prplpassion

Davdia.. I'll give you an similar experience from a newbie, and how we've dealt with it so far. I am totally new to all this.. my partner is not. We go to a club where the people are really awesome and friendly and non judgmental about whatever your thing might be. Our encounter was with another couple. He could not rise to the occassion but the oral was ok.. I like that, so alright. My guy is down on her..they switch and he's getting a blow job, making sounds I've not heard He has her get on top, which I cannot do for him with a bum knee. He's got the full meal deal and her partner joins in to help get her over the top... and I'm just laying there. Pissed off, obviously not having fun, with a big feeling of insecurity and inadequacy. My honest thought was, if this is it Im over it already. It took a lot of talking... isolating what upset me..what I was ok with, etc. He truly wants me to enjoy this with him, and by god I'm determined to try. He listened to my concerns. We made a different plan.. we came up with a safe word. Our partners are not psychic. If we are uncomfortable you cant keep giving them the nod of approval, knowing you are feeling worse by the minute. I couldnt say stop, who wants to be the spoil sport when everybody else is having a good time? Thats why the safe word. If I say that, he'll stop it and I dont have to. We took a little break, which helped me stopped obsessing over it. I'm a typical overthinker! It drives me as crazy as it drives him. We went again this weekend. I watched him get a blow job from another gal without any anxiety. I got sex this time and he watched.. and helped. He likes watching that anyway It does get easier, but you have to talk about everything.. you have to really go inside yourself and find what bothered you, and where things went bad for you to enable you to not go there the next time. Breathe.. talk.. and try again Hope that was in some way helpful.

thanks ya'll. Ive been reading the boards here for the past few weeks and love what ya'll have to say, which is the reason I joined. We talk and have talked about this tons. The problem with this time I believe is me. I'm a pleaser, and he was having fun and I was enjoying the look on his face and how happy he was that I gave him the nod to go ahead with things. We have now implemented a safe word so to speak, that if something is getting past my comfort level, if I say it he stops. He has no problem with that, but he isnt a mind reader. I have to have some stake in not going to fast for me. Another thing is realize people will be better.. or at least different... thats kinda why you do it right? That doesnt mean I dont please him. We have a great sex life. I have a way to go from my vanilla upbringing into this totally new experience, so we'll try again

My current bf of 2 years has been in the ls prior to me. He had mentioned it, but that was it, until about a month ago. Fast forward...I agreed to give it a go. I have been brought up perfectly vanilla. Never cheated on a husband, altho they never had the same respect. This guy is amazing and we talk about everything. I do trust him. Our first party, was me being terrified of all that was going on. It's a private place where a lot of the people know each other, and I had no clue what to do. So I told him just go do something so we can go. He coaxed me into playing with him and a couple of guys hovered and touched. I was ok with people watching oddly enuf, but I was glad to be able to go. Second party... it's got to get better yeah? I'm a little more at ease. We end up in a room where my bf asks if he can play with a gal's boobs...he so loves boobs! She is fine he does. That's the first time I've ever seen a significant other touch another person. I was fine with that... just boobs. He asks if we can play and we are on a bed, and there's another couple in a chair in the corner. He asks if they'd like to join. Oh hell! So they did. He goes down on me... well duh I'm fine with that People are touching me... again cool. My bf goes down on her... still good. She starts to give him a blow job and he literally calls out her name. I was less than happy. He then had her get on top, which I can't do for him, so wasn't thrilled but ok with it. The other guy can't get it up and ends up crawling over me to help get his gal over the top. So at the end... she's cumming like nuts from my guy. I'm just laying there. The couple gets up to dress and bf comes back to me and can't get it up either. I kept cool throughout the evening until he asked my problem. Two guys... neither gets hard for me. No big O. Feeling very inadequate with what I thought I was ok at. Total loss of confidence at this point. How do I go back and do it again feeling like I can't satisfy or get satisfied from any of this.