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carebear01

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    8
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15 Good

About carebear01

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 12/01/1969

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Bethesda, MD
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Thanks for all the responses. First, I am 44 and he is 52. We both have one failed marriage behind us - both involved cheating (he cheated on his ex and my ex cheated on me) so obviously those experiences impact our thoughts now. We have a great relationship otherwise. He did see these posts. We did talk more. Basically, he said he won't actively seek out single women partners but wants to have the freedom to take advantage of an opportunity if it arises - whether its 6 months or 2 years from now. He said he is able to separate sex from emotional feelings when it comes to friends (and I do believe him in that regard). He also assured me that if he ever felt a friend was becoming too attached, then he would end it immediately. Obviously, anyone he would be with would know about me and our relationship and know up front not to expect anything more from him. He said he felt very trapped in his first marriage and doesn't want to feel that way again. He also doesn't ever want to cheat again so that's why he wants to have it out in the open and be honest up front. He would tell me about any possible planned encounters in advance and we could discuss at that time and then decide whether he could go forward or not. I do understand his train of thought to a point, but the friend thing is still a bit uncomfortable for me (only because I believe one particular friend of his that he is attracted to has ulterior motives of having a relationship with him - and she is definitely on my veto list) . So in the interim, we will not swing and continue to work on our communication and continue to discuss this issue. We've already made quite a bit of progress so that's a good thing.
  2. Hi - we're relatively new to swinging but the experiences we've had so far have been good. Due to schedules, we haven't had an experience for several months and my partner is getting antsy. We've had some disagreements over the boundaries as well. He wants a hall pass open relationship which I am not comfortable with. I am comfortable with swinging, threesomes, and encounters when he's out of town for work. He wants to have complete freedom and have sex with close female friends - which I am also uncomfortable with for many reasons - the primary one being the emotional aspect of FWB. (He did have sex with a close friend several months ago and apparently she couldn't handle the change in the relationship and she cut off all communication). Since we're new to this lifestyle, I prefer these boundaries and see how it goes but leaving the door open for expansion of the boundaries. He's not happy with these boundaries as he said it makes him feel boxed in and it's causing a lot of problems. Any advice on how to handle this? We've been together 3 years. Thanks.
  3. Thanks for all the replies. I think we do have a strong relationship and we have talked a lot about this. He has no problems with me going out solo. But that's not the point. Basically I'm uncomfortable with the situation and this particular woman and that is all that should matter. It all comes down to our different perspectives: we both want swinging (and we did meet a great couple last weekend for a playdate and plan on seeing them again soon) but he wants the door open a bit more in case an opportunity arises (and frankly there are some situations where I would be okay with him playing solo). I'm not shutting the door permanently but right now, I don't want to go that far. We're working through this. Communication is always a good thing.
  4. Update My SO decided to call it off. He is frustrated because he doesn't see all the red flags. In his mind, it's just sex and that's it. I get the frustration. It's been awhile since we've been with another couple and then it was only a soft swap. He's feeling the itch for an experience and this one was convenient. He feels that I'm making a big deal out of this because I don't want him to be with another woman solo - and that's actually not it. He says that deep down I don't want to have an open relationship - which is not true. We've had a great time in our other experiences. In a previous relationship prior to me, an open relationship was agreed to but then she changed her mind. He felt very deceived and I think he feels like history is repeating itself. On my end, I just think the situation with this woman is not what it seems. I'll explain more. History: this woman and her husband and two kids lived in our city and only recently moved across the country (6 months ago). One of their kids and one of my SO's kids (middle school age) were on the same sports team. They got along well but never did anything outside of the sport that I recall. Out of the blue a couple of weeks ago, this woman contacts my SO under the pretense that her son wants to stay in contact with his son. Rather than just asking for the contact info, she says she'll be in town, they should get together, and while she's here, they should have sex. According to her, their marriage is done and has been for a long time (but they haven't told the kids yet) and she hasn't had sex for awhile and needs it desperately. When my SO asked her about what happened in their marriage, she said it was an interesting story and she'd tell him over dinner/drinks when she saw him. That seemed like a strange answer to me. Red flag - if your marriage is done and has been done for awhile, why move across the country and buy a house together? Red flag - ask for it to be kept secret Red flag - her assumption of dinner/drinks to me seems like she wants a date and not just sex There just seem to be too many holes in her story. Back to SO - he says I'm making him feel guilty for wanting to be with another woman and that I've taken the fun out of it. He doesn't understand why I'm making the situation so stressful for him because it's only sex, he loves me, he's coming home to me, etc. I trust my SO completely. He told me that she only wants sex and if he felt at any point during their friendship that she wanted more, he would sever the friendship. Maybe he's right and I'm wrong. But I don't think it's worth the risk. We need to have a serious discussion about this and also redouble our efforts into finding compatible couples. Or him finding a woman who is on the same page as we are and without all the red flags. I honestly am not trying to hold him back. I just think this is not a good situation.
  5. Two reasons mainly: First, it's something he has wanted to do for awhile now. He has a couple of female friends that he's known for years and has been attracted to and has always wanted to act on it. And these friends would not be comfortable with a threesome. I have reservations about involving previous friends so he has not acted on it. However, this friend will be in the area for a business trip - her marriage is in trouble and he has been a supportive friend for her, and when she found out we had an open relationship, she propositioned him (and of course he was flattered). Although he has made it clear that he is committed to me and that it will be just recreational sex - I honestly don't believe she looks at it that way. She has asked that this be kept a secret but my boyfriend made it clear that it will not be kept a secret from me (and has shown me all of their texts/emails). I also do not like that she is going behind her husband's back. Second, we have had a hard time finding other couples. Granted, we probably need to put in more time and effort, but when we have contacted couples, we have received no response. We only have that problem where we live - when we've been on vacation, we've had no problem finding couples. All comments are appreciated. Thanks.
  6. Thank you for the replies. We had a very calm discussion about the situation and for now, our rules stand. We both agree that our relationship is the priority and neither one of us wants this conflict to affect our relationship. We did agree to a waiting/cooling down period after which time we will revisit our rules and decide whether we want to allow for exceptions or continue as is.
  7. Hi We're relatively new to the swinger lifestyle but have had a few great experiences with other couples. We are moving into playing separately with others but have established rules for this - including safe sex, prior notice of dates, no play in our home/bed, and no overnights. Recently, an opportunity came up for my boyfriend to play separately with someone who is visiting from out of town. She is staying with a friend so therefore no hotel. My boyfriend wanted to use the guest bedroom or get a hotel and spend the night with her. I'm very uncomfortable with both of those ideas. Although he knows how I feel and has agreed to not do either of those options, he's angry with me because he feels that our rules are too restrictive and that he's missing out on an opportunity that he'd really like to take advantage of. Any advice? Thanks.
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