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Moondance

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Moondance last won the day on November 22 2010

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About Moondance

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 10/05/1964

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    North Beach, CA
  1. Female half of the poster here, been too busy to jump in until now but "hubby" told me he would post our experience (thanks to the poster who suggested people get my perspective!). Couldn't resist taking a peek and after I got over the shock of the number of replies found the comments very interesting. Very busy but thought I would post my thoughts on condition that hubby agrees that I can have the last word! Before I babble let me say that me and hubby have discussed this a fair bit and we agree very much on the facts of what happened that night, though I admit that parts of the evening are a bit "gray". His judgement of others and situations is usually spot on so I won't add any more "facts". But, I do think I have a different perspective on our night which may be worth sharing. Before I get too far into things I'd like to stress that we have always had amazing communications. Some might say we tell each other too much at the risk of hurting each other, but that's just been our way of doing things. So before this encounter we talked a lot about what we would like to happen. Initiation, does, donts, positions (in quite some detail - it was fun! . In general terms, I wanted me and he to bring in a third. Initially I was more interested in us being primarily exhibitionist and then allowing a third to try one or two positions but as a mutually shared experience. But as we progressed with the fantasy I became interested in the idea of two men pleasing me at once. Note that I had no particular interest in having sex with another man and my hubby watching. Another thing worth noting is that though we are new to swinging I am not new to sex! In my early years I had an unusually "active" sex life. I left my single life with very few fantasies unfulfilled, at least those that one man could satisfy. So when it came to the idea of this adventure it was very clear in my mind that I was looking for a two man experience and not "another-man" experience. So I would say that we went into this with a good idea of what we together wanted. Fast forward to our Halloween bash where fantasy meets reality. A hot and steamy start that went better than expected but which starts to see my hubby less and less involved. I do have gaps in my memory but it seems that only one of the many things I had wanted occurred. So things did seem to go off track. Not saying I didn't have fun - probably just not as much fun as I hubby thinks I had - and I'm quite sure two would have been better than one! Looking back at our night it is clear that what we did was nothing like we had intended. I think I had imagined me being ravaged by two men with hubby very much taking control of things (if you knew him and our single male you would also have expected this). I guess I was very passive and just let things happen, and happen they did. In terms of rules and such, although we didn't break any specific rules we did get into a situation that was a no-go. It's true that we never discussed what to do if the other man starts to call the shots. Reason being that I never thought this would happen (didn't expect another male to attempt this (duh!) and knew hubby wouldn't allow it (wrong again!)). That being said I also didn't ask hubby if he would like to be hit with hammer over breakfast! Point is I could have told anyone that me having sex with another man calling the shots and hubby not participating would be 100% no-go for both of us. Yet it happened. At one point I even remember enjoying hubby watching me and the single male. But I also recall some confusion at the point at which things initially started to change. So I guess I just went with the flow. What I'm trying to say here is that the night went in a direction which neither of us had anticipated. As others have said main causes would be alcohol, inexperience and failing to communicate with the third about exactly what we wanted. But, the REAL thing I think I have learned is that you can never be quite sure where you will end up. Fast forward to last weekend. Hubby was kicking the ball around with my kids while I took the dogs out for a quick walk. One thing I had joked about previously was that he had better not pull a stunt like that on me or he would get his ass kicked! But as I came back to the house and started smiling at their antics it really hit me that I was not being honest with myself. If he had played exclusively with another woman while I was present, well I don't think I would get over it and I think our relationship might suffer. I actually wonder if I would want to be with him. He seems to be doing just fine and is willing to give this another try if I want to. But I now find myself wondering whether I would ever feel comfortable reciprocating. I'd have to say I have enjoyed him flirting with other women but it is also true that when he does this he always has one eye on me (he has a wink that is visible from the other side of football stadium! And that's really important to me, actually to both of us I now realise. So there you have it. The odd twist in this tale is that I am wanting to slow things down for fear of a negative experience on my part. And yes, we talked about this too and his response was to remind me that it is now ski season and he needs some help waxing the snowboards! I really do love this man Bottom line is things are good, but for now we intend to move a little more slowly and save the double-black diamonds for the slopes!
  2. The original poster here, have finally made it through the full set of posts. First let me say a collective thanks for all who took the time to respond! It is quite amazing to be able to tap into this tremendous wealth of knowledge. Back to the topic of hand, I do agree with the majority of posters who are saying that this is to be taken as a learning experience. I have also found that how I view this changes from hour to hour and day to day so I will provide an update a little further out so that the curious can know how our journey is progressing. In the meantime, I'll add a few thoughts triggered by general sentiments in the thread and also specific responses to a couple of comments. 'curiousagain' asked the excellent question of if instead of falling asleep my partner had gone ahead and had sex with me would I have felt different about the whole event. I had actually asked myself the same question and the answer is a resounding "yes". As per my original post, despite feeling somewhat excluded I was very aroused by the encounter while it was happening but my perception of the event changed dramatically at that point when I realised that it was over. Understand that both of them ceased play _immediately_ following him reaching orgasm. It did seem as though my partner was willing and able to stay awake to ensure his satisfaction and then considered her job done. And, yes, I would go as far as to say I felt humiliated and cheated at that point. However, I have to agree with a number of posters who say not to read too much into this, especially given the alcohol involved. But I add that clarification as it did seem significant to me. A number of posters also pointed out that I am responsible for my own lack of involvement. This I entirely agree with and had I had any inkling that the outcome would have been my not getting to play I would certainly have re-engaged. My holding back was partly due to the fact that my partner was having a tremendous time and I was quite sure (incorrectly as it happens!) that she would return to me. A miscalculation on my part. As it happens I did not enter my partner or orgasm during the entire play session. Realise that I am not blaming my partner for this - I think all three of us played a part and I for one would not let this situation happen again. I can, however, see this is going to be a balancing act in the future. Clearly I want to allow my partner and any play-partner the freedom to explore but we also need to better agree on how we practically make this happen. lizandtom make the point that "..If you try to call the shots then your partner won't be as open and free as she was when she was a bit dominated with the other guy". I agree with this to a point which means we have some thinking and talking to do before we contemplate another encounter. lizandtom also commented that it "doesn't seem that you're able to handle when another single male calls the shots." I don't think I would disagree with that! In our initial flirting with other couples and singles prior to this encounter I have consistently found that I am comfortable (and enjoy!) her flirting with other men when they are respectful towards us both. When that respect is absent my feelings are entirely different. Initially this male did show that respect but I believe that his later actions would not be considered respectful, quite possibly the opposite. Interestingly enough, I would say that both of them seemed quite distant towards me in the minutes immediately following the encounter. At some level perhaps my partner although enjoying herself sexually felt some disappointment (disdain?) with me at that point in time. A fleeting sensation and not worth dwelling on, suffice to say that we don't own our own emotions. Back to lizandtom's comment, I agree that I don't want a single male (or anyone for that matter) "calling the shots" - I guess I'd hope that all involved are able to determine how things proceed, and in this instance I hesitated in asserting myself. One thing I should also add in my partners defense is that this was certainly not how she would have expected things to play out either. I am what most would consider an assertive (if not dominant) personality both socially, in business and in sports (I have a military background). I am quite sure that she expected I would take control of the situation which I did not. So in that regard perhaps we both found ourselves in uncharted territory there. On the topic of communication I have to say that neither of us even really thought of discussing our expectations with a single male partner! Now I think about it that seems quite bizarre - we kept thinking about how good we were at communicating with each other and forgot about the other person. Lesson learned and thanks to all those who pointed this out. Having said that (and this just occurred to me moments ago), while my partner was on a bathroom break I did mention to this fellow that my partner had an MFM fantasy, but nothing more specific. And as others have pointed out, perhaps our single male assumed my not objecting to his taking control of the situation in the bedroom to be a sign that I was happy with the way things were unfolding. Who knows perhaps as one poster pointed out he might have assumed that is what I was looking for. Yikes! In terms of how this is affecting me and my partner, I'd say we are both viewing it as a learning experience. She really did enjoy the evening (understatement!) and would love to try something else but is also willing to call a halt to all of this if there is any possibility it might lessen what we have. Oddly enough I'd say her love for me has grown significantly out of this which is not at all something I would have expected or can explain. One interesting side note of our initial discussions was her response when I asked her how she would have felt about this if the shoe had been on the other foot. Honest as always she admitted that she would never have let it happen, i.e. she would have intervened (which is what a number of you suggested I should have done). When I pushed her and said "but what if it happened nonetheless" she responded with her usual honesty and said "I'm not sure I'd be able to forgive you". Food for thought.
  3. So, me and my partner of 5 years finally had our first swinging experience. And we definitely jumped in with both feet so to speak! Our first evening contained incredible highs and, unfortunately, some lows which I am left to think through hence this post. To start with let me tell you a little about us both. We are both madly in love, have a great sex life, are very good communicators and are both happy confident types. We both agree we are in the best relationship of our lives (she was previously married) and so entered this from a solid base. To get to the point we have both been discussing the idea of sex with another person for a year or so. It both turns us on incredibly so we finally decided to give it a try and went to our first club last Halloween. We discussed all possibilities but agreed that we would like to try MFM with a goal to pick up a couple or single male. We both agreed that the single male would be less complicated and I also wanted this to be a good experience for her to avoid any possible complications or jealousy on her part. In terms of rules, we would pick the individual or couple together and we would be willing to let it go "all the way" unless the other signalled discomfort (with the exception of kissing and cuddling). We also agreed there would be no exchange of contact information or contact after the event. So we got to the club of our choice and had a few drinks and after talking to several couples she found a man she liked. He approached us and seemed very cordial, friendly and a gentleman. We sat down at a table and talked a bit. After a while me and my partner danced (we both love to dance!) which naturally led to him asking if he could dance with my partner and I agreed that would be fun. They danced and all was good. Subtle flirting but at all times respectful on his part. To cut a long story short, we ended up taking a taxi back to our hotel room. More flirting in the back seat which continued over drinks in our room. Sat on the sofa I started making out with my partner which with some invitation from both me and my partner led to the three of us making out and we were all missing our clothes fairly quickly. This was one of the most erotic moments of my entire life. Skipping forward a little but still on the sofa we both indicated that he could enter her while I continued playing with her. An amazing moment that was as he first pushed into her. So far so good! Now I should mention at this point that although the evening was going well my partner and I had made one mistake already - we had been drinking quite a bit over what was a fairly long evening. Anyway, from the sofa we quickly went to the bed where me and our new friend were both playing with my partner. Fairly quickly he popped on a condom and entered her again, this time starting to fuck her quite vigorously (forgive my language). We were both a little surprised at how quickly he seemed to be moving but to be honest we both we emjoying it. It was thrilling to experience, as much for me as for her. I continued playing with her as he was in her. However, at some point the dynamic started to change. Before I knew it he seemed to be repositioning her, almost monopolising her and continued to do this. She seemed to be enjoying his assertiveness and I admit is was amazing to see her being pleasured by another. However, his many positions were certainly not aimed to include me and my partner soon appeared to totally forget I was there. I was surprised at seeing all this but was still very aroused. I did attempt to join in occasionally but felt very much like an accessory and the mechanics of the act (with him very much all over her given their positions) made me more of an irritation than part of a threesome. At no point did either he or my partner attempt to engage me in any way. The two became very intense and had sex in many positions - nothing I hadn't done before but quite a show nonetheless. They seemed to go at it for quite a while (understatement) with me not finding any meaningful way to re-engage. Finally he picked her up off the bed we were on and moved her to an adjacent bed (two queens in the hotel room) and fucked her on the edge of the bed. He finally came (she had been coming continuously as she typically does). After that they lay beside each other and I being soooo turned on finally decided it was my turn. Imagine my surprise when my partner closes her eyes and falls to sleep. I caressed her as did he but at the moment it was clear to me that the evening was over for her at which point the meaning of the prior events changed dramatically for me. At the moment it was clear they were both "finished" I felt humiliated realising how the threesome was really a twosome in which I had played only a minor role. This was not what we had discussed and certainly not how we had played out the fantasy oursleves. Nonetheless, I avoided drama, bit my tongue and our guest politely bid us farewell leaving us his business card (we have of course not contacted him which we had agreed would be the case regardless). In looking back on it, I'd have to say I have two very different feelings. On the one hand the evening began as one of the most erotic of my life. However, I also felt like the my partner and guest betrayed my trust. If I invited someone over for dinner I would not expect to see them hoard all of the food which I was so eager to share! Initially I also felt my ego bruised, that she had chosen him and ignored me. My partner and I have discussed this at some length since. She herself is surprised this is how things worked out and partly believes alcohol impaired her judgement and also comments that her recollection of some of the events is not all that it should be. Knowing that our nervousness (or excitedness?) caused us both to drink more than we are accustomed to (lesson one!) I have no doubt that what she is saying is true. So the bottom line is she is not much able to help me as the evening remains a bit of a blurr to her. Nonetheless she has admitted it was a thrill and any hesitation she might have had towards the lifestyle has gone and she is already talking about trying it again. It's not quite been a week since this happened and to be honest my feelings are still changing so I intend to sit tight and see where we end up. Perhaps we will try this again, perhaps not. However, in the meantime I do have a few questions which I would like to put to some of you more experienced players. So finally (to the point of my post!) here goes: 1. First and foremost, has any of you found yourself in a similar situation and if yes, how did you deal with it during and after the encounter? 2. Based in this initial experience of MFM, my sense of the dynamics of the MFM threesome is that there is a very strong bond between the male when penetrating the female that may make the second (non-penetrating) male somewhat irrelevant at that point in time. Is this dependent on the psychology of the particular female and male having intercourse or is this situational? Or is this just my inexperience? I should note that my partner is far more vaginally focussed than any girl I ever dated. Clitoral stimulation etc. is all secondary to her and we have had plenty of time to explore each other from tip to toe as it were. 3. I realise that many men watch during MFMs, some participate and some take turns. I definitely could have removed the fellow from her at any point but given they were both having such a great time and I expected I would be next I had no reason to "muscle in". Was this a mistake? She was certainly well beyond receiving subtle signals! 4. Do you guys do anything to prep the "guest" to ensure that things like this do not happen? I am typically quite a dominant male and this fellow was smaller and relatively unassuming. Thus my partner likely assumed I would take control of the situation. However, it seems to me that all three people need to be of the same mindset to make this a fair exchange and no single individual can make it happen. OK, this has been a very long post and I thank any of you that have read this far! Any advice, tips or pointers would be appreciated. The main lesson we have learned is to keep the alcohol intake down. However, I suspect that we have a little more talking to do before we try anything like this again.
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