GoldCoCouple

chimrichalds: I was looking for that same jpg.

Back in the 'golden age' of porn (80s-90s), there pretty much was only one option and that was to be a star in porn movies. There were no other alternatives, and if you didn't become a star, you were already close to the end of your rope. Also, social pressure, society, and stigmas cause more than a few porn stars who more often felt either trapped by situations or due to the abundance of drugs and the party culture of the time, to turn to drugs and alcohol as a crutch. These days, there are so many different options to make money in porn, it no longer is a 'do or die' proposition. There are still movies, but now there are dozens of other choices, and all of them can be profitable if you are looking to make money with it. Probably the biggest is Only Fans and other similar sites, but there is also personal websites, subscription services, selling adult products, streaming, photography, audio, 'custom' (making something for a specific kink or specific person), VR, erotic stories, and many others. Revenues of the adult industry are difficult to determine, but a 1970 federal study estimated that the total retail value of hardcore pornography in the United States was no more than $5 million to $10 million. But by 2011, pornography was becoming one of the biggest businesses in the United States and in 2014, the porn industry was believed to bring in at least $13 billion a year. As of 2023, the global porn industry made over $97 BILLION dollars and it is expected to exceed $120 billion in 2024. People are no longer looking at porn as a last resort, but in many times, a first resort. Kaden Kross was attending Sacramento State University (as a psych major) when she quit school to become a 'porn star'. She later moved behind the cameras to become a director of porn movies. There are constant stories in the news of women and couples making 6 figures on Only Fans and other similar sites, in addition to their day jobs. I think the bigger problem here is when something...anything, becomes an addiction. Be it drugs, alcohol, porn or anything else. To much of anything can easily end up being a bad thing...for both the creator and the consumer.

There's something to say about birds who kick the chicks out of the nest. If you don't try to get the "young adult kiddos living in our home" out, they might never leave. It's time to fly, little birdies... When we started our journey, Ms. Gold had already had bad experiences with trying to turn friends into swingers, so we decided to try and turn swingers into friends...and that worked really well. Now there's no problem with having our swinger friends over since they are also just our friends. Sometimes we play at home, sometimes we go out and do something together, sometimes we go out and play...club, their house, hotel, sometimes we just get together and enjoy each others company. All of our birds have been removed from the nest, and while they may drop by every now and then, having a gated property makes things that much more 'private'. Of course, I'll never forget the time we were talking with her daughter about having a pool party and her daughter said that she wasn't sure where her bathing suits were since when she used their pool, she didn't wear a bathing suit. My answer was '...do you think we wear one as well?'. She always calls before coming over now, especially in the summer when we might be swimming...

That's why I didn't say anything negative since every thread has the potential to help somebody at some time. I was just pointing out that we've been here, done this...and for future visitors, remember, search is your friend...

No disrespect intended, but this sounds familiar to a previous thread.

Instead of suggesting he 'confront her' (which almost always ends up being a bad thing), you made him think of things from a different viewpoint. The suggestion about showing her a bit more affection is never a bad thing as well. I'm sure that he found your advise unusual compared to what he expected or has been hearing from others he has asked (and I'm sure he has asked others), the advice you gave will not lead to things taking a bad turn. Any advice that keeps thing from going to a bad place is usually (IOHO) good advice...

Love, trust, communication...work on having as much as possible of all three as any of one helps grow the other two. To be successful lovers, let alone successful swingers, you need all three in abundance. Only you know that for sure, but easiest way is after the trust has been leveled up, talk to her about fantasies...hers AND yours (start with one of yours that is rather simple and take it from there). It sounds like she MIGHT be warming up, but without the trust, without the communication, you might never know. She needs to KNOW that you aren't going to judge her, aren't going to think less of her, aren't going to love her less (in fact, that you will love her more for her being able to share her deepest thoughts and secrets). Take your time, work on making your relationship as great as it can be, and remember...you have the rest of your lives to find out. Good luck and let us know how things are progressing...

Both Ms. Gold and myself are still hindered with 'ethics clauses' in our employment contracts. Six more weeks and I won't have to worry about that any longer, but we still will have a rather public persona because of our other business and don't want this cat to get out of the bag...

It's amusing how Heinlein wrote sci fi for younger people and also wrote books for adults. He's always been one of my favorite authors, but not everyone enjoys sci fi (I love it). Story of O has also been mentioned and I highly recommend that one as well. Other than that, I spend a great amount of time reading stories on Literotica, especially if you can figure out how to get to their search. They have everything from very short stories to novels there, and they are all free (just try to remember to leave a good rating on the good stories).

I have to agree here...stop now. It sounds like you are doing this because he wants to do it and he wants to do it because he wants to fuck other women. This is not a good plan. We swing because it is something that we both enjoy doing together. We both like watching the other get and receive pleasure. We both like being able to fulfill each others fantasies. We both love that we have this much trust to be able to do this. It sounds like you are doing this JUST because he wants to. He should be ecstatic that you are willing to consider this and, as a result, welcome and HONOR any rules and limits you set. This doesn't sound like he is. In swinging, the women absolutely get to set the rules and if he isn't willing to play by them, you both need to stop playing.

Uhhh, communication...if he didn't want to have a spontaneous play date, then he should have said something when it was suggested. Then things kind of get confusing...he went out and then got back two minutes before she arrived...? Then after she left, he went back to FINISH his baking? Ok, I'm guessing that he needed something for what he was baking so he went and got it, came home, and finished...all understandable, except what would he have done about his baking if you were all going to play? It's all beside the point: If he would have just said that he was busy and could they get together to play at some other time there wouldn't have been a problem.

Anyone that doesn't respond is doing you a favor for whatever reason they didn't respond. Maybe they are not interested, maybe it's someone who is just fantasizing that their partner would do this with them, maybe they are picture collectors, maybe there wasn't a spark and they are looking for a spark (when we meet another couple, that's what we are looking for). Whatever the reason they don't respond, they are saving you time and effort that you can use to find someone else that may be interested. Back when we were starting, we met a couple for dinner and instantly hit it off. Had a great evening talking about sex and everything else to where we ended closing the place down (what, you're closing...we only just got here...3 hours ago). We left looking forward to our next meeting, but they fell off the earth after that. At first, we were disappointed and kept asking what we did wrong, especially since it was such an enjoyable night, but finally came to the conclusion that they just did us a favor and saved us the time and effort we would have spent on them when they weren't interested, or ready, or all on the same page, or whatever the reason was. Finding a four way match is HARD, and nobody said that it wouldn't be. All we know is that when we found a match, it started a fire and all of the disappointment and difficulty was worth it. Just keep going and don't take it personally. And lastly, beware the Ides of March...

This is why we try to make swingers into friends instead of friends into swingers. Most friends aren't ready for the emotions and mental preparedness needed to be swingers so they don't know how to handle it after everything has happened. Most likely, a good talk will help minimize the problem, but she could also take it as a rejection and could end up making her angry. Bottom line, it's just safer, easier, and less risk to turn swingers into friends...

Second most of the above...doing things together is swinging, doing them without your partner knowing is cheating. Swinging is never cheating and cheating is never swinging. It sounds like you are okay with what has happened in the past, but she needs to know that from now on cheating is no longer allowed. This should be rather easy to do this in a non-confrontational way by letting her know that you now know what happened...and it's okay and that there's nothing to be forgiven or feel sorry about or anything, but in the future, if anything happens again, you need to know before it happens (and probably want to be there as well). Something along the lines of "Hey, it's not a big thing, but in the future, please either include me or let me know something is going to happen...just so you can be involved as well". To be successful swingers, you need love, trust and communication. If you don't have an abundance of all three, problems will eventually arise. Maybe check into hotwives (is hotwiving even a word?) and/or stag and vixen since it sounds like what he was talking about. Good luck and let us know how things progress.

We met several couples before we found a couple that we considered playing with...and, in hind sight, they weren't a great match with us (but other than not being a great match, nothing 'bad' happened). We just kept cautious and kept looking until we found a great match...and yes, it took awhile, but in the end they were worth the wait and the effort. Now that we are starting to look for a new couple, we are still aware that it won't be easy and that we need to stay cautious and careful, but there are great matches out there. The hard part is to stay the course and not to compromise and accept 'close enough' or couples that have obvious red flags. Also, to be ready to walk away if the need be. It just requires time, effort, and a great deal of attention (nobody said that this would be easy...in fact, we always say that it's going to be rather hard). One of the many reasons we don't play on the first date. Even still, we are all imperfect people and we will all make mistakes. The difficult part is to learn from them and not let them happen again (there are SO MANY new mistakes you haven't even begun to make...lol). Of course, there is always the other option...giving up and just not trying. We choose to take the chance, but just try to minimize the risks.