I'm seeking a little advice... I've been married to a great woman for 12+ years, and I have been completely faithful the whole time. When we first got married we were at some friends' house and after a few (several) drinks we ended up playing then full different room swapping with them. There was NO female play at all, she swore she had no interest in women and the thought repulsed her - it was a "straight" swap.
It only happened once and we are still great friends, it does come up from time to time in a light humorous conversation but that's as far at it will ever go again (my wife and I just don't want to go there with them again).
Okay...We didn't do anything with anyone from the 1st play date until year 8 or 9. We became friends with a couple who lived about an hour away, she was attractive but he wasn't so much. After hanging out with them a few times we ended up back at their house all of us full of liquid courage. We sat on their couch with him and I on each end and the ladies in the middle. They (the other couple) started kissing next thing I knew my wife and I were kissing, then out of the blue the other lady started rubbing my wife's leg. Then they started kissing... oh hell yeah!! Sorry..lol
To make a long story short we ended up soft swapping with the ladies putting on one hell of a show for us... my wife liked it so much she even met the other woman for some 1 on 1 girl time. Needless to say she's admittedly Bi for life. Anyway, that lasted over the course of one winter then they moved away We didn't do anything else for about a year. Then I brought a buddy of mine in to fulfill her fantasy... a MMF 3some. She loved it and we've been doing that off and on for about a year and plan on continuing. She is also actively seeking females whenever we go out to clubs.
Here's my problem, I would like to full swap and she doesn't really want to. I get off watching her do everything and I only want the same in return. Her excuse is (please don't think I'm arrogant I'm direct quoting) "You're so good I'm afraid that who ever has sex with you will try to steal you."
Now we have a great sex life (talking about me and her) I am an average man and do anything I can to please her sexually. Then she tells me she doesn't know if she could watch me having sex with another woman (oral is ok as long as she is occupied with her man). When I mention it the only response I get is "You just want to be with another woman with my approval."
This isn't fair, I won't use the threesome as leverage because I will only get a "I don't care if we ever do it again" response. And I don't feel that is a viable reason to do something (leverage or guilt trips only lead to disaster).
Am I the only one? Is there a way to move us toward the lifestyle? I'm not looking to do it every weekend but just from time to time. She doesn't want to try any swinger networking sites. We tried that but she has a problem hooking up with just anyone on the internet (understandable) and says if it happens it happens but we are never in a situation for it to "just happen".
I could try to be sneaky but I don't think it's fair when three out of four people involved know what time it is, that is a recipe for a divorce when you start keeping secrets.
Am I destined for just MMF threesomes or is there a way I can "nudge" things along?
Thanks for reading this. Your advice would mean a lot.