Sunnyexbrit

Well this is certainly a situation that I think a lot of people in the LS think about, but not necessarily enough to the point where they think it will happen to them. Bottom line is you can't un-spill the milk.... Whatever being "in love" means for anyone, swinging is simply having sex with people other than your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend. Period. It's just sex. Now that doesn't mean you won't fall for a particular person on some level and to some degree. However, anyone who believes that is "love" is, I think, naive. You and the other couple, the latter most importantly, needs to reexamine their relationship to each other and why they are swinging. You guys appear to be on the same page, and you appear to know that even though your wife has developed a loving relationship with the other guy, you seem confident that she loves you as well as that YOU are her primary. This other guy seems to have gone off the rails a little bit. Mr. CoupleforXXXfun, you stated: " My feeling is I wish we could see other couples once in a while with out causing a lot of drama from either of this other couple...." What in heaven's name is stopping you from doing this? You don't owe these people anything. Sure, there's no need to be harsh about it, but they need to understand your wishes and perhaps you haven't been too forthright with your own needs in this situation? This cannot go on like this, and as someone else remarked, "this will not end well." And particularly if the other two get jealous even at the mention of you guys seeing other people...Jealousy and swinging/open relationships or whatever they are called this week DO NOT MIX !! And if feelings of jealousy do arise, which is normal depending on the situation, they need to be handled in a mature way. Swinging isn't for the faint hearted as I'm sure you are aware! If you ever needed an example of a red flag, this would be it. I don't envy your situation. I've thought about just such a scenario and how it might be handled. But what I do know is that some people in this LS do tend to glom onto others sometimes in an unrealistic fashion. It sounds like you guys are nice people and likely now feel a sense of obligation toward the other couple. But hey, sometimes you just have to put yourself first. It also sounds like the other couple might be more leaning toward polyamory if they feel that strongly in this situation....I hope it works out for you and that everyone comes out relatively unscathed

Well I really don't think how much you make determines whether you're more likely to swing or not. It's just that money gives you options--the more you have--the more options you have. For example, the more affluent a couple is there is a likelihood that they have greater leeway in regard to scheduling time to actually swing i.e. access to more available child care so they can go out, or the resources to attend resorts on a more regular basis. I would go out on a limb here and say a natural open mindedness (or experiences that have led to greater open mindedness--don't have to be sexual experiences) perhaps coupled with a higher level of education and/or self-education along with some emotional maturity are probably greater factors. And of course, above everything, at least decent communication with your partner regarding the lifestyle in general and most importantly, while not the complete absence of jealousy (because you can't always predict how a situation will pan out and some jealousy is normal after all), but the absence of the destructive kind that makes some persons "flip out." Boy have I heard some stories about people who have had a knee jerk reaction in a situation and not been able to control themselves. Fortunately we have not been on the receiving end of that kind of jealousy, but we have seen it from a safe distance !

Hey everyone I think it really comes down to who the person is that you are having sex with and/or if you are open to same-sex sex The more attracted you are to someone, and the more you have sex with them, the more bonding occurs (no I'm not talking about love, but then again define that!) the more likelihood there is that the envelope will get pushed and you might (just might) end up doing something one day that you never thought in a million years you would do. But then again, there are certain practices that a person knows for sure, will never happen for them for whatever reason. Just enjoy what ya do and don't compromise yourself!

Hi Good subject If a couple give each other "hall passes" mightn't it be a good idea, if the man or woman claiming to have permission to play alone bring their other half to meet the couple they intend to play with alone? I don't see that there should be a problem with this. If your "hall pass" partner locks you out of meeting the people he or she is fucking, to me that is a HUGE RED FLAG...And should anyone find out their partner is fucking behind their back, even in an open/swinging relationship, that is simply cheating, open, swinging, or not. After all, it's part of looking out for each others' safety yes?

Good subject I should think it's really hard to obtain any true statistics on this. First off, and given how society views swinger/open relationships, whatever they are called this week ! discretion is of course paramount. Add on top of that sex being one of the two things people lie about the most (the other being money) I think the problems come from people getting into a more open lifestyle without thinking about how they might cope with the consequences. Everyone who goes into this has a story to tell, if pressed, about problems they encountered in their relationship, and HOPEFULLY how they resolved (and are continuing to resolve) them. It's a process. The only end goal, if one may use a sports reference, is toward "compersion"--deriving pleasure from your partner's pleasure and vice-versa, be you there or not. This is not an easy route to take, and is made more difficulty depending on each person's "baggage." I don't think sex per se breaks up an open/swinging relationship. But lies and deceit most certainly will, ANY marriage, open or not. People recover from their husband or wife having an affair, but it's the cheater living a double life that leaves their other half questioning their sanity particularly if they had no idea it was going on.

This is a good topic, and something I had been thinking about recently. For example, I know of a couple who have a "no kissing" rule. I cannot bend my mind around this. Her husband will kiss her after she's taken a strangers cock in her mouth and god knows where else, yet she can't kiss the third wheel ! Insane rationalization, which I think is all about maintaining some sort of control...because all relationships are about control.

Dear Hoistsail Quick question. How "bonded" do you become when you are a bull for a cuck/hotwife couple ? Just curious. Or is it they who are more into you?

He met them Jan 19 2013

Thank you Fundamental Law My problem really lays I guess in the fact that he hasn't really told me too much about them, just dropped a few things here and there as it were. Further, when this first went down (no pun intended) it almost ended our marriage. For example, he had the most horrible red rash along and under his bottom lip, I must assume from either her or him or both. NOT ATTRACTIVE. The whole scenario is off-putting, it is not a turn-on in the usual sense i.e. I was happy that he got to spend time with his East Coast friend when she visited, genuinely happy, and it was the first time I had ever met her and I knew they had had sex in the past on a few occasions when he was on the East Coast. This couple represents so many things, and I personally feel it should end. I would give him the same consideration if the shoe were on the other foot. For example, he asked that I not get involved in a threesome with my friend and her new BF. Not that I was going to, but still, I respect his wishes. Deep down I am getting the impression that unless we are together, ANY guy would be not okay even though he says otherwise. Just recently, they texted him on July 17, at 10:36 pm, he replied at 10:37 pm. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, didn't mention it, and just thought, well, perhaps his reply contained the message that it was over. Obviously that is not the case as they texted him a week later just before noon! The only reason I checked the phone bill is because I developed that strong intuition in my stomach out of the blue that week and it kept nagging and wouldn't go away. I don't want to waste energy on such nonsense, and given that he has not replied to their last text, leads me to conclude that he is obviously leaving them open as an option so to speak. It is just this situation that bugs me, and if I were to find out that he had, indeed, fucked around with them again, it is NOT A TURN-ON AT ALL, and it irks me that this could indeed ruin our sex life, while enhancing theirs. I am fearful of bringing this recent stuff up as everything has been going great, and I simply have decided to wait it out, and just remain aware of my feelings/intuition and perhaps confront it at that time. All I really want is for him to talk to me! Tell me why, after previously telling me it felt kinda weird and he was done with it, WHY then he keeps going back, and what's the draw? The only thing I can think of is perhaps the possible homosexual activity because I know he could be bi in the right situation. I actually know what these people look like, and frankly I wouldn't fuck the guy, so I don't see how he might be attracted to him other than getting off on the guy sucking his dick, as it's a novel situation. But things get old. We all know that. So my other concern is, if he continues to see these people, it will evolve either for them or him or all 3 of them. Things have to go somewhere or they end. Doesn't feel to me like it has ended and right now I just feel really disappointed. Thanks for your input. One feels so alone in these things sometimes, and there is a feeling of "is it just me? am I overreacting?" I just don't wish to be sucked into wasting energy finding out if any of this is true

Hi everyone I have what I believe is kind of a problem. We have had an open marriage for some time but not really very active given life, a child, etc. You get the picture. My husband is a musician, which has entailed going on the road at times, and I have also acknowledged the possibility that he might meet someone and have sex with them, and I'm cool with that. I also am allowed such a option to "date" a man or woman outside of our relationship. However, we had never ever talked about "swinging" with a couple, separately. Earlier this year I was in Las Vegas. While I was gone he "assumed" I must have done something, so he went out to dinner one night and randomly met some couple. Went home with them, fucked the dude's wife, and the only way I found out about it was because his brother had called me because he never showed up to a rehearsal! He had overslept at their place, was a couple of hours late to that rehearsal, etc. When I called him to find out what had happened I got the runaround. Then of course, it all came out when I got home. I was, frankly, livid. The thing is, I don't believe he would have told me as he never expected to get "caught." At that time our marriage was not in a good place and I was really hurt that he would go out and do that, particularly as we had never talked about such a scenario. As far as I was concerned at that time, it was over. Well, on two occasions thereafter, he snuck over to their place to fuck his wife again, and I later found out that the guy sucked his dick at least on one occasion. He snuck back over there on two occasions while I was at work and in the morning. To make a long story short, we finally got our marriage back on track, or so I thought. Prior to that I tried to be open and ask if I could meet them, and initially he said that they would like to meet me. Then he says that well, the guy has porn on all the time he's there, and "I'm a man and I can handle it." WTF? Then he says "you wouldn't like them." WTF? Then he says "I don't want to see you with the guy." So I said, well, then I don't want you with his fucking wife! This is not about sex per se, I have been more than comfortable and cool with it in the past e.g. he recently spent the night with a girl he met on the road who was here on vacation and we all had dinner together and I went home afterwards and he spent the night with her and I was totally fine with it. It is just this particular married couple that is bugging the shit out of me. I have seen as many as 17 to 30 text messages on the bill between them. He told me after we agreed on some kind of "veto power" if necessary, and he has essentially vetoed me, or at least expressed his dislike of the possibility of a certain situation. I am feeling as if my veto has no power, and I have seen their phone number popping up on the cell phone bill. If he had told them it was over, they would not still be contacting him, would they? He has never been really up front with me about these clowns and in the past two weeks it appears that they are texting him again, and it seems as though he is keeping them as some kind of option, and not telling me. I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but now I just don't know what to do. I have dug into my feelings and it is not jealousy. It is the deception and the lies and the sly sneaking around which, even in an open relationship, is still in my opinion cheating. Anyhow, thanks for reading my babble