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Lovethenights

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Lovethenights last won the day on April 25 2008

Lovethenights had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

35 Excellent

About Lovethenights

  • Rank
    100 Posts Club
  • Birthday 10/31/1958

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Central Texas
  • Occupation
    Retired
  • Swinging Experience
    3 years, very sparsely
  1. Unless I am very far off base, any man who says he prefers a woman who is less sexually aggressive than a "10 is lying, or has some serious pathological control issues!
  2. OK, I'm an idiot who can't type.... The part where I said "without your marriage relationship" was supposed to read "within your marriage relationship." What you did you did together and that's a wonderful thing between people. Your willingness to join your husband in this lifestyle is incredibly wonderful. I know from personal experience. My wife spent a night with a man whom we'd played with once before. I couldn't be there with them but I talked to them on the phone together and made sure they knew that they had my permission to do whatever they both wanted to do. Well, when I came down that next morning and they were sleeping together in bed, I felt so intensely in love with my wife that I could barely stand it. When she told me that he'd touched her all over and made love to her I felt even more in love with her. When she very tentatively told me that they'd ended up accidentally there without any condoms and so he'd cum inside of her, I could barely contain my delight that my extremely beautiful wife had ben able to enjoy and give such pleasure..... but she was horrified she'd let her passions overwhelm her sense of caution. She had all kinds of fears about STD's and ultimately, though I was able to calm her fear about those after a few months, she has ended up being completely unwilling to discuss or admit to having had that episode. I am heartsick, as I know she feels bad about herself in a way that is totally unnecessary. I also hate that she is not willing to re-live and let me share those memories with her since she feels so bad about it. In a way, I not only lost her willingness to share the truth of that night with me, but her willingness to join me in sharing so much more in the lifestyle. I would hate to see you and your husband lose out on a life of fun, pleasure, delight, satisfaction, etc because of a single night.
  3. The use of the morning after pill is effective for three days after intercourse and if your anxiety is disabling over this issue, then consider taking it to assuage your worry. As to the future, consider using hormonal birth control along with condoms and spermicidal creams and you'll have lowered the risks of pregnancy to a point that most individuals and couples accept quite readily. One of the things to do is not let a sense of anxiety over pregnancy turn into guilt, personal self-doubt, and a lowered sense of your worth or value. You are a mature woman who made a decision over several months with due consideration, about an activity without your marriage relationship. Clearly your husband was on board with you and both of you deserve a lot of credit for being thoughtful, patient, and rational about playing within the lifestyle. After some time, you can discuss all of your feelings within this situation and both of you can feel more relaxed and comfortable with it. Since your husband is bisexual, he may feel lifestyle play is his only acceptable outlet for sexual release within the marriage. Your interest in being with him in lifestyle play is wonderful and can mean a lifetime of deeply satisfying relationships. Don't let this one episode of anxiety destroy the pleasures that you have so thoughtfully found.
  4. You're not over-reacting. His refusal to honor your stated boundaries indicates he's not a good lifestyle play partner for you and your wife. Furthermore, your wife's role in this situation needs opened up, as she's either being a passive helpless pawn to this man's attentions (truly pitiful) or she's complicitous and enjoys his attentions and sexual ministrations. How much fun you're having with his wife may enter into the picture, but not without the continuation of any relationship with the couple posing a threat to your marriage.
  5. All the advice you've received urging caution and intensive self re-examination along with relationship work is very good. Being the male, I sensed perhaps your SO has a somewhat selfish and personal interest in the lifestyle which you need to make sure isn't driving his interest in your involvement. It needs to be a shared and joint undertaking. As for what he may or may not experience, no difference between your body or hers, your sexual practices or hers, etc., should have any impact on his feelings for you. If his portion of your relationship is healthy, then you will remain his first choice in life. When I think of my wife playing in the lifestyle, anything that any man does to her that gives her pleasure, whether it is better than I give her or whether it is longer or harder or whatever, actually pleases me thinking that I am giving her a gift that few women ever receive. If someone touches her differently that I do and she likes it a lot, she is more than welcome to teach me how to touch her. It's truly about caring for each other, but within the bonds of trust. If we arrive together, we are going home together no matter what. (unless she tells me she'd like to stay and do him some more or be done some more, in which case I'd fall even more madly in love with her and let her) Until you have that kind of trust with your SO, you may need to re-think lifestyle involvement.
  6. "I believe his actions do not match his words." You are not being treated fairly or with respect and this one line says it all. Please, do not feel bad or bitchy or hung up about all that you have been dealing with. You have the good sense and the honesty and the forthrightness to be in a healthy lifestyle friendly relationship and he does not. That means both of you must work together to come to some understanding of his situation before you commit time and years to something that you value much more than he apparently does. though his behaviors may be less related to how he values you and more to some serious psychological issues he possesses, like a true sexual addiction. Fetishes can be fun and healthy, or they can be one expression of the kind of addictive disorders that disrupt and destroy relationships, whether it be sex, alcohol, shopping, gambling, etc. As a couple you guys have some profound decisions to make, and then after all of those issues are sorted out into their realities, then you may have personal decisions to make about your future. For sure, this is an unhealthy situation for you, and whether he realizes it or not, for him. Just as such an addiction may cost him his relationship with you, next it could be his job, his family, or his friendships. Don't try to maintain the status quo, as it will only make you crazy. Get things on a track to improve and stay on that track.
  7. The notion of finding out just what kind of herpetic infection is present is a good one. There are herpetic infections that are called "Herpes Zoster" and have nothing to do with the sexually transmissible kind of herpes. If that's what he has, it's a form of adult chickenpox. The presence of the infection on the abdominal wall suggests this might be the case.
  8. Wow....... They hit us right on the dot... We're low class, red necks, and sex fiends... We just live in a huge house in a ritzy golf course development that we used to share with five kids!
  9. Very interesting story, with some still unanswered questions. I agree that given all of the heavy petting that had gone on during the evening with the other man's fingers working your wife's personal anatomy over, that might have been when he'd have expected you (or her) to draw things to some conclusion if neither of you actually planned or wanted your wife to have an orgasm. Your wife's clouded memory of the evening also begs a question about whether she may have been more than a little encouraging to him to keep doing something to her that obviously felt awfully good to her. If your wife has any inhibitions about not having an orgasm unless you can have one too, or had any inhibitions whatsoever about you watching her getting such adroit and pleasing internal sexual attention, then when you left the room, your absence may have caused her or allowed her to have what sounds like one of the most explosive and shattering orgasms of her life. She may not even have intended to until you returned to the room but may have been swept away on a tide she couldn't control. True, from your point of view that situation is a little disappointing, as I know you'd have preferred her to have that convulsion of sexual release with you beside her and able to share it with her. On the other hand, your wife had a great orgasm, you got to experience the excitement and eroticism of seeing and hearing her getting manually stimulated inside of her body all evening, and nothing that was said between you and the other couple makes it sound like you guys won't have many many great times together in the future, during which, if your wife is really lucky, she'll have the same kind of orgasms over and over and you'll get to indulge yourself with his obviously exciting wife. Make the best of the situation, not the worst. I am jealous of you and would love to introduce my wife to your friends!!!
  10. Your reaction is interesting, since it appears what turns you on about the voyeuristic situation is more related to the "sneaking" and "getting away with it" than to the actual sexuality unfolding in front of you. The reason that is interesting is because for others, it is actually knowing that the persons involved in the sexual activity know they are there and watching that is the turn on... Like they say, "It's all good!" I'm for whatever turns you on and makes you (and them) happy and more sexually pleased.
  11. First, be completely aware that performance problems are NOT rare in the lifestyle, even extending down into the twenty-something range. So you're not alone. Secondly, the use of alcohol is warned about simply because it has a profound effect on the erectile mechanism. Even though it may loosen up the frontal lobes and help you get past any inhibitions or moral proscriptions about the act, while it's doing that, it's dilating the very arteries and veins you need to close tightly to achieve and then maintain an erection. Moreover, it's pushing your body to destroy the erection causing chemistry you've worked hard to generate during the foreplay period. Find another beverage for the evening you anticipate any lifestyle playing. Thirdly, profoundly powerful psychological influences may be lingering and lurking right below your conscious horizon that are inhibiting your erectile performance. The good news is that it is usually unnecessary for you to go through the years of counseling or psychotherapy it'd take to dislodge those unfortunate notions. Assuming all else is normal with your health, you may be the perfect candidate for one of the erectile support drugs like Viagra or Cialis. They are typically well-tolerated, very effective, and could give you the kind of erections even your wife has only dreamed of. They would require a doctor's prescription, but trust me, they are worth the expense and the effort. They are huge confidence builders, as well. Additionally, you and your wife might try hooking up at clubs, where you are not put under such immediate and direct pressure as does a first meeting at another couple's house. You sound like your first three experiences weren't all that different from what lots of folks in the lifestyle experienced early and from time to time. What does come through, though, is your trust in your wife and your interest in her having gratifying personal sexual pleasure. Go ahead and indulge yourselves in all of the enjoyable playing combinations so that you get all of the stimulation inherent in watching and hearing your wife getting it from another man and giving it to another man, then let yourself enjoy some attention from the other woman and then from your own wife. Sounds like you both have lots of fun to look forward to so "Good Luck!" Oh, almost forgot the personal experience part. Having never had a erectile issue, I was totally intimidated when we decided to attend our very first Lifestyle convention in Dallas, since we'd never actually had sex out in the open in front of other many other couples. In anticipation of that issue, I took a single Viagra tablet. Eight hours, six women, and seven orgasms later, I was completely hooked on the lifestyle convention idea. I'd never had more than two "Big O's" in a night. It was awesome.
  12. "That sounds awesome! Not for me though, I absolutely abhor being the center of attention" Why Shelly.... Your shy!
  13. Wow, this may be politically incorrect since most posters refer to sex with spouses and SO's as "mind-blowing, earth-quaking, rockets red glare, etc..," but after 10 years of marriage and sex, it gets a little familiar, a two-edged situation where the warmth and fuzziness of a deep relationship can be an enhancement for sure, but where the edgy excitement and anticipation and uncertaintly and the chase can be a little diminished. If one's erotic imagination is more stimulated by the latter elements, the chase, the flirtation, the unknown, etc, then it might be that the lifestyle allows the pursuit of all aspects of sex without the guilt, recriminations, lying, cheating, etc, that the typical couple faces. And even better, it does all of that good stuff for sex while reinforcing, encouraging and stimulating deeply honest and open communication between partners. What could be healthier for a relationship? (P.S. - Is this where I mention I like sex and my wife's really good at it?)
  14. That type of activity would certainly be fine with us! It would at least be a nice way to kick off the evening and give everyone the maximum number of ways to express their sexuality and desires for pleasuring and being pleasured. After that kicked things off, it would go any of many different ways... FF, MFM, FMF, M1F2-M2F1, etc... same room or off apart, depending on your previously worked out preferences.
  15. joaninla had the best idea... Set the mood for the evening with her as its total focus... low lights, scented candles, heated oils... A thoughtfully performed four-handed massage, with no sexual moves until she is visibly wanting them or most likely, pulling hands into her sensitive places, should give her the time to think, feel, and adjust to her desires and yearnings. Not rushing her is very important... It's not seducing an innocent, but making a completely real woman feel comfortable, desirable, safe, secure, and aroused... I watched my wife get a sensual massage, joined in to make it four-handed at the midpoint, and then watched as the masseuse used educated teasing and touching to bring her to an incredible pinnacle of sexual release. I think she might have hurt someone at the highest point of her sexual arousal had she not gotten exactly what she wanted and what we both were more than willing to give her!
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