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Mr.GeekChic

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About Mr.GeekChic

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    Contributor
  • Birthday 10/31/1982

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  • Relationship Status
    M.Male
  • Location
    in an evolving wilderness
  1. Was it this article: Monogamy unnatural for our sexy species - CNN.com
  2. Maybe it would for you, depending on what you and your wife are looking to get out of it. However, different people want different things out of an experience like this, and it seems like a lot of the fun for swingers in general is going out together and finding partners. So that's another reason why you're going to get a lot of advice here that suggests including your wife in the pick-up process. If you were going to a different kind of forum, you'd probably get different advice. If the experience you're looking for is to go out as a single man or a married man looking to cheat in a one night stand, then yes, taking your wife along would defeat the purpose. I can't tell you what's right or wrong (that's between you, your wife, and your conscience), but I will say that I think you're incorrect when you think that the lie can't hurt the other woman. You can't know how someone will react to being lied to, especially when it comes to sex. You may think that it shouldn't hurt her, but that doesn't mean it won't. It's not my place to tell people whether their actions are morally justified, and clearly you and your wife are looking for different experiences than my wife and I, but there is a reason for the saying "two wrongs don't make a right". If you present yourself as a married man looking for a one night stand and she goes for it, that doesn't mean that because she did something morally suspect that she'll excuse you for lying. Your conscience may feel clear because you see it as justified, but there is the chance that she could find out and then you may have to deal with the consequences. And if you present yourself as a single man looking for a one night stand and she goes for it, then the moral question is entirely on you. Personally, I wouldn't lie in order to have sex. Not only is it risky, but for me, any fruit gained through deceit is bittered by the taste of dishonesty. I couldn't enjoy the experience knowing that I had lied to get it. Again, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life (I've had enough of that myself), I'm just throwing out things to consider.
  3. Maybe it's some kind of karmic reward for being "nice guys"! I meant that tongue-in-cheek, but I actually think there's some truth to it, too. One of the foundations of successful swinging is a relationship with a solid foundation of trust, which I think would only be helped by being a nice guy. If your wife thinks you might cheat, bye-bye trust... As for the original post, I'm going to agree with others here and say that you'll probably be much more successful if your wife helps find someone for you. I say this having no actual swinging experience (yet), but just based on what I've read and what I know about human behavior I think if she helped, you would not only have an easier time finding someone, but also probably a better experience, too. You wouldn't have to worry about ring/no ring, what the other woman may be expecting further down the road, etc. Since you're new to swinging, having your wife's assistance may also ease any unexpected jitters that may arise because the person you're playing with would clearly have your wife's official stamp of approval. Plus, I bet it would be more fun to have your wife as your "wingwoman". I know it would be for me! It's always fun for us when we talk about who we find attractive.
  4. I love it. Both sending and receiving. There's no better way to liven up a boring day than to get a sexy text. Well, okay, there is one better way: getting the real thing!
  5. We're brand new, so no experiences yet but I definitely want to try this. Even just reading the comments in this thread is getting me worked up!
  6. I too appreciate all the comments here. This is basically the discussion I was trying to generate with my "aggressive vs. expressive" thread. It ended up going in a different direction, but the replies it got are very helpful and I think it's also relevant to this topic, so I'll link it below:
  7. Sex AND Star Trek?! I think I heard several of my nerd friends cry out in telepathic anguish as I read this.
  8. Actually, I was basically lying to myself. Even before I had ever been in a relationship, I thought it was wrong to be attracted to anyone other than that person. So when I finally was in a relationship I shut all that down. Now I'm feeling my way through enjoying being attracted to women other than my wife. I'm hoping she and I have some time to talk about this more tonight, because it's something that's been on my mind for a few days. We've just been so busy that we haven't had time to talk about it.
  9. He does try, doesn't he? I suppose Frank N. Furter liked him alright, judging from that one scene of theirs! But I bet Frank N. Furter likes pretty much everybody...
  10. Thanks again to all the people that told me I'm over thinking it. I had one of my trademark epiphanies this week and I realized I have a pathological tendency to overthink everything in my life, and it's held me down for a long time. It's not just that I overthink something, it's that I overintellectualize it and analyze it to the point where it's a sickness. It sucks all the fun out of the things I try to do. I'm going to work on just starting to let things happen naturally and just go with it. When I first started thinking about how I feel about swinging, I was completely overintellectualizing it, to the point where I'd be questioning "Do I want sex with other people? And if I do, what does that mean?" Then one day I just stopped and realized, "Um, yes, sex with other people sounds like a lot of fun, and it doesn't make what I do with my wife any less special. In fact, if anything, it's going to add to it because now we can share with each other in a whole new way, and at the same time have fun with other people. I'm damn lucky to have a wife who's not only sexually adventurous, but also encourages me to be also!" Lately, I'm really feeling like Janet by the end of Rocky Horror Picture Show, where she's gone from being repressed and vanilla to having her mind expanded by the wide world of sexuality that she found.
  11. Thanks again, JustAskJulie and LikeMinds321! I feel like things are really starting to click now in my head. My wife and I were just talking last night about how there are so many things that are new to me because I never really dated before I got together with her. I've just got that much more to learn! I've got less than 30 posts and it sounds like you've already got a handle on what I'm like... Yeah, that kind of an attitude's definitely not me. I feel so much better about myself now, and I know that I am an attractive guy with great things about me that women will like, but I'm never going to see myself as automatically "IN".
  12. This sounds like me. There were a lot of factors in there for us, though. When I was a teenager, I thought that people shouldn't be attracted to anyone other than their partner. Then when my wife and I got together, I also had a lot of anxiety problems, a fair amount of which revolved around whether I was attracted to someone other than her. My anxiety caused her to be anxious (because it made her feel insecure; that if I was worried about it, there must be a reason for her to be worried too) and eventually jealous. Like Coupleerotic22, I had also conditioned myself not to look at other women, nor to talk about their looks. It wasn't until we had "the discussion" a few months ago that I even knew that she was over her jealousy. Although in retrospect, I should have known when she made my best man swear to make sure I got a lapdance at my bachelor party (and then when she was excited to hear all about it when I got home...) Now that we're discussing this and browsing profiles online, I still have trouble telling her who I find attractive. Intellectually, I know that she's not going to get upset anymore. But there's still that inhibitor somewhere inside that makes it hard for me to talk about it. It's just brand new territory to me that I not only can look at other women, but that it's actually healthy to look at other women, and that she actually wants me to! When we do talk about it together, it's always great fun and it feels very bonding.
  13. ::Puts on glasses, gets pad and paper:: And...um...where did you say you work? Of the very few vanilla people who know about our new lifestyle, one told us "Oh, yeah, I've talked to some other young couples that are doing that now." We laughed and said "Really, do you have their names and numbers?" I think I need some new friends! The idea of this sounds great, a tight-knit group of friends sharing their sexuality openly with each other, mixing the bonds of friendship with no strings attached sex. But the friends that we have who are in relationships have all settled in to the point of becoming recluses. My wife is gorgeous and has plenty of very close single guy friends that are interested in her, though. Now if they only had girlfriends who were open to the idea...
  14. *Raises hand* Another mid-20's couple here. I hear we're out there, but I wonder if there are more who are either doing it privately (more like an open relationship) and/or going to clubs rather than signing up with online sites. At any rate, most of the offers we get online come from the 40+ demographic.
  15. Thanks for the replies, everyone! I just wanted to say that I re-read your posts and the light bulb finally came on. When I created the thread, my mode of thought was that this would be subjective to the person being approached. That different people would have different ideas about what behavior is acceptable and what crosses a line. I was thrown off by your replies because I was approaching them from that standpoint. However, I now see what you were all trying to say, and I realized the main focus is on the person doing the approaching. Like Likeminds originally said, it's all about how open she is to that person. So it's not so much a behavior itself that would be unacceptable, it's all about being able to tell if they're receptive to it. Thanks again.
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