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Nat

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  • Content Count

    19
  • Joined

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15 Good

About Nat

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 11/03/1969

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Female
  • Location
    Nottingham
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Dear All, I'm back very briefly to update you all on the latest. Two weeks ago a wonderful man came into my life quite unexpectedly. He is the most loving, loyal, generous man I could ever ask for. Everyday he tells me he loves me, misses me, wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I am truly happy, madly in love and looking to a future with my true soulmate. Xxx
  2. Hey everyone, just checking in. It'll be a month tomorrow since I walked out of Simons life and boy do I feel relieved. No more walking on eggshells, no more fetching and carrying for him, no more thinking about him. I can't believe I'm coming through it so quickly, maybe because I delete his texts and haven't seen him since. Anyway the latest is...he came to my place of work and stood near me and spoke to one of my male colleagues, this is two weeks after I told him I was still raw and seeing him would be too painful. I was so concentrating on my computer screen that i didn't even notice him and his voice didn't even register with me...lol. I bet he thinks I blankef him deliberately but I didn't, I genuinely didn't realise he was there. One of my colleagues is leaving for Australia and it's his leaving do next week, Simon has decided he's going too even though he has nothing to do with my colleague. My colleague isn't happy and neither am I because I can't understand why Simon would want to go as he knows I'll be going because my colleague and I work together. I am anxious about this because I feel Simon will flirt with women right under my nose and I'm not ready for that. Any suggestions? Xxx
  3. I needed the keys which are to the roof box and roof bars to my car. I need to start selling some things that i will no longer be needing and he had the keys last. I guess i checked because i was never given any explanation by him as to why he suddenly and unexpectedly pulled away from me, I guess i never had the closure and have gone out to seek the answers myself. We exchanged a few texts yesterday and he said it was me who decided to move out and he did not feel it a necessity to do anything about it because the relationship had come as far as it was going to go. He was getting on with his life and he couldn't give me what i wanted. He wished me well and said he's happy to remain friends. I just cried and cried and cried, i've been thrown right back to when we first split 3 weeks ago. I feel very raw and fragile and contacting him was a big mistake. I've got relationship counselling tomorrow, hope that helps.
  4. I discovered yesterday my ex was seeing his ex from two years back with whom he was into swinging with. How did I feel...very very upset at discovering photo's of her in his lounge and bedroom. Today I have had to text ex about some keys I can't find but he didn't reply. I felt quite hurt because all he had to say yes he'd got them or no he hadn't. I can't understand why he's still treating me like crap when I did nothing wrong.xx
  5. Dear All, it's 16 days since I walked away from my ex. I'm still hurting inside so much and I cry everyday because I genuinely miss him despite how he behaved. I can never risk having him back in my life because I never want to go through this kind of hurt again and I'll never trust him not to hurt me. There has been no contact or communication between us but for some reason I feel he still has a hold on me gripping me like a vice. I do have a question for which I think I will start a new post.
  6. The character of Mr Grey is so like my ex, manipulative, cold, controlling, conditioning etc. Because I was so in love with the ex I never stood up to him. I'm so glad I'm out of that relationship, its been 9 days now, I feel so much better for it.
  7. I have just started reading 50 Shades of Grey, omg Mr Grey is so my ex!!!
  8. Partyperks847, when I asked the ex that very question he told me he told everyone he was a single male. The profiles he's set up on swinging sites have always said he is a single male. I had a counselling session today, it was so useful because the therapist also specialises in sex addiction. It was so good to hear someone put my ex's behaviour into a category and explain his emotional behaviour (or lack of it) in a therapist, clinical way, it all so made sense. I was made to realise the peoblem was not me but him, he is unable to love at an emotional level and his behaviour reflected that of a destructive person. I seem to have had a more positive day today and I'm not missing him, if anything I'm disappointed in myself for allowing ex to make me accept and give in to so many of his demands. It's all over now, I can start to breathe again, the anxiety has lessened, I'm starting to eat a little more and sleep a little better. For someone who thought I would never leave him I'm so glad I empowered myself to walk away.
  9. Hi Everyone, just checking in. Once again thank you for your love and support, you have all kept me going with your advice and perspective on things and it has been a tremendous help even though I still feel as if my heart has been ripped out and stamped on. It's been 5 days now since I left, I've had the occasional text from him saying I did the right thing by leaving and that he wants to live his life, try new things, keeping himself occupied, spending time with family etc. He says there is no one else and nobody waiting in the wings. Truthfully, every time he texts I feel a stab in the heart. He says he's not even been to the swinging club but I saw he went online on the gay swinging site. For some bizzare reason I decided to swing alone, I registered my profile on a swinging site, had loads of offers, found it all exciting but then thought I need to sort my head out first so deleted the account. I don't even know why I did this, I think I was subconciously trying to be close to ex but I knew it was all wrong. I do enjoy sex, I always have and I do miss it, I guess I am human after all. I am trying to sort myself out and I worry this relationship may have damaged me emotionally. Webgoddess, you are right in saying it only gets worse, it did get worse and worse and worse. Ex would emotionally abandon me if he didn't get what he wanted and tortured me emotionally many times, he would switch off just like that as if I wasn't there. He hurt me beyond belief yet I continued to give and give and give. I see you are not too far from me, maybe we can meet to share stories about our ex's. I did really like the idea of swinging when ex suggested it, I was open to it and found it quite exciting but he killed it for me because he put too much pressure on me, did things behind my back, was deceitful, lied, cheated, punished me emotionally if he didn't get his way, only loved me as long as his conditions were being met. I have found the love and support on this site invaluable, it has helped me so much during my time of need. I will continue to support this site and participate and maybe start new topics as I do still have a few questions. xxx
  10. Dear All, an update on the latest. My partner returned from his 4 days away on Friday. I arrived at his around 7pm and checked the garage to see if his motorbike was there as he had gone on his bike. It was and I checked to see how warm it was which it wasn't really, this told me he had been back for a while but did not contact me. On going into his house he was again distant, didn't hug or kiss me, walked about putting things away and said 'I've only just got back myself!' I thought you liar! Anyway, I tried to talk to him about our relationship but he wasn't interested, I could see in his eyes he was devoid of emotions and his face was expressionless. He told me we both needed space and should stay in out own homes. I asked if he had someone else and he said 'no but I wish I had so I could say what you wnated to hear!' He's lied before about not seeing anyone when he has been involved with a girl he met on a swinging site. The writing was on the wall really, the following day I removed all my belongings from his apartment and left him a letter saying how much I loved him but I could not go through the pain he was putting me through so soon after losing dad. I said I was walking out of his life and wished him well and with that I closed the door to his apartment for the last time. It's been 3 days since I left and I am hurtin so so much, I can't even begin to tell you all the extent of my pain, I think it would be less painful to die than suffer this pain of loss. I have cried and cried and cried but I have not gone back. He rang, I didn't take his call so he text to thank me for posting his keys through and said take care. It just seems too much to be suffering two losses in such a short space of time. Before I left his apartment I looked in the wash bag he took with him when he went away, inside was baby lotion and lube which indicated to me he was swinging even thought he told me he was going to visit his family. Also I am seriously beginning to wonder if he is a closet gay. I know he's sleeping with men and he has crotchless underwear etc. He has also been visiting a place called 'the green room' here which is a men only swinging club. I've never known my now ex partner to use lube before when he was swinging with couples. I also wanted to say you have all helped me loads to break away from my ex even though it is painful, you've been honest and upfront with your replies, you've tried to help me understand his behaviour is not normal. He did lay the blame at my door, he turned everything around and made me feel guilty and to blame for him being distant and disinterested. I hope I can get through this pain and be able to grieve properly for my dad and for the ending of my relationship and become dtronger for it. xxxxx
  11. Thank you all again for replying to my update, you are all really helping me to see more clearly and the support you are giving me is so appreciated. I never thought I would be helped by people who are a part of, may have been a part of the scene. I have today packed my car because I did not receive any contact initiated by my partner whilst he has gone away to visit his sister. I did text to ask if he was okay and I received a very unemotional, detached message back. I rang him to ask him what his text was about and he just huffed and puffed and then he said 'Will you be at mine when I return, you can go to work from mine on Saturday'. I found this very strange considering he's ignored me for the past month and made my exisitence around him very traumatic. My decision is to take most of my stuff back to my house, I will be at his this evening to see what he has to say to me if anything and tomorrow whilst he is at work I will remove the remainder of my belonging. I suppose the the good person in me still feels I should be dignified in the way I leave and I should tell him I don't want it anymore to his face, that said I may find it too emotionally difficult so my back up plan is to leave him a note. I do have a couple of more questions. I gave my partner the freedom to go to swinging clubs as long as it did not affect our relationship but he maintained all the secretive behaviour by setting up single profiles on swinging sites, swinging behind my back, having a secret phone, having a 'fuck buddy etc. What I don't understand is having given him my blessing and the freedom to swing why would he switch off from me emotionally, keep me at a distant, avoid me, ignore me, barely speak to me? I know he disliked the fact that I wouldn't be as active as he wanted me to be in the scene but would that be enough to make a man turn the way he has? Secondly, is swinging a mutually agreed thing between couples, by that I mean if one part of the couple doesn't want to anymore would the partner accept it and not swing also or would they carry on. Is it a take it or leave it thing as a couple?
  12. Alura, my parents were both born in India but migrated to the UK in the early 1960's. I was born in the UK and am a very westernised, liberal minded woman. I have taken the best of two cultures, east and west and I have been lucky enough to live my life the way I wanted to. Some cultural nurturing does stay with you, for example the eye contact issues, always putting your man first etc. Hope that helps, thanks for your support. x
  13. The past few days have been very difficult, I confronted my partner about the phone and he dismissed it as if it was nothing. He was still very distant and clearly his thoughts are not with me but also I don't know where or who his thoughts are with. He's gone away today for 4 days to spend time with his sister, there was very little conversation between us but one thing I did notice is that he's shaved and trimmed himself below. I asked him if he was going to swing with anyone because I just want him to be upfront but he became defensive. There was no genuine hug or kiss from him before he left. I have packed my bags ready to move out, it's very tough for me because I am still grieving for my dad and I will be alone for four days. My own family have distanced themselves from me for cultural reasons so I don't have support there. I haven't taken my stuff out of partners house because I genuinely don't know what to do, I know what everyone else has told me to do and that includes my friends where I live but it hurts being with him and it hurts being away from him. Over the years I have put partner first, that's a lot to do with my cultural upbringing, I have tolerated a lot from him and having invested years of emotions into this relationship it is really painful to break away. Packing my bags is an enormous step for me. I am going to see how strong I feel tomorrow and if I feel strong enough to load the car and drive away. I know my partner is who he is, it started with him telling me he was into swinging so I accepted that. Then he said he was bi-sexual and occasionally wanted to sleep with men so I accepted that, then I came across some crotchless knickers and tights and he admitted to them being his so I accepted that. Then he said he wanted me to give it a go and swing as a couple so I accepted that (and I must admit I met some lovely people who were so down to earth), then I found out having tried swinging with him he'd secretly set up a single profile on two swinging websites, I made him delete them but he didn't he now tells me, he'd hidden them and has them up and running again but won't let me see them, so I accepted that. During all this he still went behind my back and met with couples and singles and went to clubs. Hand on my heart now, I did enjoy a couple of encounters we'd had at the swinging club but I was very precise about the type of people I would swing with. My partner is easy, he's not very particular as long as he has his fun. This caused issues because I wouldn't lower my standards and he felt he was missing out. In the end due to the pressure from him I backed away from the scene this leading him to find a 'fuck buddy'. Whatever I accepted of him was never enough, my reason for being so accepting was because I loved him very deeply and dearly. I'm not a weak person, I work in an occupation which is demanding, difficult at times, stressful, I have to make on the spot decisions, I deal with obstructive, offensive, difficult individuals and I do my job well however, I will be the first to admit that I fall apart when it comes to dealing with something at an emotional level, that is my weakness. If I'm honest I don't know much about swinging, how to get started, how to make a move, how to show an interest and this too led to problems because I'm a fairly attractive woman my partner thought we would get endless offers and expected me to make eye contact with people. The culture I come from women don't make eye contact with men who are strangers so this too led to problems. For those of you who do swing, is my partners behaviour normal in the swinging sense?
  14. Dear All, thank you so much for reading my story and replying. I am very emotionally exhausted right now to write much more but I will give an update tomorrow. I just wanted to thank you all for being so kind in trying to help me understand my situation.
  15. Hello Everyone, I joined this site yesterday because I don't know where to turn for advice or just to get make sense of what is going on. I've been with my partner for 7 1/2 yrs, I love him dearly and would do anything for him, he's my world and I have always put him first. When we got together, a few months into our relationship he told me he visited swinging clubs when he was married and the reason he did this was because his sex life at home was boring. He assured me that was his past and in me he had found the perfection he had been looking for. Our relationship was great, sex life was brilliant, and nothing could possibly go wrong. A few months later I noticed he was heavily into porn, constantly downloading porn, I wasn't concerned because I thought he's not doing anything behind my back and porn was ok. The relationship suddenly started to take a downwards turn, he became secretive and lied about his whereabouts, he'd put locks on his phone and computer, he'd set up various email accounts, bought new sim cards for existing old phones. It became very messy and difficult for me to trust him and to pull our relationship back to what it was when we started out together. We split up 3 times over the years and a lot of it was influenced by him meeting people behind my back and being secretive, the lies, etc. I had him back every time because of my love for him. He'd come back saying he'd made a mistake and loved me and didn't want swinging but little did I know that it continued like an addiction. Eventually I decided to give it a go because I didn't want to lose him but by now he'd got involved with a girl he'd met on a swinging site and they had become a couple unbeknown to me and again he left, that was two years ago. He threw himself into swinging full on with the girl and before too long became bored and came back swearing he would never want it again because he'd had enough. We got back together and this time I dipped my toe. My first experience was with a couple at their home, it didn't go as I thought it would and I was left very upset by the experience. We tried again a few weeks later and it was okay but the male party playing with me couldn't get it up. A few weeks later we started going to swinging clubs, however this left my partner angry and frustrated because I wouldn't initiate anything and I was too picky about who I would have sex with. Last year we went to a sex club and it was very busy. My partner saw a couple he liked the look of and encouraged me to stand next to them hoping we would play. There were couples having sex all around us and my partner was physically shaking like an alcoholic wanting his next drink or a drug user wanting their next fix. I was shocked at my partner's physical reaction. I didn't realize it was like an addiction for him. Anyway we didn't play and he came home in anger and low and behold he finished with me a few days later. A few weeks later we tried to make us work again and even went to Relate but he told me not to bring up the swinging. Relate helped us to communicate more. Four months ago I lost my father and traveled abroad to his funeral. When I came back partner was kind and caring but he changed again last month. I agreed for him to go to sex clubs on his own as long as it didn't affect our relationship because I desperately needed his support right now. The past two weeks have been hell; he's distant, unloving, uncaring, avoids me, and has decided to tell me that he was having sex with couples at sex clubs whilst I was attending my fathers funeral...that hurt like hell! He told me he'd been meeting couples whilst he's been away on courses whilst I've been grieving for my father and he may as well find someone who is more compatible to him and maybe a 'fuck buddy'. I couldn't hurt more right now. I'm devastated and don't know what to do. Two days ago I was tidying the cupboards where partner keeps his paperwork and other bits, I found a phone I'd not seen before and on switching it on I found he had been sleeping with men, women, and couples since he split with me last year, during the counseling, and whilst I was at Dad's funeral. He has had a fuck buddy since last November. I don't even know what to feel right now because I'm so numb. I am hoping someone could try and understand whats going on with my partner and us and give me some advice.
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