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yawanna

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About yawanna

  • Rank
    Has Left the Building
  • Birthday 08/19/1958

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  • Relationship Status
    married female
  • Location
    Canada

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  1. Excellent ES! Keep going..... I smell a book
  2. oops! my bad? Probably and I'm sorry as my 'there are no rules' post wasn't intended as a slight against you at all. I must admit tho, discussion of roles always sets me off a little bit. Just my personal 'nails on a chalkboard sound. I got burnt once, bad, and it was one of the bigger shocks of my life, and it was about swinging. I am ever hopeful that one day, the rules and guidelines about these activities will truly become more universal and adhered to, but I don't see it happening on any large scale. This is more like picking berries....you have to hunker down, get in the bushes and leaves to find those berries (good people). Luckily, this site is a flourishing strawberry patch!
  3. My screen name comes from a phrase I once used. Whilst dating my now husband, I got a phone call from a couple I'd met before who were having a impromptu private swinger party that evening and were inviting us. I turned to Mr. and updated him and then said 'yawanna?'. We went, it was our first swing thing together and we had a great time I felt it was an appropriate and indicative nom de plume Something I also find interesting is that when people meet in person after getting to know others online.... they tend to use a person's nickname more often than their given name. I have one other screen name that passed over into real life, and to this day - being many years later - I am still referred to by that name, even with close friends. When meeting new people via those swinger friendships, I've introduced myself with my given name, they look sort of nonplussed, then someone will jump in with 'that's Ravenous!' and NOW the reception is MUCH more friendly That nickname was given to me by the first swinger couple I met with. Kindof like a first communion thing? hehehehe......
  4. Dito There are no swinger rules except between consenting partners be they couples or singles. some say cheating is not swinging, others say 'not my business if they are cheating'... for one example. We have seen the worst perpetrators of rules or guideline violations espousing JUSt those rules as gospel. You can only set your own guidelines and rules that will preserve your relationship, and if you are so inclined, to use in respecting others and their relationships, and to fall back on and act upon in times, and there will be times, that you must vacate the premises and activity. The existence of accepted Swinger Rules is a nice fairy tale to be honest. You can only take care for yourselves and if you are good people, as many swingers are, you will learn and respect the rules of those you play with.
  5. Pot is ever present at swinger events here. And even non swinger events. I'm thinking it may be our age group - tail end boomers here. It's nothing to get high in a social setting. It's also nothing to NOT get high. It's so pervasive as to be a non issue, really. Drunks and using chemicals, like ecstasy, to get high is frowned upon tho.
  6. I hadn't responded to this thread at ALL due to it's nebulous nature. Who the hell would be involved in swinging and wanting to start a family? Everyone we've known, met, heard about, leaves swinging to do the 'family' thang. I thought this thread was silly at the very least. Now 'neil' is taking us on a 'we made a baby in all the wrong ways' adventure. I'll tell ya.. bareback sex isn't an option for anyone but my husband and I with only each other. Ya I know of many single men and even married couples that 'go there' practically begging to get an STD or worse - no way on gawd's green earth would WE ever go there. *deep breath* how on earth this thread was given any breath of life is beyond me. Then again, I don't understand quantum physics either. This entire thread is at the least offensive, and at the most a big joke that I don't find funny at all. end of rant.
  7. My ideal is.....another couple,professional, educated, our age range, have 'swung' before with little or no repercussions to themselves or others, married and in a stable, loving, supportive relationship, sarcastic or dry wit, kind, sexual and erotic - no BDSM or kink or fetish, that are incredibly attracted to us, and vice versa. You know..the can't keep your hands off each other attraction. Nothing is HOTTER than that IMHO "is that a gun in your pocket...or are you just glad to see me"
  8. anything by Shaggy 'whoa mama!!!!' oh!! and Nine Inch Nails 'I want to fuck you like an animal'
  9. EBF: I can see your point of this being a research tool regarding swinging, and how in some cases may be undertaken without the partner's knowledge. If we add to that scenario that while the researching partner is online here, the unaware partner walks into the room and asks innocently enough 'what are you doing?'..... if the response is 'nothing' or a quick click on the 'x'..... now we're into lieing and hiding. A huge part of developing trust and keeping it is openness and honesty, that when I ask 'what are you doing?' I get an honest answer, one that doesn't leave me wondering or doubtful. The latter inhibit trust. IMHO. It would be at that point that I would feel it's time to have a discussion about my research.
  10. I can empathize mrs good times. I once attended a dinner party with swingers where things COULD have happened...but didn't. Afterward, the host and I were talking it over and it hit him like a bolt of lightening...everyone there was a non-instigator! No one wanted to be the first. I can recall one evening when we were invited back to a hotel room with a few other couples, and one guy and I had been messing around pretty hot and heavy just beforehand. When we got to the room, everyone took a seat and we all had another drink. Now, I know that had I gone over to this guy and continued on, that would have got the ball rolling, so to speak. I also didn't want to be the centre of attention for any amount of time, and I suspected that at least one other couple were going to watch only. I didn't want to be the floor show if even for a few minutes. In hindsight, perhaps the expectation was that this guy and I WOULD be the floor show, or the instigators, and maybe I let everyone down by not being more aggressive. I can only be who I am, though, and I'm much more comfortable joining in after someone else sets the pace Now, if this guy had come over to me and kissed me or unbuttoned my shirt or something, I would have jumped right in
  11. I wouldn't have those discussions with him..it would feel like I was participating in his cheating. That's just how it feels to me and when it feels wrong I don't do it. Usually. Okay many times. Okay as often as I can. In this scenario tho...I won't engage married men who are on here and their wives don't know or who have said no to swinging, I won't talk 'sex' with them. I keep it on the board and respond to general questions about the topic, that which they can render a better understanding to talk about this with their SO later on they hope. Clarify... I wouldn't share the down and dirty details of what happens amongst swingers sexually.
  12. It's true for us EBF In the end, we only have each other. And as I've told my husband, I'd suck the cheesies out of his teeth All together now............... EEEEEWWW!~!!!
  13. I used the word 'potential'.... as Buck says, he has no intention of going further than talking and he would never do anything to hurt his wife. That's his call. Just like I decide what my husband needs or may need to know if it may have any later effect on him and/or our relationship. That's my call. Yes...we make decisions regarding our spouses best interests and what information or activities we have that they may need to know. If keeping the secret involves violating an agreement with the absent spouse, such as she doesn't want him participating on a swingers message board, and he is, then that's cheating I think. I would be truly hurt if my husband were conversing on a message board and I wasn't aware of it. That would be a 'secret' between us and that will stymie our relationship. He would always know that he's doing something I know nothing about. That would preclude any goal of total honesty and openness, and for us...that's very important. For Buck and others, they seem to have bottom lines and goals that are different from ours. Everyone makes their own choices for their own reasons, and I don't believe I am one to condemn or condone...it's not my life. As a topic tho, yes.... I have an opinion.
  14. I'm a big fan of changing rules that are there just to be a rule and serve no useful purpose or get in the way of the ultimate goal. I'm constantly reassessing and making changes in every job I have. I will 'bend' a rule making an executive decision and shouldering the responsibility for any fallout, and the bending is the precursor to making the change official. It usually requires the consent of the rest of management so it takes some time usually. I think rules need to be made flexible, depending upon the situation and parties involved. So I'd rather call them guidelines - not so hard and fast. Cheating is defined, in a sexual context which is what I think this thread is ultimately addressing, as a couple's bottom line on acceptable behaviour and activities for each other and their relationship as a whole regarding sex or the potential thereof. These may develop over time as the relationship grows, or they may be set out right at the beginning, maybe due to past experiences with other relationships. It's what each needs to feel safe and cared for and respected. Participating on a swingers message board for the purposes of engaging in discussion with swingers, has that potential for sex, whether acted upon or not. In my own marriage, our goal is total honesty and openness with each other about every aspect of our lives. This doesn't mean we recount blow by blow every little thing we do every single day. It means we share with the other anything that person might need to know about, either now or later. Some things are urgent....some not so and may never become urgent. Families, finances, friendships, children, work...all those areas are shared territory and thus could or do have an effect on the other. Our goal is that the two of us are closer to each other than with any other person on earth. That forms our bottom line. Having a clear, understood, agreed to bottom line is crucial when participating in swinger activities, as we are now dealing with sex. Rec sex or intimate with each other sex, it still can become a vulnerability if not handled well. Cheating is not an issue for us as we have built that total trust and mutual respect that can only come, IMHO, by sharing our day to day lives in a way that I or he wouldn't be surprised to find the other was involved in any activity, conversation, thought process, fear, concern, or online dialoque via email or a message board or chat room, that one didn't know about. We each have our own computers, our own MSN messenger, our own email contacts...some shared, many not. We also give each other quick updates on who we spoke with and what was discussed....even if it's just to say 'I talked to X and Y today and they're doing fine.'. Then if X and Y come online with him...he's up to speed. It's just courtesy and part of our strong bond. It also eliminates a lot of potential confusion and stopping what you're doing to explain to Mr why so and so is messaging him and asking him about an upcoming party LOL. It's much easier to make the communication an ongoing thing
  15. The term 'posers'..as it is used up here..is a label for people that are in a swinger club that is chock full of attractive people who aren't really swingers. As in....they are not there for swinging. It is not for a lack of attractive and potentially desirous folks. Ex models or what have you. They just don't engage in intramarital (thanks Alura) sexual relationships beyond flirting. That's the definition up here anyway. It's not a slam on swinging as they aren't participating in swinging. It's one thing to go to a regular club and 'play dirty'... that can be done anywhere. It's another to attend a swinger club and rarely, if ever, participate in what most would define as swinging.... engaging in sexual activities with others either at the club or later. Posers have also been previously referred to as looky-loos and wannabes. This isn't a new thing.
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