seems VERY high to me.

We're soft swingers, and I don't understand the quote at all. MORE jealousy? It doesn't make any sense to me. We decided to be soft swingers because that's what works for us, period. Its not a sense of insecurity, and its not a knock against the full swappers. Its only what WE decided would work for us as a couple. We like the idea of being able to reserve a certain special something just for the two of us. Now, that being said, I will also say that if and to the extent that we may ever decide to become full swappers (and again that'll only be after WE as a couple decide its the right time) that I really think we'll both be fine with it. Neither of us has any problem whatsoever with people who full swap - whatever works for them as a couple is fine with us and more power to them. Who knows, though. Like I said, for right now what we're doing, and what we're limiting ourselves too, is working out just fine.

Blame it on Hedo. The missus and I had always been "huggy kissy" kind of people with our friends, but nowhere near any kind of swinging. We decided to let our hair down and go to Hedo back in 1996. Read up on the place and knew we'd run into some swingers down there. No big deal to us, so we went. Met a few of them, realized really quick that they were totally normal people just like us, and the ball got rolling from there.

We have the same issue here, and we've found its not really the folks that you play with that are the problem - its just that inevitably word gets out somehow, even if it just gossiping mouths about the wild parties that you have or whatever. We decided about a year ago that we were taking things out of town, and its worked a LOT better.

I agree with Spoomonkey and the others. Don't try it as a surprise. It could very well blow up in your face and then she might not EVER want to try it again. If there's anything that the missus and I have learned, and as you've probably read in several posts here, communication, communication, communication is always and foremost the key, ESPECIALLY when you're first getting into this lifestyle. From what you've described I don't think you'd have a problem in the world in discussing it with her. So just bring it up one day and see what the reaction is. If she goes for it, great, then the both of you can have fun setting it up. If not, then back off and don't push it and let her think about it for awhile. It really sounds to me like you're on the cusp of what could be a great thing for the both of you. Handle it carefully, and you won't regret it, I promise. Best of luck to both of you with the new baby.

He may be very surprised at his reaction. I know I sure was, and it gets back to the old "fantasy is different from reality" thing. The first time I saw the missus hooked up with someone I was surprised at my reaction, for sure - it was just "ok." Didn't really turn me on, didn't really bother me - basically a middle of the road 5 on a 10 scale. That huge rush of intense erotic feelings that I just knew I was going to have was nowhere around.

We usually try the real generic, innocuous stuff like "where are you from" "how often do you come here" "great weather we're having, isn't it?" and other pithy questions like that . HA. Seriously, that usually gets at least some semblance of a conversation going and before too long we're usually chatting about jobs, kids, whatever.

Actually I think that idea has been around for awhile - at least at the club (Carolina Friends) that we go to occasionally. They give you little colored dot stickers to put on your name badges - orange is for bi-curious as I recall, and I know they have colors for soft swing only, full swap and maybe BDSM too. Only thing is the dance floor is usually so dark you can't see the things. So its not a totally novel idea anyway.

As usual, the thoughts and advice on this board are well-reasoned and appreciated more than you guys can possibly realize. I thought I'd respond to just a couple of the comments. Sexypairca, you recommended discussing boundaries with this couple in a sober setting. Well, that happened the next day too as well. We called them just to make sure that they were OK with everything and had a great conversation with them as well. All 4 of us agreed that while it had been fun that ground rules were an absolute necessity, along with only 1/3 the alcohol next time HA. So we agreed that the next time we get together we'll talk BEFORE anything happens and rope out the boundaries. Bob and Sandy, I take your advice to heart as well and thank you for it. Do I seriously think that my wife would leave me or start something on the side? When I take a breath and calm down about it, absolutely not. We've been together for 9 wonderful years, and there's never been a hint, not one hint, on the part of either of us that we could or would ever stray. As the others pointed out, I think that what I was feeling was the natural byproduct of an incredibly unusual and unanticipated situation that basically just started my neurons jangling all over the place. With talking and communication I think everything will be fine. That being said, however, I fully realize that we are doing the effective equivalent of walking around with a live bomb in our hands - one wrong move, or walk too fast with it, and it could blow up in our faces. Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to respond - you've helped immeasurably and I truly appreciate it.

Well, we had our first experience over the weekend, and although it basically wasn't much more than a heavy necking session, it was, for us, a major major step. One big question for me though as a result of it. Here's what happened - the missus and I had a party at the house for a bunch of our friends. Some of our wilder friends stayed late after the rest had left - 4 couples in all. One thing led to another and we're all buck ass naked in the living room dancing and partying like hell (that part's no big deal - we've known these guys for years and been naked around them all several times). Then one thing led to another and we're all in the hot tub. Again - no big deal, that's happened before too. The BIG deal was when THAT one thing led to the other when, almost before I knew it, a friend's wife is on my lap and we're making out like there's no tomorrow. I look over and my wife is doing the same thing on the other side of the tub with her husband. Wow. I mean WOW!!! Talk about visually stimulating. Anyway, nothing much besides that happened, basically because my friend's wife started getting nervous after about 10-15 mins and we all agreed to stop. Candidly, I don't think it would have been physically possible to go any farther than that - the other guy and I had about 12 scotches apiece in us, and I was so wasted that I couldn't have gotten it up with a crane *lol*. Remember now that my wife is the same woman that had turned me down cold on several occasions when I even broached the topic of SRS with anyone, and all of sudden we're doing this? That was an incredible thing to happen. Anyway, the next morning after we sobered up we discussed it and actually had a GREAT conversation. We both agreed that we had enjoyed it, and rationally discussed rules and boundaries for any future encounters. That's one thing that we really fell short on - again we just kind of fell into this thing with no advance "arrangements" or discussion - nothing on safe sex, nothing on full swap vs. soft, absolutely nothing. That omission could have turned everything way south real fast but we dodged the bullet. I realized though, that you need to take people seriously when they say to talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more. All in all, though, it was a phenomenally enjoyable experience, and I really think that we'll have some more great times in the future. OK now, after all this rambling (and sorry for that) - here's my question. All day long the next day I was semi-freaking over what happened - not in a bad way, just really amazed I guess. I was also extremely emotionally "needy" towards my wife - I kept hugging and kissing her all day, telling her how much I loved her. She kept laughing and reciprocating, for sure, but I know she was wondering what the hell had gotten into me. I think it stemmed half from appreciation for the night before, and half I think from what was a sense of insecurity on my part. While I certainly enjoyed seeing her with someone else, it was almost like now I know that she CAN be with another guy, so that opened up a Pandora's box of emotions - will she like these other guys in bed better than me? Will she start seeing them on the side? God forbid would something develop that she'd leave me over? Have we started something here that we're going to regret later? Ergo, a big reason for me being so touchy feely all day. Is this a normal reaction to have after your first time? Anyone else go through this and if so how did you deal with it? Don't get me wrong - I'm not obsessing over anything and I already feel better this morning - I guess I just want to know if what I'm feeling is something that should be expected. Again, folks, many apologies for the length of this message. Thanks a lot for letting me vent.