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Alex855

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About Alex855

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  • Birthday 01/10/1972

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    m
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    CA
  1. I agree with Gordo 100% on everthing he has posted on this thread.
  2. I totally get you. That is exactly how I feel about my wife getting fucked as well. The mere idea of cuckholding turns me off as I don't find it appealing to be submissive and yet the idea of my wife being throughly ravished is one of my biggest fantasies. It's all about the wife. I agree the term is widely misused as when one posts of such an occurence there seems to be someone that throws the c flag. As I said I totally get you.
  3. How about you bring it up right after a hot sex session (where the topic came up) . As you two are cuddling just bring it up to test the waters. Then on another day bring it up again during coffee or something. The goal is to transition the topic outside the bedroom.
  4. Couplers, Sorry for not answering. Why the angst you asked? Well to be honest I keep waiting for the perfect situation and for her to truly admit that she wants to. The way that I feel is that I got time on my hands. Sorry if I have dragged this out but I'd rather take too long and have her itching for it, than having this backfire by jumping in too soon.
  5. ok now on the therapist: During the sessions she dove into all aspects of her life. One day she told me that she was going to bring up the topic of sharing her in the bedroom. Quite frankly I didn't know what to say so I asked her why she wanted to do that. She replied because its not considered normal and she wanted to see what a professional had to say on the matter. Honestly I thought 'uh oh... what is he gonna say? will the Dr. be biased and thus ruin it?' Whatever... I'm not a controlling guy so if she feels that she wants to talk about it, then I am not going to interfere. So she told the good Dr... all of it. He first replied that human sexuality is quite complex and that fantasizing about a partner having sex with someone else is quite common, for both sexes. And that it actually shows a healthy attraction towards their mate. so dont think that there is anything wrong with your bf. From everything you told me he seems to be a positive figure in your life. The question is how do you feel about it? Is that something you want to do? She replied 'it is appealing but its not normal, relationships are not supposed be like that. I'm not supposed to want other men' Then he said 'We are wired to be attracted to multiple partners. So dont dwell on that. Now in relationships there isn't any set rules. what works for some doesn't work for others. Take for example that some people who have been married for fifty years and are completely monogamous, may be completely miserable. Then there are those who are sexually adventurous who do not abide by the social rules and it may turn out they may be completely happy. There are multiple factors that contribute to a good relationship and sex is only one factor. It's your life, do what makes you happy. Society shouldn't dictate what you do in your private life behind closed doors.' huh... Even though it's all true I wasn't expecting that. lol... Now that things are much better (and stable) lets see if I can bring this back on track. A penny for your thoughts?
  6. oh wow time flies... another year and two months. I wanted to give everyone an update: Well did we ever go through with it? Not yet, not even close. In the past I went really slow in order to get that seed to grow. And it paid off as she started to bring it up and talk about it. Things were moving great so what happened then you ask? Well life happened. 2011 has been an extremely tough year so going through with this was the last thing on our minds. So what exactly happened in 2011? Well first we put our house for sale (no biggie), then there was a death in my girlfriend's family which she took extremely hard, followed by me losing my job due to the economy. So as you all can see from all this turmoil the matter was dropped. I will say that through this whole year our relationship remained strong, in fact we heavily relied on each other (as we should) during the tough times. Luckily 2011 has turned around for us and here is the outcome: 1. The house was taken off the market as selling it causes anxiety on its own... nevermind adding a death. 2. Sadly my gf actually spiraled into depression due to the death. After weeks of this (I wont get into the specifics) she listened to my advice and actually sought help. She began seeing a therapist (more on this later) and thankfully she bounced back. 3. Regarding my job situation. My work place started laying people off in mid 2008 and finally my turn came. But at least they gave me a decent severance and offered great references. Thankfully I got a contract position after only two months of being unemployed. And a month after that I was offered a full time position at a company that I had been wanting to work for a long time. So even though it was really scary there my employment situation worked out for the best. 4. We got MARRIED!!! After over a decade it is official. It was a very small and nice ceremony Given that we were practically married we swore it would not change a thing, but it did. It made us closer.
  7. Ok as a complete noob I would feel similar to how that guy felt. Now I wouldn't say anything but I certainly would cut ties. Taking the swinging element out: When people go to a party together there is an essence of a group event. Yes everyone goes out and mingles but there is still a feeling of a 'home base'. Where members of the group meet up from time to time to resocialize. Now it is not forced but a natural phenomenom to come back and visit with the people you came with, as you are part of a whole. When you guys met for the pre party drinks the group element was implied imo. All that means is the feeling of attending the party together nothing more. To be honest, I just dont understand the intention of meeting for drinks and sharing a shuttle, only to arrive at the party and disassociate yourselves from them. In that case why not just meet them there?
  8. ok heres a question to those who know about medical stuff: Now if his wife got strep from that guy and got over it should'nt she still have antibodies in her system that would keep her from getting re-infected?
  9. The answer is right in front of you. From what you say this is a fairly new relationship and IMO you should break it off. Since you are already thinking of cheating it's obvious that the lifestyle is very important to you and from that very brief description of her it looks like she would never come around. So by you staying in this relationship you are robbing her and you of happiness. The more that time passes the more that it will hurt when the relationship ends. That is unless you stop wanting to swing. Conservative is one thing which over time and through exploration it can be overcome. Well it also depends on the individual of course. But jealousy? Now unless you are doing things to make feel that way then she is inherently jealous. And there is nothing you can do to change that. Its who she is and its her insecurity so you are asking quite the impossible from her. As you already know the couples who are successful in the lifestyle have a huge amount of trust. From a male's perspective: IMO its a bad idea to introduce the idea of swinging in a new relationship. That is unless the woman has been involved in the lifestyle before, or is a very sexually charged girl and thus the topic of swinging came natural. But to bring that up to your average woman without the test of time (love, trust, and of course a little boredom in the bedroom) you are just asking to be shot down. No way... I know if i would had brought this up to my gf when the relationship was still new it wouldn't have gone anywhere. We aren't swingers (yet) but we are close, very close. Funny but Im not sure we would meet the def since we are not interested in full swaps (we want mfm so I'm not sure if it meets the criteria) and let me tell you its taken years to get to this point. If you do a search on my name you will my thread and see how long of a road it has been. Granted I know I've taken a long time but hey patience is a virtue
  10. bbarnsworth thanks for noting how my thread is not like the loki thread... jeez that thread was horrible. yeah what can i say other than it didnt sit well with me without her being a willing partner. i believe in time she'll most likely come around and thats fine im no hurry, and if she never does then thats fine too. btw thats a great idea regarding pointing out men just to get her comfortable in expressing her wants in a safe manner. slevin, i too believe that she is having issues with the good girl persona. everything that she has expressed certainly points to that. but hey i dont know much about women except to never pressume to know what their are thinking lol. and as far as my friend is concerned: he wasnt being flirty just obvious that he finds her attractive (since he had been drinking). and yeah i see what you are saying about the whole mixing with friends. at the moment i merely used him as a means to an an end. in other words just to keep the topic current. well thats it for now. ill update when anything (if anything) interesting develops.
  11. Sorry I'm back? First, it's me that should be thanking you all for taking the time to answer my questions, and responding to my concerns as well as providing your insight. Didn't really mean to keep you all in suspense, I really apologize for that. Continuation: Ok, so when got home we started getting busy. In the middle of it she asked me to pound her (typically) in the gist of it I asked her to tell me exactly who would love to that to her. She answered and came instantly. Ok now the reason I did that was to keep something tangible in her mind just so the topic isn't completely dead. Imo this is the important part: Ok fast foward to about a month ago. We were talking on the phone during my lunch hour when out of the blue she said she wanted to tell me about a dream that she had. Well her dream was that we were having a threesome with an ex co-worker of hers named charlie. She described in detail where charlie was on the bottom, her on top of him and me entering her from behind. She also described in her dream that she would come home and tell me that charlie had fucked her that day and that I couldn't keep my hands off her. The last part of the dream was that we had had another threesome with charlie, after we were done I went to go use the rest room and when I came back I found them cuddling and got upset. Apparently I was mad that they were getting past the physical point as cuddling is venturing into the emotional attachment of things. Now I just listened and let her tell me the dream. As clinical as I could. I made comments like that sounds fun but I made it a point to agree about her dream's observation regarding emotional boundaries. Ok I found all of that extremely interesting as it had all major components of topics that we have talked about. 1. a threesome where I would be the guy entering her from the rear (shes fully aware of where id like to be) 2. earlier in our talks I expressed how hot it would be for her to come home to fucked (that idea had been abandoned) 3. the emotional boundaries. As to have expressed that what would be upsetting to me would be an emotional attachment. What I really think is that she really didn't have a dream but in fact was testing the waters in a safe fashion. Yes even though I have expressed my true feelings it seems that she truly had doubts about how I would really feel. Fair enough. As I needed to get back to work we hung up. Now this is the first time that she has brought up the subject on her own. Wow...I knew I had been really clinical about the whole thing so id figured id better make a move and for the first time show some lusty interest outside the bedroom. So I texted her: damn babe that was one fucking hot dream. She: really??? The way you reacted was if we were talking about the weather. Me: well I was out in the parking lot so I had to remain constrained. But damn that was hot!!! S: really??? M: yeah really!!! I have a total hard-on so I have to stay seated in my office till it goes away. Tell me something did you pleasure yourself when you woke up this morning? S: yes I ended the conversation by sending her a dirty picture of two guys and one girl with the caption of "that's hot..." Now when I got home she was watering the plants and had a glass of wine. She was a little tipsy and since that's out of character I asked her what was the deal with the drinking. She said she needed some liquid courage and to have a seat. Ok she sat down and said 'ok don't get mad but I have something to say, I've been thinking about this the whole day and I really don't want you to get mad... I know that you want to have a threesome and I want to please you. So ok... If that what you want I'm willing. I think we should call George, he would do me' I chuckled and said: 'of course he would lol. But baby yes I would like to but only if you want to as well. I'm not comfortable with you doing this because of me. Serious, I am not comfortable with that. I'm not going to have you do anything that you don't want yourself.' She replied 'I dont want this for myself, but I know I would enjoy it. Seriously we should call him. I want to make you happy.' Me: 'you know I love you more than anything. I don't want to do it until you want it. Because you wanting it makes me want it. Hey let's play it by ear if one day it happens, it happens. If not then whatever.' Funny she looked a little disappointed lol. Ok, this what I gather. Finally she really wants to we still have major hurdles. I mean why would I get mad about her bringing up a threesome? I've been more than clear about my wants, and insecurities. I need to help her realize that it is ok to admit to me that she wants to have another man inside her. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago I broached the subject again in hopes of getting over some hurdles. Out of the blue I asked her if she really meant it. She replied 'yes I love you I want to make you happy. And obviously doing me like that would make you happy'. Then I asked her if she really thought she would enjoy doing me and George at the same time. She said 'yes'. So just to drive it home more I said 'but do you really realize what that means? It's George and me you know you would get pounded from both ends, and for who knows how long. Would ' she replied 'yeah I know, I figured as much' I ended the conversation with 'meh ok if it happens it happens... No hurry' So that's where we are at... I know that I have the green light but I do believe that I'm correct in holding out until she willingly comes out and admits that she wants this too. Your thoughts as always are greatly appreciated.
  12. update... a year and 2 months later lol...see guys I told you I move at a snails' pace and that I have patience... Ok, well, we put it in the back burner for sure. The only time this topic came up in the last year was a few months ago when we were at a party and a close friend of mine kept talking to my gf about sex. That's nothing new and its blatantly obvious that he finds her attractive as it comes out when he drinks. But it ends there. On the way home i took the opportunity to say something just to bring the topic back from the dead. So in mid conversation I told her that it was so obvious that George (my friend) would love to fuck her. She replied 'I know lol', then I said 'he's been wanting to for years, and you know he would pound you hard, especially if he found out that you are a backdoor girl'... 'Yeah I know lol' and we laughed. I said that because she likes it a little rough and he would do that. As that's how he does it (I've known him since we were teens) and plus he is completely infatuated with the backdoor, add that to the lust and it doesn't take a genius to know how it would go down. I must apologize but i gotta go right now. I'll continue in a few as that story has relevance.
  13. wow what read! I am seriously dumb founded by Atlas lack of confrontation skills. Now I'm not an alpha male in any way shape nor form. I'm actually very easy going, dont assert myself, let others go first... But I learned a long time ago that if something really matters to me I better forcefully put my foot down otherwise people will walk all over me. What gets me the most is that both of them were happy to hear that friend may move... and yet neither of them where willing to tell him that its time for him to move out. This is beyond my comprehension as my relationship comes first and foremost.
  14. I just wanted to clear up a few things oh don't even kid about that. I read that thread... I hear you and just to clarify actually we have been together for 11 years I would disagree since it has taken years get to this point. And only seems to let loose with a alcohol. Actually that was a topic of our conversation and part of the reason we decided to take a step back. We aren't ready i just wanted to say thank you all for the advice. I am soaking all of this in like a sponge.
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