Jump to content

kinkylittlelady

Registered
  • Content Count

    8
  • Joined

Community Reputation

15 Good

About kinkylittlelady

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 09/12/1974

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    uk
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Just to say thank you again for all those who answered my thread. You where honest and very helpful. The next dilemma is that... How do we take it from here, move forward, develope ourselves??? I know that soft swing, voyeurism and exhibition is something I do want to experience with him..So how would you suggest we start out?? Should we go back to basics and start online again, and progress to finding a couple or and or even a lone individual to join us privately, as it is quite apparent I am not ready for the full on Club scene and hopefully if that grows and we grow together in time I will be able to venture onto the Club scene It took me 8yrs of diping my toe in out the fetlife water until I found the courage to actually succeed, and divorcing my husband in that time also lol, to enjoy what I had been supressing and where as I would love to jump back into my Mistress attire, I respect my bf preference of me not to. Hes sooo not a sub..lol.. Kind Regards G xx
  2. THANKYOU Thank you for all of your replies. Your honesty, experience and guidance has help ground me and help me admit to myself that 'I' am not ready for a Swingers Club, which is something I am going to have to discuss with my bf. I know that soft swing, voyeurism and exhibition is what I want to experience at present and this is some thing I will once again have to speak to my bf about. However this brings on a new dilemma to which I will post another thread, I may already now the answers due to my previous fetlife, but still other peoples experience in the SS is valuable. So thanks again. G xxx
  3. As I replied earlier..it was the shock of his behaviour and the admissions of wanting to move the goal posts, after I had felt secure and safe in the knowledge that what we agreed on was what was going to happen and what he wanted. I allowed him to chose the rules I never influenced them. I only elaborated more in his choices to make sure what he wanted, does actually happens by using examples of situations. And yes I agree with you with regards to my negative reaction, but thats why Im here, because I am confused by it all myself and that it has effected me in this way, which I only could conclude was because I do care for him profoundly, where as with subs there was no intimate or soulful connection. G x
  4. I have accepted that is was visually overwhelming for him and yes you are correct ESP is not a skill the male species has yet to accomplished and I agreed over time he will become less in awe of his surroundings as I did. As for the single women quite easily, they tend to come in pairs and the couples tend to stick together until the major play time..the club is practically a night club with play rooms/areas, so you can fathom out whos'who in the bar and comfy area in the early part of the night... lol
  5. ]Okie dokie... You asked...May I ask how long you and your boyfriend have been dating and how long you two talked about swinging before your first experience two weeks ago? As you have experienced, swinging as a couple is very different from swinging as a single. I can hear you screaming 'WTF' as you begin to read this , so please don't shout to loud! We have been together now for 3 months ('WTF!') and we had talked about in depth for the at least 6 weeks before our 1st visit and then intensely working up to our 2nd visit and most definitely is swinging alone different!! and so is fetlife..massive shift change in rules. You asked...I am curious, when you two decided to embark on your swinging journey, were you two only desiring to be voyeurs and exhibitionists? Or were you two going to go slowly, start as voyeurs/exhibitionists and then move slowly to soft swap once both of you were comfortable? Yes,yes and yes, that's what we agreed and discussed and as far as I was to believe he was more than happy with arrangement, until the 2nd visit and his behaviour shook me up and the admissions later when we talked/argued. You asked....You sat there for an hour, stewing in your hurt and anger. Instead of sitting there, you could have pulled him outside and let him know how you felt. Perhaps learning to be more open with your thoughts and feelings with your boyfriend as soon as possible might help. I admit, I sometimes have this same problem of sitting and stewing in my emotions which makes it worse because it builds up to a frenzy until I can no longer hold it in and end up being more hurtful with my words than if I had faced them right from the start. If you read enough threads on the forum, you will see a common advice...communication. It is one of the more important keys to making swinging (and any long-term relationship) work. You both need to be able to be open, honest, respectful, and non-judging with each other about fantasies, desires, wants, feelings, limits, boundaries, etc. Without it, you two will not be a working unit but two disconnected gears that might grind against each other until the unit breaks. I totally agree 100% and I am also aware I was in the wrong not to deal with the situation in hand as it totally threw me and I honestly did not know how to deal with it and obviously the stewing brewed anger which gave me courage to deal with it..in the wrong way in this circumstance. As for the insecurity, Im not insecure within myself or my lifestyle, I am now I have realised at that point I was and am insecure with the situation and far from confident to trust him, as his behaviour was totally opposite to what I anticipated after all the discussions we had with regards to swinging. I never and I speak for myself at this moment in time would ever want to full swap and I believed we were both happy with soft play and adamant on the rules of no penetration or mouth kissing with others, but those goal posts changed instantly when he saw what he saw...he wanted more and the freedom to interact without confirmation. However I found myself in a situation where I was able to view from a different angle. Purely hypothetical, If a particular guy or woman was there and Tim (OH) confirmed it was ok for me to play I would!!, and that would have no baring on how I feel about him just the realization of ' Really! I can!??' and you don't mind!" and then to go back to him..was not only arousing but heart bursting that he loves me so much that I could. So I am trying to see it differently after reading and absorbing the replies I have had. Yes and I agree again it was most likely extremely stimulating for him, where as I am desensitised by it, due to my previous experience, so I do think I should of been more supportive of him and brought him back to ground as I would of done with a new sub or a potential sub who was only curious before engaging. G xx
  6. Thank you And bizarrely. .that very same thoughts are wizzing about my head, that when I was a guest. I so hope those couples survived and I my presence didn't cause any damage. I was always very safe and respectful and always informed the lady that I followed her lead and instruction. Never the gentleman. G x
  7. This is going to be long winded so please bare with me, as I try to give us as much information about last night as possible. I am 39 and my bf is 46. We are both new to swinging as a couple, where as I myself have swung as an invited guest to make threesomes and have dabbled in the D/s lifestyle as a Mistress on and off for 3 yrs or so..so what I see in clubs has no wayward impact on me nor am I intimidated by it, in fact I find the sights sexy and exciting After pushing our sexual boundaries as couple and me telling him about my experiences we pushed our boundaries online first before coming to the conclusion that swinging would be fun. We researched, discussed rules and how to go about it. When we did attended the club the 1st time 2wks ago..it was a wonderful experience..it was couples and single males..he was all over me touching me showing me off, empowering me to open up and do more, even though the club was empty in comparison to last night, I definitely would say my 1st experience of a swingers club as a couple was fabulous and I left wanting to do more with him. The rules we discussed was that we was 'on show' and I was not to be shared and that I could engaged with another female, but no males and he was fine with us being exhibitionists. We had sex while men were around us and then watched a lovely looking couple..I had no issues with that night at all. However last night has left me feeling sick to the pit of stomach and in fear of not being able to swing again and trusting the bf to stick to his limits. As soon as we entered the club..it was packed it was couples and single females. His eyes literally popped out of his head, I found it all very amusing at first as he was in totally wonderment to what was going on around him. To the point that I feel he forgot I was there! In comparison to our 1st visit, he stood alone with me at his side and not responding to my touch, he was in total awe of the sights and the more I tried to get his attention, the quicker I realised this wasn't us experiencing this as a couple, bar him saying how 'fit' or 'nice arse' or 'wow! look at her' we never engaged in any conversation. no attentiveness, no public displays of affection, no public foreplay. The crunch came when a woman began to receive oral on the bar. He turned to watch without me and then was invited to play with her, to which he shook his head smiled and said I cant and pointed at me!!! My heart sank...I sat alone and let the hurt build up..and this was for about an hour until I said to him 'your not single' but your acting as if you are! Yes he said sorry and tired to make amends and said he didn't realise, but the damage was done and I had lost my mojo... We then left, argued to which he did not see how hurt I was by his behaviour. I haven't slept, we argued/talked more to which I did not like what he was saying..He wants to engage with other women, he wanted to give that woman oral, he wants to see me with men! I have been totally blown out the water, I now feel I am not enough, I now feel that we will fail as couple, because he wants to experience more and I did introduce him to this world, so I am to blame! Theres part of me that after we have talked that I should of taken control of the situation and should of lead him, and theres the part of me is gutted that Im not going to experiencing swinging again and Im in total fear that I cant trust him not only in the swinging scence, but if he wants to 'cock' other women in the club, whats stopping him in nilla? My insecurities are in over ride and my minds on auto gage and wont stop thinking, analysing and torturing myself. Please any guidance from experienced swingers would be wonderful, not only do I need to find a way to get over myself, I need to find away to loose this fear. I love this man from my core and I fear that I wont be good enough now and that swinging is a future for him, if so I told him I cant be with him. We have talked and the situation has been dealt with to an extent!. However my hurt is still extremely raw and raging! and I am convinced he does not grasp the etiquette of swinging and the decorum that should be shown. Heartfelt Thank you G x
×
×
  • Create New...