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TomTom123

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  • Content Count

    6
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15 Good

About TomTom123

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 01/01/1970

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    UK
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. We did have a conversation about what was allowed to go on, but clearly didn't cover everything. Speaking afterwards, she says mouth fucking is soft, while I realise that for me it's very much hard sex. So we're slowly learning how each of us sees things, which is fine! Last night was interesting as we had a big deep conversation. She was jealous because I'd have an orgasm at the club, while she hadn't. So we discussed that too. But my big question to her was: what does it mean to be married when your relationship is no longer exclusive? When we're both having thoughts/desires about others? When we're testing things to the limit? Any ideas? On the jealousy side, I'm feeling much better than after my last experience. It's still not perfect, but I'm getting there. Great to hear that others have been there too and got over it.
  2. We had an absolutely amazing evening on Saturday night at a swingers club. Those of you who've read my previous thread will know that I suffered intense internal upset after a difficult first swinging experience last year, with the upset feelings emerging regularly (see Advice needed please on first time experience). After much discussion (weeks and weeks), we decided to give it another go, this time going for soft swinging and no full swap. We went to this fantastic club, took a couple of hours to settle down and meet people, then went into one of the rooms, where we soon started soft swinging with another beautiful couple. It was wonderful - pleasuring and receiving pleasure from this wonderful stranger. My wife paired off with the guy, who was licking her and she was moaning. I was fine with that. I just couldn't believe how much fun everything was! At one point, I looked over and he was fucking her in the mouth, which rather surprised me, but I was being given such a wonderful bj that I soon forgot about it. The night continued, with lots of fun, and probably a few too many drinks. My wife and I went back into the main room and had sex together. At the same time, she was kissing and being fondled by another guy, while I was kissing another girl - also an absolute stunner. Then a single girl joined us and my wife kissed her and got licked by her - which she loved as she's bi. So the whole evening was truly amazing. I came away thinking 'this was the best night of my life'. But now's the problem. I feel so confused. I have so many thoughts of the evening in my mind. Good ones, amazing ones, but also troubling ones, particularly when I saw my wife get fucked in the mouth. I'm not sure whether I found it exciting or disturbing - or both. I don't think it's jealousy, but the image keeps coming back in my mind, a bit like with the first experience. I feel fine (even very happy) with her being with another woman and have no problem seeing my wife kiss/touch/be touched by another guy. In fact, part of me was happy to see her get turned on by a guy as it confirmed to me just how fully bisexual she is and how I want her to express and fulfill this. It's the more 'fucking' part that I seem to be uncomfortable with, even though I'd prefer to be 100% fine with it. Does anyone else get such mixed feelings?
  3. Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all your advice. It's really helped. I've arranged to see a counsellor on Friday. I've suffered from anxiety issues in the past about completely different things, and this feels very similar. I've been waking up this week with a sense of oppression and intrusive, unpleasant thoughts about that night in the club. I definitely agree that I went way too far, way too fast. It's reassuring to see that I'm not the only one out there experiencing this kind of reaction. SheerBliss, I've read your postings and could definitely relate to them. Slevin's comment above definitely rings true: the combination of seeing her enjoying herself while I was having such a confusing time made a very negative mix. It's possible that had I been able to perform, I'd be looking back on the whole thing with a very different view. Please keep up the comments and advice. I'm very grateful for your support.
  4. My wife and I love each very much. We've been married for 15 years and have the most incredible sex together. We adore being together and have a wonderful level of communication and care for each other. We'd been speaking about swinging for some time. It was originally my idea, but we talked about it, and she said she wanted to give it a go. So last August, we took the plunge. We went to a swingers club, and within 15 minutes started having sex with each other in the orgy room. It was great. Soon other people joined us, and we were having a good time. Then a couple joined us. The guy started stroking my wife, and she looked at me, and I said fine. The guy's wife started kissing me. It was all going great, although I did feel that the guy was more attracted to my wife than the woman was attracted to me. Then anxiety performance set up. My erection disappeared. I told my wife, and we got dressed and went for a drink. The other couple joined us and we started chatting. I said should we try again, because I really wanted to try a full swap. So we went to another room, and swapped. All was going fine again, until I went inside the other woman and lost my erection again. Then I heard and saw the other guy taking my wife from behind. I went down on the woman and gave her an orgasm, but things were not going great for me. I felt lost and confused. My wife seemed to be really enjoying herself, but then she saw I wasn't going too well, so came back to me. We got dressed again. The club was closing. My wife gave the other guy a big hug, which gave me a small pang of jealousy. We talked a lot that night. She was feeling frustrated because she hadn't had an orgasm. I was feeling ok, until two days later. I woke up and suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of being very upset. Fortunately, we were on holiday together for a week, so we spent all of it talking. We talked, and talked and talked. We also had lots of amazing sex together. I felt very upset for three weeks afterwards. I didn't feel any resentment or anger towards my wife. In fact, I loved her even more than before. But the image of her being taken from behind by the other guy was stuck in my mind. I felt we'd gone way too far, way too fast. Everything else about the evening: having sex in front of others, kissing the others, soft play, felt natural and fun, but the full swap and the loss of erection felt traumatic. Anyway, I got over it in the end and our relationship has become much stronger. We love each other more than ever. She's the most wonderful person in the world. We went back to swingers clubs three times since then and had lots of sex together including some soft play, but no full swaps. However, every few months, the feelings of being upset come back (such as now). I feel fine, then all of a sudden, the thoughts of that evening come back and I feel rotten and regretful. I feel that I went too far, that I stupidly ignored all the warning signs, that I let myself and my wife down by not knowing myself well enough. I feel that I broke every rule in the swinging book, and that had we gone slowly and carefully, things could have been much better. I feel very disappointed with myself. I also wonder whether swinging is for me? I'd love to become a care-free, enthusiastic, active swinger and believe my wife would benefit from this immensely as she's a very sexual person. But should I just forget it all? Has anybody else experienced similar situations? How have you reacted? What have you done to make things better? I didn't think I was the jealous type, but maybe I am? Or maybe our first experience was just too fast?
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