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CandAinDenver

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About CandAinDenver

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 09/01/1977

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    Couple
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    Denver
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. Thank you all so much for your replies and the spirited dialogue. You have genuinely helped me to answer a lot of my questions about swinging, and I feel I can make a much wiser and educated decision about trying this out, which is what I was hoping for. I bid you all adieux.
  2. ::Yawns:: In response to the gentleman from Chicago who referenced what makes me an alpha male, I never actually called myself that. I said my wife would only be interested in swapping with couples where another alpha male is present. It wasn't a self-aggrandizing, pat on the back to myself, I was referencing her disdain for the kind of guys who in her words "wear women's underwear" and "don't have any balls" (note - if there are any survivors of war injuries or testicular cancer I apologize for this reference. She was speaking metaphorically). I associate her meaning with the kind of guy who gets off on watching guys with huge cocks fuck his wife. I don't have a problem with guys who enjoy that. I think it makes for pretty good porn actually. I just am not that kind of guy. I'm not built like that. I would despise myself if I was like that. I think that's what makes me what I am; I can't tolerate losing. If I don't have what it takes to win I will go home, train, struggle, learn, workout, fight, practice and do whatever it takes to make myself a contender. I might still not win, but I'm not going to just stand back and celebrate my own defeat or jerk off to it. Not judging, just stating how my sense of self worth operates. To answer some questions: I don't have a ten inch cock. I've never seen or heard of a properly measured ten inch cock even on the internet. They don't exist. Prove me wrong. That said, if they ever figure out a relatively safe method to make my cock 10 inches, then yes, I will have it. In the meantime, yes, I like my dick quite a bit. It's a pretty damn nice one, and I wear it with pride. It's my favorite body part without question. No, I'm not famous or super wealthy or a super meathead or a porn star. I'm a well rounded, decent looking guy with some game, confidence, intelligence and luck. Somewhere along the way I figured all of that out and made it work for me. I'm not a one percenter, but I'm in the top ten percent, and that gives me enough pride to set clear boundaries and not tolerate being humiliated under any circumstances. I think that used to just be called being a man, once upon a time. I hope my daughter finds a stand up guy like myself or better when she's ready, unless she likes girls, in which case I hope she finds the best wife out there. Having opinions and a strong sense of who I am and what I want doesn't make me a lousy guy, it just makes me a guy. My wife waited a long time to find "a real man", as she says, and I'm glad to be that to her. I have a feeling we're all going to be seeing a lot more guys like me in the years ahead. There's a demand, and the supply will grow to meet it. Also, if you're gonna go electric, get a Tesla dude. Seriously though, I wish you nothing but the best. Sincerely. I hope you get what you're looking for and that your life works out. We're on the same team. I'll read up on taking in hand. In the meantime, I'm going to go have sex with my wife, and then do some work at my new job. It's true, I wasn't born an alpha guy. I don't have any of those advantages you spoke of. I made myself who I am, and I'll be damned if I'll hand the best part of my life over for nothing.
  3. "There's an old saying that goes "the guys get them into swinging, but it's the girls who keep them there". I think what that gets at is it's the women who run the Lifestyle, and when a couple finds a way to swing in a way that makes both of them happy, then often she is the one who really seizes upon that newfound freedom. Not just freedom in physical form of having sex with others, but freedom from the burden that society places on women much more than it does men. " This is a direct quote from another thread, and this is exactly what I'm talking about. For people who revel in traditional gender roles, and genuinely enjoy a male-led household, pardon the colloquial expression, but "this ain't the place for that." I would argue that there is plenty of female centric control of sex lives going on with younger people already; that is the current norm, with most women being far more experienced than their husbands or boyfriends, then gaining control of the reigns through marriage, and after the husband admits he wants to experience a bit of variety, the woman is then in charge of that as well, and he fades Into the background as she "awakens and recaptures her sexuality from the repressive male dominated patriarchy". Sorry, but that might have been the case a generation or two ago, but for the under 40 crowd, most women have been riding the shit out of the cock carousel for years and years by the time they get married, and their average chump husbands have been wondering what the hell they are supposed to do to ever explore their own sexual desires. It's no wonder cuckoldry is such a big thing; that's about as realistic a fantasy as guys figure they can get. I don't blame women for the state of affairs, I blame the men, and their lack of balls. Again, joining a community that is just further empowering the already sexually over empowered seems like a dumb move for a man with any sense. I'd rather do without side action than enter my marriage into a female centric smorgasbord of cock, where I expose myself to endless competition and am at best a second class citizen. I, unlike most guys these days, had a hell of a lot of power as a single man, and I love my wife more than enough to center that power on her and her alone, but there is no way in hell I'm submitting to this kind of slanted power dynamic bovine manure. In the free range dating singles market, high value males are in charge of it all and do very well, but in the swinger scene, I don't see there being such a thing as a high value male. Nope, not for me. I really do appreciate the eye opening experience though.
  4. First off, I really appreciate you guys all responding to me so thoughtfully. That means a lot. It demonstrates to me that I'm not necessarily completely correct in thinking that I would basically be ignored in the scene and viewed as an obstacle to get to my wife. I still want don't think swinging is right for us at all, and I can easily explain why. I want to emphasize that I am far from insecure; And I'm not one of those guys that can't get laid. The entire reason my wife and I started discussing this is because I have a very long and sordid sexual past, and had gotten used to a sort of sexual freedom that I have willingly given up to be married to my wife, because I love her and want her to feel loved more than anything. Now, after ten years being in the wrong kind of job for my personality type, I'm in a profession where I interact with pretty women all the time, and part of my job is to flirt back and keep them coming back for my services. I have had several women from my past make direct sexual overtures to me, as well as a client going so far as to compliment my bulge to my face and talk about sex and their desire for me openly. This all briefly awakened a sexual demon in me, and I found myself in text conversations about sex with these women. Not okay, not one bit, and I admitted what was going on to my wife and I stopped. My wife was of course wounded for a few days, but as always we talked about exactly what was happening and why. I explained that although she is the most beautiful woman I've ever known, inside and out, I'm still a human and meaningless sex has been a part of my life for a long time. I'm happy to give all of that up to be with her, and have told her so, but she doesn't like me repressing my sexual nature either. So we discussed swinging. The biggest issue with that is although she has had a good amount of experience with other men, previous marriages and relationships, she is not a woman who has been promiscuous and that is not something she has ever wanted. She has frankly gotten very little enjoyment out of sex previous to me. Swinging seemed, on a certain level, a common sense way to approach our situation. That said, as we have discussed swinging and really looked at how it works, we have encountered very few people who are in our situation, and many more people in female centric relationships where her pleasure becomes the dominant factor in the relationship. I take good care of my wife, and I do place her pleasure far ahead of my own sexually, always have, that's my thing I guess, but the idea of going from a place where I was enjoying ego boosts from women wanting to have sex with me and struggling with a past known quantity of me enjoying meaningless sex that I know wouldn't effect my view of our relationship, to putting myself and my wife in a position where she's having other men put their penises in her, when she doesn't even want that, and when that's also the last thing I want, just to make things "fair" while giving me everything I might want, but certainly don't need, in our relationship seems dumb at best, catastrophically stupid at worst. She has no idea the effect that being with other men may have on her, and is more concerned with shutting down completely than having some wild sexual beast unleashed inside her. We regularly use every toy under the sun, and my focus on her pleasure is quite elaborate, with my greatest joy being making her have as many strong orgasms as possible each time we make love or have sex. I love seeing her in ecstasy, but the last thing on my list of wants is for other cock to be running through her. I see the selfishness in that, and we've discussed it at length. Her solution after lots of talking is to arrange threesomes and moresomes with other women for us, and to be in complete control of it, with her rules on her terms, at a point where she is ready to do so. I am very happy with that idea, although I have also told her she is enough for me and I don't "need" anyone but her. She is who I want. I again appreciate the time you've all taken replying to me with such candor, but I just don't see how going from the situation my wife and I started this conversation in, to this female-centric sexual exchange where women are of extreme value and men are second class citizens is ever going to be remotely what either one of us were looking for. Again, thank you all for your responses. Sincerely.
  5. At this point, I haven't seen anything at all to change my mind. What I do see, on the other hand, is that in my humble opinion, there doesn't seem to be much reason why a guy who has options would want anything to do with a scene like this. I am all about equality, but there is zero equality in clubs that charge $10 for my wife but $100 for me, even if we're a couple. I see nothing appealing about guys and couples who want to nail my wife, but have very little interest for me to be around unless I'm by myself and they're looking for a MMF. I have no doubt that I'd be a good candidate for and be sought out for those MMF situations, but the entire point of all of this for us was so that we could explore our sexuality together. The concept of swinging seems like it could work, but it looks to me more like a great way to skew the power dynamic of relationships, where men become less valuable very fast. I know on the singles market, that is most certainly not the case for me; my value is prime. So the question is, given that the likelihood of me finding what I would consider an even swap is not exactly high, but the likelihood that my wife is going to be welcomed with open arms, hit on instantly, and constantly inundated with the message that she has a high value and I, as her husband, do not, is the dead last thing that I'm interested in. We came into this situation from the outset as a way to equally approach sexual variety without having a full on open relationship, but this entire swinging scene looks to me like a one-sided deal where married guys lose. Maybe it's just slightly uneven odds, you know, like a casino in vegas, but the bottom line is that when the odds are stacked against you, if you play long enough, you will always lose. I don't gamble for a reason.
  6. We are an attractive, fit, talented, successful, intelligent 38 year old younger looking couple with a strong marriage, opinions and personalities to match. We have an amazing sex life, and are looking for other couples like us to explore conversation and swapping. We are apparently nothing like other swinger couples so I'll just throw that out there right up front. I have absolutely no hidden cuckold tendencies, am pretty disgusted by that whole scene, and my wife is extremely turned off by the type of guys who would enjoy seeing another guy fuck their wife. I view that strictly as a necessary evil to enjoy my own sexual freedom in a fair way. I am not overwhelmed by jealousy or anything of the sort, I just don't get off on or enjoy the idea of my wife with another guy. I am the head of my household, and my wife respects me as such. That's the way she wants it, and that's the way I want it. We've read so many stories where "the women are in charge, and that's just the way it is with swinging", and neither of us want anything to do with that. My wife is no pushover, and is every bit as strong willed and intelligent as I am, we just enjoy our traditional gender roles and find them comforting and sexy. We are looking for couples who share this mindset. I would only consider swapping with a couple headed by a man I can respect, who respects me enough to look me in the eye and truthfully say, "no, I don't like the idea of you being with my wife, but I do like the idea of being with yours, and I'm sure you'd like being with mine as well, so maybe we can work something out." Again, that may sound like total heresy to the community, but almost everything we have read sounds like men who are submissive by nature and women who are running the show, and that's just not going to do it for us. I have read a ton of articles and threads discussing swinging, and it almost always comes down to the "watching my wife get fucked is so hot" angle. I even have a friend who swings with his wife, and he confessed that he "lets her enjoy a BBC once in a while", without reciprocity, even though she cheated on him a few ears ago in a similar situation. The guy is totally manly in other regards, but to me that just stinks of low self worth and a beta nature. I have tried to do my own research and answer my own question, but I'm genuinely not sure of the answer at this point. My wife isn't bi, and I only like the idea of being with other women; my wife is only on board if there's another alpha guy involved, and it doesn't seem like there are a lot of those out there who swap with other guys. I'm sincerely not trying to offend anyone, so please be clear if I have that was not my intention, but is the vast majority of the swinger scene really just guys looking for other guys to bone their wives and bisexual women where the guy is just there in tow, mainly to observe?
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