Supposed2bfun

Wife here. I posted the story under the First Time Swinging Experiences forum. The title of it is "Not short and definitely not sweet." I just wanted to say thanks to all of you who posted and shared your opinions. It definitely takes more points of view to see the full picture.

I tried to make this shorter but it just wouldn't tell the story if it were. Years of talking about swapping spouses initially included simple fantasy talk which eventually graduated into…what if we really did? Being on the verge of taking THE step…we were intrigued by a news story in Utah. In the story, the focus was an ex-wife who had lost her marriage over swinging. Our relationship would never suffer like that because we knew that we had a strong marriage, open communication and open minds. We had finally found a site to meet others who had our same interests. We met a couple!! We will call them Ben and Bev. We went on at least four vanilla dates. We enjoyed the couple’s company and we all got along fantastically. They shared some stories with us…some good…some bad. We started to trust this couple and felt comfortable. We couldn’t believe our luck to have met people we got along with so well. There were some reservations when it came to attraction. My husband and I both felt as though Ben was more attractive than Bev. Ben is tall and very large guy. 6’4” (like my husband) and Ben weighs about 260. The flip side of that is that the other couple expressed to us how attracted they were to both of us. It felt natural. My husband and I are an attractive couple. We didn’t feel that they were just saying that to get us in the sack. The time came on our 4th vanilla date where we spoke with the other couple that we would not be a full swap couple to begin with. We wanted to take small steps so that we would be able to go back and not make a huge mistake before we knew what we were getting into. Ben and Bev totally understood. Ben, however, jokingly made a couple of comments about Bev really liking my husband and maybe she could go with him on a date and then he could “come take care of” me while they were together. (laughter…laughter) Ben had been very very forward and almost aggressively rubbing my legs under the table all night. As we were getting ready to end the date…my husband asked if we should do something with them tonight. We decided that if we stayed with each other, only kissing them and some touching that we would be good with that. We shared this with Ben and Bev and they were totally great with it. We get to the room and Ben was really into me and kept asking my husband, “I just want to know if I get to kiss your wife.” The whole night went well. My husband and I stayed with each other and there was kissing of other spouses and some touching but very soft swap. We enjoyed the night. All was good. We set a play date again. It was something that we saw as a new adventure and we needed to discuss more boundaries. We talked and decided that the absolute line was no full swap. We would be okay with oral if it happened. My husband wanted it to “progress naturally.” I was very nervous. I expressed my reservations shortly before our date but we knew that we would be there for each other. Hindsight tells me that the intensity that Ben had for me was a little unnerving. It was all new territory for each of us. Before the first time with Ben and Bev, my husband and I had only messed around very mildly with friends. Things like boobie shots and a little same room sex. My husband and I went to the hotel. We both started to relax and started to anticipate the even and were getting excited. When the other couple arrived, we enjoyed a couple of drinks for about an hour and a half. Ben started a conversation about video games and I chimed in about loving to play. He started asking what games I played and we talked some about World of Warcraft and a couple of other games. Ben was very much into video games and began to REALLY get into me liking them also. Shortly after that, we decided to head to the comedy show where I had two Utah margaritas and my husband had two Utah beers (3.2% alcohol) and we ate dinner. Another hour and a half later, we started walking back in the January cold to the hotel. When we arrived, we all had one shot of alcohol and Ben started making a mixed drink of Cherry Dr. Pepper and 99 Black Cherries in a high ball glass with ice. We were talking about boundaries and rules. We discussed that we would like to keep it like last time. Ben brought over the mixed drink and handed it to my husband. He then went back to make another. He walked over and held it out for me and I declined letting him know that I really didn’t like Dr. Pepper at all. He insisted and told me…. “They are the best drinks ever”….so I took it and took a sip. I had one more sip and put the drink on the floor next to the ottoman that I was sitting on. As we sat there for the next 15 minutes, my husband finished his drink while Ben and Bev finished their drinks and they each took two more shots. Ben started talking about video games again and tried to show me a game that he felt that I would like on his phone. I didn’t have a lot of interest in what he was showing me but I politely watched and he made the comment to me….“if you weren’t sexy enough already…” During this time, my husband and Bev were sitting on the couch and Bev made the comment that…“While you guys talk about video games, me and (my husband) will make out”…the kissing began. Ben immediately started kissing me and then stood up. The rest of us stood up and Ben went to put on some music and Bev and I started kissing. As Ben returned he was already undressing so the rest of us followed. Ben then grabbed me and took me to the bed and immediately put my hand on him. I complied. My husband and Bev sat at the end of the bed, kissing and it appeared that she had her hand on him although my husband said later that she did not. Everything after that point seemed to get somewhat foggy for me. There were times of absolute clarity but other times were very “twilight zonish.” I remember watching my husband and not feeling turned on but not feeling jealous either. Just not feeling much of anything. I remember Ben touching me and very being extremely rough but not thinking to tell him to lighten up. (Remember Ben’s stature) There was a time where he started fingering me so hard that I slammed my knees together to get him to stop. Throughout the play date, he kept grabbing my breasts really aggressively. Again, at this time, I felt like it was rough and not fun but didn’t say anything. If you knew my personality, you would know that this is very unusual for me. If you knew my husband, you would know that for him not to say anything while someone is being rough with me, is not like him at all. During the event, my husband thought he saw me coming really close to crossing the boundaries we had set. I would find this out later. Ben would pull me up by my ass cheeks really hard. I pushed my body back down to a semi safe area of his thighs. Ben then pulled me back up so hard by my ass cheeks that he split the skin at the top of my ass. It really hurt and so I flung my leg off and excused myself to the bathroom. My husband followed me. Immediately, I turned around to see if it was Ben following me. I ran right into my husband and he saw the look on my face. He asked, “Did he just try to fuck you?” I kind of turned my head and said no. He asked again….and again I said no. I told my husband, “I am done (while making a hand motion across my throat). I am just done and I just want you.” He started trying to ask me what was going on and I just repeated that I was done with the night. We left the bathroom together and returned to the bed. Ben and Bev had moved from the bed to the couches right in front of the bathroom hallway (where we were talking). As my husband and I were finishing, Ben moved to where my head was and tried to stick his limp noodle in my face. I just turned away and then he moved to the other side and stuck it in my face again. I buried my head in the comforter. Ben and Bev got dressed quite quickly and then started out the door. Unlike last time, which was very hug and kisses goodbye and such, there were none. They just excused themselves while saying, “Let us know if we did anything wrong.” My husband and I got into the shower. Bruises were forming on my breasts…and I mean deep, dark, purple bruises. He just looked at me and asked, “What the hell happened?” I told him that he was really rough and I was sore all over. My husband just looked at me and started to get so angry and I didn’t really understand why it was being directed at me. My husband is normally a very calm and collected person and he was getting very erratic. My husband completely shut down communication and said he wanted to go home. I was really confused. Days went by and he wouldn’t speak to me. He would only state that I had went way past what we had discussed and that he didn’t know if he could ever see me the same. He didn’t know if he wanted to try to put anything back together. I would try to get him to talk to me and he would pull away. He was so angry and I could not get through. I was devastated. I would lose my everything over something I didn’t understand. I just kept trying to show him that I would be here when he was ready to talk. I told him that I didn’t understand but that I loved him and always would. He finally asked me why I would cross boundaries like I did. If I loved him, why would I start so fast into everything and why would I grind all over Ben like that when we had discussed not going full and keeping it like last time? I was so confused. It was almost like we weren’t in the same room. I literally could not believe some of the things he was supposedly remembering. He then told me that things were very blurry all night. He did not remember things clearly. He started going over every moment he could remember. He couldn’t remember a lot. He initially thought that I hadn’t looked at him, touched him, or even cared what he was doing the entire night. I started going over the events as I remembered them. He had lost A LOT of the night. It was scaring me how much he didn’t remember. He didn’t remember me ever touching him. He didn’t remember me fucking him at different times. I kept thinking….he didn’t have that much to drink…what is going on??? He then got to the painful part at the end of the night. He said that he could see that I was coming close to fucking Ben and why would I do something like that?? Initially in his mind it was very vivid. (What he saw) Me riding Ben. (What I experienced) Ben continually trying to pull me up by my ass cheeks into place while I was trying to maintain boundaries. He felt so betrayed but again…I was so confused. I hadn’t crossed that boundary. I told him the details of what had happened at the end of the night. I had been resisting Ben…pulling back down after he pulled me up by my ass and then he did it again. I chose to remove myself from the situation because Ben was hurting me and he was positioning me and I did not want that. That’s when I had left to go to the bathroom. My husband then recalled how upset I looked when he followed me there. He asked me if I remembered him asking me if Ben had tried to fuck me. I now told him that I did feel as though Ben was positioning me to try to do just that. For Ben and Bev, that wouldn’t be a big deal. They each have open hall passes. My husband also didn’t remember really doing anything with Bev. I asked him…did you think that you were just sitting and watching all night?? I told him of the things that I saw. He didn’t remember much. I started to reflect on how my memory was that night. I was foggy at times but lucid most of the time. See…I only had two sips of my drink because I hated Dr. Pepper. It was different than having too much to drink (which we did not anyway). Most of what I felt during the date was apathy. I love my husband intensely. Shouldn’t I have felt something…excitement, jealousy…something? My husband described that he didn’t really feel anything either until after they were gone and he saw the bruises. Then it was just anger…directed at me. Our minds started going back to the stories that they told us. One encounter, Ben was getting on famously with the girlfriend and the boyfriend freaked. They described the boyfriend as sitting there crying and falling apart while Ben continued to have sex with the wife and Bev continuing to offer a blow job or something so that they could continue. They said that they guy wouldn’t say anything….he just sat there. Another story was where the husband fell completely asleep in a chair while the wife continued to play with them. Bev played it like she was hurt at first but was over it now. We believe that we were given some type of GHB, or Roofie because of Ben’s intensity toward me and our firm boundaries. Were those other couples given the same? Did the husbands just check out because of the drug? They all had a common theme. Husband out of commission….wife continues to play. I know this probably sounds like my husband freaked and then we just had regrets. It is not. If my husband had had his faculties about him, I don’t think he would have been so confused about the whole night which led to a lot of misinterpretation. If you’re not familiar with how they make you feel or the effects, please read about it. Please learn from our mistake. Don’t put yourself in this position. We were naïve. We trusted them….and we really considered ourselves smart people before this.

This is the husband here. I thought it was time for me to comment. I was able to finally calm down and decided to have a talk with my wife about what had happened. We started to discuss the events of the night and as we were talking we started to find out I couldn't remember a lot of what she did. The more we talked the more I couldn't remember certain things. After hours of talking and trying to figure out what happened we have come to the conclusion the other couple had slipped us some sort of date rape drug. They had mixed us a drink at the hotel I drank all of mine but the drink they mixed for my wife, she didn't like that kind of soda. So she only took two small sips off of it. We believe the reason they did this is we had set our limits of the night and they wanted more. My wife is writing our whole story and will post it later in a new thread titled, Our Story. In hindsight, I believe my anger was stemming from confusion in what I saw, what I couldn't remember, and the feeling of being out of control to do anything about it. And seeing my wife doing more than what we had set our limits to be.

He told me that he cannot be married to me anymore. He cannot look at me the same. He said that he's sorry. He loves me but it's not enough. All he can see is me with him. He will never forgive me because he says I moved too fast with the other guy. Later during playing, I came back to my husband...the other guy pulled me back towards him and I went and that's the part he will never forgive. He said that was a huge rejection and I might have well cheated on him. I asked him if he could give it some time. He said he knows himself and it won't make a difference. He told me that he is hurt too deeply and he will never get over it. He wants to leave and immediately. I am so sick. 14 years of marriage gone in one night. I made some bad choices. Why did I let the other guy control the pace? Why did I let him direct me back to him and away from my husband? This is why my husband feels like I had the emotional connection and that I wanted the other guy instead if him. This couldn't be more from the truth. True inexperience and done alcohol in the situation made me make poor choices.

I started to talk with him about it this morning. He told me that he doesn't want to be here because all he thinks about and all he can see is me with him. He knows he is to blame for it too. But he doesn't think he will ever not see it when he looks at me. It's like I cheated on him. Even though he entered this because he wanted to and thought that it would be fun. He told me that his head is sooooooo messed up and he doesn't know if he loves me enough to be able to get past it. All I can think is...oh my god...what did we do?? I am going to lose my best friend and love of my life.

My husband and I had talked about the LS for years. We talked about so many scenarios and the fantasies versus the realities. We signed up to a LS site at the end of November. We started chatting with people and met a couple. We went out with this couple on four vanilla dates. We all hit it off fantastically. We had a lot of group texting and we're having a lot of fun. Our first "real" date, it was soft swap on the same bed with no oral and only kissing between the girls and then opposite husbands. We had a great time. We didn't have any regrets. We set a play date for the next time. Both members of the other couple had expressed their extreme attraction to us. The husband was very complimentary and almost aggressively pursuing me whenever we were together ie. Back rubs, leg rubs, etc. My husband and I were discussing where we wanted to go with the next date. My husband was more hesitant but I was close to him in my feelings. I was very insistent that I wanted guidines and I let him decide how far he wanted to go. He stated that he didn't know for sure but he thought oral would be a good next step. He stated that he wanted to let it flow "naturally". I was good with that. I did state to my husband previously that I would be extremely jealous if he connected with a woman on football. This had been an area that we could never agree on in our every day lives. He LOVES football and, over time, I began to detest that it came between us. This will be important later. Back to swinging and our second date with this couple. During the evening, we were all talking and having a good time. Now...the other husband and I started talking about gaming....yes playing video games. I like it and my husband doesn't. The other husband looked at me and said..."if you weren't already sexy enough...that is so hot." He began to ask me what I liked to play. We discussed this for about 10 minutes. It wasn't extremely long but apparently long enough to bother my husband. I didn't see any real obvious signs at the time but he feels like I was connecting in a way that I had asked him not to do with football. Then shortly after, the kissing started between me and her and then me and him and my husband and her. He was getting very intense with me. Everyone started to undress and we moved to the bed. Almost immediately, he put my hand on him and I complied. My husband and her now sitting on the end of the bed with his chest and crotch obscured from my view. It looked to me as though she was touching him. My husband says that she wasn't. The night went on and he was being very intense and was getting pretty rough. Although at one point I grimaced when he was squeezing my chest, I never told him to stop and I should've said something. After an hour or so, I was done with him because I was getting sore from his fingering and sex with my husband. I went to the bathroom and my husband followed. I let my husband know that I was ready to be done. My husband and I returned and we finished with each other. Then the other coupe left. My husband and I got into the shower and started to talk. I just told my husband that it was too rough and he nodded like he understood. Little bruises were starting to form on my breasts from the other guys fingers. My husband started really freaking out on me! "Why didn't you say something?" and so on and so on. He eventually wouldn't talk to me anymore and we drove home. He has been furious at me for almost the days. My normally calm husband was hitting the counter and busted his phone when he explained to me EVERYTHING that pissed him off. He told me that I threw out all of our rules. I asked him how and he said because I didn't let him or anyone know that I didn't like it. He then went on to say that I didn't let things progress "naturally" like we discussed. He said that when we started with the second time, he looked over and "not two minutes in...you're jacking him off!!!! She wasn't even touching me at that point and you just can't wait!!!!" I was totally taken aback. I told him that I thought she was and that I didn't initiate it and had just went with it. He stated that I didn't even care what was going on with him and that I didn't look at him. Although, I feel that I did look at him a lot but there wasn't a lot of eye contact because he wasn't looking at me all the time either. My husband and I have had our rocky times but have always been extremely faithful and monogamous to this point. He stated that he feels there was much more feelings for the other guy than what I am admitting to and that I was acting like I had a wonderful time and his wasn't great. He is insisting that I have feelings for this guy and that could not be farther from the truth. I adore my husband and love him so much it hurts. I have just cried and cried. He told me that he wants to leave and get space and figure everything out. He doesn't know if he wants to save our marriage. I am devastated. He says that he has nothing to say to me. Do I give him space or keep insisting that I love him and don't want him to leave? He keeps pushing me away. I don't know what to do. How can he throw away our beautiful everything?