tiggernjoker

So basically everyone, but cplnuswing believes that I should be in therapy because that is what society sets as the standard. I posted about my past because I am comfortable with others knowing about my past. For everyone's information, there are other ways to deal with trauma. I chose to use my experiences to help others and learn from/teach others. Society has this belief that people who have been raped are victims, and that the act of being raped should ruin a person and their life. I chose to go against that and be a survivor and learn from my past and respect my past, but not let it dictate how I live my life. I learned a lot from my second therapist. And she learned from me. We taught each other. She set me up as an advocate for other SURVIVORS and had me help those women and men learn that they are not the victims that society believes they should be. We are survivors. We can and do overcome our past. Some of us take longer than others, but eventually we get there. I still to this day advocate for others when needed and that makes me so proud. The only way to change society's view of rape is to stand up and change it yourself. Honestly compare this and how you all are pushing me to therapy to the lifestyle. Society tells us that we shouldn't do it and that monogamy is the only way...but you don't listen to that because it is not for you. The same applies to me. I go against it because it isn't for me. I have my own ways, please respect that as I respect you. Thank you.

I don't need a therapist, but thank you. I've seen a therapist before and all they really wanted to tell me was that I was a victim and I would never overcome things and that I would either end up in an abusive relationship or basically a whore because that is what rape does to women. Umm no. Bad things happen in life but the situations are not what make you. It's your reaction to the situations that shape you. Another therapist I had said I was smart beyond my years and that I was a better therapist than she was. And that I taught her a whole new thought process on how to help girls and women who had been raped. As far as quitting swinging altogether, I think we need a break to slow things down a bit and reconnect to why we wanted to try this in the first place. Will we quit and never do it again, maybe, maybe not but I'm not going to allow my past to dictate my life. No one should.

Once again the female half here. This is an update to our introduction. Over the last few weeks we have been soft swapping with a couple whom we know in our vanilla life. The first couple of times was fun but still kind of rough on my feelings. After the 2nd play date I was texting with the wife, and I ended up having a breakthrough on what my real problem was. For those who have not read my intro, I was essentially raped years ago the first time my husband and I tried a full swap. I have also been raped and molested twice prior to that when I was very young (11 and 15). All the time I was trying to sort out my feelings I was lying to myself about the issues I was having, I was trying to tell myself I was afraid of jealousy, feeling unwanted, feeling like I cheated and whatever else. While those feelings made sense to the the other 3 involved they never fully made sense to me. It was because they weren't my issue. My real issue was my past. The past that I had worked for many years to overcome and not allow to control my life. Now it is trying to control this. Of course now I can overcome this and work through it now that I know what my real issue is. Anyways...we have continued to play with the couple over the last couple weeks and the last couple times my husband and I had been discussing full swap again. The idea, despite my past, excited me. Part of it just excited me for obvious reasons and part of it because I just wanted to push the envelope and see finally if it was for us. So last night we decided to go for it. We started out great...soft swapping...hot and heavy feelings. The the other husband and I decided to jump in while my husband continued foreplay with his partner. That kind of bothered me, slight jealousy I suppose. Nothing real major so I let myself go. We ended up taking a quick smoke break (all four of us) and during that time my husband stayed near the other wife and then he started massaging her leg while absolutely nothing sexual was going on. That PISSED me off. I ended up sending my signal that I was upset by leaving the room..then literally wrapping myself in a ball, which my husband either ignored or didn't notice. This went on for a half hour or more and all the while I was pissed off and to be honest...hurt. I created that break, if that makes any bit of sense, for my man and I to have a quick moment to reconnect and check in with each other. Whether that would be in the room or not I felt we needed that moment. We have been together 14 years, and we have discussed our signals, all of which were ignored. It hurt me to the point of almost tearing up. Ok so of course the rest wanted to continue on to round 2, which I just said eff it let's go. Hoping maybe I'd get over it I guess...well my play partner had erection issues. So of course we couldn't continue so there I sit watching my husband fuck another woman and all of these feelings whirling through my head! Hell I was even slightly getting turned on, but could do nothing about it. Talk about a very bad experience! Which sucks because all of the prior experiences were overall great especially once I had my breakthrough. Finally I just told my play partner to just join his wife and my husband and I ended up rolling over. What killed me the most was my husband had to be told by the other husband to come over to me and take care of me. WTF? That really made me feel ignored by my best friend. Like he couldn't see how upset I was. Like he really didn't give a crap. I literally cried at that point. When he came over I flat out told him I didn't want him near me if he didn't want to be with me. He stayed, we finished with each other; well he did, not me... Anyways, yes he knows some of my feelings, but he got called into work so we haven't had a chance to go over it all. We will once he gets off work. I guess my question is has anyone had a boundary pop up that you never thought of until it happened? That was the leg rubbing while in a vanilla convo was for me...I never ever thought about something like that being a boundary. Hell even now it sounds incredibly stupid to me! Something so benign would piss me off so much, yet his face being buried in her pussy didn't bother me one bit! Or do you guys think it was really that I needed that connection moment to check in and the fact that never happened was really what pissed me off? Either case we have decided that we need a break and time for us. No more playing for a bit. Any thoughts would be much appreciated. Sorry it's so long lol.