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CallMeLoki

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About CallMeLoki

  • Rank
    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday 09/12/1966

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    NC

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    LokiAndSif

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  1. As said, read the whole thread. Believe me, that agreement brings tears to my eyes too, but for a different reason. Commitments only work when they are kept, and commitments aren't always kept when emotions (and other factors) become involved. Loki
  2. Cpl2share...I've had enough name-calling from my loving and considerate wife over the past month to last me a lifetime. Fuck you and the brilliant white horse you rode in on. My stupidity was in absolutely trusting my wife to not make choices that would hurt me or our marriage. She pursued what she wanted without regard for my feelings or our commitments to each other. Loki
  3. Thanks for that last post...yeah, I'm dealing with enough already without being called more names than I already have. Sif and I separated the 2nd weekend in January...she moved out and got an apartment. I won't even go into any details from along the way...it'll just get me feeling PO'd again. I've had a few weeks of solitude to let my emotions settle a little. End result: I feel very betrayed by my wife. I did after first reading her chat logs, and I still do now. I said "yes" far too many times merely because I wanted her to enjoy herself and her "gift". I did the same things for her that I'd want her to do for me. (Isn't that how we're supposed to treat each other?) I see this as equivalent to giving someone a really nice set of cutlery, they say "thanks!", then they proceed to cut your arm off with one of the knives. I think I've certainly learned a few lessons, including some hard ones about not allowing my own boundaries to be crossed. Loki
  4. Uh, dude, believe what you want, but this is real. It DID occur to me to go read her chat logs...she shared them with me several times before she made her 1st trip to his area. I was looking for any alarms that she might not be safe with him. I think I asked to read them once after her trip but before the plan was made for him to come here. From reading the whole picture from a couple weeks before he came to a month and a half after, it seems that my wife's animosity toward me showed up after I started actively looking for my own playmate. If I had read her chat log the week before he came here, I would have called a stop to the whole thing. But I didn't feel like I needed to read them...we had made some very strong promises to each other and I completely trusted her to keep them. Oh how I WISH I'd read those damned chat logs the week before he came here. (Of course, who knows...even if I had, we might still be where we are now...if she's this hurt/angry because the weekend didn't go well, she might be the same hurt/angry that it didn't happen at all?) I think she got sucked in over her head without me realizing it...I acted like a trusting fool and let it happen right under my nose. Believe me, pal, it's all real. Loki
  5. I agree that an "open marriage" is what you and your partner define it to be. It's whatever works for you as a couple. The issues arise when one partner breaks the rules you've defined, hides important facts from you, etc. I think that "swinging" is intrinsicly fair because you either do it together or you don't do it at all. Open marriage involves even more trust...you have to trust your partner to be open, honest, and fair to you, and if they do not it quickly goes to hell in a handbasket. Loki
  6. See folks, 14 years ago when we were first seeing each other and Sif was still essentially trapped with an abusive live-in boyfriend, she confessed something to me that she didn't have to...I would have never even known if she hadn't told me...she told me anyway at the risk of losing me entirely because it was that important to her to be honest with me and to have a clear conscience. That's the kind of human being that Sif is. Ever since that day 14 years ago, I have completely, absolutely, entirely trusted this woman. And that's why that chat log was such a devastating shock to me. I have to remind myself that when she's in a highly emotional state that she will say things that she truly doesn't mean or never would actually do (we all do...I sometimes say things that I really don't mean when I'm angry...like the statement above about never trusting her again). That's one of the things I've struggled with over the years, sorting out what she truly means from things that she says while she's angry, hurt, or in an emotional state. Something she's struggled with over the years is not saying things she doesn't actually mean. Loki
  7. Yes, I am considering that. The chat log doesn't match anything else that she's said to me, said to any of our friends, to our marriage counselor, written in her own private journal that she never expected me to read, etc. Sif told our marriage counselor yesterday that she was in a state where she'd say anything to keep his attention. I'm in the process of making that leap of faith to believe her in this...that the chat log was "fantasy" moreso than reality. (She also told our MC that she had been depending on me to rescue her from this, and that I did not...I realize and accept that I share the responsibility in letting this get out of hand...I ignored red flags when I should not have.) That said, I *think* I agree with her that we still need to seperate to give each of us some time to heal. If that's what she needs, I'm certainly going to give it to her. I don't think either one of us is in a state where we can make good decisions about our marriage, and I don't think we can talk rationally about where to go from here at this point. I do know that neither one of us should be making any irreversible decisions at this point. I think I finally have my wits about me again. Loki
  8. I read a few recent pages in Sif's journal Monday also. I've asked her to let me read it again. Her journal leads me to believe what she's saying is the truth, and it gives me a little bit of hope. We had a marriage counseling session yesterday, which I feel like really helped me. My heart wants to believe what my wife is telling me rather than the conservation in her chat log. My mind is still struggling with it. Loki
  9. I'm reading back to chat logs from May 2008, before Sif's trip to his home town the first time. I see that Sif's intentions were totally good for us at that point. I'm trying to understand what went horribly wrong and why. At that point, Sif was telling the boy-toy that she wouldn't do anything that would endanger her marriage. I'm trying to understand how that turned into "I'll get rid of the husband". Loki
  10. Last night, I sat down and read Sif's entire chat log. All 73 pages of it from Oct 20 to Dec 2. I'll never trust this woman again. Plans to get me out of the way, begs for another hook-up, slams on me on almost every page, pathetic begging to have a real relationship with the boy-toy after she's gotten me out of the way, statements of love between them, threats to have lawyers screw me over, threats to disappear with my daughter...I don't even know what to say. If we didn't have a 6 yr old daughter, all of Sif's belongings would be sitting on the front lawn right now. I will credit him with one thing: he made quite a few slams on me, encouraged Sif to leave, etc.,...but at least he had the common sense to realize he was too emotionally attached in a situation that wasn't good for any of us, and attempted to remove himself from it. We are going to seperate after Christmas...I want to hold things together for the sake of our daughter until at least then. After that, Sif is welcome to go enjoy her boy-toy until her little heart is fulfilled. Loki
  11. I re-read just about this whole friggin' thread. I've been focused on my wife and what she wanted almost the whole time. About 7 of the 28 pages have a focus on me...the rest are focused on Sif. For me, the biggest issue isn't even about getting laid or living out a fantasy...it's about commitments being broken. And that is a definite pattern in our marriage. Loki
  12. Btw, I saw the friends last night where I had asked the wife if she wanted to be a playmate. They seem to have pulled themselves out of the downward spiral that they apparently were in, and I'm very happy for them. I know she's trying hard to make things work (her main reason for saying no to me was "I don't want to damage my marriage"...quite a respectable reason). He seems to be putting considerable effort into doing the right things too, so I'm quite proud of him as well (and I suppose I need to tell him that). Ya know, I have to admit that I may have been wrong about him being a potential cheater...he and I ended up at a strip bar a month or so ago, and he wouldn't even buy a lap dance or let a stripper sit in his lap and talk to him. (Now, that may have been because he was with me and was afraid that his wife might ask me how he behaved, but regardless of the reasons he was very much a "good boy" rather than being even remotely naughty that night...I actually was quite surprised. He and I both talk a lot of junk and make jokes about many things that we'd never actually do in reality. We're all human and all a combination of many good and bad things. I think I probably made some misjudgements about him.) Anyway, I'm really happy for them, and I hope they continue to improve. Maybe some of their good kharma will rub off on us...I definitely have tried to help them both over the years, so maybe there's some kind of blessing in that for me and/or us. The point of my post though...after seeing all of this mess, boy am I glad she said "no" to me. I'm really, really glad. If the situation could have been such that it was completely fair to him, I can certainly see now that it's not somewhere I should have even considered going. I'm pretty sure that I could manage my emotions just fine, I'm pretty sure that she could have managed hers, and I'm pretty sure that he could have managed his...but, what if we didn't? It could have really damaged those friendships. I can also see that probably my biggest mistake in all this was saying "yes" to Sif's request for the alone time with the boy-toy and the open marriage arrangement. If I had said "no" to that request, then I doubt we would have ever gone down this road in the first place since Sif didn't want to do "normal" swinging. I would have been fine with keeping it all in fantasy-land. Bringing it to reality can certainly destroy the fantasies. I would encourage anyone reading this thread to learn from our mistakes. Loki
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