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suburbanitemom

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About suburbanitemom

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 01/06/1981

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    M. Female
  • Location
    Houston, Texas
  • Occupation
    Housewife and Entrepreneur
  • Swinging Experience
    One MFM experience
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. He did go this morning and said it went well, he was given a couple book recommendations for dealing with emotions and self-confidence. The guy was aware of the lifestyle and was nonjudgmental. He actually even mentioned that it was a little ironic as this situation is usually reversed. I'm not sure how kink friendly he is, but I'd be wiling to bet he's OK with it. We are starting out with a few sessions just for him and I will go alone a few times, then we will both attend some sessions. I have told him that I will be supportive and involved in any way I can, including attending any counseling sessions necessary.
  2. I just want to thank everyone for all the advice earlier, I really appreciate the perspectives of others who have been at this longer than me. I did want to update all of you that took the time to respond in the first place. We talked as a couple at great length all through all this. After an evening out with some friends (him with male friends who several are in or are at least aware of the lifestyle), I found him in the guest bathroom at about 1:30 in the morning whipping himself with a wet towel. It came out that he is a self injurer and has never learned how to deal with strong emotions. He just hurt himself and then buries them. So all the time when we talked about things I though he was dealing with it and he was not, hence why the same things kept coming up over and over again. We decided to stay in the lifestyle, but set clear rules to only play with couples and only same room. The first time we went out he broke the same room rule on a dare. I am at fault as well, I didn't call him out on it as I didn't really care. Then recently we were at a club and he was done with the girl he was playing with and he left me in the room with the other couple and the male of the girl he was playing. I was confused and not sure what to do. He left with assurances that I should continue. I also realized after those times that he very rarely looks at me when we play and doesn't touch me. The opportunity came up that he was asked to be part of a gang bang for one of our female friends, I gave the OK because he wanted to and again I didn't really care about the rule. After that play experience he told me that I should go play because it was only fair, he got to have fun so I should. I told him I didn't need to it wasn't a tit for tat situation. He said no, go play, have fun. I had a day arranged with a married male friend that we had both met in a vanilla setting so we added playtime. I made sure he was still ok with it before I left that morning. It all seemed fine. Then I get a text later saying that we need to talk. He goes on to tell me that evening that I have put him through emotional hell, worse then his grandparents dying and his high school girlfriend cheating on him. That he's tried for me but he can't handle me playing alone. Needless to say, I was flabbergasted. After all of our talking, and him admitting that I was correct in my judgement that he doesn't like to see me playing most the time, he said he did enjoy playing with couples and wanted to continue. As I am sure you'll be happy to hear, I pulled the plug on it. I told him we cannot play until everything is sorted out. We had rules of couples only same room play only and he broke them immediately without even realizing it. He couldn't even list what our play rules were when we went through the latest round of talks. He said I need to write them down for him next time so he knows what they are and can study them. I don't know what to make of all that considering the rules were set for his comfort level. Really, he made the rules and I agreed to follow them. So, at this point I have pulled down all our profiles. We are still talking about everything, and he has an appointment with a counselor tomorrow (finally!!!!) That is where we are. It is disappointing to me that we are in this spot, because I had finally been in a spot where I was comfortable with who I am and my kinks (even unfulfilled as they were.) I am not sure we will ever go into swinging again. Even if we do, I'm very hesitant because I'm never sure when I have crossed a line until he blows up on me later. I always had permission for what I did, but I was also the "bad guy" and the one who had to change. I really do want to be part of the lifestyle for many reasons, but I am left feeling right now that my partner is not cut out to be able to handle it. Any advice?
  3. Thanks for the responses so far. As to the kinks, there are many, but the major ones that he wants nothing to do with are me: in a 3some with bi-males; and, being dommed and a sex slave for an evening. I'm not dumb and have many layers of safety for meeting strange males, not about to let just anyone tie me up or throw me around. I have also involved him in everything. Showing him profiles, giving him phone numbers and screen names so he can talk with these guys, insisting on webcam and phone conversation before even meeting in a public place. He knows when, where, who, and I check in at designated times. Which, I will add, he broke the rules of when he played alone. He did not check in and I was left wondering until late the next morning both times he played alone. I have done nothing to earn his mistrust. I save all chat history and texts, he has all my passwords, and he does read them. On the other hand, I do not have his passwords and cannot read his emails unless I ask him to sign in for me -which I have not done because I trust him- though he does not really chat that I know of.
  4. We have a bit of a complicated situation brewing at our house. I am going to try and be brief and hope that I am not leaving off valuable information. About 10 months ago we started into swinging. We got into is for several reasons, mostly for me. Those reasons were: 1) So I could play with girls as I am bisexual 2) So I could explore my kinks (which he is not interested in helping me with or participating in) 3) and, to work towards filling both of our fantasies We have played several times, together and separate. What is boils down to is that I love when he plays with others whether or not I am there. I love playing with others whether or not he is there. He hates and freaks out whenever I play when he is not there, and it is worse when it is a single male I am playing with. So the rule is now that we only play as a couple in full swap situations. The problem with this as it only allows the first of the reasons to be filled, and his fantasies. I cannot explore my kinks with him or with him present (his choice) and most of my fantasies revolve around those kinks. So he is reasonably happy with this arrangement but I am not. I know that you are suppose to go at the speed of the least comfortable partner, and we have. He has no reason to try and be comfortable with me exploring though. He is getting what he wanted out of it, plus he has never understood my desire to explore my kinks. So I am frustrated and still not getting what we set out for and feeling selfish for wanting it because he's not comfortable. At the same time I feel that he is being selfish for not giving me the freedom to explore. Any advice on our situation? I could use a different perspective.
  5. I personally love anal! I've only started doing it recently but have had my best orgasms ever this way. At this point I will only do it with my hubby for the "trust" issue. Really for me that is all about how well he knows me, my body, and can tell when it hurts. He knows by my sounds and movements when he needs more lube, when he needs to go slow, and when he can pound away (I usually like things a bit rough.) The anal tissue is very sensitive and for me gets inflamed easily so can be very uncomfortable for days after if things get too rough. Will I never have anal with a play partner...I hope not as I really want a DP. It will only be with someone I have played with multiple times and I feel understands my bodily cues and/or takes direction very well. It's not something I can/want to have every day, it's a special experience to bring things to another level when I'm very turned on.
  6. Thanks for the responses everyone. We have continued to talk and have sorted a lot out. I found out that he didn't like when he was off to the side after a turn. I asked him why he did that instead of coming up to my head for oral fun or making out and he admitted he just didn't think about it. I didn't know he didn't want to be off to the side, I thought he was enjoying the view. We talked again about how communication during play is important as I am obviously not a mind reader and he needs to speak up if he's not OK with something. We had set that as a rule but he didn't follow it that evening. I was pleased to find out that he doesn't want to give up on swinging yet, he just needs a little time and that next time will be with a unicorn or couple. On an up side, we finally had some hot "reclaimation" sex incorporating some new techniques we learned.
  7. Sorry in advance...this will be long! So Mr. Suburbanite and I had our first lifestyle experience by way of a MFM threesome. The guy was great to talk to and answered our questions and made us feel very comfortable. He was a gentleman towards me and very respectful of Mr. Suburbanite. After a great dinner we decided to head back to his hotel room for some play time. I was nervous but mostly excited about what was going to happen. The whole week leading up to this I had been mentally freaking out about how to start things and how to show equal attention to both men. It ended up not being an issue, which was a relief. I had brought a few ice breaker games but they went unused. It ended up that Mr. Suburbanite just came up behind me and started kissing and rubbing me, and the SM came over to join sandwiching me between them. I was pretty quickly undressed and admired by the two of them as I worked on their clothes making sure I was touching each of them in some way (ie. kissing one while touching the other or having one hand on each of them.) We pretty quickly moved to the bed where more touching and kissing took place and quickly led to me receiving and giving oral at the same time (pretty hot!) Once I was good and ready we went to start with Mr. Suburbanite taking the first round while I performed oral on SM. Well, we had performance issues in that while I was sucking on hubby he was fine, when he went to have sex with me he went limp. Needless to say he got a bit upset but we seemed to correct it with some different positioning and went on. They continued to take turns and gave me multiple orgasms (I even think I squirted a little at one point which was new for me!) It was very fun and everything seemed fine until right at the very end. Mr. Suburbanite took a final turn to try and cum (again apparently, 1st time wasn't very impressive for him and I didn't even know he had until the drive home) and got more aggressive with me than normal (usually like it a bit rough) but not to the point I was being hurt. Then when SM went to finish himself Mr. Suburbanite was practically on top of me kissing very aggressively and almost forcing the SM out of the way. I'm not sure what happened to cause it as he had been fine and I had been checking in with him the whole time. Anyway, he said he enjoyed the evening but the sex was just OK for him. He seemed fine last night, then something must have snapped overnight as in the morning he was acting very strange toward me and wouldn't touch or even at times look at me. He was still processing things but obviously wasn't happy. We talked tonight and he said he felt like a third wheel the whole night! I don't know what I could have done different (in fact I barely talked at dinner, it was mostly the two guys chatting which was fine) and I made sure to be giving attention to both of them, if not more to my hubby. I'm just so conflicted right now as I thought we were doing everything right and he said he was fine every time I checked in with him, then to have that bomb dropped on me! I really did have a great time and had hoped he did too. We had wanted to find a unicorn or a nice couple to play with as one of the main reasons for testing these waters was to fulfill my bi-curiousity. We ended up with SM because it was easier to find a match and a MFM had also been a fantasy for both of us. Now I guess we are not entering the lifestlye and I'll never get to fulfill that dream I've had since college. I'm not really sure how I feel about it but I will go along with it because I love me hubby. Thanks for "listening" to me ramble!
  8. Fancy - I also brought the idea to my hubby. He is still getting comfortable but we are on our way to entering the lifestyle (have a date with a s. male tomorrow.) It's kinda funny how he reacted at first...thought it was hot then not and back and forth. He has some fear of jealousy and insecurity that he won't be enough for me after the fact. No matter how many times I tell him there is no need to think that way he doesn't fully accepted it and continues to flip flop. He is going to give it a try with the understanding no play is expected and if play starts may stop at any time by any participant. I'm also working on finding a female/couple to fulfill his fantasies.
  9. We have not had our first LS experience yet (planned for Saturday) but safe sex is a priority for us! We are both clean and want to keep it that way in the LS. We were very up front with the male we are asking to join us and told him that he is required to wear a condom for all sexual contact. He was completely OK with this and said it was not a problem. I will have flavored condoms for giving him a BJ. Yes, oral sex with a condom is not optimal but to us it is not worth the risk to go without. Nothing is 100% but you can do everything in your power to be protected as possible. I just wanted you to know that there are people out there that use condoms/dental dams for oral.
  10. My husband and I are totally new and we aren't planning an experience for a little while. My husband has only ever had sex with me, so this will be completely new. We are working through our expectations and desires until we venture in.
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