cautiouscurious

I'm both curious and exploring my sexuality, while being cautious, both from a healthy concern for self-preservation, and from life experience.

I have to add to what longun45 said. OP, you have to realize that in some societies the socialization is even more severe than 'sex outside marriage is bad'. If I were to get married again, within my culture and community (I'm Indian by birth), I believe the correct way to behave would be to dutifully accept my husband's advances, and do no more than that. No enthusiasm, no flirting, no seduction, no self-expression. I'd be too scared to go further, for fear that he'd turn the tables on me whenever it was convenient by slut-shaming me, at worst, by outing me to his or my family. It's irrational, but hey, fear does that to you. Also, please consider that talking yields valuable information! You can find out a lot of what people may be concealing in conversation, like whether they are pro- or anti-condom usage despite repeated STDs (true story). You can't get this from meeting someone once; the more comfortable individuals get with each other, the more incriminating are the details they divulge (intentionally or otherwise) .

Just a point of reference: I was 29 when I lost my virginity (33 now). Relax.