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carebear

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carebear last won the day on April 25 2014

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About carebear

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  • Birthday 05/27/1977

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    Kent, wa
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  1. If it usually hurts and she's expecting it to hurt, she's gonna tense up. She might need a partner she trusts. Have you considered a penile sleeve to increase your size? It might be good for practice. Also, like the above poster said, lube lube lube! We use Liquid Silk, it's super, doesn't get sticky. Lube up the inside very very well, and the outside too. If he's rubbing along her clit before he tries going in, lubed up it will feel so much better. Lot's of foreplay should help too, especially if the guy is good at fingering. After orgasm I'm less tight, so see if that's true for her too. I think her on top is a great position, she's totally in control of how much she gets.
  2. Haha I loved that! I think being bi is so common in the lifestyle, it's almost expected.
  3. I'm hoping for my happy birthday gangbang at our next club night. I was talking to a friend and regular play partner about it, and he said you can plan for 10 guys and four will show up. So keep that in mind Also the type. Do you want a train, one after the other after the other, or a huge pile with a dick in each hand and every available orifice, and as many pairs of hands as will fit on her body. (the second option intrigues me, but dh says I'll probably react like the dog when we gave her 50 tennis balls all at once) I figure even if I end up with a mmf, I'll still be a happy camper lol.
  4. Our first time at a club, dh and I only played with each other, and even then he had difficulty. It's hard (hehe I said hard) with all the distractions to stay in the groove, especially if group/public sex is a new thing. I never make a big deal of erection issues. Naked fun times don't always revolve around a penis, after all eta: Does your husband enjoy watching you? DH adores watching me getting fucked, makes him crazy turned on. Perhaps to ease into it, he could watch you play and then take his own turn with you. Depending how bi you and the other gal are, it could be a serious group fun puppy pile, with no pressure on any one person to perform. (That's why I'm such a fan of threesomes lol)
  5. Having seen your folks' marriage crash and burn, I'm not surprised you have very complex emotions rising up in this situation. I think you're on the right track, thinking about what might have gone wrong with their marriage. Here's the thing dh and I have agreed upon: Our marriage comes first. Period. If for any reason either one of us doesn't want to swing any more, it's game over, no question. If one of us becomes too attached to a play partner, that play has to end. Period, no question. Because at the end of the day our marriage is more important. The fear that one or the other of us will fall in love with a play partner is there, make no mistake, and that is why at the end of the night, we always come together and 'make love' if for no other reason than to feel that 'real' love with each other. As a woman, our ability to orgasm is so tied into our brains we can come without stimulation, simply by thinking about it. So the fact that you're troubled and can't come isn't shocking. Now for me, I like being an exhibitionist. I like the idea of people watching me, watching me enjoy myself and my partner enjoy himself. I don't feel objectified at all. I can't tell you why. I also think that you are feeling that swinging is a next level, a higher level of marriage. I don't think it is. For me, it's a side-effect of the incredible communication we've been able to develop. Perhaps that thought is a result of what you heard from your folks as a child. From what you wrote, they simply weren't 'there' yet. I think at that time, it was a fad, for lack of a better word. But open relationships are WORK! and when that work isn't done they fall apart, sometimes spectacularly. For dh and I, swinging is a fun hobby. We enjoy the activity, enjoy meeting new friends, enjoy watching each other. It's simply something we enjoy that works for us. You wrote: " So I can't help but feel slightly ashamed of not doing this myself now. I keep thinking that at some point in my life I ill be mature enough, wise enough, strong enough... our relationship will be "ready" and able to set off on that next level. I feel ashamed of my immaturity that I have not been able to yet." I think you need to work through this way of thinking. Swinging isn't like a management job, where you've proved your work ethic and get promoted. While it takes maturity, wisdom, strength, the fact that it might not be for you doesn't mean you're immature....you may never want to do this. Not everybody is wired for it. There's no shame in that.
  6. And another thing, from our talented friend: as he sees it, a mans body just isn't wired, physiologically, to experience pleasure the way a woman's can. He gets great enjoyment watching a woman in her pleasure, knowing he's the one giving it to her, and at the same time having no basis of personal experience as to what exactly she's feeling. Something he says: when you make a woman come, it's about you. When you give a woman pleasure, it's about her. Words to live by!
  7. I think of it like test anxiety. Here you are, ready and willing with the knowledge in hand, and when the test gets handed out you draw a blank. It can cause a circle of negative thinking. He doesn't want to ruin the fun, gets anxious about the situation, things don't work right, he overthinks, trying to 'fix' the problem, (men are fixers) that doesn't work, he doesn't want to ruin the fun, and so on and so forth down the line. Add in your own frustration, and believe me he knows you're frustrated. Perhaps what he needs is more of a connection with the other woman. Someone he feels comfortable with, so he can let go of that anxiety. We all have all kinds of insecurities about our physical selves and performance. Now on the other hand, my most favorite of play partners doesn't do intercourse (normally). What he does do is fingering, and masterfully. (there's a waiting line to play with him) I've not asked him if he got into that because of a past issue with ed, or if he is just very choosy with who he has intercourse with. My point to this is, if your husband can develop a skill beyond straight fucking, it won't matter (for the most part) if he gets hard or not. In fact dh has taken 'lessons' from this friend - I stepped up and they used my body as a teaching tool; the things one will do in the name of education! On occasion dh will have had a sugar low during the day, which affects his erection later on. He still has no problem satisfying his partners, and the stress of 'I can't get it up' has nearly disappeared; he's usually only disappointed that he didn't get to fuck, not that he couldn't fuck.
  8. More than penis size or even shape, at least for me, is great foreplay. I'm not talking oral focused on the clit or half hearted fingering. A woman's body is much more than her vagina, and awesome pleasure can be given without direct clit stimulation or penetration. Dh and I are lucky to know a talented man, he has mad skills in sensory play, and he's willing to share his knowledge. I have never seen him have intercourse, and yet he has a line of women waiting for the chance to play with him. Because so many men are focused on dick and fucking, and there is a serious lack of sensual play, if you become proficient in something other than "fucking" the response you get might surprise you.
  9. Hello DRAMA! Now if it had been "you are invited but your spouse was excluded" that's a whole other ball of wax.
  10. I know, right? It's a self regulating system, people!
  11. Have you started to douche? Douche is the devil. It will knock your lady garden balance all to crap, and then you have to use the feminine wash they sell to repair the bad balance. I find I am more aware of my scent since I've started swinging. Also, and this may be tmi, my labia are ginormous and tend to catch and collect 'stuff'. I've started using witch hazel to wipe down the outer area, and that really has seemed to help. Good luck
  12. No condoms is a no go for us. It may be very difficult to find play partners willing to go bareback.
  13. MMF was our first experience, and still my favorite. Dh likes to watch me get penetrated, A LOT. I enjoy having something to do with my mouth lol. By far my favorites are men who aren't squicky about incidental MM contact, or better yet bi friendly. Thinking back on our first time I laugh, it was like there was a line across my belly, "you shall not pass!" But I really do enjoy mmf At this point I am also getting more comfortable touching other women, so I'm looking forward to ffm in the future.
  14. I haven't noticed a preference. Dh is only an inch taller than me, and I've played with men shorter and taller than myself. Generally I've enjoyed them all
  15. From a strictly technical point, guys are just better at sucking cock. We had our first threesome with a bi guy last night. It was incredibly hot and we all had a great time. What I found most interesting was how the other guy would give head as if he was sucking his own cock. And they're way more rough with each other than I've ever dreamed of being! I'm excited for next time
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