Jump to content

CuriousOKCpl

Registered
  • Content Count

    32
  • Joined

Community Reputation

15 Good

About CuriousOKCpl

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 07/29/1968

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Oklahoma
  1. UPDATE Well, we haven't posted in a while, but we've lurked some, and we still read here, even though we're a lot more active on a "social network" type site than anything. I just wanted to give everyone an update on where we are in the process. Tonight, we had our first soft swap with a couple It was a BLAST! We had gone to another club after our first "bad" experience and that was a good experience. This couple we met online, went to dinner a couple of times with them and decided that we wanted to give it a go. Tonight at a Halloween party at a club we finally had a chance. Man, was it fun. So I guess we're not curious anymore. LOL OH and the wife is no longer bi-curious ;-) I'll do a write up in the experiences forum later when I have more time.
  2. Julie thanks for the reply. You're right on both points, and if you will indulge me, I will share some of the recent experiences. We're pretty much done with the topic of that night now, but we did continue to discuss it, even after our last post here. It was an evolution and I think I needed to take it all the way in order to understand things. As for the game you reference with what we're both attracted to, we've doing that a lot lately, but more with a website. We found out that several of the people that we met at the club are members of a website that was advertised at the club and we like it better than the other one we are on. We both will see a profile and then go get the other and say "OK, what do you think of him/her?" so its been kind of fun and we've learned a lot about the other's taste. Yes, I totally agree, and realize now that the reason I had some of my issues was that I was feeling like a "3rd wheel" that night. I mean, it was one of our conditions of taking this step into the lifestyle, that we BOTH were going to have fun. It wasn't much fun to see her having fun and me not. However, another reasons I had the pains of jealousy was something that was harder for me to see. It is important for me to click with the other guy. I didn't realize it that night, didn't realize it the next day even.....but it finally hit me later as we continued to talk it out that I just didn't like this guy. Someone, I think Mr. Fun in another post, talked about the importance of clicking with the other guy. If I remember correctly the thing was that he didn't have to be someone like you, or that you had a lot in common with but it had to be someone that you liked well enough to give your most cherished possession, your wife. For me, that was a large part of my displeasure with the situation as well. I just didn't think this guy was "worthy" in my opinion of what I was gifting him. Maybe the guy was incredible and a super nice guy, and he certainly seemed to make Mrs. Curious happy, but he was "offensive" to me. I hate to use that term because that sounds too harsh, but that's the only way I've thought to put it. Bottom line in all of this is we learned. We both learned. I learned more than she, but we both learned. I learned 2 major things. Trust my gut/instinct and don't hesitate to give the no-go signal when I know it's not going to work. I knew 30 seconds after seeing her, that I was not going to be attracted. I knew 5 minutes after talking to him that I didn't like him. At that point, it was a no-brainer for throwing the no-go signal and I just didn't do it. The important thing for us is that we learned from this, talked our way through it and we're eager to get back in the saddle and try it again.
  3. Thanks Fuse! Your post rings true as we were just talking last night that one of the biggest positives of this all is that we've expanded our topics of conversation now, which promotes MORE communication, which promotes MORE growth. We be one happy couple.
  4. The short answer is YES! Definitely! We've gone from "OK, this ain't working, I'm ready to go." to almost "Damn, when are going back!" in the span of less than 12 hours. Communication has been the KEY. She is really understanding no topics are taboo with her and she is not bothered by the fact that some of what I'm saying this morning contradicts some of what I said I was feeling last night. Example: We just talked again (because of n8ture's post) about some of the things that she found attractive about him, that I probably wasn't seeing. In doing so, I discovered that actually, towards the end of the night I was truthfully beginning to connect with the lady and I just didn't realize it because I was too far gone to realize it. There's a lot more to the rest of that conversation that is even more confusing/contradictory but I'm not sure who much you all want to hear about our sexual activity....LOL Let's just say, something that last night was causing me pain, ended up being the catalyst for an explosion a little while ago.
  5. I know you mean this comment mostly in regards to the older man who I thought she would not be attracted to but I'm going to say you're dead on with this one because of the guy she did end up making out with. I was perplexed as to why she found him attractive. I won't go into why, its not important, but I didn't see it at all. Later, when we talked, she told me that she didn't think he was "HOT" necessarily, but decent looking and that it was more his mind that she found attractive. He had a PhD and was very intelligent, and that was part of the attraction for her. You know, this one made me chuckle because while you're right, Mrs. Curious pretty much knows my type and can guess it easily, her one confusion of the night was why I wasn't thrilled to be with a HOT 28 y/o ex-stripper. LOL Later when we talked she said she was OK with me not being into her but she was really surprised and that in a way she was disappointed because the other woman was obviously bi and Mrs. Curious is also bi-curios and she was very turned on by her herself. So while, I totally agree with this statement, I just had to let you in on the little inside joke of the day for us.
  6. Oh, BTW, for those interested, and I'm not sure any are, but just in case. Once we were done talking, we had a LOOOONG night of INCREDIBLE sex! A lot of the fuel for the sex was what happened last night. We have a great sex life regardless, but we were definitely getting fueled by what we experienced at the party.
  7. LOL!!!! I love that one Mr. Fun. Thanks for the laugh.......YES tools were hitting the floor and I looked like the fumbling tool man trying to catch them, while my wife looked at me perplexed. To answer your question, yes and no. This party was at a hotel, so a lot of the guests had rooms. We were told that the couple we were with had a room, if we were interested. Also, as stated previously, there was actually opportunity to experience more ON SITE. I'm beginning to think from the "confused responses" on our expections, etc. that this club must not be the typical off-premise club??? It was full of experienced swingers and there was a LOT going on in the open and even more going on in the playrooms.
  8. Actually this club was more like an on-premise club. They actually had play rooms and even in the open room there was quite a lot going on. No, not actual sex, but a lot more than kissing/petting/fondling. As previously stated, we did not go last night expecting anything at all, just a good time. We thought at most it would be like a vanilla club with a more sexual atmosphere. That may be the case at others, but not here. Everyone we met was well into the lifestyle, including the couple that we hooked up with. I agree and have basically stated this in a follow post. My issue right now is how do I get past that point. How do I go from what I did last night to what I should be doing? I doubt it. They were experienced swingers. They were young, but married young and had been swinging almost all of their marriage. I did S and thank you very much. I think for the most part you've nailed it, with the exception of the comments on the club and what we expected. Thanks for taking the time. I'm really enjoying the feedback and it is helping me a lot.
  9. The more I ponder it, the more I think this may have been the issue last night.
  10. Bama, your comments are well taken and in no way is my response an attempt to say you're wrong, because in some ways, and on some points you're exactly right. I read a lot of your posts and your opinion is one that I always thinks comes across as fair based on the facts, so in this case I think I need to clarify some facts. We had hand signals worked out before. They were simple gestures than neither one of us would do normally but would appear to be "normal". We simply just didn't need them. We had ample time to talk alone. A good portion of the time we were shooting pool with this couple, so she and I were frequently holding, hugging, kissing, etc. So there was plenty of time to talk about feelings. HOWEVER, in retrospect, I should have gave the no-go signal on this one sooner. After this post she and I talked for about an hour more and during that conversation I realized that I should have gave the signal sooner. Not because I wasn't feeling it but because I couldn't deal with the feelings. She saw me backing off and acting confused, and was looking for the hand signal...........she's smarter than I am. LOL So why didn't I throw the signal sooner? Quite simply, I got blind-sided by a situation that I was totally NOT expecting and not prepared for. Which takes me to another point I need o clarify. We actually went out tonight to have a good time and see what happened. We really did not expect to land a fish at all......and honestly in hindsight probably weren't ready for the lunker we damn near landed. I'm glad we went and I'm glad we took this step, but I honestly ran into something I wasn't prepared to deal with and I totally screwed it up. Instead of throwing the flag, I decided to fumble through it because Mrs. Curious was having fun and I felt the need to let her do that. I wasn't going to take one for the team. I just spent most of the night VERY confused about the feelings I was having. I wasn't prepared for mixed signals from my brain. I wasn't prepared to feel turned on and jealous at the same time. Yes, I know now that's what it was. I was turned on by watching her make out with someone else, but I also felt the pains of jealousy. THAT I did not expect and instead of saying "STOP" lets sort this out, I let it continue which of course, added to the confusion. In hindsight, I honestly believe that to some degree my lack of interest in the lady was greatly due to the fact that I couldn't feel anything for her because I was too busy trying to deal with the other emotions. Again, I should have thrown the flag. Ultimately, I did. We had no intentions of leaving as early as we did, but I finally admitted to myself that I was only digging the hole bigger. After my last post, as I said, she and I talked a lot and some of my feelings have changed as a result. I see now, after talking through it, that I made some mistakes and we've learned from them. I'm pretty sure we'll eventually give this another go. I just need more time to sort out my feelings. Again, Bama, thanks for the heartfelt response. I love your posts and your feedback is always one I'm anxious to read, not just on mine, but on others. I just realized reading what you wrote that I was not clear on some points. You are right though, it was a good experience, a fun experience and we learned a lot. Ok, one more final note before I lay my head down for the night. Mr. Fun and Mrs Fuse (anyone else who said this as well).........YA'LL WERE RIGHT! Our after shower discussion of the evening revealed a tragic mistake on my part. When we were shooting pool with our couple, another couple came over and called next game. We ended up shooting several games between the 6 of us. Well, the woman of the newer couple was someone that I was very attracted to and well honestly was probably the one in the room that I was MOST attracted to. However, they were an older couple and he looked older than she did, so I totally ignored her and blew her off because I felt that Mrs. Curious would not be attracted to him at all. Ya'll can guess what is coming next. Yep, I told her that as we talked and she said "Actually, I didn't think he was half bad and would have been wiling to explore that a little more if you'd just indicated you wanted to." See, I took your advice as good advice, but I didn't freaking apply it! LOL
  11. Well, we're home and I'm more confused than I was when I left. I'm going to break this down into 2 segments, the bad, and the good. The bad: We had a couple ask to sit with us almost right away. They were younger than us, by about 10 years, but attractive. We seemed to hit it off right away and I was definitely seeing a vibe between Mrs. Curious and the guy. Unfortunately there was very little between me and the lady. Well, there was for her, but not a lot for me. However, this was all about testing the waters so I decided to go along, to see. They did a group dance where all the men got on the dance floor in a circle and the ladies got in a circle around us and it was sort of like musical chairs except when the music switched to slow dance you grabbed a lady and danced. The last dance, Mrs. Curious lucked up and got to slow dance with the male of our couple. As the song ends I turn around to see where she is and they are kissing. A pain hit me. Ahh, the one I had HOPED would not be there. Hmmm......Ok, this is cool, it wasn't terrible, just a twinge, maybe it will get better, as I've heard it will. Plus I've got no one to play with. Mrs. Curious and the male are definitely hitting it off, not a lot of contact, but little brushes of contact, looks, etc. All this, twinges of pain for me. AT some point she and I talked but I told her I wanted her to continue. Nothing was freaking me out, so I wanted to see if it got better, plus I wanted to see if maybe some contact with me and the lady would help. She and I had had no contact at this point. Fast forward a couple of hours. Slow dance on the dance floor, just the four of us but with our own partners. Song changes and we swap partners. Mrs. Curious and male are making out, so I decide to give it a shot. It was like kissing my sister, so I decide this isn't working and we sit down, chat for a while with them and then I let Mrs. Curious know I'm ready to leave. So the bad is I'm just terribly confused. THere was 3 things wrong with tonight: 1. There was no chemistry with me and the lady. 2. I was experience the pains of jealousy that I had hoped would not be there. 3. I did not think the male was hot and worthy of Mrs. Curious. He was not someone that it would turn me on to see her with. He turned me off and I didn't click with him at all. So, my initial reaction is that I can't do this. It's not going to work, but am I feeling this because of 1 & 3? 1 & 3 can be resolved with a different couple. Or is it number 2? Would #2 go away if 1 & 3 were not there? I don't know, but for now, we have a lot of talking to do and I don't think for now we're going to go further with this until I do some more soul searching. OK, the good. We had a blast!!! The club was great. The people were awesome! Even the couple that we bombed with was very nice and understanding. I was really worried that when we bailed on them, with them not having other options for the night, that they may be offended. They were completely understanding. The openness of the sexuality was wonderful and being there as a couple is something I can see us doing again. I don't know if that's "OK" or not, but I could see us going just to enjoy the atmosphere. There were things that turned me on about the place. Like there were these gloves, vampire gloves, that had little "nails" in the palm/fingers and Mrs. Curious was intrigued by them. There was a lady giving a guy a back "rub" with them and she wanted to get one, so I said, sure go for it. So she took her shirt off in front of a room full of people, undid her bra and let the lady rub her back with the gloves. THAT made me hot. I got my back done, I found that hot. So in a nutshell, while I'm not at all sure about the swapping aspect, the club itself was freaking great! So I don't know what we're going to do next. We talked all the way home. We were both very open and honest. We've got tons more to talk about. Mrs. Curious is out of the shower now, so I'm going to jump in myself and then we're going to talk and enjoy the rest of the night together. Thanks everyone for the advice and it was all great and it helped a lot. Thanks for letting me air my confusion tonight.
  12. Mr. Fun, you lost me on this one. So are you saying not to try and guess each other's flavor/taste? I think that's what you're saying. I guess the issue I'm having right now is that I have no clue what she likes, other than someone like me, but I also know that can't be the extent of her tastes. I think I'm overthinking this one too, just worried that I may take a liking to someone only to figure out she has no attraction to the male. That's normal though I suppose, from reading posts here. I guess this really applies more to online personals, and looking at profiles than the club setting. *shrug* Again, pretty sure I'm over thinking this. LOL Thanks for the long and well thought out reply. WE really appreciate it and all the help and advice we've received here. Bama, Sun and Lagniappe, thanks for the words as well. I must say if everyone in swinging is as nice as the folks we've found on here, it's going to be a great ride. I can honestly say that even thought we're moving a pace that is comfortable for us, I don't think we'd be this far along if not for the wonderful people here. Of course, its because you all have helped us feel comfortable out this and given great advice, so its not like ya'll have pushed us, quite the opposite! Thanks! Oh and we will be SURE to post a follow up after Saturday night.
  13. I wasn't sure where to post this, so if this is the inappropriate place, please move it. Well, we've decided we're ready to take the first step. We're going this Saturday to an off-premise club. We're both excited and nervous at the same time. We've talked about what to expect from each other and we've talked about boundaries. We've also discussed the fact that nothing may happen there, but we're prepared as well for the possibility that we'll have to say "NO" if someone asks us to push us outside our agreed upon comfort levels. We've still got some talking to do. Mrs. Curious is on nights right now and won't be home at the same time as me until tomorrow, but we plan to spend the entire evening talking this out if necessary. Some of the things that need to be discussed are more clarification on boundaries, what we are willing to let the other do and what is definitely off limits for now. Safe words, code words/signals, etc. We know we need these, but haven't figured that out yet. To some degree we need to talk about what the other is going to be attracted to. I mean, I know she's going to like tall burly men, or I hope...LOL...she's married to one, and she has a good idea of my taste, but some clarification will be useful. I don't know, maybe we're overthinking it. It is JUST an off-premise club, but IMO, we have to prepare for every scenario or we could find ourselves in a bad situation. Am I right? Any tips, words of advice, encouragement? LOL
  14. Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts on this. Its been a great help to us. We're finally moving past this point and feel that this is no longer a real issue for us. I mean, its something to take seriously and you never know how you're going to feel until you're there, but we both believe that the most important thing for us to do is to talk about EVERYTHING we feel and talk through it all. We keep doing that, even though we've yet to take any true steps towards swinging. It has made for some great fantasies and great sex though.
  15. Karmic, thanks for sharing your story with us. I think your situation was different than ours, totally, but it is great to hear other stories and different perspectives. Thanks!
×
×
  • Create New...