Pandamonium

I felt the need to share my story. I started swinging when I was very young and when people were more worried about pregnancy than STD's (mindset it won't happen to me). There was a big gap of time when I did not swing and it wasn't until after I was divorced that I thought about exploring the LS as a single female. During that period of time I met someone and had a monogamous relationship. We broke up for a few months and during that time I was celibate but I don't know if he was though he claims he was. After we got back together I had reason to seek medical attention for pain I was having during intercourse. Doctor did an internal, saw something he wasn't sure of, took swabs, and sent me to a gyn (he was horrible). My doctor called me a week or so later and said my pap was abnormal and there was a chance it was pre-cancer. I was beside myself. He told me until all results were in there would be no diagnosis. I had to wait another 2 weeks which seemed a lifetime. Finally I get the call and have to go and see him for a chat. He told me I had herpes. Now it might sound crazy but I was relieved that's all it was. I didn't have cancer! The hard part was knowing I had to tell my partner. I summoned up some courage and told him. His reaction was that of calm and indifference (he didn't seem surprised at all which made me think he'd not been celibate as stated). I did all kinds of research so I knew what I was dealing with and to learn the do's and dont's. Three years later he and I parted company. After awhile I wanted to get back into dating and the possibility of swinging. I was open and honest about having herpes and accepted whatever reaction/terms that were offered. Most were very understanding and I was happy to know my sex life wasn't over. Five years later I met a man on an adult website and eventually met him and started a relationship. Before we met face to face we had many conversations about swinging and the fact that I have herpes. Swinging was something that he was very interested in so we decided to give it a go. I told him that we had to disclose to potential partners the presence of herpes. He agreed. We were on adult websites and informed people who approached us. Some rejected us some didn't. He then decided he wanted to do the disclosing to the males and would leave it to them to share with their partners (if it was a couple). If a date was made it meant they were ok with the information and it would not be discussed. To be honest it should have been a red flag but I went along with it. Long story short I learned this man was not who I thought he was and that he didn't always disclose, if ever. I felt sick! While I always insisted on a condom and refrained while having an outbreak I was mortified that I might have infected someone.In reality a person can get herpes anywhere on the body as well as internally (inside mouth, vagina, anus). Over the years I have had outbreaks in locations other than the first one diagnosed. I could have gotten herpes from my very first partner and it lay dormant for years and reared it's ugly head when I was in what I thought was a monogamous relationship. Bottom line, if one has herpes there is really no time that is totally safe as some OB are very mild with no symptoms. As many have stated, it's a game of Russian Roulette. No one is exempt and if you think it can't happen to you you're sorely mistaken. I would like to add that I have not been in the LS for 7 years and have no plans to return nor am I sexually active.