herPleasure

I only know what she tells me, and she rates it at a 12 out of 10. And I am constantly talking to her about sex, what she does and does not like. Things are opening up in conversation slowly and there are new developments in what she likes. I will never stop asking, thats just the way I am and I think it would upset her if I ever did stop. I have been thinking about that one as well. I was thinking of possibly getting her a massage set up for a christmas present. I know she would love it whether it be a man or a woman giving the massage.

I will never 'assume' that I know what my wife wants/likes until she actually tells me, or I ask. I will say that observing her enjoy herself while being pleasure, be it another man, woman or couple is definitely my fantasy. So, in regards to which, if she so chooses, any of the above or combination thereof is completely ok with me. All the time, I always offer her a helping hand and do mention that I have no expectations of anything in return, many times she takes me up on the offer, sometimes not, depends on the events of the day .etc .. and I always thoroughly enjoy her pleasure. I do always try to throw a little something extra in with the talk, still working up the levels of what I mention tho. Lately I've been pushing a bit further than normal, and it has been going over well. So, I will continue to do so until I hit that 'wall'. I will never push her into something that she is not wanting to do, that she knows about me, and it's also something she very much respects about me. The porn of course was initially my idea to watch, and she agreed to it, and it was her that started obtaining porn for us to watch together. So I can't drop that one, she is expecting to watch some of those parodies (70's show, scrubs, ..etc) I do thank you for your post, different comments and ideas from all directions only helps me narrow down an appropriate how and when, as well as slowly building up my self-confidence to actually do it.

That is an idea, however, I did mention that neither of us get into the ff scenes, we do not find them interesting enough and end up fast forwarding through them.

I definitely agree that those are the three possible reactions out of this. I will be ok with any of them. If she chooses no or yes, that will be completely fine with me, and if she ends up unleashing her inner sex kitten, that would be ok as well. I see it as no matter what she decides and what happens, its her choice and it she will do, and continue to do what makes her happy, and if something makes her happy, Im happy. Does that make sense?

I did not intend for the porn portion of my original post to seem that it was intended at all to turn her on and run out for a third person. I was just thinking that it could be an icebreaker since its up on the screen, and I could gauge reactions from what she is watching. We both chose all the porn titles together, so I know she is at least interested in watching them with me at some point. I am honestly ok with whatever her reaction may be, except anger. But, I will prepare myself for that reaction as well just in case. When I do tell her, whether her reaction is for it or against it, I will know, for myself that I was able to bring up the topic even though it was very uncomfortable for me to bring up. I will know that she know what my fantasy is, and honestly, that is all that I can hope for out of this. If she is wanting to pursue anything beyond that, great, but for me, it has to be her decision to move forward, not mine. I do thank you for your post, it really did make me feel a lot better and not as extremely paranoid about the topic. Its helping me get that one step closer to actually talking about it.

I really do not see the frequency as a problem in any way. We tend to do the best that we can for our time frames. We both have very busy days and kids, so we fit it in whenever possible. I should mention that is on average once or twice a week, some weeks its every day, other weeks its at least once. Our longest interval so far is 8 days and that was only because she had to visit sick family in the states for 8 days.

That is some great advice. Since we are very open with communication already in every other aspect, this may very well be a great way to introduce different ideas. I do thank you very much for your reply, I will keep it all in mind for sure. I may possible try to implement that this evening (of course maybe plan it to be a day for next week and not happen immediately, I can be patient)

Thanks for the advice, I will definitely take that into consideration. I am sure that porn isn't the best idea, just happened to be all that I could come up with at the time.

I will definitely tell her a some point for sure, I am (as of last night) slowly pushing the boundaries to help ease myself in getting up to the preferred topic.

Sorry, but this is a long one. I will start off by mentioning that I love my wife dearly, and unconditionally. We literally had the love at first site when we met, and knew that we would get married and spend the rest of our lives together. I honestly knew that that was what I wanted within the first few days of meeting her. We have not had more than 5 nights apart (work and family related) since we met. We were married 2 years later, and have had several fantastic years of marriage since. We get along extremely well, with very few arguments. We are essentially each other’s best friend. We still make time for date nights as much as possible. We will go out for dinner, go out for drinks, or stay at home and make a nice dinner and share some Champaign. We will do this whenever time permits, normally once or twice a week. We are not the types who go to bars, or clubs, we tend to stick to the smaller pubs with fewer people when we do go out for drinks. We vastly enjoy each other’s company. There isn’t anything that I will not do to ensure that my wife is happy. I very much enjoy seeing her happy. There is definitely no question about the love in our marriage. Next, our sex life. Sex with my wife is fantastic, and I am sure that she feels the same way. We have never had any issues in the bedroom, each of us thoroughly enjoys the experience and the emotional connection which we get out of it, and of course the pleasure which arises has been more intense than I could have ever imagined. I love pleasing my wife (I cannot say that enough), I love it when she is experiencing pleasure and I find it a great turn on. I could honestly say that I take great pleasure in hearing and watching her have an orgasm, nothing can get me going more than that. Even though the sex is fantastic, we have yet to be all that adventurous. There has been some dirty talk from time to time, but it’s not normal for us. We may talk dirty about what we would like to do to each other when we have the time to do such things, and we will express possibly a few things which may or may not ever take place. But, still, the dirty talk is more limited where and how type scenarios, such as on the counter in the kitchen or bathroom, me being behind her..etc. Sometimes, on my way out the door in the morning, I will put my hands down her pants while standing in the doorway while kissing her goodbye and ensure that she has at least one orgasm to last her throughout the day (I can honestly say that I love doing that even though it makes me all pent up for the remainder of my day). Now, that is pretty mild stuff, and I am aware that there is much more that can be done. We do not watch any porn together. We have indeed talked about it, and have gone as far as looking up what is available on the internet, seeing what looked good for us to watch together. We have purchased several different varieties, mostly ones which have a comedy aspect to them and some sort of plot (even though none really have much of a plot). We did this several weeks ago, but I am still unable to get her to actually watch them with me. I will explain why I would like her to watch these with me a bit later on. I did strategically choose titles with specific content. Ok, so, up until I met my wife, I would have to say that I did enjoy sex, and that I was a sexual person, but there was never a need for it. I was happy when I got it, and not unhappy when I didn’t. But, since I have met my wife, I just cannot get enough of her. I could please her all day and night if I were given the opportunity to do so. On occasion this has happened. But generally, we tend to have sex once or twice a week. It does seem that this may be enough for her, even though she expresses the need from more. I therefore do masturbate a fair amount, usually with the thoughts of what I would like to do to her or her do to me. Many times, she enjoys partaking and lending a helping hand. She has expressed that she needs to give herself a helping hand more often, but tends not to. I would love to know that while I am out during the day that she is at home having an orgasm, and I would love to hear about it when arriving home at the end of the day. I do try to set all the right moods, and take care of a lot of the extras, cleaning house, taking care of bills, ..etc so that she does not need to worry about those things and can relax and find the time for some self pleasure. But it still does not help. I will continually work on this. We communicate with each other about almost everything and anything. I am sure that there are some things sexually that we have not communicated about, which could be as simple as not knowing how the other will feel about the topic, and it may seem embarrassing to talk about the topic. I know that I am in that situation at the moment. The one thing that we do not talk about is our fantasies, she has heard a few of mine in the past (the mild ones), but I still have yet to hear any of hers, and I know that she has some, who doesn’t. I don’t know if my shy wife has some far out there fantasies that she just feels to embarrassed to bring up, or if there really isn’t any fantasy which she hasn’t already explored. When I do try to ask about her fantasies, the topic is normally changed pretty quickly and deflected. I do notice, and try my best to not push and pry. With all that out of the way, and I am sure that I may have forgotten to mention some information, but I am sure that anyone can get the gist at this point of how things are. I do have a fantasy which, honestly I am scared to death to bring up, but I do feel that at some point I should to see how she feels about it, and if it would ever be a possibility. I just have no idea on how to bring it up lightly and gently without it seeming far out there (even though it is for her). My fantasy does not necessarily involve a swing club, or a group of people, merely having another person assist in pleasuring my wife. I am impartial to whether this be another man or a woman. I feel that the gender of the third party is irrelevant to me since my fantasy is all about my wife’s pleasure and being able to enjoy the fact that she is getting pleasure. I would find it very arousing to watch and hear from a different perspective. I will note that I am not a jealous person when it comes to my wife, I am completely secure in our marriage and our love for each other, so there is no concerns whether or not a third party would put strain on us. Of course I would like to keep he third party as someone distant that is not involved in any of either of our daily lives. So, now, back to the porn. I strategically chose titles which would contain scenes with a third person. But, because I am sure that my wife is straight, I chose those which specifically contain 2 men and one woman. I will not entirely rule out a woman as the third person, I will admit that I am not 100% that my wife would not enjoy that. However, when it comes to watching porn, I am sure that neither of us actually enjoys watching 2 women go at it. This we have talked about, and we both find that it would be boring to watch (I am sure it would be different in person). I will make it clear here, that if there were to be another woman, I have in no way, any actual desire to have any sexual contact, that is not my intentions. I am only interested in the pleasure of my wife. This may seem strange to some, but for me, that’s the way it is. So, if I was able to get my wife to watch some of these scenes, I figured that it would be easier to possibly bring up the subject. Possibly by asking her if she would ever try that, or something along those lines. To be perfectly honest, I do like the idea of mentioning it, but during the moment, I am not sure if I will actually be able to form the words and get them out. And if I do manage to bring it up, I am unsure if it will come out wrong or not. As I mentioned before, I am a very timid person, and to be able to being up a subject like that would be extremely difficult for me. I will be ok with whatever her response to it may be. If she kind of likes the idea, great, I can definitely give her the time she needs to think about it, and act upon it at anytime of her choosing. I in no way want her to feel that she should do it because I want to do it. If she flat out says that something like that will never happen, I will be ok with that as well. I will not push it. I may ask at that point if we can include it in the dirty talk, but I would leave it at that. I know that there are other ways to bring up the topic. As I have already read a lot online. The direct approach I do not think will work in my situation, mainly because I think that it would be much to blunt for her, and of course I am way too shy to do such a thing, and she knows it. So, if there are any other options to make this initial step, which can be brought up in a gently way I would be very appreciative. I do want to bring up the subject, but I am still trying to find that ‘right’ way for her. Sorry for the long winded post, I have had plenty of time to think about this, and have already spent a fair amount of time in researching as well, but still at a loss.