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azcouple85379

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azcouple85379 last won the day on June 1 2008

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About azcouple85379

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 03/04/1975

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Arizona

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  1. Wow, I am sorry I let this thread go so long without reading it. I dont know if I can ever answer all the questions in the many replies but I will try. Just not right now =) kind of busy with a few other things and the sun is coming up which means its time for the men in black to disapear. One post that did stand out, but I do not recall the posters name, was about if she wanted to be in an open relationship which I have since asked her (before reading that post) and she says she does not. Also I came up with the number three because that would give her a chance to play every few weeks until I got home. There is a couple (J&R) we are great friends with and have played multiple times that I told her she could play with as often as she likes without going against the three. The three would be with couples we (more specifically I) have never met. Oh and one other thing, we dont get leave in country or stateside there is only our deployment. So as NMCD (think thats the correct order of the letters) said I have my tent, a little privacy, a few pictures of my wife (both with other men at parties and a few that she has snapped with her camera-phone) and ol' faithful for my needs while deployed. The reason the Army gets leave is because if you go over 180 days straight in country you receive $100 dollars a day pro-pay, so their units send them on two weeks R&R to avoid having to pay this. Our deployments are 180 days or shorter as we (Navy)are not an occupying force, were here more for a few specific targets then we go home.
  2. I am actually starting to feel a lot better about the whole thing. I do think I was probably not open enough to her needs. I knew what they were when we got married. She told me she wouldnt be with someonewho wasnt in the lifestyle and she needed to still be with people when I deployed. This is my first deployment since we have been married, and we agreed to her being able to be with couples a limited amount of time before she ever told me about the rest of it. So now that she has permission I dont think she will need to go outside of the boundaries. As for what happened before the deployment, well I forgive her. Some weekends when I was home we would not always have sex and according to her we went 6 weeks without it once although I find that difficult to believe and she hasnt always been good with numbers lol. And I accept responsibility for us not always playing when we went out as I would normally being the one that said I was not comfortable. Like I said now that she does have permission I dont think she will seek anything outside the relationship and if she thinks she needs to she says she will discuss it with me. I originally thought 3 times was a good number but I am leaning more towards 5 now since that is roughly how many months I have left here. And although she agreed to 3 also, she will like 5 more I think. I also promised to be more open to the couples we meet instead of nit-picking everything so we will be able to play more once I am home and this should eliminate her need to stray when I am stateside but only home on the weekends again. I want to thank everyone for their comments and different points of view, I really really needed someone to talk this out with before I discussed it all with my wife. We talked and neither one of us got upset so that has to be why I am feeling so good about everything. She assured me that she does love me and knows I love her, and she would never leave me. Now when I get back I look forward to having some real fun and actually enjoying what this lifestyle is really all about. N
  3. VegasLee, Thanks. I guess that pretty much sums it up. I appreciate everyones comments and suggestions, I think I just needed a place to be able to vent it all and hopefully I can word things to her in way that will not automatically put her on the defensive.
  4. Just wanted to clear one thing up. She only cheated on me one time since I have been deployed in April, the other times were while I was at home but like I said I am stationed in San Diego and she lives in Phoenix. I drive home every weekend, so the majority of the times she has done it, it was while I was gone during the week in San Diego, not while I have been deployed. So I do think it was wrong of me to ask her not to do anything the entire time I was deployed which is why we worked it out so that she can sleep with other couples that we have been with before.
  5. well i had written a very nice long reply and when i hit spell check it decided to *poof* so here is the short and sweet version Mrs. D - thank you for your well wishes on my deployment it is my honor and a priveldge to serve, even after 10 years and 4 deployments i am still at a loss for words when people thank me for doing my job. NMCD - thank you for your service also. i am also a sailor but gave up my sealegs to be on the ground with the guys closer to the fight and have not regretted a minute of it. some nights i even get to sleep in a bed not the two inch piece of foam in the coffin rack on the boat. of course there are the bullets, mortars, grenades and IEDs to worry about but that is why they issue body armor and MRAPs. i am still welcoming any input and appreciate all the responses i have recieved so far. JustMrJ i think you kind of help me see it from my wifes perspective but i still stand by my reasoning that i reserve the right to feel hurt/angry/decieved/betrayed by her actions given the ground rules we both agreed to.
  6. You are not being harsh at all, and I appreciate your comments. Its not that she stays with me for the best sex ever, I do think she tells me that so I will feel better about myself. We tell each other we love one another every time we talk. She has been in the lifestyle I would have to say 9 years as part of a couple with her previous husband. I was always a single male and was introduced to it in 2001 before I ever met my wife with some friends of mine who were swingers and invited me into their bedroom. That situation ended rather poorly when his wife and I became too attached to each other. So needless to say I am the less experienced of the two in our marriage. I know we have problems communicating for exactly the reason you mentioned, emotions always get the better of us and we end up defensive and arguing instead of communicating rationally. I originally wrote most of what I posted in a long email to my wife but like you said I was worried it would just open an emotional fight instead of two way communication, especially since considering the time difference between here and AZ it would be the first thing she read when she woke up and start her day off in a very bad way. Of course she hid it from me because I would be angry since the rules were that we were in the lifestyle as a couple but i dont really consider myself jealous of another male in a couple when we are playing together as a couple. She even said that when she told me, that she wanted to tell me everytime she did it but was afraid at how upset I would be. I feel that I would be entitled to feel that way given the situation, but that is not what I am feeling now. I just want to be able to put it behind us have it not happen again and be able to trust my wife when she says that it wont. I feel that I should add that we are in the lifestyle because of her choosing not mine. She said before we got married that she could not be with someone that would not be in the lifestyle. I did not particularly want to be in the lifestyle but I will for her so that is the compromise. We do it but only as a couple with other couples. But as it works out the more we do it the more comfortable I become with it.
  7. I am in the military and stationed in San Diego in Jan of 2007 I moved my family from San Diego to Phoenix so my wife could take and excellent job at a very large insurance company, Phoenix just also happens to be where I am from. It was understood that we only played as a couple with other couples and this would happen when time allowed and I always drive home every weekend. While in PHX we went to a few clubs and a few house parties but never really found any couples that we were both attracted to enough to play although there were a few. I also made it clear to my wife that her cheating would end our marriage. I have to throw that in there because her cheating ended her last marriage while they were in the lifestyle, he was also military and it happened while he was deployed. I recently deployed to Iraq and am here as of this writing. Before I left my wife tried to start a conversation with me regarding her playing while I was gone that only got me upset and that was really all the further that went. About a month and a half into my deployment I decided I was being unfair and consented to letting her play with a couple that are friends of ours that we have played with on several occasions. I also agreed that she could play 3 times during my six month deployment but only with other couples as it was a single guy that got her in trouble with her last husband when she wanted to keep him around after her husband got home. But I wanted to know honestly what she had done, if anything, since she had moved to PHX (there we some emails in our couples email account that made me suspicious) so I needed to know. She then confessed to sleeping with at least 5 other guys while I was away in San Diego during the week and 1 since I had left for deployment at a swing party. Two of the guys she slept with on more than one occasion, all at our house while our 2 year old son was asleep down the hall. The swing party was the weekend after I left for deployment. Three of the guys were from her work where she has now been passed over for promotion two times even though she is the top performer on her team. Not saying its related but she did say that her managers "golden boy" found out about her first trist by overhearing them talking about it at work and she says he has a big mouth. She says it was just for sex and I believe her. She does crave variety and tells me often that even after she has sex with other guys that I am the best she has had. The problem I have is now I feel I cannot trust her because several times during the year I would ask if there was something else going on and she lied. Her reason was she didnt want to upset me. Even at the start of the deployment (before we agreed she couple play 3 times with other couples) she told me not to worry because she was not going to do anything and would not have men over to our house (also obviously a lie). I do NOT want to end our marriage I love her with all my heart. The other issue is that if I told her that her cheating would end our marriage and she did it anyway, then how much does she really value our marriage? I mean yes it was for sex but does she just come home to me because of the security or our son? The sex was obviously important enough that she would loose all of it to have it, so what do I do? How can I trust my wife again? Is it possible I can put this behind us? She says 3 times with couples will work for her (which now works out at about once per month) until I get home but how will I know she isnt calling up one of the other guys? I told her when I get back I will be more proactive when we go to parties as I am kind of shy which is I guess another reason we dont always play at parties. She says when we go to parties and dont play it gets her all worked up and that was another reason she went outside our marriage. I am sorry I probably jumped around alot its just how my thoughts spill out and if I go back to proof it I might end up changing things. Any help would be so very much appreciated. N *edited to change email notifications from daily to instant*
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