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bigbear

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15 Good

About bigbear

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 08/15/1964

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    Atlanta
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. I want to thank everyone for there input. You all make very valid points. Although some of you seem angry with me. Falling in love with this other woman was not a planned thing nor did we go looking for it. It just kind of developled the same way any of us fall in love with anyone. It's only been a few weeks since we both realized how we feel about each other so we are still trying to figure it all out. Of course you are all correct that we should come clean. However we both have the fear, more on her end than mine, that we will lose each other. Lion you make a very good point when you say, "telling them MIGHT cause a bunch of hurt" Not telling them, WILL. We have a difficult decision to make. We don't get an opportunity to talk face to face very often. I think something this important should be done face to face. Most of our comunication is done through emails and texting. We are going away with them for a long weekend next weekend and I will talk to her then. Again thanks for all of your time and advise
  2. Some of you make very valid points. I guess I kind of expected this kind of response. Some of you will read into that, that I already know what I should do. We are told, and even from your responses you are saying that I can only love my spouse and that I can't love this other woman. The love I feel for this "other" woman does not cause me to love my wife any less. I don't compare the two of them ever. The point that was made it not about if I think it is a lie it whether she thinks it's lie. This is very true. I still don't think my wife would think I lied to her. She might not be happy with the fact that I kept it from her however. I can't answer for the other couple. Maybe I didn't explain how the other guy feel about us seeing others very well. He does not care if we see others he just doesn't want to hear about it. it not even as bad as that sounds. This is not an infatuation, Infatuations happen quickly when you first meet someone or at least that has been my experince. This is something that has grown over a 9 month period. Before you say thats not enough time I asked my wife to marry me after only 6 months. We have been together for almost 25 years. I brought up that the two women are so different to kind of explain why I feel that my love for them is so different and not in conflict. Neither I nor the other woman went looking for this. It just kind of developed and it got to the point where we could not ignore what we were feeling. After reading what every one wrote. I think what i'm getting is that falling in love with this woman is not what is wrong. It's the not telling our spouses is what everyone thinks we are doing wrong. My argument to that is, Why tell when all it will do is possibly cause a bunch of hurt and problems. Why can't we just keep it between ourselves. We don't plan on leaving our spouses for each other. And so far it hasn't effected our home life yet. I want to thank everyone for their input. None of it has taken me by surprise and like I said before many of you make very valid points.
  3. Julie I don't think we have actually lied, but unfortunately I have to put a yet on that. Have I told my wife about it NO, but if she asked I would tell her. I have told her that I have a special connection with this woman, but have not told her I love her. Many would argue that an omission is a lie but I don't think so
  4. We have talked about it a little about being in an exclusive/Poly relasionship. I think my wife would be OK with it, but she (the other woman) does not think her husband would be. She has explained that he does not like to hear about us seeing other couples, however he still enjoys seeing others and doesn't want to stop. We both realize we are very much alike, scary alike. I have expressed the same concern about us becoming a couple "two4you", but she said she didn't think it would be an issue because 1)we communicate so well together. Which is very true. and 2) I bring out the best in her. Now I'm a big boy I know in any relationship eventually you are going to get on each others nerves. But I guess it's all in how you handle it. Thanks for the input keep it coming
  5. After I tell you the story I have a feeling I know what most of the responses are going to be. LOL We meet a couple online almost a year ago, and we all hit it off right away. Especially me and the other woman. We all were and still are incredible in bed together. We started seeing them more and more and it became a regular thing, of once or twice a month, weekend trips stuff like that. Our kids even meet and it has been great. Kind of the true friends with benefits situation. Long story short Me and the other woman have fallen in love with each other. It started out slowly a few months ago when we both realized we had more than a fuck buddy feelings for each other. We both tried to suppress these feelings, but it just became impossible. We both have said the feelings we have for each other or the way the other one makes the other feel we have NEVER had with any one else. I know you are not suppose to be able to love more than one woman/man, but we seem to be able to have it under control. She is so different than my wife. She actually is a lot like me. My wife and I are kind of opposites and I think that’s why we have been married almost 25 years. I am kind of high strung and she is very laid back, so we kind of balance each other out. The other woman lives about 40 miles away so we don't have an opportunity to see each other except when all 4 do. We have not seen each other behind our spouses backs...yet. I have feeling it is coming though, we have even talked about having some alone time together. We both understand and realize that what we have going on is NOT the typical LS relationship. But we both have said we cannot see our lives without the other in it for the distant future. Our biggest fear is how our spouses would react if they found out (I know DUUUHHHHH). I am not writing this to ask how I should handle this situation because I'm not going to stop seeing her. Plus we can't UN-feel the way we do, nor do we want to. We both still love our spouses very much. I guess what I'm saying is. What is wrong with this? I have not lied to my wife. I give her everything she needs and she feel fulfilled, at least that’s what she tells me. I wasn't looking to fall in love. As a matter of fact I have said for years as a JOKE why would any man want more than one wife, one is headache enough (JOKINGLY). But we did fall in love. As couples in the lifestyle we are so far outside of the NORM what is wrong with each of us just kind of setting our own norms. Part of the reason I posted this is just the release of getting this out of me. I'm sure for the most part everyone is going to say break it off with this other woman, quit the lifestyle and fix your marriage. I am not going to break it off with this woman. If my wife found out and said choose between her or me I don't know what I would do. I don't think my marriage is broken at all. We still love each other. I don't find myself comparing the two of them because they are so different. And, I don't want to leave my wife. OK So tell me what you think
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